Let’s Get Real: Adoption Reform

In one of our first posts, Reformatina explained elements of an ethical adoption. A number of questions were asked in the comments and we addressed those concerns. That post looked from the vantage point of the prospective parent and their motivation to adopt. Those are the standards that we would like to see in the adoption process.

As our home page states, we are trying to combat the marketing fallacies of the adoption industry and bring to light things that other reformers are not touching on. We also are adoption advocates (read the last paragraph of this post please). You might say, “But how can that be when you bring up so many bad things on this blog?” There are children who DO need to be adopted. International adoption should be one of many child welfare options. When you are for the child and his welfare, you need to put all options on the table so the best option can be decided for the INDIVIDUAL child.

We have taken those standards that we first talked about and will focus on three areas that are main issues in today’s adoption process and the major parts of adoption reform that go with them.

What Adoption Should Be

The following holds true for domestic, foster care or international adoption.

Adoption should be

1. the truthful placement of a child truthfully in need

2. keeping his/her long-term best interest in mind

3. with someone that is properly prepared.

When truth is not part of it or only short-term needs are in mind or if a child is placed with unprepared people, then we have a problem. The sad fact is that all three of these are problems with the current, modern adoption system. Money slithers into and corrupts at all three points. Reform is needed at each point.

Truth

Marketing

Adoption occurs after the severance of parental rights. Adoption should not influence the severing OF the rights. The terms “loving act”, “courageous” and other fluff in domestic adoption marketing was developed by US tax dollars. What am I talking about? The focus groups and studies that are used by the major adoption agencies were funded by Federal Grant $$! Yep, we all paid for it. Read this 3-part series on how the lobbying organization of two of the biggest agencies in the country Bethany and Gladney came to this type of advertising Part 1, Part 2 and Part 3 by Claudia Corrigan D’Arcy first published in November 2007. This “goodmother” domestic idea has been copied into the international adoption marketing as well. The loving abandonment fairy tale is often told about many placing countries.

Scheming

Scheming to get a child, whether it is a special needs child or healthy one can alter placing the child with the best fit for that child.

The prospective adoptive parent lying in their homestudy or to get waivers are two of the schemes. Shopping for social workers and agencies willing to take their family even though they are not equipped to take on a particular child is another example. Improper or lack of financial planning, especially by child collectors, can also take on a scheming angle when prospective parents really have no way of paying for the adoption unless they beg for money from others. The lack of a safety net post-adoption can put the child at risk for disruption or abuse. See our How Could You? posts for more.

Adoption agencies who harvest children, falsify paperwork or look the other way when kidnapping or murder  or paper falsification is involved in procuring a child falls into the category of not having the child truthfully need another family.

Money corrupts here by high international fees being used in bribes or worse to increase the supply of kids in the category of the adoptive parent’s desire (this is not just for healthy as young as possible girls, but for boys, special needs and older children.)

Long Term Best Interest

Humanitarian Aid

Humanitarian aid is one solution for SHORT-TERM needs. But humanitarian aid has gotten twisted into adoption AND adoption agencies have become the big humanitarian aid givers which FURTHERS the corruption in foreign countries. They should have NO PART in humanitarian aid as it is a MAJOR CONFLICT OF INTEREST and lies near the heart of ALL country shutdowns. When placing agencies throw money around destitute villages, it influences people to “abandon” children and to coerce, kidnap or kill for the child that will bring them money.

Adoption Not an Emergency

Adoption should never be seen as an emergency. Adoption is a legal process following the terminating of parental rights. There should never be a rush to terminate parental rights or whisk children quickly away. The child and the adoptive parent must be prepared. This takes time. Ensuring that the child is taken care of is the SEPARATE, SHORT-TERM need.

Keep adoption and humanitarian aid separate and corruption will disappear because the money incentives will go with it. Taking out the international fees will remove MUCH of the corruption.

Prepared Parents

Finding Families for Children

“Finding families for children” is the marketing mantra but shifting the living arrangement of the children is not good enough. Implied in that is that the new family is properly checked and prepared; that the child needs a new family; and that the child wants to be with the adoptive family. This is just not a guarantee and preparedness is becoming increasingly less plausible as special needs adoptions rise yet preparation is not. This phrase also implies that children don’t already have an original/biological family. The original family will not be scrubbed from the child even if their paperwork has been scrubbed. Those last points  about bond to the original family can affect the child’s bonding and attitude to the new family and even make the children appear disordered if not understood. See our How Could You? posts for more.

Balance

In today’s modern adoption process, there is no balance of the number and type of children in need (supply) and the number of prepared families wanting to adopt (demand). Supply and demand will never meet. There will only ever be a small segment of people willing to take on international adoption or special needs kids. Don’t even try to equate it with birthing a child with special needs. No matter how many people say they are blessed by their child’s special need, no one in their right mind prays for or wishes for their child to have a special need. Even fewer will want to take on a child unrelated to them into their family. So the adoption industry will try to coax and guilt as many people as possible into taking on more than they can handle. Doing things faster like well-heeled campaigns are promoting only causes corruption to worsen.

Desperation

“Finding” stresses the desperation part of the equation. We see a lot of desperation of prospective adoptive parents.The DESPERATION of those that advocate for the special needs children that are very hard to place (both agencies and adoptive parents) is causing havoc because ALL checks and balances are being thrown out the window in the name of “saving the child”. It is both a RUSH and ADRENALINE RUSH for these people to place the kids.

The focus should be on matching as many children in need with as many qualified parents as possible.

If you prepare, you scare; the quicker the process, the better; or preparation and its twin postadoption support are not our problem is the approach of the adoption agency. The adoption industry will not be putting money into preparing/supporting you unless regulations require them to. It isn’t going to happen on its own. Improving quality is not on their agenda.

Separating Fantasy and Reality–Our Favorite Accusations About “Criticizing” aka Speaking Honestly about Adoption and Reform

• How can you NOT like (fill in the blank charity, facilitator agency, advocate)? Because they will NOT be there if/when you have a POST-ADOPTION issue. Success = placement of the child. End of story.They don’t think beyond that. All activities are geared towards future placements. (See Truth section)
• But International adoptions are DECREASING! Shouldn’t you try to INCREASE them? Statistics are meaningless if the children’s needs are not paramount. INDIVIDUALLY matching kids WITHOUT MONETARY INCENTIVES should drive the decisions in adoption, not trying to meet some statistic. This takes a lot of effort, a lot of time and a lot of money but it is what is RIGHT and what kids deserve (see Truth section).
• But there are sick, lonely, dying,uneducated, undernourished kids and adoption solves that. (see Long-Term Best Interest section)
• But, if you say that (explain real needs of the kids, explain adoption agency ethical issues) people will be scared to adopt! GOOD. You should be SCARED to adopt a child with a special need that doesn’t speak your language, that your local school system will not help very much, that you will have to strongly advocate daily for possibly forever and who may bankrupt you, cause havoc with other family member, your house, your neighborhood and community and possibly cause a divorce or disruption. Yep, if that doesn’t scare you, your head is still in the sand. (See Prepared Parents section.)

What can be done to Reform Adoption?

Here is a starting point (and please share your ideas in our comments):

Truth

· Lobby to remove international fees and adoption credits

· Lobby to remove monetary incentives that states receive for placing foster children with adoptive families, as this leads to wrongful removals.

· Shut down bad agencies by reporting wrongdoing to authorities

· Prosecute perpetrators of crimes associated with adoption

· Lobby to ban bad adoption personnel for life

· Support justice and redress for wronged adoptees and read PoundPup Legacy

· Sue players involved in wrongful processes

· Join PEAR
· Read REFORM Talk blog

· Support Unrestricted Access to birth certificates for adoptees and follow adoptee issues on Bastard Nation.

· Discuss issues with any person that will listen. The general public needs to understand these challenges.

Long-Term Best Interest

· Support Family Preservation first

· Lobby for adoption agency separation from humanitarian aid and country development.

· Lobby to stop US elected officials from lobbying for adoption agencies in other countries. Child welfare should not be a business. US government should not be involved in procuring foreign children for US citizens.

· Lobby for rights of biological parents need to be recognized by all states. Quick, coercive, deceptive placements need to stop (hint: that means you, Utah.)

Prepared Parents

· Support and demand initiatives for comprehensive and therapeutic parent training

· Assist in and demand awareness and access to health and education needs

· Assist in and demand  development education system and testing to assess and address needs

· Assist in and demand  development in health care and mental health care sector to address needs

· Give ongoing peer-to-peer support for parenting issues and any adoptee need.

A final word about adoption advocacy: Keeping hush about bad things that agencies or PAPs/APs do is NOT advocating for adoption. Keeping your head in the sand is NOT advocating for adoption. It is important to understand the background of how your child came to be with you.  Keeping things hush allows corruption to continue, proliferate and shift to new places.  Pretending to be an amateur social worker/adoption placement warrior may be breaking laws and is a form of child exploitation. The child does not have say in his or her photo and private information being splashed across the internet. Dignity of the child MUST be maintained.

Understand the issues that cause kids to be available for adoption and the billion dollar industry that is trying to get into your wallet. Don’t be led off the cliff by the slick adoption industry.

REFORM Puzzle Piece