FacePalm Friday
Welcome to this week’s edition of FacePalm Friday.
This is where your hosts will list their top picks for this week’s FacePalm moment—something they learned or read about this week that caused the FacePalm to happen (you know, the expression of embarrassment, frustration, disbelief, shock, disgust or mixed humor as depicted in our Rally FacePalm smiley).
We invite you to add your FacePalm of the week to our comments. Go ahead and add a link, tell a personal story, or share something that triggered the FacePalm on the subject of child welfare or adoption.
Your Host’s Selections:
(1) The Strawman Blog
http://childrendeservefamilies.com/ This blogger is a lawyer who just happens to offer international adoption services and is in the process of adopting.
You will need an for the
that she serves up on the blog. Posts like “Why “adoption ethics” is a bad word” where she idiotically states that “no data or evidence has ever supported the contention that true adoption fraud is anything but a tiny number of adoption cases”Apparently she has never heard of Guatemala, Nepal, Vietnam and the many other countries in which large numbers of cases had fraud. Guatemala at 80% fraud and Nepal at 90% fraud. I would not classify that as “tiny” numbers. 
(2)Collector family praise for the lightning-quick 
5-sibling referred adoption from Ukraine
“‘Well, if you want to adopt five girls you could go tomorrow.’ We just kind of all laughed about it, so we hung up the phone,” Luke said. “My husband said, ‘Well, who’s going to adopt five girls?’ And I said, ‘Probably nobody,’ and he said, ‘We should.’ I said OK and that was it — we phoned the adoption agency back and said we’d take the five girls.”
“Because their paperwork had been completed for only up to two adoptions, Dave Luke spent the next day waiting for a chance to change their paperwork to allow five adoptions.
With no appointment having been made, Dave Luke was forced to wait the entire day for an opening.
“He felt like we had to go right away, that we should hurry to go get these girls,” Lee-Ann Luke said. “That’s why he was trying to push everything as fast as he could.”
The paperwork was completed on a Thursday, and the Lukes bought their plane ticket to Ukraine on a Friday. Saturday, they were on a plane.
“Monday morning we went to the agency for adoption in Ukraine, and they said, ‘Do you have an appointment?’ We said, ‘No.’ We didn’t know we were supposed to have an appointment, we were just showing up to get these girls, and we didn’t know how.”” 
Best interest of the children?
Preparing for the adoption? They had to sell their house to pay for the adoption!
(3) Crowdfunding again
http://www.kutv.com/news/features/national/stories/vid_2470.shtml
Clearly “crowdsourcing” is the new Buzzword 
in AdoptionLand. Everytime I see another crowdsourcing media lovefest , I want to 
(4)Begging for $ for infant girl from Congo
http://www.wkyt.com/wymt/home/headlines/Family-needs-help-adopting-child-from-Africa-214547071.html
(5)Begging for $ for blind toddler
http://www.clarionledger.com/article/20130708/NEWS01/307080039/Eyes-wide-open-couple-say-of-adopting-child-from-India-who-is-blind?nclick_check=1 from India, already calling her by her new name Cora
(6)Reece’s Rainbow praise of the week with fundraising of course!
They have 4 kids between age 1 and 6 and bringing home a Special Needs Eastern European child and they homeschool. Article: http://www.wdaz.com/event/article/id/18490/ and blog http://theultimateblessing.blogspot.com/
They had a hard time qualifying to adopt but “The couple tried for adoption three times and were met with administrative difficulties 
, but after visiting a site called Reece’s Rainbow, an organization that helps with the adoption of special needs children, they found baby charlotte, and started the adoption process. -”
(7)Glorifying a family who adopted 12 and are fostering 3 more
(8)Selling fireworks to fundraise for your special needs adoption, but they get stolen from trailer 
(9)Kidsave Colombia hosting program in Chicago in midst of hold for adoptions
http://abclocal.go.com/wls/story?section=news/local&id=9161092 They have to keep that money rolling in! 
(10)Story about loss of Russian referral glosses over that this special needs child was domestically adopted
But the talking points of the 300 Broken Promises people say that Russians NEVER adopt special needs children!How can this be?
(11) Title of OSCE article and the whole slant of this nonbinding raise-your-hand political vote.
OSCE Supports US Russian Adoptions…well that is not what the resolution specifically said, but way to twist it! 
(12)Christian Alliance for Orphans lame review of The Child Catchers
http://www.christianalliancefororphans.org/childcatchers/#_edn1
with 
quotes like ” Confront the book’s many caricatures, half-truths and misrepresentations directly and graciously.” 
Wow, you really got her there! And they finish up claiming that family preservation is really what is going on.
(13)Media piece that really is an ad for America World Adoptions. This is not news or newsworthy.
http://explorernews.com/news/article_e74b78d4-e8ee-11e2-8e12-0019bb2963f4.html Shilling for the adoption agencies again 
(14)Missing the Boat 
on the Facebook-Down Syndrome adoption story
This was in hundreds of publications this week, especially in Christian media. Here is one of the articles: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2359503/Rev-Thomas-Vander-Woude-appeal-Virginia-church-puts-couples-unborn-Down-syndrome-baby-adoption-FACEBOOK-gets-900-responses.html
Why didn’t he just contact the National Down Syndrome Adoption Network http://www.ndsan.org/ that maintains a list of many HOMESTUDY ready PAPs?Instead he chose to take in 100s of calls and emails from people who likely have not qualified to adopt, wasting a lot of time. Yes, Facebook ads bring so many quality people to the table.
Of course this made the local adoption agency 
. NDSAN says “There are no fees for any of the services provided by the NDSAN.” If you are going to counsel people, get your hands on some resources!
(15)Another preachy blog about Bible and adoption
He runs a nonprofit cafe, whatever that is, and his wife is a counselor who includes adoptees in her practice. Read the works of David Smolin and get a clue. 
(16) Michele Bachmann on Russia
She seems to forget that only one country has been banned and once again fails to recognize the children that were placed domestically. This is a rerun 
of her Guatemala remarks. http://edition.cnn.com/2013/07/10/opinion/bachmann-adoption-russia/?hpt=ieu_t2
Read some of the comments on the article. They are hilarious.
(17) Troy Dunn of WE network’s The Locator is a dimwit
He supports the Supreme Court decision in the Baby Veronica case.
See http://www.adoptionbirthmothers.com/the-locator-troy-dunn/ for the scoop.
On reading one of the articles– I think it was the fireworks story– I found this by serendipity:
http://news.sky.com/story/1112931/baby-left-in-hot-car-dies-mum-is-charged?f=ob
Hmm, just like the Dima Yakovlev/Chase Harrison case. Yet unlike Miles Harrison SHE was immediately arrested and is being held without bail. Double standard, much?
Astrin:
Children dying in hot cars is not unusual. The parents being charged is. I am playing the race card here – the woman who was arrested for leaving her 8 month old son in the car was, or appears to be, Hispanic. If you’re caucasian, do you get a pass? Miles Harrison sure did. There are other cases similar – far too many in the United States.
Astrin, Elizabeth – From what I’ve read, whether or not a parent who accidentally kills their child by forgetting them in a hot car are even charged and prosecuted varies from state to state and District Attorney to District Attorney.
FWIW Miles Harrison* was prosecuted — many parents aren’t – and acquitted. Washington Post writer Gene Winegarten won a Pulitzer Proze a few years back for this heartbreaking article about kids who died in hot cars:
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2009/02/27/AR2009022701549.html
It details the Harrison case, but also details how other states/prosecutors have chosen to (or not to) prosecute the responsible parent.
* my personal opinion is that prosecuting Harrison was the right thing to do. I believe he should have been convicted. I live in NY , where it is considered child neglect to leave an 18 mos old unsupervised for 8 (!!!) hours and criminally negligent homicide if the child dies as a result of that action.
Stan,
Re: “…my personal opinion is that prosecuting Harrison was the right thing to do. I believe he should have been convicted…”
Um, did you read the article you linked to? They had a memory expert–David Diamond– explaining that “…Our conscious mind prioritizes things by importance, but on a cellular level, our memory does not. If you’re capable of forgetting your cellphone, you are potentially capable of forgetting your child…”
And having forgotten, why WOULD you “check on your child”? You believe he’s at day care, remember.
The tragic thing is that according to the article “… Two decades ago, this was relatively rare. But in the early 1990s, car-safety experts declared that passenger-side front airbags could kill children, and they recommended that child seats be moved to the back of the car; then, for even more safety for the very young, that the baby seats be pivoted to face the rear. If few foresaw the tragic consequence of the lessened visibility of the child . . . well, who can blame them? What kind of person forgets a baby?
The wealthy do, it turns out. And the poor, and the middle class. Parents of all ages and ethnicities do it. Mothers are just as likely to do it as fathers. It happens to the chronically absent-minded and to the fanatically organized, to the college-educated and to the marginally literate. In the last 10 years, it has happened to a dentist. A postal clerk. A social worker. A police officer. An accountant. A soldier. A paralegal. An electrician. A Protestant clergyman. A rabbinical student. A nurse. A construction worker. An assistant principal. It happened to a mental health counselor, a college professor and a pizza chef. It happened to a pediatrician. It happened to a rocket scientist…”
Therefore, this isn’t something caused by negligent parenting– it’s a tragic mismatch between our evolutionary heritage and our contemporary lives.
Thank you VERY much for providing this URL.
Astrin: Yes, I’m aware of Winegarten’s views on kids left to die in hot cars. I simply disagree with them, for reasons that are nicely summarized here:
http://voices.washingtonpost.com/rawfisher/2008/12/why_was_father_who_killed_son.html
Stan,
As David Diamond explained, our memories DON’T prioritize “our most important thing in life” over our cell phones.
The fact that these incidents almost NEVER occurred before laws required that the baby’s car seat be moved to the back seat– and that parents of all kinds have fallen prey to this brain hiccup shows that it’s NOT depravity or indifference that causes it. And harsh prison sentences WON’T KEEP IT FROM HAPPENING AGAIN.
Just wanted to mention that I think the best and simple safety tip from the organization that tracks car deaths KidsandCar.org from this list http://www.kidsandcars.org/userfiles/dangers/heat-stroke-fact-sheet.pdf is “Keep a large stuffed animal in the child’s car seat when it’s not occupied. When the child is placed in the seat, put the stuffed animal in the front passenger seat. It’s a visual reminder that anytime the stuffed animal is up front you know the child is in the back seat in a child safety seat.” The 21st car death of the year in the US from a child being left in car happened today 🙁
Rally,
That’s so sad! 🙁
I think the stuffed animal should wear a little T-shirt which reads “If you’re capable of forgetting your cell phone, you are potentially capable of forgetting your child.” Refuting the belief that “It can’t happen to me” is the most important step in preventing such tragedies.
Stan:
As a fellow NYS resident I agree with your commentary.
I’ll cut Miles Harrison ONE bit of slack. He wasn’t used to bringing Chase to daycare. It wasn’t part of his routine. He was new to the parenthood gig. It’s a big transition going from career person husband to dad of a newly adopted toddler.
PAPs like the Enskats and Daileys who fail to understand that other countries are sovereign nations AND who are irresponsible enough to have no $$ to cope in an emergency.
The Government of Ukraine is in the process of switching to a new printer for passports and it isn’t going smoothly — no passports have been printed in a week or two and a number of godly Christian families with no $$ are stuck in-country longer than expected. The newly adopted kids must be issued a Ukrainian passport and get a US immigration visa for it, in order for the kid to become a US citizen when they land on US soil.
These families cannot travel home until their kids are issues Ukrainian passports. They have no $ to cover additional expenses in Ukraine. Why isn’t the supernatural being forking over the extra cash??
The Reverend Dailey writes that:
“We have contracted several government officials to ask for assistance, not just for us but there are six other families that are stuck here waiting on passports and many of them have children that need medical attention as soon as they can get it. ”
Ukraine is a sovereign nation. No US official FORCE Ukraine to sort out their passport printing problems.
“This situation is putting some of them in great danger and others are quickly running out of funds and one family may not have enough to get back home. ”
Gee, maybe an emergency fund would’ve been a good idea?? He’s begging for cash from strangers on the internet, helpfully providing a link to his Reece’s Rainbow family support page!!
“As I said we have contacted many, many government officials including, Senators, Representatives, U. S. State department, U.S. Embassy and the U.S. Consulate office. Asking of for Emergency Passports for these children and get this we are basically told oh there is nothing we can do! If they were truthful they would say there is nothing they will do. ”
There is nothing our government can do! Why why why is Mr Dailey unable to understand this???
“What gets me about this is the current administration in office in Washington is supporting illegal immigrants and giving them free medical care, food stamps and lodging. But for U.S. Tax payers like me who actually pay their salaries and help fund all of the free hand outs, when we ask for just an emergency passport so we can come home we are basically spat and said No! “We will not do anything to help you because you are doing it legally!”
The boy is NOT YET AN AMERICAN CITIZEN!! Our government CANNOT issue a US passport to a CITIZEN OF ANOTHER COUNTRY!!
(This whole mess reminds me of a situation at the USE in China a few months back — suspicious powder was found inside the Embassy, the Embassy had to closed while it was investigated/cleaned up and dossier paperwork that had come into contact with the suspicious powder was destroyed. Irresponsible and woefully underprepared families begged for cash to cover a few extra days of food/hotel and dossier replacement costs… and were livid that their elected officials couldn’t do anything about it it).
http://bddailey.blogspot.com/2013/07/day-60-of-our-adoption-journey.html
Michelle Enskat and her three unrelated, high-needs, special needs kids are also in Ukraine, in similarly dire straights:
http://doloski.blogspot.com/2013/07/orphans-no-more.html
Ezra and Kelly Reynolds are in the same boat (and have 2 kids at home being watched by??):
http://ezraandkelly.blogspot.com/2013/07/updates.html
I have some sympathy for cases where the delay is making it difficult to get a child needed medical care. Getting in to see a specialist can be difficult under any circumstances. But it’s shocking how underprepared these families are. Have they never heard the phrase “Hope for the best; plan for the worst”? This is hardly the only thing that can go wrong.
At least the Doloski blog points out there’s nothing the US can do, and that this sucks for everyone waiting for passports, not just APs.
The APs who are waylaid in Ukraine due to the Ukrainian passport issue have demanded a meeting with the US Ambassador to Ukraine AND appear to feel entitled to get a Ukrainian passport for their new kid FIRST:
“We’d like some sort of answer if we are going to be among the first passports printed so we can get these kids home,” Caswell-McCarron said.”
It is the responsibility of the Ukrainian government to fix *their* problems with the new printer of Ukrainian passports. It is totally inappropriate for US officials to tell a SOVEREIGN NATION who to give passports to first. I really, truly hope that the State Department officials are savvy enough not DEMAND newly-adopted kids’ passports be printed first.
And, honestly, if I was one of the 160K Ukrainian citizens waiting for a backordered passport, I’d be livid if passport applications were not procesed in the order in which they were received.
Read more: http://www.myfoxboston.com/story/22837507/2013/07/14/mass-mom-newly-adopted-daughter-stuck-in-ukraine#ixzz2ZEhvPqvb
They could just pay a bribe. I’ m sure they would be first in line. Maybe they could fundraise for a bribe-they could do one of those puzzle fundraisers and the puzzle could be a picture of a passport LOL
Reece’s Rainbow’s very own Rev. Dailey already tried and appears peeved it didn’t work LOL:
“So you see the frustration that many of us are having to deal with. Also we paid additional money to have the passport print expedited within five working days. It is going on three weeks now and we still have not gotten a passport ”
http://bddailey.blogspot.com/2013/07/day-62-of-our-adoption-and-spiritual.html
Carlee,
It’s been my observation that a lot of members of the Religious Right honestly don’t understand how the U. S. Government works, or is meant to work. (Or even how the Founding Fathers designed it to work, but that’s another story.)
I just wish they’d educate themselves, before issuing unjustified criticisms. God knows there’s no shortage of JUSTIFIABLE criticisms you can make about our government. Just sayin’.
The Reverend Dailey has an interesting little exchanger with a commenter called Sallie:
Reverend Dailey: ” What we need is our Government to step up to the plate and give our children passports to come home. They can do it if they would its called an emergency passport”
Sallie: “Your children are not yet US citizens. It is illegal for our government to issue passports to folks (including your newly adopted boy) who is not an American citizen.”
US passports cannot be issued to non-US citizens. Period. Why can’t the Reverend grasp this? Perhaps an IQ test should be a mandatory part of the Homestudy process???
First of all, the Enskats did not adopt 3 high needs, special needs children. Get your facts straight.
Second of all, they haven’t even had “Gotcha Day” yet, much less applied for passports, so they aren’t part of the waiting-for-passports situation.
Third, you have no idea how much money the Enskats have with them, so to include their name in your comment that families are irresponsible for not bringing enough money with them to cover potential extra waiting time is ridiculous. You have not seen them talk much about their adoption journey and they certainly have not been begging for money, so stop implying that they are.
Kate – Why do I thi k the Enskat’s don’t have enough $ to cover their unanticipated expenses? Because Jennifer Doloski’s blog — the link is in my earlier comment — blogged about their “plight” and provided a link to their Reece’s Rainbow Family Support Page. Why do I think the 3 kids have multiple special needs? Because the Enskat’s blogged about them while begging for money from strangers to complete their adoption (there’s a link on Jennifer Doloski’s blog) — plus from the photos you’ll see their new daughter has DS and was adopted from an orphanage (together? That’s high needs special needs). The boys? An RR mommy who illegally posted photos of the boys (who were at the same orphnage as the little boy she adopted from Ukraine last summer) and described their special needs and begged for a godly family to “rescue” them at:
butbygraceitcouldbeme.blogspot.com/2012/09/sadists.html
And, yes, it is ABSOLUTELY irresponsible for any adopting family (heck, any and every family!) not to have an emergency fund set aside for, you know, EMERGENCIES. Specific to the situation of a family undertaking an international adoption, it is well-known that delays can happen in-country can and do happen — it is noted on the State Department’s website, on the website of any adoption agency and was probably covered in mandatory pre-adoption training. It is not exactly unknown that a government office could be closed (due to a flood, a riot, suspicious white powder found in the USE in China) or paperwork could get lost (“oopsie, the Xx didnt make it to the court officer in Kiev by 9 AM on Tuesday so your court date has been pushed back until Thursday”) or due to an election (“Bulgaria must appoint a new Vice-Minister before any adoption paperwork can be processed”). It can and does happen ALL the time. In-country delays that cannot be anticipated and genuinely aren’t the PAPs “fault”. A responsible PAP would have an emergency fund to draw from — having one’s friends invoke the name of a deity on their behalf isn’t quite the same thing.
(As you surely know, all families, even ones who aren’t adopting, need an emergency fund — to cover expenses in case of a lost job, extended unemployment or illness. My family has one — it’s the responsible thing to do and because of it, I lost no sleep when my gas furnace unexpectedly committed hari-kiri last fall. Hubby and I had money set aside and simply wrote a check for $6k).
The link should’ve been:
Butbygraceitcouldbeme.blogspot.com/2012/09/sadists.html
Carlee, you are making too much sense for Kate LOL. It is quite clear from the blog you link to that these are RR kids with special needs.(You should hear what PAPs say when I tell them that that should have a will and life insurance!Those 2 things should be mandatory.)
You’ve done a great job of putting together some of the worse decisions and falsehoods and assorted BS about adoption today. Hats off to you and I love the illustrations.
Has anyone else been trying to find out more about the Reece’s Rainbow/Burman family drama? Yvonne Clanton’s blogpost seems to give the clearest explanation of what’s going on. Wonder if it’s all starting to unravel…
http://myreallifebyyvonne.blogspot.ca/2013/07/reeces-rainbow.html
Name,
From what I gleaned when the ‘Carrington’s Courage’ site was public, the Burmans clashed with other PAPs over who God had selected to be the Forever Family of a sibling group the Burmans wanted to adopt. The RR associate sided with the other PAPs, and they wound up adopting the kids the Burmans believed were “theirs”.
This dispute took place within the background of a CPS investigation instigated by the reports of some aides who worked with the Burmans’ kids. Shelley was upset at the aides for “presuming to judge”, but I think there were some insinuations that RR or the competing PAPs may have been movers in the CPS investigation, also. I really can’t say I put it past Reece’s Rainbow, given their general tendency to ignore any law or ethical principal which gets in the way of their own interpretation of “God’s Will”
Still, I don’t think the Burmans SHOULD be adopting any more kids, based solely on Shelley Burman’s own description of her family situation right now. She denied rumors that the girl triplet is being disrupted, but did state that a psychologist told her the child should be institutionalized for her own protection, because she can’t be safely supervised in a family situation. Shelley insists that she and her husband would NEVER do that, but if institutionalization and disruption are BOTH ruled out, that only leaves unsafe care at home. QED, the Burmans can’t care for the kids they have NOW, and have no business bringing other kids into that situation.
I read this some weeks ago, so if I’m misrepresenting any part of it, I apologize. It’s poor memory, not willful intent to distort the situation.
I’d say the whole saga wonderfully highlights why illegal photolistings and pre-selection like RR pushes is a terrible idea. I’m honestly surprised a conflict like this hasn’t arisen sooner.
The Burmans also failed to tell the social worker who was writing the Homestudy that they’d recently adopted a high needs sn baby AND that CPS was investigating them for neglect!!
Update: The Burmans have updated and made public again their ‘Carrington’s Courage’ blogspot, detailing their CURRENT dispute with RR over the three Ukrainian children whom the Burmans are currently trying to adopt. These three children have a $25,000 grant toward their adoption, which RR refuses to release to the Burmans.
http://carringtonscourage.blogspot.com/
The Burmans have retained an attorney, who is questioning RR’s acting like an adoption agency instead of a 501c3 charity. This could get VERY messy for Andrea Roberts and RR, given their disdain for “man’s law” .
I did not see once where it was stated that the Enskats were in dire straights, failing to understand that Ukraine is a sovereign country or that they don’t have an emergency fund. Why the heck were they thrown under the bus? The blog that mentioned them said none of those things. I know their one daughter has Down Syndrome, but where do you get that the other two are high needs special needs?
The new Enskat kids are described as having significant special needs by another RR AP, who took photos of them last summer while adopting her 3 newest kids in Ukraine. Her now-son “Bandit” was at the same orphanage summer camp as the 2 newest Enskat boys (scroll down this blog post for pics of RR “Everett” and “Olson”, now Alexander Enskat and Nikolai Enskat, respectively):
http://butbygraceitcouldbeme.blogspot.com/2012/09/sadists.html
Jennifer Doloski’s blog linked to the Enskat’s RR family support page — similar to when Jennifer begged her readers to friends who didnt have the $700 needed to cover their own expenses when they had to stay in china a few days longer (unexpected USE closure) than anticipated:
“Dee and Jason had funds enough for this journey. An extra week – at least! – in a hotel will cost between $700-1000. There are extra meals to be purchased, airline change fees to be paid, and lost wages to consider. China – of all the countries from which to adopt – is known for the predictability of its program. This delay is mind boggling. And worrisome.”
http://www.doloski.blogspot.com/2013/05/stuck.html
PAPs don’t let a little thing like primary breadwinner get in the way of their adoption because they feel a supernatural being will provide. Why let the fact that the month of severance pay will barely cover a month or two of insurance premiums?
” We were blindsided this morning. Joey was let go from his job of 11 years. Nothing negative was said about him or his job performance just cut backs were made and he was part of it. With only a month severance pay we are scrambling to figure out health insurance and how this affects the adoption”
http://breakfields.blogspot.com/2013/07/doors-slamming-shut-god-open-window.html
“We will be moving forward in the adoption process and giving everything we have to bring those boys home. I will not let Satan win this fight. We had been putting aside money for the past few months for the adoption and had planned on continuing that tread until we travels to pay for as much of the cost as we could. God is just letting us know that He will provide everything for the adoption from this point forward. We have to totally trust Him to provide. Our mini safety net we had set up was taken away but that is okay we are trusting and growing our faith”
http://breakfields.blogspot.com/2013/07/we-are-pressing-on.html
I like reading here but I also support some things that RR does as well. I needed to write today because I’m really upset with “Elliete’s” family. Apparently she wrote them a letter from China that her soon-to-be adoptive family wanted to share with the community–for a price. That’s right, they were revealing each paragraph for a specific financial amount to be out in their adoption fund. Like I said, I really don’t have too many problems with fundraising, but this just broke my heart and left a bad taste in my mouth.
Here’s another spectacular biased and factually sparse article on the impact of the Russian adoption ban:
http://www.newrepublic.com/article/113673/families-putin-didnt-want-exist#
Reece’s Rainbow’s very own Linnea Beck adopted 2 new kids .. yet doesn’t own a vehicle big enough to transport the whole family nor have enough money to pay for the dental surgery her newly adopted Bulgarian kids need:
“Please continue to pray for us during this time. Pray please that we would find an oral surgeon cheap or willing to take payments for Judah’s teeth.
Pray for the appointments we have coming up.
Please pray for a van. We can’t go anywhere as a family because we don’t have the room in our vehicle and we don’t have a second car.”
http://continuingourjourney.blogspot.com/2013/07/first-day-of-forever.html
Regarding the Burman situation, as has been commented here…even if they *should* not adopt more children, the fact remains that RR currently retains more than $25K worth of “grant funds” for the children the Burmans are currently committed to adopting. RR refuses to release these funds for reasons that could be considered dubious, but probably center around the fact that the Burmans apparently refuse to use the RR-approved Ukrainian facilitator and are not a RR family “pet”. However, follow the money on this one. $25K is a lot of moolah that RR continues to sit on…aren’t they a grant-making organization and not an adoption agency? *chuckles*
Name,
Though I hate to defend RR, they DO have the right to set standards PAPs have to meet before they release funds to them.
Now… if they set CPS on the Burmans BECAUSE they were miffed at them for not using “their” facilitator in order to have an excuse to shut them out… then yes, that’s a MAJOR ethical wrong.
I’m not sure if there’s any legal redress possible for the Burmans, because mandated reporters have to report suspected child abuse, not proven child abuse. If a case is closed unfounded… who’s to say the reporter wasn’t simply being over-vigilant, rather than vindictive?
Yvonne Clanton is right about one thing– if RR is going to continue operating, they need to reform so that they become transparent and accountable, and root out all the internal corruption in their operations.
Where’s Leah Spring when you need her? ;-D
Here’s the most interesting, most detailed against RR’s infamous Ukrainian facilitator Serge that I’ve ever come across. It was posted by one Melissa Abernathy.
Does anybody know of this is true? And if so, who was assaulted??
“Melissa AbernathyJuly 1, 2013 at 8:51 AM
If you are refusing to adopt the child you went for, I STRONGLY urge you to get out of the country as soon as possible, without telling anyone from the RR team of your plans, because the last family that refused to bring home the child they had committed to wound up having Serge’s mafia buddies drag the husband into an alley and beat the living crap out of him. Then the facilitation team abandoned the couple and would not help them to get out of the country. If it were me, I would get a cab to the nearest city with an airport that would let me fly out of the country and GO.
I am not going to comment on your choice to not adopt that child. I know what it is like to be told that the child has one particular issue and find out that he has many, many problems that you are not prepared for, nor able to meet the needs of. Some people say ‘Rescue at all costs; who cares if the family falls apart in the process?’ I’m not one of those people.
Get out of there safely. Be very careful in the meantime. If you have told the facilitation team that you don’t plan to adopt Ulysses, they are going to be VERY angry and they will not help you to get back to Kiev or to get out of the country. It isn’t about the kid; it’s about the money, and they want theirs (especially Serge). Make your plans quietly. Don’t tell them you don’t plan to adopt him. Change your plane tickets and arrange a cab and then fly out without telling anyone the time or place you are leaving from. Whether or not you believe it, you are now in a dangerous situation. I am not lying or trying to scare you. I am trying to keep you in one piece and out of the hospital.
I’ll pray for your safety in getting home.”
http://adding2rhandful.blogspot.com/2013/07/sad-news.html
This RR’s family’s FIFTH adoption of unrelated Ukrainian kids inside 2 yrs:
http://weretakingbabysteps.blogspot.com/2013/07/hear-ye-hear-ye.html
The term “gotcha day” just made my jaw clench.
Why not send your adopted 17 yr old back to Ukraine? I guess families aren’t necessarily forever…
“I’ve dreaded and put off writing this but today is the day.
Today is Nadia’s 18th birthday.
The last post I wrote mocks me just a little. It was about Nadia and her gratitude and affection for her new family. Unfortunately, that sunshine was short lived. Within a few weeks of writing that, her stress and unhappiness was back and it increased during the winter and early spring until finally, in frustration, we asked her if she was even interested in being part of our family and she said, “No.”
She said she was not interested in being part of our family. We’re nice people, but she didn’t feel at home here.
She was not interested in learning our language. It was hard, too hard.
She was not interested in our country; she missed her country, her people. She was not interested in getting an education not here, not anywhere.
She wanted to go back to Ukraine, and she’d be acting that way almost the whole time she’d been here.
We arranged it for her because it seemed to be the most loving thing we could do. We called our adoption agency, but they were not helpful ( understandably because it’s the opposite of what they do), so then we called the Ukrainian embassy and asked them what we could do. They said that it is fairly common for older teens to struggle with adjusting to a new family, culture and language and that about 25% of the time, they choose to go back to Ukraine and that is perfectly legal. When she entered Ukraine, at 17, almost 18, she’d be an adult there. Children who are adopted from Ukraine have dual citizenship. They do not lose citizenship by coming here or going there, or by turning 18, but it would be advantageous for her to enter as a Ukrainian citizen so she used her Ukrainian passport to go back. (She does not have an American passport.) By entering as a Ukrainian, she should be eligible for their welfare and housing assistance if she needs it. We thought about reversing the adoption, but that is a long, complicated and expensive process, similar to the adoption process and even though it would give her a fresh start, it was too much to do.
We told her she could go back when school was out for the summer. We thought it would give her time to really think it out and also give her a sense of completion and of accomplishment even though the credits are basically meaningless now.
She never looked back. She was suddenly happy, distant to us, but happy and light of heart.
She had written to her family, right when we adopted her, “Don’t worry, I’ll be back when I’m 18”. Before we adopted her, she had been told that she could legally return to Ukraine when she turned 18. We had all been told that you have to choose your country at 18, but that is not accurate. They retain both citizenships indefinitely. That idea, of going back at 18, gave her the courage to come, but then thwarted her from doing the hard work of adjusting to life here and in time, helped motivate her to leave.
It would be very hard to be adopted at 16, almost 17 and although their parents lost custody five years earlier, Nick and Nadia had spent every school holiday with their family. I’m not sure why she pursued being adopted, but she intended to return from the beginning. Maybe it was a nice fantasy for her. Maybe once we arrived to adopt her and it all became real she didn’t know how to get out of it. I wondered at the time if she really wanted to come, but every time I had someone ask her, she assured them that yes she wanted to go. I couldn’t say, no, I won’t adopt this one, she’s not enthusiastic enough, but my instincts were right: she was not on board with the plan.
For the month that she waited before going back, many people asked her what her plans were. She had none. Where will you live? How will you earn money? All of those questions met with immature answers, but we knew that she had two adult sisters and two adult brothers who had always taken Nadia and Nick for holidays. Things had gotten so bad here, in that her unhappiness was so ingrained, that it seemed going back might be just what she needed. Otherwise I expected her to run away, which she had done from the orphanage a few times and from her family many times. I helped her figure out the train route to get to her oldest sister’s house and sure enough, that’s where she is.
It felt awful to let her go back, but it’s probably best for her. We had Nick call his sister Nastia and she asked Nick to pass this on, “Tell your parents thank you for letting Nadia come back to us. We’re so glad she’s home.” Nick mentioned that Mark was right there, and she added, “Thank you, Mark, for adopting Nicholas.”
I had told Nadia that she should tell her family how much she loved and missed them. She gave me a disgusted look, but maybe she followed my advice. Love brings healing, and her sister sounded truly sweet and thankful on the phone.
Today is Nadia’s 18th birthday and she’s back in Ukraine with her biological family. When we took her to the airport, we told her not to look back, to look forward and to build a great life. I hope that the kindness of the many people who reached out to her here and the love we tried to give her will have some kind of a positive impact for her and that she will build herself a great life. She had some money, a lot of great clothes, and a happy smile as she went. I’m sure it is hard for her over there, but she was never going to accept being here.
I know I’ve learned a lot from watching her. It’s been very hard for me to move forward with my life since my little girl died of cancer, but having seen what it looks like to not move forward, to hold pain like an old ragged security blanket and not accept the healing and gifts that are offered in this life, I’m trying hard to live and make more of my life without being smothered by grief. I have grief, but I try to let it motivate me to reach out and not to withdraw inside myself so much.
In the six weeks since she’s been gone, I expected to feel guilty because it didn’t work out, but I don’t. I thought I’d feel guilty because it was very hard for me to adjust to having a new daughter in Mary Evelyn’s room, and in our family. I know that I was not as accepting and open as a non-grieving mom could be, but I was the one God gave her. God knew my heart and my struggles better than I did. Maybe I was being protected by the walls she put up, maybe she was given this time in our home, not to become our daughter, but for something else. It seems that there was nothing we could have done to make it work out and by letting her go, we empowered her to start her life where she wanted to be. Maybe it was the only way for Nick to come here and by having Nadia spend this time it helped his biological family feel that Nick is Ok here, that he is loved and at home.”
http://newlivesnewloves.blogspot.com/2013/07/turning-18-and-going-back-to-ukraine.html
Another self-disruption..I am not surprised. The statistics of 25% of Ukrainian adoptees returning to Ukraine was very interesting, though. I guess these APs didn’t realize that they were being used by their agency and this girl.
I totally disagree with the commenter above who seems to have a problem with the girl going back to the Ukraine. Looks like she shouldn’t have been in the adoption mill in the first place, but to argue that she should stay with strangers just because they adopted her is cruel.
If you cannot afford $40 for FBI fingerprints and a $55 class on adopting a kid with special needs, maybe it you shouldn’t be adopting two unrelated Bulgarian boys:
http://littletreasureofours.blogspot.com/
“Update on our expenses and what we still need
Expenses Paid up to now
$425 homestudy update
$25 RR application fee
$3500 agency AAC application fee
$40 FBI finger prints taken
$36 FBI background check
$40 to apostille documents
$31 in all for shipping for documents, checks, ect.
$55 online 2 hour class for special needs.
$20 Amanda fingerprints
$40 medicals copay for Mike and I
$16 FBI letters to be apostilled
$18 shipping for FBI letters
$975 USCIS
$90 apostille of dossier documents
$15 Josh fingerprints
$30 apostille fees for medical letters and I-800A
$10 apostille fee for a document we had to redo
$40 shipping documents for dossier
$2400 flights for mike and I
$1000 hotel and food in country
$460 boys visas
$720 USCIS I800 for 2nd child
$360 USCIS I800A to add a child in the home $360
$40 finger prints
$67 police background check
$40 copay for medical exam
$60 apostille fees for last stage documents
$500 Hague certificate
$5000 program fee to agency AAC
Total already paid $16,056.00
We will need $4,500 for our third agency payment
another $5,720 for our 2nd trip.flights hotel food
so we need $10,220
as of now we have $7,328.67 in our FSP (Family Sponsorship Page) $$5,756.95 was already given to us for the first trip from our FSP so we have $1,571.72 left
and we have $342 saved from donations, sales, fundraisers and money we have set aside each week. We have $1,913.72 total for our adoption
leaving $8,306.28 to be fully funded.”
I find it very presumptuous that judgments and snarky comments have been made based on limited information. I would encourage each of you to investigate and actually meet the people that you slander. I would venture a guess that you do not know many or any of the people that you speak ill of. It is true that there are some awful stories where unfit people were attempting to adopt or were successful in adopting. That being said, there are many, many more who are trying to impact the life of one for the better.
@ Name: How, exactly, is it slander to quote a PAP/APs’ *public* blog? Particularly since a link to said blog is provided, i.e. credit is given where credit is due.
There’s this great feature called PASSWORD PROTECT — folks who do not want everybody on the internet to access their blog can surely avail themselves of it!
Name,
The “snarky comments” are actually aimed at the ideology itself, not the person who believes that ideology.
No one doubts that a lot of the people who want to adopt special needs children are sincere, loving parents. The problem is they’re drinking the Kool-Aid poured out by people with ideological or financial interests in urging them to adoptadoptADOPT without carefully assessing their own ability to actually parent these children. They’re urged to go ahead and do this, and trust that “God will provide”– or at least that crowdsourcing will.
And yes, the bad outcomes DO need to be given as much media play as the “inspiration porn”. Aside of the outright sadists, most child abusers are just ordinary people who are overstressed, underprepared, and feel that they can’t admit that things are going badly, and they need help. Guilt-tripping people who had no particular desire to add to their family to adopt multiple SN children at once is a recipe for potential tragedy. Pointing that out isn’t slander– it’s an attempt to avert a train crash.
I’d like to clarify that a lot of APs are in fact loving, competent parents who successfully integrate their adopted children into their families, with the result that everyone involved thrives.