FacePalm Friday
Welcome to this week’s edition of FacePalm Friday.
This is where your hosts will list their top picks for this week’s FacePalm moment—something they learned or read about this week that caused the FacePalm to happen (you know, the expression of embarrassment, frustration, disbelief, shock, disgust or mixed humor as depicted in our Rally FacePalm smiley).
We invite you to add your FacePalm of the week to our comments. Go ahead and add a link, tell a personal story, or share something that triggered the FacePalm on the subject of child welfare or adoption.
Your Host’s Selections:
(1) Hosting healthy Chinese children who have poor families for summer for adoption
How does this follow Hague? Why does the Chinese government and US government allow these visas and this hosting to continue? 
(2) Leaders of Christian Adoption Movement claim they are working to prevent corruption
Eager to Adopt, Evangelicals Find Perils Abroad [New York Times 5/31/13 by Erik Eckholm]
Besides the article title and the One World Adoption Services debacle in Congo story that anyone who Googled for 5 minutes could have avoided :
“Leaders of the adoption movement respond that such lapses are uncommon.
Jedd Medefind, president of the nine-year old Christian Alliance for Orphans, said that the maturing movement was acting to prevent abuses and help orphans in their home countries.
Many panels at the alliance’s latest “summit,” held in May in a Baptist megachurch outside Nashville and attended by 2,500 people, focused on the need for churches to provide postadoption support, particularly as more families adopt older children with physical or emotional problems.
In their work abroad, he said, more churches are supporting family preservation efforts and indigenous adoption. Rick Warren’s Saddleback Church in Southern California, for example, has won praise in Rwanda, a country hoping to close down orphanages, for working to keep children with their relatives and aiding poor families.
At the Nashville meeting, Susan S. Jacobs, the State Department’s special adviser for children’s issues, said some problems have been eased by the Hague Convention on adoption. But a number of countries, including Congo, have not signed it.
Bill Blacquiere, the president of Bethany Christian Services, condemned adoption-agency payments to orphanages that are tied to the number of children they refer, which he said “opens the door to trafficking.””
Oh please! Do you really expect us to 
and believe these lies!
(3) Hat tip to a reader on this Bethany Fundraiser
Hocking ultrasound paintings to cover fees Parent hopeful paints pictures for adoption fundraiser [Dalton Daily Citizen 5/31/13 by Rachel Brown]
“Chemotherapy and radiation treatments to address a recurrence of the leukemia she battled during most of her teen years left her unable to bear children. The couple want to adopt, but they can’t yet afford the minimum $10,000 just to cover the initial paperwork, home visits and mandatory preparations to be considered for parenthood.
So Heidi Ingle is offering her services as an artist to the cause. 
The owner of Heartworks on Waugh Street in Dalton, she teaches art classes and paints. For the fundraiser, she’s inviting anyone to order paintings of ultrasounds or a variety of other gifts online at www.igg.me/at/paintforadoption.com through June 13.
There, individuals can contribute anywhere from $10 for a personal handwritten “thank you” letter from the couple to $1,000 for a 36-inch by 36-inch 2D or 3D custom hand-painted ultrasound painting plus a framed 4-inch by 6-inch picture along with the buyer’s information and color of their choice”
Here is an idea, start putting YOUR money in the 
. Stop feeling entitled to getting a baby on YOUR timeline! 
(4) Hat tip to a reader on Likening Waiting PAPs prepping home to God preparing space in heaven 
Much like hopeful parents awaiting adoption, God has loving home prepared for us [Island Packet 5/31/13 by Alison Griswold]
“When Jimmy and Sarah observed that water-ski lesson last year, they were already thinking about the life and love they would share with their son. In the same way, God desires a life with us here on earth and has prepared a home for us in heaven. 
We are his children, and Jimmy and Sarah’s story (and the countless ones like theirs) is a reminder of how much God loves us.” 
(5)Romanian Soccer Player Wanting to adopt Chinese Baby stuck in sewer pipe
Romanian Soccer Player Wants To Adopt Abandoned Chinese Baby in Sewer Pipe [International Business Times 5/31/13 by Michelle FlorCruz]
” “I couldn’t figure out how to carry on living, how to eat my breakfast when I saw this story on TV. He’s a special child,” he said. “When I saw the baby I said, ‘I must adopt him, he has been sent to me by God.’” 
Actually the family is taking care of the child. The child does not need adoption, but many Romanian children DO need adoption. Why not look there?
(6)CrowdSourcing Adoptions
How about attacking the cost of adoption instead of helping to line the pockets of the industry? 
Crowdsourcing Adoptions {World Magazine 5/31/13 by Angela Lu]
(7)IFS claims to fight 
corruption in new Precious.org post
http://precious.org/articles?id=294
Maybe people need to read PoundPupLegacy some more. Here is just one of the gems 
on IFS http://poundpuplegacy.org/node/28284
(8) Blindside mom shows true colors 
Exclusive Interview: ‘The Blind Side’s’ Leigh Anne Tuohy on Her New Adoption Reality TV Show ‘Family Addition’ [Reel Life with Jane 6/4/13 by Melanie Votaw]
“Tuohy is a force of nature who is very passionate about helping kids” Really?
First of all she is talking about families sleeping in cars 
and relating that to adoption…What does that have to do with adoption?
Secondly, she is talking about domestic adoption and costs which is what she wants to “reform” It turns out. Her organization FACILITATES domestic adoptions: “We call ourselves the last line of defense. We had a couple that was trying to adopt a child. It had all been worked out, and all of a sudden, the mother went into early delivery. She was on the west coast. We got a call at 11:00 at night, and they said, “She’s going to give this baby 
to someone else. This couple’s gotta have $1,900 to pay the hospital bill because someone else has got it.” And the Foundation wrote the check…. We facilitate a lot of adoptions. That’s not all we do, but it’s a lot of what we do.”
(9)Incoherent Bethany Response to Kathryn Joyce’s book The Child Catchers
Bethany: Most adoption agencies committed to families, not just children [One News Now 6/5/13 by Charlie Butts]
Still trying to market that they are mostly for family preservation.
“We want to focus on children who need families, and we spend a lot of our time working with families to keep them together,” Blacquiere tells OneNewsNow, explaining that Bethany may arrange adoptions of 75 to 90 children in a country overseas. [Say What? 75 to 90?]
Meanwhile, he says, “we’re literally sponsoring thousands of families so they can keep their child.”
In other words, adoption is only a small part of Bethany’s mission.
“We see adoption as one part of the continuum of providing care for children who need help,” Blacquiere explains, “and we should only adopt those children out who need a family, and don’t have a mother and a father and don’t have extended family to care for them.”
Blacquiere does not dispute Joyce’s findings in The Child Catchers, but he adds that Bethany and most Christian adoption agencies do what is right.”
Like isolating pregnant women 
in maternity centers so they will relinquish?
(10) Bethany’s advice for teen adoptees searching
http://www.bethanylifelines.org/adoptees/adoption-at-different-ages/#teenadoption
They don’t want adoptees’ information on the internet because….birthparents may find them 
!
“Our Small World
Thanks to technology, the world is becoming smaller. Social media networks make it easier to find birth-families, and international adoptees are finding their birth-families. These days, if there’s a will, there’s a way.
Be aware that the search can work the other way too. Pictures and information posted on Facebook can go viral. Birth-parents worldwide are beginning to search for their children and are finding their children online. I urge families to keep this in mind when they post personal images and information on the Internet.”
Advice when teen wants to search..contact adoption agency!
“In summary, I suggest that you acknowledge and embrace your child’s desire to search. Don’t push her and don’t prevent her from searching. You may want to say something like this: “Here’s the name and phone number of agency we adopted you from. I called them about your wanting to search and here’s the name of the person you need to contact when you’re ready.” Assist your child with the search at the appropriate time, but don’t do it for her.”
Where is there any LAW that someone under age 18 CANNOT search?
“For Adoptive Parents
• Keep in mind that your daughter cannot legally initiate a search until she turns 18, but she can prepare now.”
Again,where is there any LAW that someone under age 18 CANNOT search? and guaranteed sorrow?
“For Adoptees
• Discuss your desire with your parents.
• Remember, you have to be 18 years old to legally search for your birthfamily.
• You will benefit from meeting other adoptees who have searched and found their birthfamilies. Make sure you do this as part of your plan.
• Remember, not all searches and reunions have a “happy ending.”
• Searching will involve a lot of emotion: there’s a lot of joy and a lot of sorrow.
• Once you open the relationship with your birthparents, you can’t close it.”
Yes children, remember to contact the adoption cops so they can be in control of you at all times!
(11)Creating a Family and Ethics
http://www.creatingafamily.org/blog/ethics-of-international-adoption-the-orphan-care-movement/
Besides trying to put herself above everyone as if she herself came up with Family Preservation “Ever since I wrote that blog on the challenges
of the orphan care movement last month, everywhere I look I see others with a similar sentiment.” before referencing KJ, she focuses on Jen Hatmaker and Jedd Medefind.
Because taking money from adoption agencies to fund your show is not a conflict of interest! 
(12)The Dark Matter of Love movie screening in Russia
Oh yes, I am sure Putin will change his mind when he see this! And while you are at it, go ride your 
in that fantasyland you live in!
(13)Andrea Poe gives Stuck another Outlet 
You won’t be shocked by the drivel from this snake-oil salesman 
(14)Chosen with Purpose self-published book
Hoping to “humanize” adoptions? Oh good! I only thought 
were adopted! “I wanted to present a well-rounded view of adoption, but at the end of the day, I relied on the Bible to provide greater insight about adoption. After all, it says in Romans 8:23 that adoption was originally God’s idea.”” [Really? Coercion and trafficking in modern day adoption ORIGINATED with God? That is some scary God you have!
]
““In addition, I have integrated adoption statistics, university studies, the Bible and insight gained through discussions with pastors.””
(15)Both Ends Burning Mug that you should buy for your whole office?
https://bothendsburning.org/store/beb-mug/
Crabbina says, “The only mug I want to see is Craig’s on a police blotter for aiding and abetting trafficking.” 
Rally is still laughing ! 
(16) This week’s Fundraising media article-Ukraine
Can’t use his real name but the journalist doesn’t question why that would be? 
Because there is no preselection, perhaps?
http://www.wrcbtv.com/story/22534462/chattanooga-familys
“For now, his name is Bowen. His real name cannot be used during the adoption process.”
And this part REALLY REALLY creeps me out 
about the homemade prosthetics for the boy who is missing hands and feet: “Ezra, an engineer by trade, has helped design homemade prosthetics for Bowen, who has adapted rapidly.
“He has quite a personality,” Ezra said. “He knows what he wants and he can let us know with his gestures. We have set him up with some store-bought, homemade prosthetics made up of a potholder, a wooden spoon, badminton birdies, string, duct tape and rubber bands. It cost about three dollars.” [What in the 
are you doing with this child? Homemade prosthetics?
] Meanwhile for 3 weeks, they’ve been in Ukraine, dealing with government officials and doctors. It’s just the first step in the lengthy adoption process, that hinges on a successful court hearing. [Maybe the court should hear about your homemade prosthetics!]
Fundraising and the part about local Ukrainians FUNDING their adoption?
“The expensive quest has been funded in part by donations from friends. In Ukraine, much of their living expenses have been taken care of by local citizens, who saw their story on national television. They’re confident they’ll be able to bring Bowen home soon, uniting him with a family overflowing with love” [No, he needs REAL prosthetics and since the locals are funding things, why don’t they adopt?] 
It turns out that the lovely Shelly Burman (aka ex-RR momma who failed to tell the social worker doing her new homestudy that her family was being investigated by CPS or that her family had adopted yet another baby with SN) has been approved by USCIS to adopt *three* more unrelated kids with severe SN from Ukraine:
“… facilitator has indeed correctly submitted our petition for the children who are known as Nolan, Paige, and Lauren on the website of Reece’s Rainbow”.
Despite the fact that it is illegal to pre-identify Ukrainian kids:
Theadoptionspotlight.wordpress.com/2013/06/05/serge-zevlever-andrea-roberts-man-in-ukraine/
She also alleges that RR violated her family’s confidentiality in a variety of ways:
“Now RR spent ridiculous time and money (which has come from what fund I wonder?) to go so far as to contact my social worker’s HR department for which she works at as her primary employment to leave a message, not saying “please have her call us” but instead left details about our family and our adoption. This was a message. Why did the secretary of this company need or even want to know about our family or our adoption. BREACH OF CONFIDENTIALITY. RR then continued with sending a letter to my social worker at her place of employment feeling the need to notify her that our family may be illegally using her name to write a letter of approval saying we can adopt our children. And that they don’t know why we would have this letter sent when RR has a specific form to be used and why she didn’t use it. First of all, my sw did sign and turn in their form after an email stating we didn’t originally use that form bc it was a preapproval form and since we already had home study complete we just had our social worker send a note saying she approved us. The letter goes on to say that RR feels the need to tell my sw that we had a “failed” adoption and never paid that money back. Once again, is RR an agency or a ministry?! Unlike some people in the adoption world, our home study has complete disclosure of our adoption history not to mention the fact that my social worker has been involved with our family’s adoptions for a few years”
http://carringtonscourage.blogspot.com/2013/06/burden-of-proof.html
Carlee,
Aside from Shelley Burman’s own wrongdoings, I’ve been trying to find out if a 501c3 charity can demand that a private citizen repay charitable largesse if the recipient was unable to use it for the intended purpose. I haven’t been able to discover an answer yet online.
I DID discover that Reese’s Rainbow is NOT listed with the Better Business Bureau. By that, I don’t mean simply that Reese’s Rainbow doesn’t meet their standards for Charity Accountability; I mean that the BBB doesn’t seem to know that the 501c3 organization known as “Reese’s Rainbow” exists to give it ANY rating, positive or negative.
The BBB has a link for requesting a currently-unlisted charity be evaluated, and states that “…we decide which charities to evaluate based upon inquiries from the public…” Anyone else think it would be a good idea to ask? ;-D
http://charityreports.bbb.org/public/inquire/Default.aspx?BureauID=9999
Does Ukraine allow adoptions by singles?
The Department of State regulations say that only married couples may adopt from Ukraine. See http://adoption.state.gov/country_information/country_specific_info.php?country-select=ukraine But who knows what waivers they give these days.
I cannot believe a social worker and USCIS approved this single mom to FOURTEEN kids to adopt yet another high needs SN kiddo:
“Why did this adoption come with so many low points? I can give some practical reasons, I’m a single mom, an older single mom, with an unusual income stream, with 14 adopted kids still at home, with two kids who turned 18 during this process which then required re-do’s of paperwork to consider them as adults in the household, which includes background checks, finger prints, etc. But ultimately I don’t know why God has had her sit in the orphanage for 10 months since I’ve seen her. I don’t know what His plan is that kept us apart for so long. But whatever His reason, things are now starting to move along.
When will I get to bring her home? That is still the question in my heart. In 42 days it will be one year since I kissed her goodbye. And still she waits.”
http://gathermychildren.blogspot.com/2013/04/update-on-kolina-finally-movement-on.html
Those who advocate for “orphan tourism” – because it’s a smashing idea to let random, non-vetted people snuggle small children unsupervised:
“Tomorrrow Ryan, Molly and I head to Rwanda. We are so blessed to have the opportunity to take loved ones with us. Our time isn’t long but every minute has been given a lot of thought and we are there with one intention: to love on kids who will probably never have an earthly family.
A lot of people don’t get it.
“So you aren’t, like, building a school or something?” Nope, no building. No medical work. Our job is to hold children that never get held. Listen to kids that have something to say. Pray for the mostly forgotten and forsaken.
“It seems like that would just hurt those kids to give them attention and then leave them” My scientific method, backed by years and years of research in child development, tells us that infants that get skin-to-skin contact for just an hour are healthier than children who aren’t. There is no price to place on giving a child touch. The alternative, ignoring the 210 million orphans is worse.”
http://higginsadoption.blogspot.com/2013/06/away-we-go.html
Ick! “Never have an earthly family” Unbelievable that they always assume that not only will the children not be reunited with any part of their family or adopted but these children will not grow up and get married and have a family that way.
Name,
Re: “… My scientific method, backed by years and years of research in child development, tells us that infants that get skin-to-skin contact for just an hour are healthier than children who aren’t…”
Since I doubt there’s been any peer-reviewed research on voluntourism, I wonder what scientific studies this PAP is butchering to justify this conclusion?
If I had to guess, they’re probably citing research on “kangaroo care” by the biological parents for preemies in NICU. These research results can’t be assumed to apply to westerners eager to “love on” small children in orphanages, the majority of whom undoubtedly have been cuddled by parents, relatives, or other caregivers for at least an hour BEFORE the “hug bus” pulled up in the orphanage parking lot.
Letting people who HAVEN’T been through a background check grope kids who don’t have the psychological or verbal ability to identify and protest inappropriate touch makes MY skin crawl as well.
Fundraising to adopt a Russian child, despite the ban on adoption from Russia:
http://www.youcaring.com/adoption-fundraiser/we-can-save-baby-n/64303