FacePalm Friday
Welcome to this week’s edition of FacePalm Friday.
This is where your hosts will list their top picks for this week’s FacePalm moment—something they learned or read about this week that caused the FacePalm to happen (you know, the expression of embarrassment, frustration, disbelief, shock, disgust or mixed humor as depicted in our Rally FacePalm smiley).
We invite you to add your FacePalm of the week to our comments. Go ahead and add a link, tell a personal story, or share something that triggered the FacePalm on the subject of child welfare or adoption.
Your Host’s Selections:
(1) Making your fundraising self feel better by linking it to helping a widow completely disconnected from your Ghana adoption
By no means is this the first orphan-widow “biblical” funding scheme, but let’s get real, this is just a slicker way of marketing it.
(2)Telling the Duchess of Cambridge that she should have adopted instead
Crabbina says “the stupidest column ever by an idiot journalist. ”
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/debate/article-2372059/LIZ-JONES-If-HAD-baby-Kate-adopted—age-40.html
The journalist is the 
of stupidity!
(3) Representative Wicker Pats Himself on Back Thinking the OSCE nonbinding resolution will change Russia’s mind on adoption ban
http://www.washingtontimes.com/news/2013/jul/23/russias-adoption-freeze/
(4)The Ever Facepalmtastic MLJ adoptions take on Congo
http://mljadoptions.com/MobileBlog.aspx?articleID=866
“MLJ Adoptions has alone processed more than 50% of the international adoptions from DRC in the past 2 years.” I wouldn’t be bragging about that.
Providing Half of the corruption and proud of it!
And their open FaceBook page showing a child disrupting deserves another FacePalm
http://amarillo.com/entertainment/get-out-outings/2013-07-24/event-roundup
(8) Adopting 3 at once from Congo and fundraising like crazy
http://quietlife411.blogspot.com/p/our-adoption-timeline.html
The fundraising conflicts with their quote :
to give you $60,000 falls in the quiet 
life and minding your own business. Maybe they should ACTUALLY work with their hands 
and save some money, like their quote says.
I’m still stunned about the crowd sourcing and fundraisers.
Many agency webpages have a tab about “how to afford adoption”. Any sensible financial planner would cringe at some of the ideas the agency suggests. While these pages are not copyrighted or dated, it’s the same tired advice agencies have been publishing since the 1990’s. For example, borrow from your 401k! Get a second mortgage! Put it on your credit card (at 22% interest)!
I remember this event called The Recession circa 2008 that caused my 401k and appraised real estate values to plummet. Lot of sad people had the bank foreclose on them. Refinancing the home, banks are fussy about that these days.
Crowd sourcing must be part of the new recruitment pitch for PAPs. Adoption is still a cash on the barrel head transaction. It’s buried in the terms of the contract that certain fees must be paid in full.
Financial stability is an area that needs to be updated in home study practice standards. Sure, the family can claim the adoption tax credit but how many bloggers out there with a pay pal button took bankruptcy? I seldom even see that question on an agency application. I also don’t think a social worker is qualified to be doing the job of a CPA, glance at a tax return and say okay-fine when reviewing this important area of adoptive family planning.
As I follow this blog, I see too many PAPs begging for funding. I suggest more scrutiny since many people were harmed in the economic downturn. Debt to income ratios do matter. Most agencies have a baseline income level for applicants and may ask about monthly expenses and savings but not always.
Is it really in a family’s best interest to be deeply in debt, resort to fundraising tens of thousands of dollars or not having money set aside for emergencies and retirement? Or worse, openly admit they are splurging on vacations while donors pick up the tab on their next adoption?
I just read Duck Dynasty is coming to town this weekend. Some motorcycle dealership is holding a fundraiser for a high school booster club so I’ll be spared some agency fundraiser.
I absolutely agree with you — and what’s even scarier is that many of the financially unprepared and thus fundraising 100% of adoption costs families get a USCIS *waiver* from the minimum income requirement! The Mussers, who recently completed their second high needs special needs Bulgarian adoption inside one year, had 10 kids and one income (as mommy Susanna homeschools her brood) — and the minimum USCIS for a family of that size is all of $68k (125% poverty line theblessingofverity.com) and do not have health insurance (because they don’t believe in it for religious reasons!!). I have no idea how that many people can possibly live off that much money and pay cash for medical treatment — they have a biokid with DS, an adopted daughter with DS who weighed all of 11 lbs when they adopted her at age 10 years, plus a newly adopted 16 year old son with DS who weighed 25 old at the time of adoption. (I consider myself pretty good with money, made $48k out of grad school, lived with a roommate and had a tough time supporting myself and my 12 lb dachshund and student loan payments!!).
And these families get home and then can’t afford medical treatment for the kiddos they adopted KNOWING they had special needs! The lovely Mrs Fillmore adopted her second Ukrainian daughter Hazel and complains about the expense of the kid having to stay overnight after surgery (bc kids with DS have low muscle tone and tiny airways, thus at higher risk of complications!!):
“So, off to Primary Children’s we went, on June 24. No ENT’s in this area will perform any surgeries on kiddos with Ds in same-day surgery centers because of the risks involved with intubation (again, because of the low tone/squishiness.) This is a huge bummer to us because Primary’s costs twice as much and we have to pay for everything in cash with our high-deductible health care plan. Yikes. Oh well…
… They usually keep kids overnight at Primary’s when they have T&A surgery. But I knew from past experience with Anya that every hour was hundreds of dollars, so I asked if we could go home just as soon as her stats were good and she was drinking enough. Thank heavens they let us”.
http://savouringlittlethings.blogspot.com/2013/08/no-more-tonsils-or-adenoids.html
I think we had one question about health insurance during the home study. Do you have any?
A one sentence oral explanation on what to do to get an adopted child added to the policy: call your HR manager and ask them.
Well, it’s much more complicated that that. Maybe the agency needs to ask more specific questions about co-pays and yearly deductibles and tally up how much it would cost to have the entire family of 18 covered. Maybe that talk with HR needs to be confirmed in writing during the home study process.
I did not have to disclose the balance on any retirement accounts when I applied. Or disclose if I had high balanced on checking accounts, or other financial indicators as basic as a credit score.
Using the 125% over the poverty level to judge if a AP can afford medical care, that’s just idiotic. It’s not that hard to have one accident or one surgery and deplete a family’s savings which won’t be much if they are going into debt to afford agency fees.
I checked the paperwork and by golly, asking about student loan debt isn’t there. I don’t see where I had to provide the balance owed on cars or mortgages either. Just the monthly payment.
I guess they assume it’s all paid off when you are 30 years old. Derp!
Even scarier, a family can count equity in their home (!) and car (!!) as income (!!!) according to USCIS. The Musser family did:
“Didn’t you know that we apply a family’s assets to their yearly income to come up with the final total?”
This includes equity in the home, value of the vehicles and other items of value the family may own, and money in savings and investments.
According to this policy, we qualify.”
http://theblessingofverity.com/2012/08/god-of-wonders/
I really don’t see anything wrong with SOME fundraising…BUT, if you have to raise startup funds (homestudy, commitment fees, etc), you really need to think about how you will provide for the kiddos’ needs once he/she is home!
This PAP – from last week’s Gag-me – who claims her adopted Russian girl “developed” RAD as a teen – send her kid to an unlicensed Christian ranch boarding school for treatment. A ranch that straight-up neglects the horses it “treats” kids with:
http://the30dayjourneyforhope.blogspot.com2013/08/a-friend-called-harley.html
I’m a longtime horse lover – and a horse (much like a human child) diagnosed early with a clubfoot can be successfully treated, usually without surgery. It is unspeakably cruel (and irresponsible and pretty much impossible unless you lnow nothing about horses) to fail to notice a clubfoot for 15 months! The ranch is now euthanizing said horse, who as a result of their NEGLECT, is in so much pain and whose clubfoot was UNTREATED (despite letting their students RIDE the horse) for so long that it is no longer treatable!!
http://www.thehorse.com/articles/10589/the-club-foot
Liz Jones is a really awful British journalist, famed for her cringeworthy newspaper articles. Her columns follow one of two formats; making ridiculous arguments in the name of controversy like the one above about Kate Middleton adopting , or embarrassing confessional ‘journalism’. She once wrote a column in which she confessed to stealing her husband’s sperm in an attempt to get pregnant.
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2056875/Liz-Jones-baby-craving-drove-steal-husbands-sperm-ultimate-deception.html
She clearly has no clue about kids or ethics, but I wouldn’t take her seriously anyway given the low, low quality of her writing. Actually, you could say that about the Daily Mail in its entirety; they basically troll their own readers in order to provoke a reaction.
This family has very recently adopted and on their blog mentioned that during a previous adoption the foundations of their house and their roof sustained damage which has yet to be repaired.
It’s too late to really bother questioning why they didn’t prioritize making their home safe before adopting another child (they already had 7 or so children when the house was damaged), but how did they get that past the homestudy agency when the house allegedly has a hole in the porch and in the roof?
I was under the impression that one of the purposes of the homestudy was to make sure that housing was safe and suitable for children and that this was particularly important when adopting children with special needs??
http://everlastingmomentum.blogspot.co.uk/2013/08/two-am-thoughts-questions-cuties-and.html
Interesting! Some agencies have child safety checklist used during a home study to note things like hot water temperature and bedroom dimensions. Maybe it wouldn’t be a bad idea to include other information like structural damage to the home. The social worker needs to more than glance out the window when doing the home study safety checklist.
A damaged roof is a situation that is not safe. Kids, especially special needs with respiratory problems, might be in big trouble living in a construction zone with dust everywhere. Asthmatic kid too.
On the topic of special needs, I’ve yet to see a home safety checklist that addresses accessibility issues for the disabled. I suppose the agency would just tell the APs to go crowd source the funds to add a wheel chair ramp and widen doorways.
Social workers are not contractors so they might not know what it takes to adapt a home so it meets ADA standards.
We had to draw a diagram of the house showing where all the exits were, where the fire detectors were located and where everyone would meet. Social worker couldn’t be bothered so it was part of our paper chase. She also couldn’t be bothered finding the check list and filling out that 21 page form or to check the floor plan to see where I noted the location of smoke alarms but I digress. It might not be a bad idea to include a disaster plan in the home study prep, especially after Hurricane Sandy and other natural disasters.
I suppose a new screening question concerning home owner’s insurance isn’t a bad idea either. Do they have a policy and can they pay the premium? Does the family have enough liquid assets to pay the deductible if a claim occurs? Is there enough in savings to pay for the part of the claim insurance might deny? Does the social worker advise the PAP they can add coverage for foster kids for a few bucks a year?
Do they have an emergency fund to pay for a deductible if they have a car accident? Do they have a good driving record?
Some states, you do have to provide proof of car insurance in order to transport foster kids.
As I look over documents used in the preparation of my home study, I see no such questions. It’s not even on the radar.
In this economy, I really think more scrutiny than proof of being at 125% of the poverty level artificially inflated by including home equity is nonsense. Home study preparation needs to be more realistic and comprehensive. Emergencies happen, furnaces break down, cars need repairs unexpectedly, employers can lay workers off and if the PAPs don’t have money set aside for an emergency fund, that matters. I’d also include a background check of the civil and bankruptcy courts to check for past financial problems if I were a home study preparer.
I’m not a financial whiz but life experience tells me sh*t happens and as a home owner, it costs money to keep a house in good repair.
Incredible that disabled access isn’t given more priority when it comes to special needs adoption if the kid has mobility issues.
Even if a family can’t afford to install adaptations right away, you’d think drawing up some sort of plan for their eventual installment would be prudent. Kids don’t stay small enough to carry around forever.
Silly me I also just assumed that if your porch or roof had a big ol’ hole in it and you’ve got kids running around, questions would be asked about getting it repaired in a timely manner before you could adopt another one. We are definitely in agreement about making sure that adoptive families have the means to cover home emergencies.
Apparently nobody told her its a really bad idea to pressure older ukrainian teens to let you adopt them:
http://andthisonematters.blogspot.com/2013/08/satan-never-slumbers.html
“Satan is not slumbering and as you know he goes right for the heart and core of what is the closest to God, His orphans…
… On day 7 prior to our arrival our Sash (Scott) suddenly out of the middle of no where decided he could not come to America after being ready to come home. Our Slavic (Steven) whom also said yes suddenly changes his mind…
…. When I see and am experiencing this now after already experiencing the loss of a foster son 6 years ago and Sergiy 2 years ago I am reminded how alive and well and active Satan is and there is not time to sleep for him. He will stop at nothing to destroy. But as we battle this out on the other side of the world in Ukraine I know my God is mighty and so much bigger then Satan and He can and will and is rising to the occasion for these young men that have stolen my heart. I see it in their eyes, their hands when I hold them, in their hugs….I know it is no where near over. I do not know who is coming home with me but I do know God brought me here to them, to love them as my sons and to pour everything I got into them and I will do that. ”
Love that amommy so very respectfully chooses to disregard the wishes of Ukrainian adults she claims to love. Her family has adopted 3 unrelated teens from U in under a year, yet wants to adopt several more. She’s also fundraising 100% adoption costs with Reece’s rainbow.
An continues to pressure the adult by Ukrainian law (16 yr old male):
“awesome emails from folks that have offered to write letters to Sash from children that have been adopted that were at this same crossroads as him not knowing to make this leap of faith for family or take the freedom of the wordly life without the love or support of a family and he is there. I have had a couple folks email me about children that told their family “NO” to adoption when they arrived and are now in trade school regretting their decision of not being adopted greatly. If they are willing to write him that would be incredible and I know some have offered but I cannot locate the emails. YIKES! My email has been a mess here and I am scouring my computer trying to find all the people that reached out with their children willing to write to Sash to tell them their story or encourage him on his decision to take family verse the wordly life of what looks like freedom. As I sit here knowing where Sash is at I realize too many people have written me offering to do this and for me not to to take this help I realize God is opening this olive branch as a last ditch effort to fight for my boy and I need to take it. If your child has offered to write or is willing to please that would be incredible”
Cuz it’s totally not inappropriate to enlist others to try to get a person to do what YOU want them to do:
http://andthisonematters.blogspot.com/2013/08/a-cry-for-help.html
Regarding the Mussers, my understanding is that they possess this fake health insurance known as (I think) Samaritan. It’s this bizarre cost-sharing pretend insurance. I don’t see how a SW could approve such nonsense, when essentially the members of this “insurance” pool decide what gets paid and what doesn’t. I do know that Susanna mentioned in her blog about obtaining REAL insurance for herself, the new baby and (I think – I hope!) the newly adopted 16 year old.
I also see nothing here about RR and the Burmans. This, I should think, would be hot Reform Talk Fodder. http://carringtonscourage.blogspot.com/2013/07/response-to-our-grievance-letter.html
Love reading the inner workings of the Reece’s Rainbow debacle.
APs who shill for their adoption agency when their newly adopted older child has been home for mere months:
http://goingon4.wordpress.com/2013/08/09/adoption-a-test-of-the-heart/
There’s an excellent chance these folks will disrupt Avonlea before the year is over!
Avonlea? As in the orphan book Anne of Avonlea?That is a facepalm in and of itself