FacePalm Friday
Welcome to this week’s edition of FacePalm Friday.
This is where your hosts will list their top picks for this week’s FacePalm moment—something they learned or read about this week that caused the FacePalm to happen (you know, the expression of embarrassment, frustration, disbelief, shock, disgust or mixed humor as depicted in our Rally FacePalm smiley).
We invite you to add your FacePalm of the week to our comments. Go ahead and add a link, tell a personal story, or share something that triggered the FacePalm on the subject of child welfare or adoption.
Your Host’s Selections:
(1) 7 adopted children + 1 biological child in 4 years + movie
Yes, it is National Adoption Month and the praise stories are flowing. http://www.shreveporttimes.com/article/DN/20121104/NEWS06/311040071/Adoption-film-shows-how-Spring-Hill-family-manages-11-children?odyssey=nav%7Chead&nclick_check=1
(2)The quest for (grand)children has gone mad…
Parents request to preserve almost- dead adult teen’s sperm so they could have future grandchildren ends because he dies.
(3)Adoption stopping abortion false premise
http://blog.christianitytoday.com/women/2012/11/why-adoption-is-the-best-way-t.html
Adoption is not a reproductive option. Who parents the child is the second decision.Of course this author was a director of an adoption agency and has an adoption business website that she promotes.
“Adoption can be the ‘Yes!’ witness of Christ as the One who made and loves us all. ” 
(4)Orphan Sunday Theology
http://jacksonville.com/news/metro/2012-11-03/story/such-blessing-4-pastors-orange-park-church-adopted-children
“The Pucketts’ adoption story began with what Stanley Puckett said he and his wife viewed as a theological issue: that life begins at conception. After they attended legislative hearings related to abortion and right-to-life laws, they thought about women who pondered abortion but might reject that option if they knew there was a good home waiting for their unborn child.” See #3
“Over the years talking with other parents, they found no difference between their family life and those of parents with their own children, “other than the way they came home,” he said.” Maybe you need to talk to the adoptees, not the parents. 
(5)Sainting Adoption
and downplaying what is needed to adopt severe special needs children in Bulgaria
http://liveactionnews.org/culture/id-choose-you-a-forgotten-choice-for-life-in-a-world-of-death/
“Adoption is one of the ultimate pictures of life. Adoption reaches into a life condemned, a life hardened or alone or abused, and lifts that life up to the light of love.” 
(6) Andrea Poe gets the Magical Adoption Thinking Award for receiving the most FacePalms for any single person to date
This FacePalm is for supporting the North Korean Refugee Adoption Act. Our coverage of this Act can be read here.
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/andrea-poe/fate-of-north-korean-orph_b_2056382.html
(7)People features Reece’s Rainbow
http://www.people.com/people/article/0,,20639919,00.html
The rainbow mesmerizing continues… 
This PAP casually mentions that she used her daughter’s (!) student loans (!!) to cover some of her adoption (!!!) costs:
“C*** [biodaughter in grad school] contributed grad student loan monies and monies from her work. Gerard and Warren never asked for absolutely anything and even donated a few dollars they had. The refusal by the local homestudy agency in San Diego to approve for two more adoptions before six months from S****’s [adopted son] homecoming determined our move all the way from the southwest to the northeast”.
” [PAP] have always shown all the incredible, unconditional, unique, extraordinary support I have received from my family at all times. They did and do much more than I ever did or do.. Yet, when it comes to rushed, last-minute fundraising, please don’t lose sight of the fact that I’m widowed. Because of how much I owe to my family, including not only the generations before me but also Catherine and the twins, this is a “detail” that sometimes goes unnoticed. Yet, at this moment when time is running out, I ask you please to keep that in mind.
Independently of the seven fundraisers posted in my blog, I OFFER THE FOLLOWING (sorry for capitalizing)—and I’m everything I could give:
FOR A CONTRIBUTION OF $10 OR MORE I OFFER:
– Unlimited legal advice (not exceeding one consultation per day and allowing myself up to four days to reply) for six months on any personal (not corporate) taxation matter, or social security or immigration issue in all states, and/or any civil, family, or bankruptcy matter in California. If I don’t know the answer I promise to do my research.
– Unlimited etiquette consultations (not exceeding one per day and allowing myself up to 48 hours to reply) for six months, including any specific situation, etiquette for children, special needs etiquette, business and professional etiquette, and very formal (galas, meetings with heads of state, diplomatic events)protocol.
– Free online access to my books on etiquette for children, poetry, short stories, and homeschooling.
FOR A CONTRIBUTION OF $20 OR MORE I OFFER:
– The same as above, with the unlimited consultations being for a one-year period.
FOR A CONTRIBUTION OF $30 OR MORE I OFFER:
– The same as above, with the unlimited consultations being for a two-year period.
FOR A CONTRIBUTION OF $50 OR MORE I OFFER:
– The same as above, plus:
– A “My Very Own Story” online book for one of your children. It won’t be just one of those “personalized” books where you can get your child’s name printed as the main character of a pre-set fantastic story. It will be your child’s very own narrative, based upon the child’s past and present—whether reality-based or tailored towards fantasy depending upon the chronological and thought processing age of your child. Having been adopted from a bad orphanage may turn into breaking free from captivity in a dungeon. Having surpassed doctor’s expectations or having accomplished what the medical profession may have deemed unattainable may turn into having defeated a curse from an evil sorcerer or witch. A wheelchair, a walker, or a white cane will be shown as a symbol of enormous moral strength, of super-powers to face adversity that are only given to a few.
FOR A CONTRIBUTION OF $70 OR MORE I OFFER:
– The same as above, with two online book instead of one.
FOR A CONTRTIBUTION OF $100 OR MORE I OFFER:
– The same as above, with one online book for each one of your kids (allowing myself the necessary time to come up with all the books, of course).
It may sound that I’m devaluing the quality of my work for offering so much for so little—but Maximilian and Philip, and the happiness and emotional health of all my children are infinitely more important than my professional pride. Nothing is too little here: everything helps. There is nothing else I can say. And—matching this wonderful grant is not all as I will still have significant overdue fees and hotel expenses that I’ll need to face.
I didn’t want to do this without having the proof of the quality of what I am offering. Yet, once again, there was no time. Over the weekend I’m going to post some of my writings as a new page in my blog.
In the meantime (the deadline for the matching grant is tomorrow at midnight), here are some links you can go to for informational purposes:
Blog
http://themiracleiwitnessed.blogspot.com/“
Yeah, RR is great. Meanwhile, the family they supported adopting 5 sn children at once (while already having many more at home), are now going back for 3 more. Couldn’t even wait a year.
http://godsrainbowsinourlives.blogspot.com
The worst thing is that this godly Christian family is now approved to adopt 3 more unrelated high-needs, special-needs children. For a total of 21 (!!!!) kids at home.
So much for individual attention. The caregiver:kid ratios may well be BETTER in a Bulgarian orphanage.
1) AAI is advertising a short-term mission trip to Ethiopia to work on AAI’s “humanitarian” projects… But makes no mention of the pesky little fact that AAI’s Ethiopian operations are currently suspended!!!
Chris Little and Susan Poisson-Dollar, AAI Board President and former AAI Director of Development respectively, will be leading a short-term volunteer trip to Ethiopia for a maximum of 12 participants. The dates for this year’s trip are February 27 – March 8th, 2013. Chris and Susan have each visited Ethiopia numerous times and also have significant experience hosting volunteer groups both in the U.S. and Ethiopia. They enjoy sharing their love for and knowledge of their “adopted” country with new people. AAI’s in-country staffalso enjoy sharing their knowledge and expertise with visitors.”
“The land cost for the trip is $1400 and includes airport pick-up in Addis, lodging (single occupancy, discount for sharing), transportation and some meals in Addis as well as a donation to Adoption Advocates International’s humanitarian projects in the country”
http://aainews.blogspot.ca/2012/09/normal-0-false-false-false-en-us-x-none.html?m=0
2) PAPs who are not put off in the slightest about the problems with adopting from Ethiopia. This PAP just thrilled to announce they’re on #42 on the waiting list to adopt a baby girl.
(because it’s totally “saving” an orphan when said orphan won’t be born for several years, so you can “pray” for a girl to be given up by her mum):
http://followustoethiopia.blogspot.ca/2012/10/big-news.html?m=0
3) totally distasteful take in maternity photos — PAPs posing with a photo of Russia. Really.
http://soholdfast.blogspot.ca/2012/11/sometimes-its-in-details.html?m=0
Yet another post-adoption fundraiser – for basic dental care. The family adopted the little girl from Ukraine more than a year ago:
http://bringingkatyahome11.blogspot.ca/2012/11/dental-situation-update.html?m=1
Aren’t the USCIS guidelines meant to ensure that a PAP can afford to care for an additional child BEFORE a visa is granted??
I don’t even want to imagine how much pain she’s in. How much pain she’s BEEN. In for more than a year with a mouthful of cavities, plus the need for a root canal.
(My husband once had a dental emergency late on a Saturday night, and the dentist couldn’t see him til Monday morning. Even with a prescription for codeine to help tide him over, it was a miserable 36 hours for a medicated, 44 year old man. The pain. For a year. For an 8 year old. Unimaginable!!).
Dental care is a usual issue that is not covered by a lot of insurance in children from orphanages. USCIS doesn’t really do a check on finances, that is just at the homestudy level. They look at the homestudy and that is that. The questions on insurance do not go deeper than do you have insurance and to produce the policy number-they do not delve into all the specifics covered.
It is not clear if they are using a special needs dentist, but they sure should be and sedation would be one of the first things to figure out at Visit 1.Sad.She should have been sedated and had xrays long ago.
I’ve been following that blog. They COULD get the dental care elsewhere without paying, but they want to work with a local dentist who’s familiar with her and they don’t have to travel for.
I know she had craniosynostocis that they had to have corrected sooner-than-anticipated because the better nutrition caused a brain growth spurt, and she was facing brain damage. Then there were post-surgical problems from the skull surgery that were pretty traumatic.
They seem to be loving conscientious parents, who just got caught up in dealing with her more dramatic medical and educational needs, and put dental work on the back burner. She was adopted as a singleton, and their previous adoption was several years ago, so they’re not “collectors”.
I agree that requiring full dental insurance for ANY adoption outside the U.S. is a good idea. Needing major dental work is pretty common in these cases. And with a developmentally-delayed medically-fragile child, needing sedation to do dental work is also fairly common.
It’s another case where if someone had pointed this out beforehand, the adoptive parents could have purchased a health insurance plan with this kind of coverage in the first place, and they wouldn’t be in this fix now.
In fact, when you know you’re going to be dealing with a kid who’s never been inside a dentist’s office and is already traumatized from being transferred to a new country and family, maybe coverage for sedation dentistry out to be required for all international adoptions!
Thanks for sharing this information. I would like to see extra training and requirements on any PAP who is adopting children with special needs and for it to be specific to the need of the child. It only makes sense. Special needs or sedation dentistry really needs to be part of all international adoption training. I am not sure many dental plans cover all those extras, but they should have to show that they have the funds to take care of those needs.I am not aware of training that covers this particular aspect of postadoption.
Super-biased adoption agency’s perspective on why it is wonderful for Americans to adopt Roma kids from Bulgaria:
“Bulgaria is a Hague country and has implemented a stable and predictable process for international adoption. Children of Roma descent are beautiful and have dark soulful eyes. Families adopting from Bulgaria give the most vulnerable child an opportunity and an improved future. The medicine and health care that is available in the United States makes a world of difference to these children. Often, just the love and attention of a family offer much healing – I often describe it like a flower that is wilting and dying from lack of sunshine and water – and when lovingly tended, the flower thrives and comes in to full bloom!
MLJ Adoptions has a thriving international adoption program in Bulgaria. Four children have come home in the month of October. Is adoption from Bulgaria right for your family? Is there a child out there with special needs that could be the right child for you? I urge you to consider adopting from Bulgaria and I encourage you to consider a special needs adoption. As our CAAC keynote speaker, Heidi Weimer says, “Trade a life of ordinary for a life of extraordinary.”
http://mljadoptions.com/MobileBlog.aspx?articleID=641#ixzz2C4LWo9QM