Success After 29 Foster Homes
Only one person can declare whether a foster care placement or adoption is a success–the adoptee. Our nine-piece puzzle (shown below) was formed after considering what elements need reform to make all placements a success.
The following remarkable story shows a successful outcome. Stability, striving to understand the child and advocating for the child all contributed to the success. These are elements that cannot be discerned through the checklist-style homestudy, but requires critical thinking by the social worker.
“By the time Jed met his future family, he had already been to 29 foster homes and a mental institute and was beginning to believe he was a lost cause.
The 14-year-old, who had experienced terrible abuse by the time he was three, was scared of getting close to people and had a reputation for lashing out and running off.
But his adopted father Billy Maddalon, who had also been in a North Carolina children’s home, saw a part of himself in Jed and resolved to show the child the love he had never received.
Jed’s difficult childhood began in Robeson County, North Carolina, where social workers found him malnourished, chained to a bed and eating from a dog bowl.
A concerned neighbor had alerted the authorities to Jed, who was the size of an 18-month-old despite being three, according to People magazine.
Despite being moved to numerous foster homes the child, who was suffering from PTSD and oppositional defiant disorder, was not able to trust his new families, who he would attack and run away from.
‘It was hard. I kept switching homes and schools. If I was afraid, I’d run,’ he told People.
Just after his 14th birthday, therapists at the Alexander Youth Network (AYN), where he had stayed on and off for several years, believed they could no longer help him and decided to send him to a mental institution.
What could have been the next tragic step for Jed however, was averted thanks to a chance encounter with Mr Maddalon, who volunteered at AYN.
The 46-year-old had spent a couple of years at the center when he was a boy, after his father was sent to prison.
‘I saw Jed running for the woods. I screamed “Hey” and he stopped in his tracks. The staff person said he’d never done that,’ Mr Maddalon said. ‘I saw a lot of myself in him.’
His partner, Brooks Shelley, added: ‘He was so lost and defeated. But you could tell by the look in his eye deep down he was a really good person.’
Shortly after that encounter, Denise Little, a social worker at AYN, told Mr Maddalon Jed was to be sent to a mental home.
Mr Maddalon said: ‘We’d wanted a family and had kicked around surrogacy or adopting … It just felt like somebody had to save him. I said, “We’re the right people”.’
It was a happy turn of events for the boy who had once come crying to Ms Little, and asked: ‘Won’t I ever have a family? Won’t anybody ever love me?’.
Before they could take him home, Jed spent six months at a mental home where, he said ‘I pretty much slept the whole time’.
His foster parents to be, who he calls Pop and Cookie, visited him as much as possible and took him on outings, including to a North Carolina State University football game.
Finally, in 2008, he came to live with the couple for good, but his previous experiences in foster homes made him wary.
I tested them for the longest time. I would run away and shoplift and stuff,’ Jed said.The couple, who have two other sons – Jack and Michael – said they once had to track him using the GPS on his phone after he jumped on a train, but added that he would always call them at dinner time to ask if he could come home.
‘We told him this wasn’t a trial run, that we wanted him. But I kept thinking, what if the damage was just too bad, what if all the effort and love weren’t enough,’ Mr Maddalon said.
On one occasion, Jed was caught shoplifting at a video games store and, after being handcuffed to a desk, he panicked and started to kick the desk in his frustration.
Mr Maddalon said when he arrived a police officer offered to come into the room with him, saying it was not safe. But he refused.
When he walked in his son, who was handcuffed on the floor, said: ‘Pop, I screwed up. I just want to go home.’
He said the store manager cried when he explained Jed’s background and, after that, their son began to trust them a bit more.
Jed said: ‘No matter how much I acted up, they said I wasn’t going anywhere. I mellowed down. They gave me my first birthday party. They made me feel special and like I’m an awesome person.’
Since moving in with them, Jed has been found private tutors and a psychiatrist who has put him on appropriate medication. They have also formally adopted him.
Mr Shelley said: ‘They told us he’d have problems attaching to people. So, after a few months when he said “I love you” it was a big deal.’
Their son is now looking forward to going to the same college as his foster father, and wants to study zoology or work in law enforcement.
Mr Maddalon said: I’m happiest when I see him achieve something … He made us a family.’
For Jed, the couple have given him the security he craved. ‘I feel strong, like I can accomplish anything in life,’ he said.”
[Daily Mail 8/16/13]
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