2011 REFORM Talk’s Completely Misguided Selfish Adopter Award

Hat tip to a reader who emailed us this blog All Are Precious In His Sight. Our reader writes to us:”…this one is a heartbreaker. A PAP is praying the bio aunt of the kid’s the want to adopt ( and who has FILED for custody) DOES NOT get custody because said PAP “has come to believe it is not God’s plan for them”.

The two children they are trying to adopt were hosted previously by this family.

Part of that post is as follows:” Matt only had a few minutes to visit before he had to get off the train, but he decided he would most likely go meet the 2 boys in Mariupol he received the referral for since he and the translator are now in Mariupol, but then he wants to find a way to get to the Sumy region to try to find the aunt. Right now, we don’t have any information on the aunt, but we are going to pray that if God wants Matt to find the aunt, He will guide Matt to her.

There is apparently going to be a trial to decide if the aunt gets custody. We don’t know the date of her trial, but it could be this week. (Someone at the SDA office apparently mentioned her trial is this week.) Would you please join me in praying that if God wants Matt to visit with the bio aunt, that He would move mountains to make this happen?!?! And if God does NOT want the boys to stay with their aunt, that He would reveal His will to the aunt and change her heart to embrace His will? Pray that the aunt would have her eyes opened to the truth about our family. We love Vlad and Dima and want God’s best for them. If it is God’s will for the boys to stay with their aunt, we want to embrace that and support them. If it His will for the boys to become Pattersons, we would like to keep the aunt updated and stay in communication with her. Ultimately, we just want God’s will to be done, but we feel we must do everything we can to meet with the aunt before her court date so we know we did everything we humanly could to try to adopt Vlad and Dima. If the aunt doesn’t change her mind before court, and the judge rules in favor of the aunt having custody, that will be a permanent decision. If the aunt is stable, competent, kind, caring and able to properly care for the boys, we need to support her in that, but if that is not God’s plan, well, we just pray He will move mountains to make His will be done. His will be done. Period.”

“Meet” with the aunt? How is that NOT coercion???

But that is NOT all.

More about the aunt

Their December 16th post remarks “Please pray that if there is any corruption/darkness with the aunt, that it will be revealed, hearts will be changed, and God’s will be done. We’ve heard of stories where an orphanage director did NOT want a child to be adopted, so he/she contacted a relative and told the relative lies about the prospective adoptive family. Then the orphanage director persuades the relative to file a petition for custody in an effort to simply protect the child from the harm of the awful American family. Nice, huh? We don’t know at all if this is the case with Vlad and Dima, but we feel we need to at least meet with the boys and see what God does.”

Worried about corruption of the AUNT?

December 15th post

“In my heart, I’m secretly hoping (and may or may not be praying!) that somehow, some way, Vlad and Dima will become available. Not that I don’t want them with their aunt, I just feel a motherly fierceness protection over those boys. They were my sons. I love them. I want to make sure their aunt is stable and will take good care of them.

Our two biological sons feel the same way!!! When I broke the news to them a little while ago, Parker (our 15yo) was angry/upset/sad. He didn’t take this lightly. He still believes Vlad and Dima are his brothers. He loves them and wants the best for them.

Sawyer (our 11yo) immediately went into protection mode. He asked all kinds of questions about the aunt. Is she a drunk (common in Ukraine)? Does she love them? Will she meet their needs? How do we know she’s OK? Who will verify this? Can Dad go see them and ask Vlad and Dima what they want? Can Dad go make sure they’re OK? Sawyer then went on to explain how Vlad had shared with Sawyer some disturbing things about Vlad’s bio grandma in Ukraine. Typical Ukrainian stuff, and what he shared with me is probably why Vlad and Dima were removed from their mother’s care. Grandma would NOT be a good placement for Vlad and Dima, so then I wonder if this aunt is the daughter of Grandma. Probably. Is she in a better place than Mom and Grandma? I sure hope so. I feel protective, too, but I have to choose to trust in God’s sovereignty. He knows what is best for Vlad and Dima. I do not. I can only feel what I feel, and I know not to trust my feelings, but to trust God above all.”

Also, in that post, some insight into hosting programs in Ukraine and how hosts obviously share a lot of info so PAPs can “pick”certain children and how the orphanage directors feel:

“With my being in Texas and Matt being in Ukraine, this is a little difficult, but we know God orchestrated it this way for a reason. Matt said the SDA was VERY accommodating and easy to work with. They gave him a HUGE stack of files of children who are available for international adoption. Our facilitator, translator, and Matt went through the files. Matt said there’s definitely no shortage of children available. There are hundreds, maybe thousands, of waiting children in Ukraine, all available for international adoption.

An internet friend had been advocating for our family to adopt 2 boys whom she hosted in the past. So, those two boys were the first files my husband requested. He truly thought we would adopt them, but the SDA said that their orphanage director recently declared that he is no longer cooperating with any international adoptions. In fact, he posted a sign outside his orphanage that says, “NO MORE FOREIGNERS!””

Another one of their adoptions

One of her posts mentions how they were matched with one of their children:
http://allarepreciousinhissight.blogspot.com/2011/11/year-ago-today.html?m=1

“On this very day a year ago, November 23, 2010, I was driving several of our kids to the dentist when my cell phone rang. It was a number I didn’t recognize, and when I answered it, I didn’t recognize the name or the voice either.

The woman on the phone introduced herself as Phyllis from A Loving Choice Adoption Agency. She explained how she learned about our family through a client/adoptive family of hers who reads our blog, and she went on to explain about a desperate and immediate private adoption situation in our state. She was wondering if we might be interested in adopting two biological half-sisters that very same day. In fact, we needed to make a decision in just a matter or hours!”

Yes, the agency gets tips on clients by people who troll AP blogs!And without knowing ANYTHING about these people, the agency contacted them for an emergency placement. What course in Social Work can we find this fabulous method?

So, Congratulations in winning this year’s Completely Misguided Selfish Adopter Award