FacePalm Friday
Welcome to this week’s edition of FacePalm Friday.
This is where your hosts will list their top picks for this week’s FacePalm moment—something they learned or read about this week that caused the FacePalm to happen (you know, the expression of embarrassment, frustration, disbelief, shock, disgust or mixed humor as depicted in our Rally FacePalm smiley).
We invite you to add your FacePalm of the week to our comments. Go ahead and add a link, tell a personal story, or share something that triggered the FacePalm on the subject of child welfare or adoption.
Your Host’s Selections:
(1) Ugandan Independent Adoption Fundraiser
See the article here.
FacePalms # 1-3: the premise that this is just like every other natural parent-child relationship; They can’t even put together 10 grand for an adoption; the child currently is living poorly with 7 other children in a Ugandan foster home and will be soon living poorly with 6 other children in the US.
“The love the Ziolos and Akram have for each other is as strong as any parent/child relationship. There’s just one roadblock keeping them apart — the Ziolos need $10,000 to adopt Akram.
It’s money that, at the moment, the family of eight just doesn’t have.”
#4 Fundraising …for…passports…So far “Jennifer said the family has done several fundraisers and is continuing to ask the community for help.
“We’ve raised about $500 (to) $600, and that’s been put into our passports,”
#5 The PAP went to Uganda on a missionary trip, but really went looking for a child to adopt.
#6 The “international” homestudy would be the LAST thing they do in the process.
(2)Vying for most FacePalm Mentions….MLJ Adoptions
They must have felt the need to up the competition with Andrea Poe, Both Ends Burning and Elizabeth Bartholet because they had 2 FacePalmtastic marketing pieces this week.
The first one was the Top 10 Reasons to Adopt from Ukraine
The “Benefits” are
1. MLJ Adoptions Ukrainian staff is experienced and very knowledgeable.
2. Many children with minor and major special needs are also available in Ukraine.
3. Ukraine’s orphanages are often clean, well staffed, and a psychologist is typically on staff to help with children’s emotional health.
4. Older children understand what is happening in the adoption process and many are excited to have the opportunity to be part of a family.
5. Ukraine’s adoption process is very quick and many can complete an adoption from start to finish in less than a year.
6. Upon receipt of your travel date you are traveling quite soon and therefore, there is not a long wait until you personally meet your referred child.
7. Once you arrive in Ukraine, you receive your referral right away and travel to meet the child or children.
8. Ukrainian children are diverse and beautiful.
9. Adoption costs can be very affordable if you are looking to adopt a sibling group.
10. Unlike many countries, you have the option of adopting a child you have already met.”
The second one was the Top 10 Reasons to Adopt from Nicaragua
“Nicaragua’s adoption authority, Mi Familia, has a staff made up of social workers and attorneys invested in the international adoption process. Their commitment to international adoption is proven in the process they require to ensure families are bonding and attaching.
- Nicaragua’s requirement for adaptation and bonding creates a downtime away from work, responsibilities, and commitments, and provides a strong environment for attachment.
- Nicaragua’s orphanages are clean and well run, and orphanage staff is attentive and dedicated.
- Infant orphanages in Nicaragua are staffed with numerous medical personnel.
- Nicaragua is a beautiful country with a vacation type setting. Beautiful sunshine, pools, beaches, and a relaxed atmosphere lend to the process of bonding with your new child.
- Upon receipt of your referral you are traveling quite soon and therefore, there is not a long wait until you personally meet your referred child.
- Once you arrive in Nicaragua, your child is placed with you right away and the bonding can begin.
- Many children with minor and major special needs are also available in Nicaragua and your process is expedited for special needs children.
- MLJ Adoptions Nicaraguan attorneys are experienced and very knowledgeable in all necessary aspects of the process.
- Children from Nicaragua are diverse and beautiful.”
(3)Adoptive Families Top 10 articles of the year
Especially #10 The Waiting Garden…
The Rest of the FacePalms are from the Russia Ban
(4)The Donaldson Institute using Russia Ban to Fundraise
“To understand just how important the work of the Donaldson Adoption Institute truly is, look no further than today’s headlines:
Putin Says He Will Sign Law Barring U.S. Adoptions”
(5)Two Whoppers Interviewed by Media: Reece’s Rainbow Andrea Roberts and Ranch for Kids Joyce Sterkel
So sickening that we will save your eyes from viewing it. We wouldn’t want our gentle readers to look like this: 
(6)Openly admitting you paid bribes in your Russian adoption and trying to use this story to keep open or re-open adoption
“Several times a month, we wired large sums of money into our Russian adoption coordinator’s New York bank account to cover what no one bothered to call anything except bribes.” 
(7) JCICS has a “survey” to collect PAP info, you know to help the PAP…uh…huh…
They did this during the Haiti earthquake times too.They love starting 
with other groups that also want to collect people’s private information.
(8)Referrals are not guarantees for adoptive placements
Yes, international adoption is a big risk. Always was. Always will be. See here
(9) WACAP Lawyer in Torry Hansen case thought that his fabulous lawsuit would better US-Russia relations and is stunned that it didn’t.
See his arrogance here.
So I was reading about technology advances in between the onslaught of Russia articles and an idea came to mind: Maybe stock in the RoboBoy 
will go up now that Russia has closed?He is grateful, does chores, cheaper than adoption and he won’t have RAD or a birthfamily looking for him. He also is “diverse and beautiful” and he doesn’t need a visa. Oh wait, I forgot…he won’t be a ticket to Heaven. Silly me…he might be hard to fundraise for too…He is soooo cute and precious, though, isn’t he?
Yet another irresponsible RR adoptive parent medically neglecting their child – the Hogelands adopted 2 unrelated girls with special needs via RR in the last six months (having fundraised all adoption costs). The second girl they adopted, D* is presently hospitalized with infected, abscessed teeth the Hogelands cannot afford to fix… and are trying to fundraise the $ to fix her teeth:
https://www.facebook.com/HelpDarcyHogelandGetABeautifulPainFreeSmile?ref=stream
This is appalling medical neglect – the girl must have been in severe pain for weeks/months. A timely trip to the dentist would have avoided this problem. I cannot imagine how much pain this little girl is.
Isn’t USCIS supposed to ensure parents can afford to care for an additional child before issuing a visa for a family to adopt one from abroad??
Incidentally, This is not the first RR family that has ended up with a kid in hospital due to dental neglect – Denise Davis’ allowed this to happen to her adopted son P* earlier this year:
Nachalaadopt.blogspot.com/2012/05/patrick-and-update-on-medical.html?m=1
Latest according to the Hogelad’s public post is the poor kid is likely in hospital until January 10!!
Yep, it looks like all parents intent on adopting special needs kids internationally should make sure that the health plan they purchase covers sedation dentistry!
‘Spose we can get Reese’s Rainbow to include this information on their websites, citing Darcy and Katya’s plight? However, given the fact they tell new parents “…Your family must carry private health insurance (Medicaid for your other children does not count, it must be a private carrier that will allow your newly adopted child to be added and eligible for services on the date the adoption is final)…”, financial responsibility isn’t a key part of their “adoption ministry”
BTW, on RR’s ‘New Family Info’ page, they tell PAPs “…Consider any mental health issues that you have, including even minor depression, anxiety, post-partum depression, ADHD, bi-polar, suicidal thoughts, etc. Backgrounds such as these do not automatically disqualify you to adopt, but it is crucial that you share this information upfront to help us best guide you through the process. If you have a *current* diagnosis of any of these and are on medication for them, please also share that confidentially upfront…”
If bi-polar, suicidal parents are adopting special needs kids, is it any wonder that there’s so much child abuse and disruption in international adoption?
It’s straight-up medical neglect, plain and simple. There is NO excuse for landing a kid in hospital withal ripe abscessed teeth. Or for having adult teeth removed, instead of say, getting a root canal and antibiotics.
It also cannot possibly a surprise that a kid from an orphanage is likely to need a LOT of dental care. Especially since both the Darcy and Katya’s families had previously adopted a kid from similar circumstances who -shocker- required extensive dental work immediately.
Sad that she has had abscesses for 2+ months. Looks like insurance will pay $1000 for the surgery, so they do have dental insurance. That leaves $5K out of pocket. Most dental insurance plans don’t cover this kind of stuff, which is why homestudies are supposed to assess *income and assets* appropriately. In the case of adopting special needs kids, dental out-of-pocket costs should be part of the analysis. I think a portion of the blame needs to be again placed on all of the agencies involved with the adoption.
Every adoptive parent and PAP and SW approving PAPs needs to read about sedation dentistry. An easy to read website discussing all of this is at http://www.sedationdentistry4u.com/sedation-dentistry.htm
This website is another must read: http://www.1dental.com/articles/dental/affordable-dental-payment/ discusses how to ask your dental office to spread out payment and third party financing options. They may not qualify if they don’t have the assets
Apparently CPS is now involved with the Hogelands:
http://6littlehogelands.blogspot.ca/2013/01/this-is-good-bye.html?m=0
And in response, the Hogelands are closing their blog, lest they be reported to CPS again– along with wondering how anyone could be so cruel to let the state know they had a child who needed care they couldn’t afford. It doesn’t seem to occur to them that “Hey– social services may be able to help GET DARCY THE DENTAL TREATMENT SHE NEEDS, because heaven knows we can’t pay for it. And meeting Darcy’s needs is far more important than our pride.”
I don’t think the Hogelands should lose custody of Darcy, unless the investigation finds abuse. Isn’t it the principle of “child centered placement” that no child should be removed from a non-abusive home? Instead, I think they should offer the Hogelands access to the financial resources needed, whether it’s getting her a medicaid card or intervening with the dentist to negotiate a payment schedule with the Hogelands for paying off the account qradually, AFTER Darcy’s been taken care of.
Oh, and let USCIS know not to clear the Hogelands for international adoption again without making VERY sure that the current situation has changed, and they truly ARE able to support any future children they adopt without needing to start a Facebook fundraising page for predictable medical expenses.
At least social services 1) means someone, somewhere saw the kid and was worried enough about the girl’s health to alert the authorities and 2) the authorities are now aware there could be a problem. Hopefully the kid can get her teeth fixed ASAP.
The Hogeland family was even trying to get themselves on Extreme Home Makeover a few months back (the page was taken down but you can see it cached by googling Hogeland Extreme Home Makeover) – they noted they’re a family of 8 on an income of $44k and living in a structurally unsound house they can’t afford to fix. Oh, and that both parents have drug/alcohol-related arrests from a while back.
Carlee,
I’ve looked through the Hogeland’s blog– apparently they DO have dental insurance, but the provider wouldn’t cover sedation dentistry in Darcy’s case on the grounds it wasn’t a sudden traumatic injury.
I wrote a note to her blog. It’ll be interesting to see if she posts it. I figure the only way we’ll see any change in the “adoption ministry” insanity is by opening a dialogue.
It was still weeks and weeks of the poor kid being in pain while the Hogelands (friends of the Hogelands?) tried to raise the $$ to pay for the sedation. The girl was in and out of hospital multiple times before she finally got her teeth fixed. Given that 1) it is well-established that a newly adopted Ukrainian kid will likely need a ton of dental work and 2) the family adopted Eva (also from Ukraine) a less than six months earlier, it is inexcusable that Darcy was left in so.much.pain for so long. But maybe that’s just me?? Why didn’t they plan for it??
(It may just be that family’s attempt to get themselves on Extreme Home Makeover noted that the family of 8 lives on $44k/yr gross income; had donations to cover the cost of the sedation not been received, how much longer would Darcy NOT have had surgery? ie since it would have taken months for her parents to save the $$ themselves).
I’m interested to see if they publish your comment too.
So far Kate Hogeland hasn’t posted my comment.
BTW, according to the U.S. government, the 2012 poverty line for a family of eight is $38,890 a year. According to USCIS international adoption requirements, the Hogelands should have an income at 125% of the poverty level, or $48,612. So… How did the Hogelands get approval to adopt Darcy in the first place?
USCIS does not cross-check the information on the homestudy, so income is whatever the homestudy agent puts on there. This is why there needs to be standardized training of social workers and accountability of social workers. There have been discussions on adoptive parent boards about how to word income responses to avoid being denied.
Astrin – The Hogelands adopted 2 kids last year — going from a household of 6 (USCIS minimum of $38,712) to 7 when they adopted Eva; then from 7 (USCIS minimum of $43,662) to 8. The family technically met the minimum income requirements.
What was the unpublished comment you left on the family’s blog?? Can you post it here??
Rally – USCIS seems to hand out waivers to the minimum income requirements on a regular basis. The Musser family (household of 12), income WAY below 125% of poverty line, were told that INCOME can include stuff like “equity in the home, value of the vehicles and other items of value the family may own, and money in savings and investments.”
http://theblessingofverity.com/2012/08/god-of-wonders/
(I do have to add that I’m seriously impressed that EIGHT people can live on an income of $44K a year. I like to think I’m pretty good with money, but I made $48K my first year out of college, to support myself and my 12 lb daschund, in NYC, and after rent/student loan/dog food money was SO TIGHT. Blows my mind that EIGHT made do on way less than that amount of $$).
Wow home equity and vehicle value is now “income”? That is scary!
Carlee,
I checked my “crash” file– apparently I didn’t save the post. 🙁
As I recall, I told her I’d discussed the case on an adoption reform forum, and the suggested reform was to make sure PAPs know that they need sedation dentistry coverage, not report parents to CPS for medical neglect.
In recognition of their insurance provider’s denial, I added that getting it in writing from the insurance provider before the adoption might also be a good idea.
I also pointed out the discrepancy between the claim “it’s possible for people of modest income to adopt special needs kids internationally” and the fact they were reduced to panhandling to cover Darcy’s dental surgery. I’m pretty sure I didn’t use the term “panhandling” though.
Nor did I raise the issue of “funding” the adoption itself through donations. I figured it was shocking enough to an adoption ministry devotee to question ANY fundraising.
Rally and Carlee,
Thanks for the info. That the USCIS doesn’t even check is disheartening. Doesn’t the apostille mean anything?
Carlee’s New York City experience shows another weakness in the system. How do officials in another country know how to evaluate income in relation to American cost of living? This varies A LOT depending on where you live. It can be confusing to American job seekers evaluating different employment offers, and we’re familiar with the currency!
Also, Europeans may not realize that for many Americans, selling the car that’s listed as a glittering “asset” in case of financial need is a practical impossibility. Unless you live in a city with great public transport, APs need a car. Nor is trading down from their pricy minivan for cheaper transportation an option for large families. In order to comply with seatbelt regs, you basically need a minivan or SUV if you have more than three children.
Astrin,
The homestudy agent is supposed to look at proof of your assets, income. Then the homestudy is written and the PAP gets it notarized. Then the apostille verifies that the notary signature is in fact legit, but it does not verify the actual content of the homestudy. USCIS looks to see if everything is in order but doesn’t verify content. So it is sort of like a house of cards with the first weakness at the foot of the social worker. A PAP in the foreign court would be asked questions about the homestudy under oath so one would hope that they are telling the truth.Of course lies and corruption can be at any point in the process but the best place to catch it would be at the beginning with the homestudy, IMO.
The fact that the PAPs independently commission and pay for the homestudy makes me wonder if there’s some pressure for the agents to approve the PAPs, short of obvious disqualifications. Having learned so much recently about home study shopping raises the possibility that if an agency gets a reputation for being stringent about requirements, word of mouth will lead to reduced requests for its services while PAPs flock to more “adoption friendly” home study agencies.
BTW, I remember picking up an adoption memoir book in a library several years back, and in leafing through it, read that the father went livid when he and his wife weren’t approved for adoption after the homestudy, and spent hours on the phone badgering the head of the agency to find out why. As per the policy the PAP had already signed, the director refused to tell him this but did agree to give him his money back (though again the signed policy told the PAPs this wouldn’t happen).
I wasn’t inspired to read the book from this, so I put it back on the shelf, marveling that the PAP didn’t realize that his wrathful reaction to being thwarted might indicate that the agency’s denial was for sound reason. I think it may have been ‘The Story of David’ by Dion Howells, but I’m not sure, especially since none of the critical reviews of the book mentioned this incident. Do you have any idea which book I encountered, or am I just hallucinating this memory? ;-D