Giving Children a Voice

So often PAP’s hear about children who need a family and rush in to add them to theirs. Or an agency advocates for a child who doesn’t have a family to belong to or care for them.

I’d like to turn this around and challenge our thinking a bit. I mean really think about this. Let’s assume that you are the child without a family. Putting all issues of agency and orphanage coercion and trafficking aside. For this exercise, you really don’t have a family willing or able to care for you.

It doesn’t take much to imagine what a sad situation it would be to literally belong to no one and have no family safety net. What kind of family should be available to you when your current “family” is essentially the State?

Who would you choose from the many families clamoring to adopt you?

The Potential Adoptee Selecting the Parents
If you are a PAP, do you think a child would choose you if they had a choice in the matter?

What if older children were allowed to go through profiles of PAP’s, read their blogs, see photos of how they live, learn about their religion and culture and community and then choose the family THEY would most like to be a part of? This may be difficult for toddlers, but for older children, why not?

Think about it, if adoption is about the child “finding a family” as popular adoption literature tells us it is why not let children have a say in who adopts them?

How would children of color feel about being adopted by an all white family? Would they want that family or would they prefer a family who more closely resembles them?

Would a child living in a large bustling city want to move to a family in a rural area?

Would a child choose a family with no children, a few children or many children?

What if the child is a different religion than you? Would the child still choose you?

I believe one way we can increase the happiness and adjustments for older children who are adopted is by involving them at the beginning of the process. Plunking any child into any family wanting to adopt so often creates a less than ideal situation for both the child and the family.

Perhaps one way of making the process more child centered is to give them a voice.

REFORM Puzzle Piece