International Adoption is an Opportunity, not a Solution or Right
It has been said that adoption is a solution. Sometimes it is the adoption industry who says it for helping the needs in an entire country. Sometimes it is an adoptive parent referring to their specific kid in the midst of a country shutdown.
I ask: A solution for what? Most people will say “for a child to have a family.” An adoptive family is an ADDITIONAL family not a REPLACEMENT of the original family. Many argue that a family is a child’s basic human right, but those that argue this specifically are talking about a nonkinship adoptive family.
Well, try this basic child human right on for size: “A child has a moral right to know who his parents are and to expect them to raise the child with appropriate emotional, financial and educational support. In the best situation, a child knows who both his parents are and lives with them…Unfortunately, this moral right may not be a legal right.” This quote comes from a non-adoption source but rings true for international adoption. This underlying principle needs to be understood before you start espousing basic human rights of “the child” while promoting international adoption.
It is true that legally available children matched with prepared, vetted international potential families = a good start for an adoptive placement. The basic hurdles of ethical and legal availability and prepared, vetted PAPs are not being met in an increasing number of adoptions each year. Corruption making children available and rubberstamping potential families is on the upswing.
Child Availability
In order to understand the corruption part, we need to go back to the basics of how the child is becoming available for international adoption by nonfamily members. Adoption is really one option from a list of opportunities to help a child in need. Adoption is good or bad based on the PEOPLE INVOLVED who make it good or bad.
Children in need morally deserve to be offered opportunities to be with their nonabusive family members, community, culture and language wherever possible. Meeting the child’s needs includes looking locally AND abroad for kinship placements.
It needs to be pointed out that international kinship adoptions by family members living in the US are often blocked at the visa stage and thus unrelated PAPs will actually have an easier time adopting. That is just not right.
International adoption does not solve the problem that the child is not with their biological family, culture, language or community. It gives a different (and difficult) opportunity to the child –an opportunity that is decided for them by others. The adoption opportunity is like a commencement ceremony of a school graduation—it is just the beginning of a new relationship and does not sweep away the child’s past.
The adoption industry that swoops in and sets up adoption programs without enough due diligence likes to etch “adoption is the solution” into stone before adequate child welfare structures are even formed in the foreign country. The US adoption industry in effect becomes the child welfare structure and that is a conflict of interest since they control directly or indirectly WHICH kids get referred, especially in non-Hague countries like Ethiopia.
No one is saying that there are not a lot of children in need. But the following reality that admittedly is hard to swallow needs to be recognized:
The specific children in need for non-kinship adoptions do not always equate to the specific children being referred.
This brings me to three concepts to reflect upon in the current state of international adoption:
1. Adoption Industry Not Professional
The adoption industry is not a professional service .Sorry, it isn’t. Professionals have standards that they first have to meet. There are no training standards for those that conduct homestudies or place children.
There are hoops to jump through but a 
can even jump through hoops. COA, which approves Hague-accredited agencies has the head of the adoption agency lobbying group on its board of directors. Current COA-approved agencies are the ones that make site visits to agencies becoming newly accredited. Self-policing is how this system works.
Professionals have consequences when things go bad. The adoption industry is first to blame the US embassies when visa requirements are not met. Then they blame orphanages and their in-country staff (that they are supposedly responsible for). Lastly they blame the adoptive parent for signing a contract that guarantees nothing other than money will line their pockets. They are never at fault. Most of the time, their licenses are not pulled. See here for more explanation on what different players can and cannot do. No standards, no consequences = not professionals.
So that means that you will need to do the probing. Like the adoption industry, no matter how badly you feel for the child’s circumstances, no one died and left you to be the Supreme Social Worker. Your feelings do not translate into the best interest for a particular child. If you are a religious person, do you have no faith or hope in the local people who may want to help with local child welfare? Do you assume that it is a simple problem of children not being wanted?
Ask yourself: What is the problem for the particular child-is it poverty/lack of food and shelter, single mother who has no daycare options, lack of medical care, lack of education or lack of extended family locally or abroad or lack of a community that can take care of the child. What is currently in place to handle the underlying issues? Is domestic adoption of that particular child possible(remembering that domestic adopters also choose healthy and young children just like international adopters do)?All children deserve to be taken care of, educated and treated with dignity. Adoption is but ONE opportunity for a child to have that.
The whole picture needs to be understood if you are to try to walk an ethical adoption path.
2. RAD or Adoptee Choice to not Bond?
Before crying “RAD” in each case these questions need to be asked: Does the child really have a mental disease or are they choosing not to bond with their free will? Does the child trust you? Have you set up an environment and discipline system that encourages trust or is it fear-based such that a child will remain in a self-protecting (which means lying to save himself) mode? Does the child have the language skills to respond to you (not does he speak English?, but does he have the language skills to respond in the manner you expect?) Do you give discipline or punishment far after the offense has been committed and if so, is the child able to connect that to the incident? What exactly is your expectation of his behavior in the first six months? the first year? the first five years? The choice of an adoptive parent to automatically pathologize the child shifts “blame” of a troubled match to the adoptee and away from any possible flaws in adoptive parenting. Adoptive parenting differs in that the children are coming from at least one break in attachment. If the child is internationally adopted, neglect and/or abuse should be assumed. HEALING as well as a trust-based discipline must occur at the same time.
Before crying “orphanage did not prepare the child” ask: How has adoption been framed for the potential adoptee? Is the child choosing adoption as the opportunity or is the orphanage pushing the issue? Does the child want to change his or her culture and language?
Adoptees rarely have the choice of who their parents will be, but they DO maintain the power to choose who they want to love. The child may choose NOT to love you.
The child may choose a different opportunity over you.
Love is a choice not just on the part of the adoptive parent, but on the part of the child. You should not assume that every child in an orphanage is waiting specifically for YOU. You may “fall in love” with a child on a waiting list or that has been referred to you. That child has not fallen in love with you. Remember that as you toil through any difficult adoption process. It is quite arrogant to assume that the child will want you over any other possibility.
This mentality also causes people to demand that the public agree that their selection of a child ENTITLES them to that particular child. Expecting the world to back up your desires by any means necessary and petitioning and marching for it is what the adoption world has come to. Disagreeing with someone’s desires (which we often do here) is not equivalent to being uncaring for the dignity and well-being of children.
3. Be Careful in the Minefield
The hand-wringing cries when things go wrong are bathed in entitlements. Be careful that you don’t step on these mines–your integrity is what will explode.
“My child is not being granted a visa because of…
- Bureaucracy/red tape
- Cultural Insensitivities
- The “birthmother” can’t relinquish like a US birthmother can, so it HAS to be done “this way”
- UNICEF
- Big, bad & powerful anti-adoption groups” [If you think that exists, I have a bridge to sell you.]
These are all propaganda answers from the adoption industry. It is the adoption industry that has all the money and power and they literally have the US elected officials on speed-dial.
The power lies with those that have the money and political connections…and THEIR actions are the reasons that children are not being granted visas in several countries right now.
REFORM Puzzle Piece
What about the children in countries where they are practically starving to death! Should we let those children just suffer until they die? Just because you give birth to a child doesn’t make you a parent.
What about them? Why do you think that there is only one solution and that solution is adoption? Starving to death? How about feeding them? Medical issues? How about providing medical care? How about training orphanage personnel and giving education to the orphans so that they can re-join their communities (and their extended families)?There are only 2 million children in orphanages in the world and most are not *legally free* for adoption. Therefore, adoption is really not the solution. There ARE many millions who live in poverty and that is where the UNICEF numbers come in (and continue to be misused in the adoption industry marketing).We advocate for individual assessment, UNCRC rights for children. Some legally free children may do best by being internationally adopted but that needs to be decided on an individual basis by people NOT associated (or making money) from the adoption industry as that is a conflict of interest.
And I forgot to add that Yes, just because you give birth to a child DOES make you a parent forever and that child is FOREVER connected to the extended family as well. Of course there are some biological parents who neglect and abuse and should have their rights terminated and kinship care and domestic adoption should be looked at first when it comes to children in any country.
This is Crabbina. Rally is right – and frankly we are so over the “but the starving orphans” argument. For one thing, most of the “orphans” aren’t actually orphans. For another, the motives behind a lot of international adoption don’t always have a lot to do with the best interests of the child. They have to do with the best interests of the PAPs.
And, Name, I’ll bet a lot of those birth-giving parents you seem to disdain would be happily rearing their children in their own country if their circumstances were different. Fix the circumstances and your starving orphans magically go away. Just not where you want them to.
I never said adoption was the only answer! I think it is wonderful when parents choose to parent their children and keep them. I agree we need to teach parents how to care for their children and if they can’t or won’t then teach the caretakers.
You said something about 2 million orphans in the world. I’ve heard numerous times there are 147 million orphans in the world. Where is the discrepancy?
I also wonder and am asking sincerely have you been to countries in Eastern Europe?nhave you seen the orphans? The orphanages? Some of these countries dont always want our help. So what do you do then.
There are orphans starving in the world. There are people starving everywhere. I’m sorry you are so over that, but that is true. How do you propose to help?
The one thing I do disagree on is about what makes a parent. There may or may not be a bond there. Most kids with special needs are given up at birth in Ee. How can there be a bond?
I would love to see the stigma associated with special needs go away so more families would choose to keep their children. They also need resources to help them. So what is the solution?
Name, the discrepancy in the numbers: This is one of the first myths that we tackled when we launched last year. Our full explanation can be found at this post https://reformtalk.net/2011/01/04/tuesday-terms-147-million/ Please look at the link and how that 147 million number is supposed to be used-not for adoption placement. Where do we get the factual 2 million children in orphanages from? That is the actual count of children residing in orphanages. Even SOS Clinton states this number in her remarks of the CCAI project we discussed last Fall https://reformtalk.net/2011/11/06/halloween-was-last-week-but-this-week-there-is-something-scarier-ccai-has-their-final-summit-for-the-way-forward-project/ (scroll down quite a bit and see update 1) The paragraph is “Now, over the past several years, many countries have taken steps to get children out of orphanages, off the streets, into kinship and community care situations. But UNICEF still estimates that there are at least 2 million children in orphanages around the world, and that is likely a vast underassessment. So there’s clearly more work for us to do.” We knew this before her remarks, but we are glad that she stated it on record. The actual number of 2 million reference comes from UNICEF, Progress for Children: A report card on child protection, UNICEF, 2009, No. 8, p. 19 Link is http://www.unicef.org/protection/files/Progress_for_Children-No.8_EN_081309(1).pdf That same page says that 800,000 of the children in orphanages are in Central/Eastern Europe/CIS countries. Frankly that number has decreased in the past 3 years due to large efforts of deinstitutionalization.
Here is UNICEF lamenting that their numbers are being misused http://www.unicef.org/media/media_45279.html Finally, this CRIN document (26 page pdf) really explains the situation of AIDS myths and orphans and children in poverty very clearly http://www.crin.org/docs/Families%20Not%20Orphanages.pdf and has 80 studies/references backing up their information.
You can look at our posts on adoption statistics as well. For instance, Ghana only has 6,300 children residing in orphanages (yet agencies market the millions of orphans). Ethiopia does NOT have 5 million children in orphanages,countrywide outside of the common placement area of the south, there are only 87 orphanages (there are not even 100 children per orphanage in those and those southern orphanages were literally established by placing agencies where harvesting (a legal practice) occurred). Find that number in an international development report we talk about at https://reformtalk.net/2011/03/10/improving-care-for-children-in-ethiopia-study/
Even single orphans and the 13 million double orphans do not usually reside in orphanages.Of those that do, 95% are over age 5. Look at WHICH children are being internationally adopted. Children over 5 are not the category when you look at the entire picture. The double orphans even reside in extended family situations or with the surviving parent. They are poor and they most definitely are vulnerable to many horrible things, but we are here to steer people into looking at the big picture of child welfare-and we do believe adoption and international adoption should be options but never option #1-these are the LAST options.
The authors have visited orphanages in many places around the world including Eastern Europe. Slow improvements are being made in orphanages that house healthy children. We do not like large institutional settings at all and are glad deinstitutionalizing to small group homes and foster homes is occurring. Special needs children are still many times housed in horrendous situations, including being tied to beds even in 2012. This is a situation that IS an emergency. More NGOs are needed to assist and believe it or not, UNICEF is actually starting to address this (lng overdue). Here is one from a week or so ago http://www.afriquejet.com/unicef-calls-for-protection-of-rights-of-african-children-with-disabilities-2012061740591.html Many countries are starting to legislate the rights for the disabled which include therapeutic and monetary supports for families. We highlight some of the organizations in our links on our home page that are doing this already.
I don’t understand your comment “There are orphans starving in the world. There are people starving everywhere. I’m sorry you are so over that, but that is true. How do you propose to help?” We fully agree that there are starving and vulnerable children in the world that need assistance. It is just that adoption isn’t the type of assistance that most need. Again, I will refer you to the CRIN document above which gives great ideas on this multi-faceted issue.
As for no bond with a child who was placed at birth, I would urge you to research that more. There are nine months of in utero bonding. Talk to adult adoptees who were placed at birth. That does not even make biological sense and if you are a religious person, reflect on how that does not make spiritual sense.