November 21: National We’re Tired of Entitled, Misguided Bloggers in Adoption Day
The following was sent to us by a reader of our blog. We first thought it was a good candidate for a FacePalm Friday, but the blog post is so outrageously over-the-top that we decided to dissect it and add our thoughts in orange text about much of the author’s rank ignorance, misguided sense of entitlement, and hypocrisy.
http://hopeforxander.blogspot.com/2011/11/trolling.html#comments
Trolling
Lately trolls have been attacking adoption blogs. By all appearances its adult adoptees that are still mad about being adopted.
**And you know this because?
Most of these adoptees were born American and adopted at birth and they take issue with how their parents handled things.
**And you also know this for a fact? What if some posters were adopted overseas?
Most of these trolls have no idea what is involved in living in an orphanage but still think that an orphanage is better than adoption but they don’t know because they haven’t been to one and they have not lifted a finger to find out or to help these orphans. They are so self absorbed that they don’t care that in Eastern Europe 3/4 of children that “graduate” from orphanages without being adopted wind up as prostitutes or in prison.
**This is true and something we need to shed light on. Orphanages around the world range from caring to horrific. Between the three of us we have been in several orphanages and found some of them to be on the horrific end of things. Still, this is a poor excuse to justify bad adoption practices.
They think that that fate is better than a loving family.
**What makes you think every child adopted from these places goes to a loving family? (Hana Williams , Masha Allen , Nathaniel Craver, Kelsey Hyre, shall we go on? Better yet, go check out Forever Family, Forever Dead, Pound Pup Legacy , or our own How Could You Files. Check out the missing kids adopted from foster care like Austin Bryant at The Charley Project . After all, we are not talking about one or two adoptive families who fell through the cracks, but hundreds who were placed to unprepared, unmonitored adoptive families.)
Our son will be 5 when we adopt him. He will have memories of life before our family. He is Eastern European and he will not forget that. I will not try to block his past history and I will not try to pretend he is totally American.
**Glad to hear it.
I will raise him to know that he is the son of my heart and that adoption doesn’t make him less. He is as much my son as the son of my body and as much my child as I am a child of God through adoption and grace.
**Back to pre-adoptive parenting classes for you. Are you kidding? Adoption doesn’t make him less? Less than what? Please don’t dump all of this “son of my heart” junk on a five-year-old. Can he just be your son?
If you honestly think these children are better off in an orphanage then please feel free to hop your happy arse on a plane and fly to any developing country in the world and volunteer to help feed, bathe, clothe, and teach a sense of self worth to these orphans as you tell them that adoption is a bad thing.
**And yet you don’t seem to understand that you are only “helping” ONE child by removing him from an institution. How does that help the children still living in the horrid orphanage? And how does this help the kids who have parents who visit them, but cannot care for them at home? It doesn’t. What are YOUR plans for them once your adopted child is home with you? Are you, Madame PAP Poster, planning to change the way children who cannot live with their families are treated? If you are, we would really like to see your proposal. Truly, because it is something we care about too.
You selfish self absorbed trolls.
**Nice.
You had parents to tuck you in at night, you had ample food, you were loved, and you were given a decent education and start in life. Without that start you would have been where these children are and you so stiff necked and condescending that you can’t see the forest for the trees.
**How do you know this? Were you there? Do you have any idea how prevalent abuse in adoptive families is? Here at our blog we hear of cases weekly, sometimes even daily, and not all are reported in the media. Again spend an hour on our “How Could You” files or a weekend reading the files of children profiled at Pound Pup Legacy.
Have you ever seen real poverty? Have you ever touched it and known what it is?
**How does adopting have anything to do with these questions?
Probably not because if your parents were that poor they could not have adopted you.
**Seen some of the lovely foster parents we have? Those who adopt for the stipend? The child collectors who force their families into poverty because they become addicted to taking in more and more kids that they cannot afford to raise?
You can not imagine what its like to be unable to feed or clothe your child. To know that if you don’t give them to the orphanage that they will either starve or freeze.
**And you have an inside view of a placing parent in a developing country? How many do you personally know? Any? But you are qualified to speak for them because…?
You can not imagine growing up in a place where there is no love only changing care takers that are paid $50 a month to take care of a room full of children. You have never been in a place where people call you an animal for not being perfect.
**You are correct. None of us would know this unless we are actual children or adults from those situations…which does not include us or you. Further, what you say about caregivers is also correct. $50 does seem to be the average wage for caregivers in Eastern European orphanages. Makes you wonder where the five figure foreign fee goes huh? Have you gotten a breakdown of where precisely your adoption fees are going? If you do get one (we are not holding our breath) please do share it on your blog, as in our many years of experience we have yet to see any agency come fully clean about these huge sums of money. They sure don’t seem to be going to the orphanages you’re complaining about, do they? Why aren’t YOU demanding complete transparency about this?
Yeah that’s right. Where people live in poverty, real poverty not American “poverty”, they have to close themselves off to the love of their children that have any physical or mental handicap because they can not afford the specialized care they take so to protect themselves they call these children animals.
**We started to understand this and then you lost us.
Just who do you think you are to call adopting these children wrong?
**And here is where we will agree with you, Madame PAP Poster. We don’t think it is wrong to adopt children who are truly orphans, but it IS wrong to adopt these kids out to anyone with a willingness and a checkbook. Where is the training, the resources to really help the kids with their traumas? Please refer to our earlier post on ethical motivations for adopting .
I’ll tell you who you are you are a sad sad caricature or a person, You are selfish and miserable and you know nothing of God or of real love or joy or real giving of yourself. You are so pitiful that you have to share or force your misery on others. Get back under the bridge you came from and leave us alone.
**And here is where we say, you Madame PAP Poster, should not be adopting an older child. Certainly not at this time and quite frankly you should not be adopting any child in this state of mind. Further, we are offended by someone who speaks to others using name-calling and insults and invokes the name of God in the same breath. Since we are adoptive parents and not some of those “angry adoptee trolls” you are so upset with, we wonder what exactly you’ll do with us. All of those arguments for why posters are angry with you kinda goes out the window, doesn’t it?
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