Searching for Original Family…It Matters

Before we give you some ideas about what to do if you think your child was trafficked, we need to lay some groundwork for why searching will be a part of it. Searching is not about gratitude or feelings about the adoptive parent. It is not about you, the adoptive parent. It is not an insult to the adoptive parent. Get over it and get over your expectations, fantasies and yourself. It is about the bond, information, and/or relationship between the adoptee and original family. You do not REPLACE that original family. You ADD to the adoptee’s family. YOU are the addition to the adoptee. So if you find something untoward about your adoption process, then you need to DO something and/or SUPPORT the actions of the adoptee, depending on the situation and age of your child. You do not have the right to tell any adoptee NOT to search or to tell them how they feel or should feel or to qualify their feelings. Period. Explaining, caring, supporting, assisting-Yes. Dictating,  judging, demanding, interjecting your feelings and insecurities-No.

There are two examples that we want to share with you to ponder. The first is about a Chinese adoptee, who is still a child, searching for her original family. The story was published in a Chinese newspaper on March 2, 2011 Hunan Girl Searches her Biological parents from U.S. edited by Sharon Lee in rednet.cn.

Along with photos, the story is as follows: “Carolyn Yisong Dwyer (Yi Yisong) , a lovely girl who has been adopted by parents of U.S., wants to search her biological parents in her homeland Hunan Province. She called herself a humorous , clever and good-looking girl. About 9 years ago, she was abandoned at the gate of Shatong Town Governmet in Yiyang city, Hunan province. Dwyers, her American stepparents from Boston, adopted her after she arrived at the local charity house. Now by what she says, she wants to tell her biological parents that all about herself are good now.

Anyone who knows the information about her parents please call follow number:

0731-85571188”

UK Story

This tells five different perspectives, two from adoptees and the importance of the search. Read the whole article at Family matters: Human faces of the adoption crisis [The Independent 9/30/11]

A few excerpts:

The first adoptee explains, “Through my life, my feelings for my birth parents have changed.” Keep in mind that feelings of the adoptee as a child may differ dramatically from how they feel as adults. Don’t put a lot of weight on “happiness studies” done in adoptees who are still children. Measuring something like this at a few points in childhood really doesn’t have much meaning.

The second adoptee explains,”There’s also the problem of not knowing enough about your hereditary medical history.” Yep, this matters. After meeting his birthmother, he says this: “I always saw things from my perspective until I met her.” Gaining truth and perspective matter.

The bottom line for adoptees is they ALWAYS want to know who they are.

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