FacePalm Friday
Welcome to this week’s edition of FacePalm Friday.
This is where your hosts will list their top picks for this week’s FacePalm moment—something they learned or read about this week that caused the FacePalm to happen (you know, the expression of embarrassment, frustration, disbelief, shock, disgust or mixed humor as depicted in our Rally FacePalm smiley).
We invite you to add your FacePalm of the week to our comments. Go ahead and add a link, tell a personal story, or share something that triggered the FacePalm on the subject of child welfare or adoption.
Your Host’s Selections:
(1) Followup to June FacePalm Search Story
Well at least she had the reunion. Of course the adoption agency had to be there! “Besides her mom and a translator, the crowd also included her biological grandmother and aunt, along with the owner of the adoption agency where the Whalens adopted her.”
The writer had to get this line in: “and for Whalen, they[The APs] are her real mom and dad no matter what.”
(2)Statistics and quickening the termination of rights in UK
Just 76 babies were adopted in Britain last year despite Government promises to speed up the process [Daily Mail 8/7/12 by Martin Robinson]
Again, sheer numbers have no meaning here. How many NEEDED a change in permanent homes?That is the question that should be asked. Placing EVERY baby with people who intend to adopt-do they care AT ALL about reunification? It sure doesn’t sound like it.
(3)Title of article and blog
Through adoption, a family is born
[Northwest Herald 8/8/12 by Lawrence Synett]
I think a family was “born” prior to adoption. The AP blog also gets one: www.godgaveusaddie.blogspot.com . God GAVE you Addie? Oh please…
The pastor is running the foster home in this all-too-familiar Special Focus China scheme. Hague again is a joke. 
(4) Child Abuse Horror stories
While we focus on adoption and foster care stories in our individual columns here, we can’t forget all of the other heinous abuse stories like these: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2185325/47-dogs-15-cats-chickens-quail-rabbits-duck-filthy-home-animal-hoarders-shared-boy-12.html and http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2185445/Runaway-boy-forced-live-tiny-box-foster-parents.html
Sad that every time I see one of these stories, the first question I ask is whether the child is a foster child or adoptee because we have cases with characteristics just like these stories with adoptees as victims. Living in boxes, running away, living among vermin and undernourished animals-yep our archive has it all. 
(5) Angel in Adoption time of year again (the featured Facepalm of the week)
Our domestic adoption followers will immediately gag when hearing who is nominated from Florida this year: Home At Last Adoption Agency.
The scoop on this agency and director: Dr. Rachel Fornes is founder and operator. No, she is not a medical doctor (you can tell by the excessive use of Dr. in front of her name on her website), but a chiropractor. She has adopted 6 children; most are still minors. Her agency used to be called Babies Up For Adoption Agency, Inc (that deserves a facepalm in and of itself!). Who is she married to? None other than 87-year-old 
(87…you read that right Adoption Menopause fans!)retired chairman and CEO of Gannett newspapers (now you know why adoption always gets positive coverage) and senior advisory chairman of Freedom Forum, Al Neuharth. Al used to be on the Board of Directors of…
… NCFA. Yippee! NCFA and the News, hand in hand together.
This blog has an expose of all of the grants that Freedom Forum has bestowed upon Home at Last Adoption Agency: http://gannettblog.blogspot.com/2009/01/documents-adoption-agency-owned-by.html
The article about the Angel in Adoption award claims that the reason she is getting the award is as follows:”Fornes is being honored for her work advocating for children in need of a permanent, secure and loving home. Fornes and Home At Last educate the community about the positive option of adoption for birth mothers who are unwilling or unable to parent their children and assist birth mothers with getting their GEDs, applying for college or vocational training, finding employment and securing a permanent place to live.”
Besides that facepalmtastic description of how babies are traded for education, employment and housing, she is the beneficiary in the faux-caring-for-babies law aka SafeHaven laws in Florida. Daily Bastardette did a feature on her in November 2011 that is a must-read: http://bastardette.blogspot.com/2011/11/florida-questions-about-save-haven-and.html
I also thought it was weird that the adoptive parents on the Board of Directors of the agency do not give their last names when the rest do: http://www.homeatlastadoption.com/Board.htm Are they trying to hide from the original family or something?
(6) No! Not HGTV too! 
I can’t even turn on the TV without seeing collectors. Yes, I am talking about My Yard Goes Disney.Caught the tail-end of this show with Ethiopian APs of 6 and I will assume two more because the contractor made a family tree plaque with names of 6 kids and the APs and 2 empty leaves. An over-the-top swingset and menagerie was placed in their back yard complete with covered swingset areas with the name of the area of Ethiopia that the children were from and the word”Hut” above each. At the end, they let the whole neighborhood in to play….the all-white neighborhood. Yippee!
Good thing I had just finished my pitcher of martinis or I would have spewed it all over the computer, laughing at your Smileys!
Hope all your readers know I am just kidding about the martinis. However after reading all this ludicrous nonsense perpetrated by con artists and ding-dong PAPs and APs, I really do need something to make the pain go away.
I think I’ll call Michele Bachmann and ask her for some tips on how to score me some foster kids. Then they can do all my chores while I look for the vermouth.
My facepalm of the week are:
1) this ** gag** “free to a good home”-type ad for a CHILD, a human child:
http://ourhaitianjourney.blogspot.ca/2012/08/family-needed-asap.html?m=1
Yet another AP who has 6 yrs post-adoption decided to “advertise” on the Internet in order to find a new “forever” family for the now-9 yr old boy they adopted from Ethiopia circa 2006.
2) this Reece’s Rainbow family that whines that it is sooooo unfair that a Russian judge has requested MORE documentation to demonstrate the PAPs are equipped to adopt a specific child:
http://buildingtheheirigsfamily.blogspot.ca/2012/08/more-documents.html?m=0
Because it is soooooo awful of the judge to want to ensure that this particular Russian RR kid does not end up like Nicolai Emelyentsev (dead at the hands of his godly American RR parents Kim and Fyodor) or Yuri Winkle/Victor Reilly/Emmit Bedford (disrupted by their godly RR parents mere months after getting home).
A third facepalm:
The folks who support resuming adoptions from kyrzgstan — shut down due massive corruption, reopened for a nanosecond, shut down yet again due to US adoption agencies paying MASSIVE BRIBES AGAIN. The PAPs who write pleading, plaintive emails arguing that the corruption is not that bad and should be overlooked for “the sake of the orphans”. The horrors people commit when they think they are doing the right thing:
http://m.facebook.com/note.php?note_id=189862044477137
I just read the blog post you linked to–the one where you say the RR family whines that it is soooo unfair that the judge is requesting more documents. I don’t see any whining anywhere in that post. Are you sure you’re not just searching for things to criticize even at the risk of gross misrepresentation? I have no idea who that family is and that is the first time I’ve ever read their blog, and as an objective reader, I don’t see why you have your face in your palm for this one.
Carlee is the one who shared her facepalm. She is a reader, not author and we invite all readers to share their facepalms. I will let her share why she chose this post.
That being said, when I read it, I see a typical PAP who seems shocked that documents were not prepared correctly. I ask why were those documents not prepared correctly. Knowing that this is a Reece’s case, there is a history of that ministry going into areas where judges are not familiar with adoptions which almost always means that the adoption will be greatly (and rightly) scrutinized.It is disturbing that they still are fundraising (don’t have the funds) yet are complaining that the judge is scrutinizing. Maybe he is scrutinizing why they don’t have the funds yet? That would be entirely reasonable.For me, reading a complaint about a delay when you don’t even have the money to adopt gives me a facepalm for her entry. I would not characterize her link as a gross mischaracterization. This type of entry is becoming all too typical. These types of entries were not typical years ago. There has been a distinct and disturbing change in the way people are approaching adoption in the past few years.Without linking to these blogs, we can’t even start a conversation about what is wrong. I appreciate the finds!
Lisa – I chose #2 as a Facepalm because:
1) the PAPs were complaining about a paperwork requirement, ie they’d incorrectly prepared a document for which they’d presumably been given exquisitely detailed instructions on the preparation of AND are presumably paying an agency/facilitator to vet for them prior to submission. It’us well known that the requirements for preparing a dossier are persnickety, so why are they doing it wrong, AND, more importantly, why are they complaining about it!!
2) the PAPs seem to view the judge’s request for more paperwork as simply an annoyance to make their (the PAPs) life more difficult vs. a way to demonstrate that they (the PAPs) are indeed capable of caring for this particular child, and the documentation is an appropriate way to show it. Especially given the well-publicized Bad Things that have happened to Russian kids adopted by Americans…
3) the PAPs are fundraising, which indicates they’re not — as of right now — in a position to care for the kid they are hoping to adopt without depending on the kindness of strangers or a supernatural being. Ordinary, hardworking families without trust funds regularly save up, say, $25k for a down payment (by planning and saving!! Really important!!) or a car. Folks are obviously capable of it… but somehow PAPs think it’s perfectly okay to start adoption WITHOUT the means to complete it. Plus, if anything, expenses increase once the child gets home.
Is it really do very wrong to expect PAPs to follow detailed instructions for completing adoption-related paperwork, to not whine about it since it is a GOOD THING that the sending country wants to ensure the kid will be properly cared for by her new American aparents and to be able to care for the child (including financially) without supernatural intervention????
I have to disagree with the idea that if people don’t have the money up front to adopt, they aren’t prepared to raise the child. With adoption fees sometimes running up to $40,000, it’s just not true that if a family doesn’t have that money saved up, they can’t afford to raise the child. I have three kids. I don’t spend anywhere close to $40,000 a year raising them, and they have a great life and participate in sports and riding lessons and the like. It’s nice to say, “Save up first,” but kids are not objects (and most people get loans for cars anyway; few pay cash outright, but no one accuses them of not being able to afford to take care of the car). They are humans who are sometimes in desperate situations (mental institutions, etc.), and to me it’s worse to say, “Well, I hope in five years I can get you out of there” than it is to ask people to help you save that child.
You have put up this strawman that I see very often. Your assumptions are that PAPs only fundraise for a small amount of the cost and that there will no out of pocket expenses for extremely disabled children postadoption for physical or mental health or education. In most of these cases that are cited, the parents don’t even have 1/4 of that upfront cost. Some even fundraise for the $300 application fee. I am sure it costs you more than $300 per year to raise 3 kids!
This particular case is one in which the adoption is very far along-the judge is looking at the paperwork- yet the PAPs do not have the money and are hoping that selling some stuff will get to the cost. THAT is the issue. People who work extra jobs, make things to sell, take loans from banks or friends BEFORE you get to the end phase of an adoption have a definite source for the money. This is NOT the case here. The homestudy should not be approved for people who don’t have a clue on how they will pay for the costs. Reserving a child-that is what this is- for someone who hasn’t the money to complete is also unfair to the child.
The cost itself is an issue,too. $40,000 is ridiculous-the agency is making a ton of money in those nebulous “international fees.”
Shay – I agree with Rally that this business of the PAPs can afford to raise the kid, just not to “ransom” them is a straw man (for exactly the reasons Rally details).
However, these families that are working with a Christian “adoption ministry” are fundraising for SO much more than agency fees. For example, 2 minutes and google gives me the PAPs who are soliciting funds to cover stuff like:
1) Round-trip transportation to the airport ($50), post-placement reports, in-country daily costs to the tune of USD$347 per day (!!), as follows:
$167 hotel/night
$80 driver and car/day
$100 incidentals/day
http://jenniferloveslobsters.blogspot.ca/2012/06/sponsor-our-first-trip.html?m=1
2) Post-placement reports ($150 each) and immigration visa fees ($800):
http://theroaddownhome.blogspot.ca/2012/04/why-help-our-boys.html?m=1
Postage ($150 to courier to Ukraine) and apostilles fees ($10 each):
http://luckytolovelyla.blogspot.ca/2012/04/paper-baby-shower-for-lyla.html?m=1
3) Lavishly soliciting US$5000 for a 5-6 day trip for 2 to Bulgaria (!!!) including arriving a few days early to sightsee… vs. Lonely Planet budget travel guide that advises traveling in the cheap (public trains/buses, B&Bs or hostel accommodations, etc) can be done for as little as US$45 per person per day. All of 10% of this PAPs “estimated costs”).
It is great that these PAPs want to help a child in need, but if they’re hard pressed to cover teeny-tiny expenses like $10 apostilles and $50 taxis to the airport… But they really are NOT in a position to care for another child right now.
* maybe it is just me, but US$347 per day is a LOT of money. Like, I was in Europe on vacation last summer, staying at a 5* hotel that is converted palace that was designed/built by the same architect as Versailles and spent WAY LESS than that (€110/night for the hotel incl breakfast + €45 for gourmet 3-course dinner with wine + €0 incidentals while sightseeing + €2 for public transportation = US$190/day for a FANCY vacation.
Surely a hard up for money PAP could consider staying in a cheaper hotel, taking public transportation or renting a car instead of hiring a chauffeured car, and eat a few cheap take out meals on their adoption trip
Oops, forgot to include the link to the PAPs requesting $5k for a short trip to Bulgaria. It is:
http://www.nachalaadopt.blogspot.ca/2012/07/documents-and-waiting-o000.html?m=0
First off I too read this families blog and I do not see where they are whinning at all. Looks like your trying to make something out of nothing. The family also said that they are willing to do whatever it takes. There are judges out there and they ask for docmentation and then want more in different wording because they can. How do you know if it was done wrong or not. Second if you actually read their blog you will see that they did have the money and something had happen so now they are short. Regardless why are you so worried about it? Not every case of international adoption ends in abuse cases. Also if a family is adopting in some EE counties they do have an agency not RR. Just because they found a waiting child and are fundraising through RR does not mean the don’t have an agency. You know you could get sued for slander and cyber bullying.
You are a piece of work! LOL Cyberbullying? We talk about risks here. This is one of them. One that both Carlee and myself spelled out for you. Whether you agree or not, it is not my concern.
I have never put up a straw man argument here because, to my knowledge, I have never commented here before. I also was making neither of the assumptions you ascribed to me. Be that as it may, my comment was in response to this one: “the PAPs are fundraising, which indicates they’re not — as of right now — in a position to care for the kid they are hoping to adopt without depending on the kindness of strangers or a supernatural being.” I maintain my position that fundraising for adoption does not automatically mean you can’t them afford to raise that child. The homestudy assesses the suitability of the family to raise the child (including their financial position). It does not assess their ability to pay for the adoption. That’s actually not relevant to whether they can provide an appropriate home. And the last thing I’ll say is that yes, $40,000 is ridiculous, but part of that cost is the 3 (or 4) trips that particular country requires the adopting parent(s) to make to complete the adoption. Travel expenses for three trips can easily be nearly half the cost.
You DID put the strawman up in your post about not being able to raise the kid because they don’t have the money upfront. That is a common strawman- I didn’t mean that you specifically have made that strawman. THAT is what I was referring to. You further indicated that not having upfront money has nothing to do with postplacement costs. I responded with explaining that especially in the cases of severely special needs children, there very well can be many out of pocket costs.Let me state it another way: financial planning is very important, even more so in these kinds of cases for both preplacement and postplacement costs. It is not the idea of fundraising, it is HOW and WHEN the fundraising is being done and fundraising for $50 costs, $100 costs. HALF the cost is travel-$20K to travel? That sounds suspect to me.
Let me clarify further on the notion of what *I* call fundraising because it is different than most of these blogs. Begging strangers for money is begging, not fundraising. Being entrepreneurial (another job, selling things) to obtain funds prior to homestudy is what I meant when I said fundraising. When I said “HOW”-that is the begging and pandering (that one is a Savior for the kids) to church members and the “WHEN” is referring to AFTER homestudy, during travel, during judge phase and even IN the foreign country etc.
Lori – This is Crabbina. Allow me to be blunt. If you don’t have the money in reserve to pay for the ridiculous adoption fees, and if you don’t have the money to get to the airport, and if you don’t have the money to pay for the huge amount of extremely expensive post-adoption services, THEN YOU SHOULD NOT BE ADOPTING.
Who the heck are all these people that they think they have a right to adopt just because they want to? It’s not a God-given right. It’s something you have to EARN. It is a privilege.
And who the double heck are these people who think they have a God-given right to ask strangers to give them money because they want to do something? Did you ever hear of manners, or scruples, or EARN YOUR OWN MONEY? If you don’t have the money, SAVE up until you do!!!!!
I would never dream of asking strangers to fork over funds because I want kids. It is the height of selfishness, arrogance, rudeness, and immaturity.
And if you want to slander Rally, you go right ahead. But I suggest you look up what slander really means before you go throwing that word around. No one is making you read this blog. No one is making these PAPs adopt. They make stupid and selfish choices and we have every right to call them on it.
In the meantime, can you please send me $40,000 because I really really really need it. Thank you sooooo much.
I agree with Crabbina about begging for money to adopt. Have these families ever heard of their own state’s foster-adopt program? It’s free.
I thought I was new to this site when I stumbled in earlier today and ended up reading some of these ‘face palm’ posts, but realized that I had been here before as part of research I was doing on a related subject (Human trafficking).
I want to begin my comment by stating that I agree 100% on the need for adoption reform worldwide. The past 12 months have brought me to awareness of an issue that I am embarrassed to say, I did not know existed. Since then, I have been a student of the subject, and have been surrounding myself with committed people who are working for change in the area of adoption, trafficking & gender equality (among other things to numerous to talk about here and now).
It is difficult for me to be brief, but I’ll try.
I guess I just toss my gut reaction out here and hope it comes out making some sense. First, I applaud you for taking a stance on behalf of children. It is a fact that millions of children are being bought. Uneducated, illiterate mothers in developing countries are being coerced into handing their children over to unscrupulous people (corrupt adoption agencies top my list, among other disgusting and heartless excuses for human beings). There is no room here to give a dissertation on this subject. I will stop at that example, because I know that you are aware of the many ways in which children are being bought/stolen/sold. THAT is why you are here – at least this is what I believe. I believe you have the best interest of children in mind, and I commend you for taking action to prompt change in the adoption world.
I could go on and on about the Hague agreement – where is works and where it is failing, but I’ll hold that for another time.
Just for today I want to address 2 things: agencies and PAPs.
A complete overhaul of adoption agencies is VITAL. I have reviewed the fee breakdown for international adoption, from a few agencies. Most of the fees seem reasonable, with the exception of “Regional fee: $15,000”. I could not get a straight answer from any staff member of any agency I questioned, as to what this fee actually is. After learning about trafficking and adoption abuse, I feared the worst.
I then contacted an adoption attorney who could complete the same adoption for (shocker) about $15,000 less than an agency. (If it smells like a rotten fish….it’s probably a rotten fish)
You have probably guessed by now that I am a PAP (almost). No steps taken at this time, and for a variety of reasons, no immediate action is planned – although I would like nothing more than to proceed, it is not possible at this time. When politics, ratifications, and finance allow, I’ll take action. Until then, I am learning about all that is wrong with the “system”. In this area, you are right.
BUT (insert sound of screeching tires here…..) Althuogh most of the pages, documents, petitions etc…on this site are admirable. I am turned off by this forum – and the tone used when discussing PAPs. I totally “get” your anger and frustration. I really do. BUT (freedom of speech here) it is my opinion that you are not treating these people with respect & humanity. I am confused as to why you are not working toward bringing awareness to PAPs in a more appropriate way? Most of these people mean no harm, but rather, they are naive. They don’t know the facts, and I can’t blame them. They wouldn’t know to even research unless somebody first brought the problem/corruption to their attention in a diplomatic, sensitive, humane way. If I did not know….if I were “just a mom wanting to adopt” ….. and my first introduction to this issue was by way of this forum….I would be defensive and as a result, I would learn nothing.
I am new here – so maybe I am not aware of the manner in which you are reaching out to bring awareness to your mission. Besides humiliation and insults, what steps have you taken to bring awareness to them? Do you send thoughtful, considerate messages directly to bloggers? Do you provide facts and stats? I honestly don’t know the answers to these questions – maybe you do these things?
I never would have landed on your site if I was not already aware of the corruption because of my line of work.
I repeat, I support your mission overall – but this part is taking away from the good you are trying to accomplish. It takes away some legitimacy, frankly.
This forum makes you appear petty. The post that received comments above, about the family who “whined” about the judge – I read that person’s blog and I did not sense she was complaining at all. She simply said there was a delay due to more documentation and she would do whatever was asked.
I have never been through adoption paperwork, but I can only imagine that sometimes more docs are needed and errors are made or whatever….the blogger didn’t seem upset at all….but you chose to highlight her post and cast judgement and assumptions all over her. Do you know the blogger and her situation? Do you know what the documentation issue was? Was it her error, an agency error? No error, but rather a judge who just needed something else because of new requirements?
Why are you choosing to show such compassion to the children, yet don’t take the time to educate and inform the masses?
Or do you? If so, then please accept my apologies – and let me know how you are working on that vital piece of the puzzle. It seems to me that is the place to start – the parents. It would sure put the agencies out of business if there is no demand for their services.
As for funding/saving/fundraising…..that’s
another day. I’m exhausted.
Kay, first, thanks for finding us, reading us and commenting.
Our website contains posts and some resources that we are building upon. I will address your questions out of order. As for giving facts and stats, we absolutely have many posts with those-we don’t beg people to read them-they are free to anyone who chooses them. If you are needing some direction in a particular category I would be happy to post the specific link here, let me know.
This particular column is a Friday-blowing-off-steam column. We decided from the beginning that after each long week of posting filth, that we wanted a column where we *and our readers* could share things that were an “embarrassment, frustration, disbelief, shock, disgust or mixed humor “yet may not be able to resolve. These are posts that discuss things that we were made aware of and our feelings towards them so it is no-holds-barred-by-design. They can be articles, interactions or just about anything related to child welfare, adoption or foster care. It is exhausting to continue to track the filth that we do here, yet empowering to finally be able to openly talk about as all the authors here have decades of *collective experience * on tracking and reporting adoption issues in private venues. Not only do we track but we have collectively reported a ridiculous number of things with mostly the government not caring or pushing back, yet we have instilled small changes along the way and had small “victories” and have privately assisted countless people along the way. A large amount of time and energy is what is needed to gain just a little, which is why not many people are involved in reform and you are right, no one does it the way we do here. We are not here to be popular, but to tell the truth about what is going on and to connect the dots of behaviors to outcomes. Even though this is a blowing off steam column, interestingly it also connects those dots.
To address what you said about agencies and costs: Yes that international fee is the nebulous one that no agency ever says where it goes to. All of us who have inernationally adopted pay it and sadly that means we all have been part of some type or other of corruptive practice-there are all kinds out there. As Crabbina has astutely pointed out many times, the day after the tax credit went up-doubled- agency fees also went up by that same amount of increase. Part of the international fee problem IS having a federal adoption tax credit to begin with. We know our opposition to that is extremely unpopular, but when examining how all of this corruption can go on, we realized a long time ago that our own government appointed officials and elected officials (in the CCAI institute) are a part of it.
The particular link that you are speaking of this week came from a reader. The reader responded about what gave her those feelings and I chimed in as well.I realize that some people stumble upon the column and get caught up emotionally and that is ok. Again, this is not a popularity contest. Nothing on our site is an easy-read. Those that want flowers and rainbows and praise for any action they take will only find seeds of change here. We hope that at least some seeds are planted for some people. We have never expected to change people whose behaviors are as over the top that they land in our weekly column. ALSO our audience is the general public and the media and governments. We want to raise their awareness first and foremost (again this column is not the focus for that), because we believe that they have the real power to change things and if we have to embarrass them into action, we will.
Now to address this last part that you said” BUT (freedom of speech here) it is my opinion that you are not treating these people with respect & humanity. I am confused as to why you are not working toward bringing awareness to PAPs in a more appropriate way? Most of these people mean no harm, but rather, they are naive. They don’t know the facts, and I can’t blame them. They wouldn’t know to even research unless somebody first brought the problem/corruption to their attention in a diplomatic, sensitive, humane way. If I did not know….if I were “just a mom wanting to adopt” ….. and my first introduction to this issue was by way of this forum….I would be defensive and as a result, I would learn nothing.
I am new here – so maybe I am not aware of the manner in which you are reaching out to bring awareness to your mission. Besides humiliation and insults, what steps have you taken to bring awareness to them? Do you send thoughtful, considerate messages directly to bloggers? Do you provide facts and stats? I honestly don’t know the answers to these questions – maybe you do these things?”
Most of the people mean no harm but are naive? That is your opinion and you are welcome to it. My opinion is that being naive is very dangerous when it comes to child welfare. Many things that are pointed out by readers or us are not due to naivete. As I stated in another comment on this thread, there has been a distinct change in how adoptions are being processed and the marketing of children- photolistings are common now-a practice greatly frowned upon just a few years ago and referrals for severely special needs children are being given before people even have money for their adoption and there has been NO change in PAP preparation. This is in addition to documented trafficking and corruption. Google can bring corruption to PAP’s attention in .2 seconds. Major publications have had corruption on their front pages over the past 3 years. I would partially agree with you if this was maybe 2007 or earlier but in the past 5 years there has been enough accumulated on Google that red flags should be popping up for even the greenest of PAPs. This column is not to bring awareness to the subjects of the Facepalms, but to everyone else. We don’t send messages to any bloggers or post on their blogs-we don’t have the time to “save” those people that are unsaveable. They have made their decisions and we won’t have any influence on them. We help those who want to be helped or find information at one site.
“Why are you choosing to show such compassion to the children, yet don’t take the time to educate and inform the masses?” I don’t know what to say with that-we have a public blog and the masses can access free information in our resources or columns. I don’t have the time to search out individuals and offer help, but those that come here are helped as much as we can.
Here is an EXCELLENT explanation of the “unexpected costs” associated with adopting a kid with severe special needs from a bad Bulgarian internat:
http://yesthisisourplana.blogspot.ca/2012/06/money-oooooooh.html
The key “unexpected expenses” that they admit shouldn’t have been THAT unexpected include but are not limited to (and NOT covered by good insurance):
“Our “non-medically needy” child was referred to:
PT
OT
Speech
Genetics
Neurology
ENT (Had Tonsils/Adenoids removed and PE tubes)
Feeding Clinic
Child Development/Autism Clinic
Audiologist
Vision Clinic
Dental Clinic
Outpatient Lab (more times than I can count) ”
“childcare Aftercare at his school wouldn’t have been a safe alternative (if they had even agreed to take him). Daycare also wasn’t capable of taking him, even the ones that had stated they accepted children with special needs. The cute little 3 year old girl with Down Syndrome? Sure. The 5 year old who was most likely going to rip apart their center? Not so much. Our solution to this was for TeacherBoy to go part time rather than put K through any other caregivers. ”
“time off” for medical appts
it is interesting to note that 1) many of the costs came AFTER the kid got home and 2) the APs seriously underestimated pretty much ALL of the post-adoption costs… despite the fact that they (professionally) teach kids and work with autistic children.
Thank you for this great example!Most of these common things are not covered by insurance or only up to a point-that point will be to habilitate to a low level, not necessarily a level in which the child will thrive or even be able to do the minimum in school. In addition, ACCESS to these services is not always available because there is a shortage in health care professionals in these areas. Waiting lists can be long. PT, OT and Speech are not always easy to come by from the public school system-especially PT and OT IMO due to the high level screening that the public school system gives. Not mentioned on this list is any mental health care needs which usually are out of pocket for therapists who understand IA kids.People also need to realize that insurance plans have lifetime caps too.
Autism has a special waiver in most states which allows a lot of expense coverage. Most IA kids do not have autism so they won’t qualify for those waivers. Only a few states have programs like this blogger discusses that covers gap costs. I budgeted and have used a ton of money for postplacement and always tell people to do so. Rally’s rough rule: Whatever you spend on the adoption, plan to spend the same amount postadoption in the first 5 years.If you don’t end up needing it, then be happy that you have started a great college fund for your kid(s)!
Here is (yet) a(nother) horrid begging/pleading for cash for ALL adoption expenses post from PAPs working with everyone’s favorite adoption “ministry”:
http://journeytoreunitetwoangels.blogspot.com/2012/08/baby-showergiveaway-new-and-improved.html
As is becoming all too common among RR (and other) PAPs, these folks are relying 100% on money from others/deities, as they spent their life savings adopting a kid with SN in 2010, have no savings/drained the retirement account already/an underwater mortgage they cannot borrow against. So they’re seeking:
– money from others for absolutely everything: $30 for dinners, $60/day for chauffeured car, $220 for medical check ups, $460 for visas, and my personal favorite $2100+ in airfare for their already-adopted child & a carer (read: the PAPs are seeking other people’s money to bring their daughter and a CAREGIVER to Ukraine with them!!!!)
– to simultaneously adopt 2 unrelated children with special needs
– to tell the world that they’re “saving” orphans, by (possibly illegally) including photos and private medical info about both girls on their blog… Despite having not yet received the official referral for either child!
Wow! That is bad. You forgot to mention the giveaway that includes Ipad, HDTV with bluray, camera, Keurig coffee machine , Ipod or cash!
AND that they’ll be using the funds from their (possibly illegal lottery), errrr, possibly illegal “giveaway” to purchase the iPad/cash/blueray prize that is being given away!!!
But I’m also genuinely scared for the 2 children this family is planning to adopt — a 3 yr old with DS from an orphanage and a 6 yr old with DS from a presumably awful ukranian mental institution will be going home to an American “forever” family that will probably not be in a position to provide them with PT OT or to afford respite care or any number of other REALLY important but not covered by insurance therapies. To a family with no emergency fund — no “give” at all should the adoption be delayed whole the PAPs are in-country or financial safety net in the event that one or both of the PAPs lost their job, got injured and thus became unable to work for a month or two, etc.
USCIS theoretically requires that PAPs demonstrate their ability to care for the additional children… but apparently does not care to enforce their own rule!!!
I share your concern. The visa is just a rubberstamp, I guess.
Gotta love the PAPs who are last minute fundraising for the $200 needed to courier their dossier to Bulgaria:
http://continuingourjourney.blogspot.ca/2012/08/bulgaria.html?m=1
The family domestically adopted a 3 yr old with severe SN last week (literally!!), but hey, why not set off in September to adopt 2 Bulgarian children from a ghastly internat too!!!