Thoughts and Reflections on International Adoption in 2012

Starting off the new year, I’ve done some reflecting on international adoption (IA) from the many years ago when we first got involved to the present and the one year anniversary of this blog where I’ve been privileged to guest blog.

On a positive note, there is way more information available now than there was then. Mom and Pop shop agencies have a harder time setting up and it is easier to get feedback on agencies and their practices. People are questioning the pretty lies sold everyday by the industry and more and more are speaking out. Investigative journalists have discovered stories that need to be told and they are telling them. I know of a few more in the works as I type so the landscape is definitely changing to one of greater transparency.

The adoptees themselves have done a tremendous job of organizing and raising their voices for progressive change. We are only going to see more of this as the international adoptees age. More organizations are working to improve children’s lives in their birth countries, some even led by APs who came to see the light. This is all incredible and encouraging.

In spite of these developments, based on everything I am seeing I think IA is circling the drain. The stories we are hearing from APs and even from a few in authority, agencies are still employing unethical, immoral cads overseas. They are still lying to PAPs and to the children being placed; they are still downplaying and outright hiding the real needs of children; and harvesting for adoption continues. Children are being placed with unsafe families where their needs are neglected or they are subject to abuse or worse. There continues to be no good safety net for children who, once placed for adoption, have needs that outweigh what their adoptive family can provide. Money and ego rule the industry–the only difference is that now the world is watching.

It makes me a little sad because I continue to believe that IA is a good option for some children, especially those with medical special needs who truly do not have families or communities willing or able to meet their needs at this time. Things could have been different and it is the agencies and yes, the PAPs and APs who are ultimately to blame. They refuse to clean up the landscape and engage in all manner of sinister and underhanded ways of getting children.

Few families of origin have a voice or protection from predators. The power system is what it always has been: Agencies, Adopting Parents, Original Families, Young Adoptees.

One year of postings on this blog alone should be enough to show anyone what a mess adoption is. Keep in mind we only posted things we have permission to post or those things that appeared in the public domain. Some of the private tragedies we are aware of are just as bad, if not worse. As IA circles the drain, the atmosphere within the agencies appears to be frantic, clinging to the last shreds of their beloved profession and source of income. I still believe it could all be turned around, but few seem interested in truly meeting the needs of children.

The PAPs/APs and especially child collectors have become particularly rabid and underhanded. The Wild West that was their playground is going to all but come to an end at some point. Clearly not without a fight if we look at some of the angry comments we receive, as well as the underground groups that have formed and blogs in Adoptionland. These people just do not get it nor do they want to, which is too bad because children’s lives are permanently damaged by their self-serving missions.

I try to be optimistic, but I call it like I see it. If people would wake up and think outside of their boxes, step into the child’s or family of origins shoes for a moment, and put their needs and quite frankly addictions and narcissism aside, we might see a better outcome. If PAPs and APs would open their eyes to the realities, they might instead advocate for children and not themselves cloaked in the banner of children. Instead of agencies catering to the PAPs who demand a particular child, they could just as easily work in cooperation with other organizations to find the best situation for that child.

In truth, if we are honest, IA has for the most part become a reflection of the self-centered society we live in, where getting one’s wants filled is more important than approaching a problem with love, truth, kindness, and compassion toward others. It’s time to rally people. The children deserve nothing less.