UK Adoption Breakdowns, A Typical Chain of Events

Though these two parent stories are from the UK, these scenarios happen in the US foster care system as well.

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/family/8283942/When-adoptions-go-wrong.html

[The Telegraph 1/31/11 by Bridget Freer]

There is a typical chain of events in this kind of story.

1. The Social worker lie and/or delay in telling real history
Story 1 Lie: “[T]wo years ago Rachel adopted a child who,unbeknown to her, had acute emotional and psychological problems. Tom, eight, is frequently violent towards her. He needs psychological support, and Rachel also needs a lot of support.” The adoptive parents were not told that he“had 27 moves in six years and had been on the at-risk register as an unborn child because of the way the family was and the risk of neglect.”

Story 2 Lie and Delay: “’We knew that they came from a background of extreme neglect and domestic violence, and that their father had been violent to both girls and sexually abused Charlotte. There was a suspicion he’d sexually abused Katie, too.’

But the couple felt that all of the children’s behavioural problems were glossed over. ‘It was all about how wonderful they were and how well they’d settled with the foster family. They did say the reports were a bit out of date.’

“’I was sitting in the hotel room reading Katie’s report when suddenly I saw the words “attachment disorder” [in laymen’s terms, fear of loving] thrown into the long text. It was a worry, but it was 24 hours before we were due to bring them home; we were too far in.“

2. Unrealistic parenting expectation/lack of preparation
Story 1: The “Food and Love is all the child needs” adoptive parenting myth is the same in the UK as in the US: “He did swear at his foster carer when we first met him, but we just thought it was the stress of facing another move, and that all he needed was enormous amounts of love and lots of good food.’”

Story 2: The Emotional Need of the parent myth: “We’d fallen in love with them because they are gorgeous, lovely girls; it was too late to turn back.”

3.Violence (usually towards the mother, self or other children in the home)

Story 1: “On his second afternoon in his new home Tom told Rachel to ‘f— off’. She was rather taken aback. They had visitors so she took him aside quietly, ‘but he carried on swearing at me, and hit me. And that was the start… Alarm bells began to ring”

Story 2: “And Katie would try to push me in front of cars, shouting obscenities at me.’ “We had been seriously abused, verbally and physically, for years. We were domestic-violence victims and were falling apart; you can only take so much” “Mary, had done ‘an awful lot of self-harming. She’s cut herself over the years, and threatened suicide.’

4. Choice between marriage or child, ending in divorce or dissolution
Story 1 Divorce: “Richard told me I had to choose: my child or my marriage. Within a week Richard had gone. It was completely out of the blue and it was very hard at the time but we are still great friends.’

Story 2 Dissolution: “Eight years ago two sisters from the North West were placed with them, but both girls are now back in care. ”

5. Pleas for help go unheard

Story 1: The “Food and Love is all the child needs” adoptive parenting myth is the same in the UK as in the US: “He did swear at his foster carer when we first met him, but we just thought it was the stress of facing another move, and that all he needed was enormous amounts of love and lots of good food.’”

Story 2: The Emotional Need of the parent myth: “We’d fallen in love with them because they are gorgeous, lovely girls; it was too late to turn back.”

Shocking Rate of Disruption
Adoption UK “ estimates that as many as one third of adoptions break down after the adoption order has been granted. “

How much post-adoption support is needed? “’Two thirds of adoptive families need significant support to overcome the history of abuse and neglect children bring into their family. “

This article reports that the average disruption rate for the government authority is 16 percent. A children’s charity, Coram, strives to place at-risk babies with putative adoptive families for up to 12 months allowing for birthparent contact. The child is only adopted if the original family cannot parent the child after that timeframe. “The disruption figure for Coram is consistently 2.8 per cent” since 1999 when they began using this method.

Opportunities for Reform
This story highlights three areas for reform. The first is giving full truth in the child’s history. It is that basic need that has to occur before any hope to change the rest. Focusing on the child’s needs instead of government and agencies focusing on shifting the cost to the parent or making money is number one.

The second area is pre-adoptive parent education. Prospective parents need to be told what the worst-case scenarios are and then commit to parenting responsibilities of that.

Lastly, the violence, choice between divorce or dissolution and ignoring pleas for help all fall under getting quick and comprehensive post adoption support. We are still at the stage of recognizing this as a need. A lot of collaboration between social services and mental health sector will be necessary to set up a better system.

REFORM Puzzle Piece