FacePalm Friday
Welcome to this week’s edition of FacePalm Friday.
This is where your hosts will list their top picks for this week’s FacePalm moment—something they learned or read about this week that caused the FacePalm to happen (you know, the expression of embarrassment, frustration, disbelief, shock, disgust or mixed humor as depicted in our Rally FacePalm smiley).
We invite you to add your FacePalm of the week to our comments. Go ahead and add a link, tell a personal story, or share something that triggered the FacePalm on the subject of child welfare or adoption.
Your Host’s Selections:
(1) £750,000 Grant to place 17 children
£44,000 per child! The focus is always on placing the kids, not on services for original families. 
East Yorkshire receives £750,000 adoption boost
[York Press 5/25/13]
(2) College Basketball Coach with two unrelated foster children under 18 months also gets custody of newborn from Safe Haven case
MmmmHmmmmm….
Adoption dream may come true for UNO’s Slessinger, wife 
[Sports NOLA 5/23/13 by Brain Allen-Walsh]
(3)Blindside Mom to Get Reality TV Show about Adoption
‘Blind Side’ mom turns spotlight on foster care and adoption with new reality TV show
[NewsOK.com 5/27/13 by Carla Hinton]
On the Gospel Music Channel which will soon change its name to Uplifting Entertainment (UP)
UP? This makes me want to 
(4) Dolphin-Assisted Birth
People will believe anything…
they will probably adopt using CCI next as they have the mooching off of friends and family part down already…
Heading to Hawaii for dolphin-assisted birth
[Charlotte Observer 5/24/13 by Courtney McLaughlin]
(5)This week’s fundraising media piece-Uganda
“She said they began working with the agency in January, and were matched with a little girl living in an orphanage in late February.”
““We know that this is our daughter and we just trust that God is going to provide the money in the right amount of time,” Alison said.
She said the total cost will be about $30,000.
The June 1 fundraiser will include a barbecue, live music, activities for children, a silent auction and door prizes. The cost is $12 for adults and $8 for children.
Alison Sandridge said the fundraiser is also a way to raise awareness of international adoption and for people to support the cause even if they, themselves, don’t feel the call to adopt.
Adoption may not be right for all families, “but they can help other people bring a child into their home,” she said.”
Fundraiser to help couple adopting from Uganda
[Jackson Progress 5/28/13 by Michael Davis]
(6) My Paper Pregnancy Journal
“uniquely uses the stages of pregnancy to help you go through your adoption journey:
First Trimester:
- Conception (when your adoption journey begins)
- Expecting (when you are researching what kind of adoption you want to pursue)
- Heartbeat (begin to wait)
Second Trimester:
- False contractions (bumps in the road and setbacks – anything that causes you to worry or grieve)
- Bed Rest (if you have a long wait time)
Third Trimester:
- Contractions (you are matched!)
- Labor (final waiting time – for placement)
- Delivery (placement – bring your baby home!)”
[Infant Adoption Guide 5/27/13]
The book is supposed to be a “treasure” 
I think they are confused. The agencies get the treasure. Adoption is some costly kind of paper
(7) Precious.org and CCI again
You would think Sue Hedberg 
owns it, but instead it is a pastor whose church has half its congregation as adoptive parents. I told you adoption is a religion! 
See http://www.precious.org/about_fam
Are you called to be a FOREVER Family to a child…maybe two?
(8) Exploring the Adoption Adventure
IFS is holding a conference call that Precious.org is promoting: http://www.precious.org/event_details?event_id=22
Ah! Exploring! 
What will they see when they look at their agency? 
(9) Instant Mom again
We already facepalmed Nia Vardalos on her its-all-about-me-and-my-infertility book. Now she is touring (see here ) and explains how she “has also been wearing various trinkets for sale in magazine ads and other public venues in order to raise money for a group called Help Us Adopt. “They give grants to people to help defray the costs associated with adoption,” she says. “I have an event in Los Angeles where I am modeling jewelry for that group. In People’s StyleWatch, there is an ad where I modeled jewelry—and I just like to say ‘model’ as many times as I can.”
Nia is on the Board of Directors of this group that was founded by domestic adoptive parents. They sell jewelry with “helpusadopt” beads.
The founders history is TMI http://www.helpusadopt.org/five_year.html and gushes about the “birthmother.” They explain why they have this organization
“We dedicate Helpusadopt.org to the countless parents waiting to adopt and to the thousands of birthparents selfless enough to let us adopt your children.”
It’s all about the children, isn’t it? 
What gets me about the foster/adopt reality show is this quote:
“…Tuohy said the show does not try to sugarcoat some of the rough spots encountered when families welcome a new member into their fold. She said the process isn’t easy, but raising biological children isn’t either….”
Um, I was under the impression that older child adoption was rife with issues which made it significantly MORE difficult than adding a child by birth. Isn’t it irresponsible to imply that they’re on a par with each other, and that with good will and hard work, ANY family can manage adopting a kid with PTSD and/or brain damage?
Also, how are they going to maintain confidentiality for the birthparents, while doing a REALITY SHOW? Isn’t this an ethics violation from the get-go?
Re: Help Us Adopt– Why not just find– or found– an ethical not-for-profit adoption agency and fund their operating costs 100% by charitable donations, so there’s no need to charge PAPs ANY additional fees? All the PAPs would have to do is pass a home study showing that they’re financially– and psychologically– able to care for kids. And the financing is completely transparent, as is the dissolution and surrender rate.
Plus, all financial assistance and counseling offered to birthparents is funded by these same charitable donations, and is honestly no-strings-attached, regardless of whether the birthmothers “selfishly” decide to keep their children or not. There is no bias towards adoptions, only in seeing that each child is raised in a loving, stable family, regardless of religious beliefs.
BWHAHAHAHA! Yeah, I know adoption agency execs couldn’t get their cushy salary and benefits packages if they operated like THAT. Nor could Christian Patriarchy members increase their religious market share in the next generation by co-opting as many of their “competitors” children as possible. But hey, I can dream, can’t I? ;-D
The other reason to keep a journal of your adoption is in case you end up suing your agency.
Yet another Reeces Rainbow family that is gonna travel within 48 hrs, is $16k short (which won’t stop ’em) and is having others beg for cash from strangers on their behalf:
http://covenantbuilders.blogspot.com/2013/06/two-days.html
Has there ever been a case yet when these desperate PAPs didn’t wind up getting rescued by the kindness of strangers in the end? These last-minute emergency pleas do seem to draw in the donations better than families who still have months to go before their travel date.
I wonder what would happen if PAPs didn’t wind up getting bailed out for once? I can’t think the judges in the sending country would be at all happy if they discovered that the PAPs they’d just found qualified to adopt one of their nation’s children DIDN’T in fact have the necessary money to complete the adoption, even though they’d been certified as financially stable by an American home study!
BTW, something odd has happened to the ‘Let’s Fill the Van!’ families newest prospective adoptee “Felicity” (known on the RR site as Safiya). According to her RR listing, the $2,000+ available towards her adoption is missing, and her description states “…Because we only have this child’s file for a short time, she will not be able to receive donations until a family is found for her…”
http://reecesrainbow.org/57512/safiya
Now, the Johnson’s still claim to be adopting her on their blog, so maybe this is just a glitch in RR’s programming. However, it DOES seem odd that her description states that she’s an essentially-healthy toddler with minor physical defects. Why is a child with such minor issues listed on Reese’s Rainbow? Wouldn’t she be unavailable for international adoption until she’s at least five years old?
Homestudy shopping vs *waiting* 9 mos after welcoming a new family member (ie responsible agencies tell you to come back next year):
http://danielandmae.blogspot.com/2013/06/adoption-update-6413.html
You forgot to add the fundraising part and the part about not having a vehicle large enough nor the money to buy a larger vehicle!
Or the fact that these folks seem to be under the impression there are tons of healthy African American and biracial newborn babies in the US, in desperate need of adoption by woefully underprepared folks such as these!
And they’re claiming that God is asking them to adopt “…an African American or biracial infant from the U.S. (a need we previously didn’t know existed)…”
“God” seems peculiarly misinformed, then. While Healthy White Newborns remain the PAP gold standard, healthy infants of ANY race are avidly vied for; there’s quite a long waiting list of PAPs ready to jump at any such referral.
Yet they have the gall to beg for people to donate money for them to adopt a child who’d have no problem finding a family without them! Couldn’t that money be better applied where there’s real need?