Adoptees Coming of Age
Not only is the article “Romanian Adoptees Coming of Age” from Irish Times on November 29, 2010, http://tinyurl.com/48afghq an interesting human interest story, it also showcases many important concepts that we feel adoptive parents should understand.
Open international adoption: The article states that this man’s adoptive parents were always “open about his background and kept in contact with his biological parents” He is one of a growing number of international adoptees able to have an open international adoption. A great resource for those interested in researching more is the Yahoo group: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/BirthParentContact/
Forever ties to the original family: The moment this man heard about his paternal grandmother’s dire illness, he wanted to go back to his home country and reconnect with his original family. His adoptive family did not obstruct this but instead has been very supportive. We often hear adoptive parents talk about being a forever family. We want adoptive parents to better recognize that adoptive family never replaces the original family…it is an addition to it, whether there is contact or not.
Adoptee searching: The article states that “the only reason he agreed to the interview is because he fears there are young people out there who may be reluctant to trace their biological parents.” So as an adoptee in an open international adoption that has benefited from this relationship, he encourages other adoptees to search for their original families. Adoptive parents should be actively listening to their children; they should also keep all lines of communication open in the event that their children may want to search or reconnect someday.
Rights to birth records: “’If you know your birth name,’ he says, ‘it’s far easier to trace an inter-country adoption than it is in Ireland, where secrecy often halts the identification process.’” As with domestic adoptions in the US, secrecy prevents identification in most states. Recognize that your children are part of a group of people whose rights are still suppressed. Be open to supporting the rights of US adult adoptees to open their birth records without restriction.
International adoption registries: The article states that “despite 20 years of campaigning for the Adoption Board to provide an adequate contact registry for Romanian adoptees, there is no service in Ireland to facilitate their trace and reunion requests.” Registries are an important resource. If these exist in your country or your children’s country of origin, adoptive families may want to consider putting information on a contact registry. If one does not yet exist, consider supporting adoptee groups seeking to form one.
Adoption from two parents living in poverty: The child in this article was the fourth Romanian child adopted to Ireland. He was two years old at the time. It is notable that one of the earliest international adoptees from Romania had two living parents. Early stories that opened up the floodgates for adoptions from Romania were based on heart-breaking documentaries of abandoned children tied to beds, not children whose parents were too poor to raise them. Which makes us wonder: How often is poverty used as the main reason for children to be adopted from newly opened countries? How many of these children have one or both parents still living? Adoptions from intact families continue to be an issue today, especially in newly opening countries, primarily in Africa, where governments lack child-welfare structure and where adoption agencies, eager to place children with their clients, are flocking with little oversight or transparency. Most troubling are those areas where Hague regulations are not in effect.
This is a merely a preview of concepts that we will delve into with more detail in the coming months. Now we turn the conversation to our readers. Parents, have you been successful in making birthfamily contact from a previously closed situation? Parents, how have you supported your children making contact or searching abroad? Adoptees, tell us about your searches.
We opened both of our children's overseas adoptions. One was very easy because we had the family's contact information from the adoption paperwork. The other took several years and the efforts of a dedicated searcher. Both have been priceless for us to help better understand our kids and their origins and for our kids to have family photos and connections. We are hoping to meet one set of family in person in a few years, but they are hesitant because of the shame they feel in having relinquished their child. So for now letters and photo exchanges will continue, although our daughter would like to have a reunion. With the other family there is some dysfunction and addiction so that situation requires more caution and care in navigating those relationships, but we are still very happy about having made contact and acquiring more information for our son.