FacePalm Friday
Welcome to this week’s edition of FacePalm Friday.
This is where your hosts will list their top picks for this week’s FacePalm moment—something they learned or read about this week that caused the FacePalm to happen (you know, the expression of embarrassment, frustration, disbelief, shock, disgust or mixed humor as depicted in our Rally FacePalm smiley).
We invite you to add your FacePalm of the week to our comments. Go ahead and add a link, tell a personal story, or share something that triggered the FacePalm on the subject of child welfare or adoption.
Your Host’s Selections:
(1) Strawman challenge to reformers
From the public Facebook group : https://www.facebook.com/groups/AdoptionTruth/permalink/514552931947418/
He needs to read our Tuesday Term on Anti-adoption does and doesn’t mean https://reformtalk.net/2011/09/27/tuesday-term-anti-adoption/
(2) Exhausting read
http://www.myhorrynews.com/business/article_9eb02ac0-1193-11e3-8e0f-001a4bcf6878.html says it is about faith, family and adoption, but it really is a very, very long story about themselves and how great they are. 
Even though they have a small house and are in the process of adopting two children from Ethiopia, they also may adopt a 4 year old girl domestically at the same time in an out-of-birth order adoption.
“The Crawford family already included Josiah, a 9-year-old from Guatemala, and Miles, the couple’s 2-year-old biological child.
Then came the call.
Robin knew the voice instantly.
It belonged to a friend, the former foster mother of a 4-year-old girl Robin and Victor had tried to adopt. Just before that adoption was about to be finalized, the girl’s grandmother said she wanted to raise the child.
Robin was crushed, but she accepted the decision. God has a plan, she said, this will eventually make sense.
But that painful episode happened over a year ago, before the Crawfords had committed to international adoption, to Africa and to the boys in Ethiopia.
Why was this person calling now?
The grandmother wants you to take the child, the foster parent said, and she can’t stop thinking about your family. Please call her.
Robin was floored. Her house has less than 1,400 square feet of space. She’s a loan assistant and her husband is a part-time minister who also sells telecom equipment. Money is scarce. How could they say yes?
Robin was moved. This girl needs a family. Her grandmother wants her to grow up with a father. The Bible compels Christians to care for orphans. How could they say no?”
(3) “Chosen” race to raise money so people can adopt newborns.
“They’re running for a purpose. “This is for life,” Aranda says. They’re not worried about their sore feet. Their focus is on ten tiny toes. “This is for adoption,” Aranda says. “And this is for this family.” She’s talking about the family at her church who adopted a precious newborn. The adoption was closed, so News 4 is not identifying the adoptive parents for privacy reasons. “They had the hearts for it,” Aranda says. The hearts, if not the money. That’s where the runners come in, and more than 100 runners are now part of Team Major.” 
(4) Bizarre Russia-bashing article that equates Russian Ban and Shatto case with Beslan Massacre 
http://www.nationalreview.com/corner/357435/russias-false-concern-children-david-satter
Excerpt: “According to the Times, the Shattos are traumatized by their experience. But they should understand that the Russians are reacting for political reasons.
Nine years ago, terrorists seized 1,000 hostages, including hundreds of children, at a school in Beslan in southern Russia. An agreement was reached on negotiations that could have ended the crisis. But Russian forces did not wait for talks. They opened fire on the gymnasium where the hostages were held with grenade launchers and flame throwers, leading to the deaths of 332 hostages, including 186 children, most of whom were burned alive.
An operation of this kind would be unthinkable for any civilized nation.
Russia has more orphans per capita than any country in the world. Of the country’s estimated 650,000 orphans, about 95 percent are “social orphans” who have been abandoned by their parents or taken away from them. ”
Whatever. Max Shatto is dead and so are the children from Beslan-that comparison would at least have one commonality unlike the ban and Beslan.
Mine include:
1) The lovely Whitney Stephens, who is Mormon, who has elected to have the Chinese baby boy whom she hoped to but did not have a chance to adopt (because he died) SEALED to her family. A POST-HUMOUS (!!) adoption. You cannot make this stuff up:
“When children come to your family biologically, they are automatically sealed to the family. When children are adopted, you go to the temple with them to have them sealed to your family. They then become part of your forever family, as if they had been born to you. To learn more about our church, you can visit this site! After feeling so terribly sad about Cooper’s death, I learned that if you were in the process of adopting the child and the child passes away, they can still be sealed to you! This has made me feel SO much better! He truly will be part of our forever family <3".
Amiracleformeg.blogspot.com
This is right up there with the Mormon post-homous conversions — that many Jews have serious issues with:
http://www.nytimes.com/2012/03/03/us/jews-take-issue-with-posthumous-mormon-baptisms-beliefs.html
Whitney has an interesting view on foreign policy – to her, it is super-duper important that the US not intervene in Syria as it might jeopardize her adoption of a different Chinese baby boy! Not because she doesn't agree with taking action against Syria without the blessing of the UN. Not because she doesn't believe the Syrian government illegally used chemicals against its own people or that the UN inspectors report confirming said chemical weapons had (or hadn't) been used has yet to be released or for any of a million SANE reasons a person can legitimately object to our government getting involved in Syria… but because she wants that baby!!
"And Dasha. Oh, Dasha! She has never felt so very far away. Syria, Russia, China, the U.S….it's putting me on edge. I can't even fathom that this is happening. What are the odds that the U.S. would be on the brink of war and the main opposition would be Russia and China. Seriously!? Of all the countries in the world, it has to be the two we're trying to adopt from?? I don't know all the answers here, but I'm praying like crazy that we don't bomb Syria. This world we live in! It's all so very, very depressing. We continue to pray for another family to adopt Dasha. That spunky little muffin is going to make some family very, very happy some day. I just know it!"
2) APs who really truly believe that they rescued a kid, that the kid is a present AND that a supernatural being caused said baby to undergo the trauma of losing her first family so her fam could get this "gift" (paid for with cash from strangers):
"We couldn't wait to tell her that she is a gift like all of God's children. She was chosen to be our daughter as I truly believe it was part of the big plan!"
Ledbyhislove.blogspot.com
3) messiah complex much??
"The reality, our daughter, if she stays in the country she is in, will more then likely not be given an education, because her culture sees her unable to be adopted and unable to be educated. She will end up in an institution or sent out of the orphanage when she ages out. With no education or trade, she has little chance of living a 'normal' life"
http://accordingtohisglory.blogspot.com/2013/09/why-international_5824.html
3) Being horrified that the Government of Uganda's core values for caring for kids doesn't include international adoption, yet failing to mention that Uganda now has very successful family reunification AND domestic adoption initiatives — like, there are waiting lists of Ugandans willing and approved to adopt domestically:
http://rileysinuganda.blogspot.com/2011/03/international-adoption.html?m=1
It is especially ironic that the blogger condemns UNICEF for having policies and providing $$ to Uganda to assist in keeping families together, reunifying families whenever possible and prioritizing domestic adoption when it is not:
"The “Core Values” then go on to list a variety of alternatives, none of which include international adoption. So although thousands of children reside in orphanages, which are deemed unacceptable, some Ugandan child welfare advocates believe orphanages are more acceptable than international adoption. The child welfare task force wraps up its outline of “values” with a nationalistic tribute to the ability of Ugandans to fix their own problems, and a desire to eschew future funding from “donors and outside support.”
http://childrendeservefamilies.com/unicefs-fingerprints-in-uganda/
More meddling from Reece’s Rainbow coming out of the woodwork, AKA yet more reasons why illegal photolisting organizations should be shut down once and for all:
http://ralphcrew.blogspot.co.uk/2013/09/three-long-years.html
Re: Fundraising for newborn adoptions
See, if you’re trying to win the Battle of the Cradles, you need to adopt children who may become future Dominionist voters. Adopting intellectually-disabled kids from Eastern European orphanages wins you Brownie points for involvement in the Social Gospel, but that doesn’t put you any further ahead in recruiting foot soldiers for the Culture War. So you need to push adoption of healthy kids– preferably young and moldable ones– as part of your “orphan ministry”, even though there’s a waiting list of eager PAPs for each of these babies.
Also, it lets you block off as many unchurched and Mainline Denomination PAPs from adopting healthy newborns as possible, and then raising them to be “secular”. Call it the Srewfly Solution for adoption.
Love how PAPs justify their need to fundraise:
Because the only option is to be adopted by a godly US family or die
“Orphans with special needs are usually sent to underfunded government mental institutions where many die for lack of food, neglect and other abuse. Healthy orphans are turned out onto the streets as teenagers; no one will hire them and they often have no other choice but to fall into crime, drugs or suicide. Many are sold into the sex slave trade. Unfortunately, international adoption is prohibitively expensive. Saving the lives of these children makes it difficult for families to be found for them.
http://crunchylutheranmommy.com/2013/09/06/fundraising-qa/
Because they claim that they can afford to raise the kid but not “ransom” them:
“This is a common question. There truly is a big difference between paying for an adoption (the equivalent of about $4300 payments a month for seven months) and being able to afford to feed and clothe a child. Many loving, competent, financially stable families would love to bring an orphan into their home, they simply lack the large lump sum needed to get them there.”
Perhaps she could give a call to her fellow RR APs who get the kid home only to be resort to continuing to beg for cash from strangers as they are SHOCKED that the malnourished, neglected kid they adopted has a TON of additional medical needs and they’re unable to afford treatment:
– Jacqueline who just got home with 2 Bulgarians she cannot afford to care for — whodathunk sn kids would need special food/carseats/strollers?!??
“I may need to accept a few donations for this first month worth of medical care….. The amount we have already spent on special foods, car seats, strollers etc is a ton…
I kinda thought we would have a little time to catch our breath, but not so much. My paypal is grumpyjax@yahoo.com”
Grumpyjax.blogspot.com/2013/08/medical-update-on-boys.html
– Kate Hogeland and Denise Davis let Darcy and Patrick suffer for months with painful, abscessed teeth bc they couldn’t afford sedation dentistry
6littlehogelands.blogspot.com
Nachalaadopt2.blogspot.com
– Eliz Brown had to fundraise for pay-adoption costs like copays on MRIs and post-placement reports:
http://theroaddownhome.blogspot.com/2012/02/we-buy-them-freedom.html
– Praying for donations (cash, car, new roof) — stuff they can’t afford cuz they recently got back from Ukraine with yet another high needs SN kiddo
http://everlastingmomentum.blogspot.com/2013/07/is-today-really-tuesday-are-you-sure.html
Boo-hoo on the 1400 square foot house issue. Is the part-time minister’s wife expecting to get a bigger house the more kids she acquires?
Yep, pretty much. The common theme I see with all of these people is that they feel their adoption IS a ministry and therefore all Christians need to pay up so they can continue their ministry. Adoption IS their religion or rather a cult. They are superior to any other child welfare option and everyone had better support it or the nonsupporters are crazy, going to burn in hell etc. etc.
I’m amazed I survived to adulthood raised in a less than 1000 square foot home with only one bathroom and so many siblings AND a live-in grandmother.
Foster care licensing standards, two kids may share a ten by ten bedroom. Rumpus rooms, home theaters, spacious eat-in kitchen and granite counters are not required.
– PAPs who are so into getting their young, healthy, quickly-referred baby girl home from Ethiopia that they don’t care if she is trafficked –Jesus told them this baby was theirs (supposedly), so who cares if she has first parents or extended family who want to raise her??
“Paperwork! That is all that is standing between us and her right now- and that is driving me nuts! It shouldn’t be this way”
http://coalsonadoption.blogspot.com/2013/08/ready.html
My version of the bible is missing the chapter where Jesus tells people to snack babies from their families, ie biblical orphans traditionally have zero parents.
– Why not fundraise to adopt a healthy white newborn domestically? It’s not like American women don’t give their kids up for adoption because they can’t afford to raise them ($35k would alleviate that, non?) or that there’s no healthy white newborn in the US orphan crisis. But a supernatural being told them to, so why let no money and zero parentless healthy babes get in the way??
“Before we move forward with the matching process, we need to raise the remainder of our funds. We have approximately $14,500 left until we are ready to be matched. Because we could literally be matched hours after submitting our profile, we want to make sure we are fully funded before moving forward”
http://heartstringsattached.blogspot.com/2013/09/whats-next.html
The PAPs are working with Christian adoption “consultant” Tracey Loux who advertises unborn babies for adoption, priced by race:
“CC/Hisp, gender UNK, due October (AZ) 31.5K plus 5K assistance
AA, gender UNK, due November (IL) 14K plus 7K legals
AA, boy, due November (PA/UT) 21.5K (includes legals and assistance)
CC/Hisp boy, due Nov 24, (UT) 30K (some issues with bipolar in family history)
AA, gender UNK, due Nov 18th, (UT) 16.5K
AA girl due Nov 30th, (UT), 16K plus possible medical”
http://thespiritofadoption.wordpress.com/2010/10/12/available-situations-3/
– I’m not so sure that continuing on with a second Ethiopian adoption despite the fact your first adopted Ethiopian child died a few months ago (run over by a car) is such a good idea… perhaps the family should grieve a bit? If only because the last thing a newly adopted kid needs is grief-struck parents who (understandably) aren’t in a position to give her the love/reassurance/attention she deserves.
http://dullmomentsnever.blogspot.com/2013/06/family.html
http://m.fredericknewspost.com/news/crime_and_justice/police/article_8e90e916-c894-5763-8f1f-148786b38958.html?mode=jqm
Stan,
I posted a comment on the Heart Strings blog questioning their “Donate to Healthy Infant adoption” plea– we’ll see if they 1) leave it up, 2) answer the question. I’m honestly curious about how they justify this to themselves.
Update: They removed the comment. Which raises the question. “How do they expect to parent a child without moral courage?”
This just strikes me as an entire new level of crass:
http://letsfillthevan.blogspot.com/2013/09/reposting-jewelry-fundraiser.html
“…We would love to receive your “junk” precious metal jewelry and coins, as our next fundraiser to bring Trinity and Felicity home. Do you have precious metal jewelry you have no use for? Broken chains? Bent Rings? Mismatched Earrings? Gold, Silver, Platinum? We want them! And all types of coins, jewelry, silver flatware are acceptable!…”
Normally I’m less concerned about the fundraising per se than the negative side effects from it, such as raising the “amount the market will bear”, fueling trafficking, and depressing domestic adoptions. I’m more worried about whether PAPs have the patience and psychological knowledge to parent the kids they adopt without abusing and/or disrupting them when the adoption doesn’t proceed like a Shirley Temple movie.
But for some reason this particular blog just sets my teeth on edge. Maybe it’s the fact that they’re trying to adopt two toddlers with relatively minor conditions who could probably find domestic placements with little difficulty, maybe it’s the fact that reading the blog leaves you feeling that you’re reading about a mediocre childcare program rather than a family. Maybe I’m annoyed by the disingenuity involved in acting like they’re offering to do donors a favor by taking their precious metal off their hands. Or perhaps it’s all of the above.
This Reeces Rainbow family met a little boy with Apeet syndrome late last year and were unable to complete his adoption due to the ban (you may also recall that they made the decision to keep all the $ that had been donated to them for the adoption, despite the fact the adoption was off bc a supernatural being told them it was okay).., and has taken to the media again, violating his privacy and insisting he will DIE because of the ban:
http://www.thesundaytimes.co.uk/sto/news/world_news/Europe/article1310738.ece?CMP=OTH-gnws-standard-2013_09_07
I mean, why not provide a photo and private medical information on a kid you have no claim to to the Times of London.
Disturbing investigation into the underground internet world of US parents disrupting/ “rehoming” their (often internationally) adopted kids:
http://www.reuters.com/investigates/adoption/#article/part1
heartbreaking. utterly heartbreaking.
Yep post is coming later today on this
How can you be matched with a Bulgarian child if you have not yet completed your homestudy, let alone submitted it to the Bulgarian government? Perhaps being unable to afford to complete it is a sign that maybe you shouldn’t be adopting right now??
“We have a big need. We need to make a payment to our agency. We are currently at a STANDSTILL and CANNOT move. There are documents that I am working on but money is our hold up. Please consider making a collar or block purchase from our fundraisers or simply donating to our family. While we can’t move, Annie WAITS!
We have reached a point where our funds are once again being saved but we still need to make up for the $1000 matching money that our donor is unable to give AND the massive amount of money we had to spend on fixing up our other house for sale. We have some interest in the house already but we can’t count on money from that sale until it is in hand.
Our spaghetti plate sale didn’t do well as all. 🙁
Right now we are $2000 short.”
http://youbeliftedhigh.blogspot.com/2013/09/our-need.html
3 special needs kids being adopted simultaneously:
http://watchwhatfaithcando.blogspot.com/2013/09/the-first-and-second-meeting.html
Reece’s Rainbow’s Denise Davis, who was investigated by CPS Louisiana for child neglect when her newly-adopted-from-Bulgaria daughter Gennie, whose simultaneously adopted biobrother Jake’s condition is said to be terminal, died mere weeks after getting to the US is looking to adopt internationally again, this time from Latvia:
“Families who have adopted from Latvia*** Have you heard of anyone not having their adoption approved after the in country visits? also interested in Latvia adoption blogs :O)”
“Missing my Gennie.. I know in my heart all things in life happen for a reason but saying goodbye to you Gennie was the hardest thing I had to do. I wonder why I still hear you whispering to me that you love me and not to cry. But this is hard my dear to know I will have to wait to see you again.. I had a dream a few nights ago and in my dream you told me to share my love again. Today I ask our Lord to guide our family as we open our hearts once again…..”
Why yes, the very same Denise Davis who didn’t have the cash to finish the adoption, begged for cash from strangers on the internet AND begged for necessities that she couldn’t afford for her current kids (diapers, strollers, etc) and happily accepted free care from Shriners/St Jude’s because she couldn’t afford it otherwise.
nachaladopt3 / nachalaadopt 2 /nachalaadopt.blogspot.com
There is no way on earth this irresponsible woman should be permitted to adopt even more vulnerable kids!!
Carlee,
I placed a comment on http://nachalaadopt3.blogspot.com/2013/08/people-can-just-be-mean.html saying that people just wanted to know why two kids with cystic fibrosis hadn’t seen a doctor yet in the 26 days they’d been in the United States until the little girl Gennie collapsed on 4/26/13.
The comment remained up unanswered for several days, and when I checked just now, the comment had been deleted.
Guess I’ve been classed as one of the “just mean” people for bringing up a reasonable concern.
I found this on Denise Davis’s Facebook page:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TS1JqdE0ZDA
Heaven knows the CPS system needs reform, and we know there ARE social workers who target poor mothers with adoptable babies, but the conspiracy theory thinking just vibrates off this video. Apparently, there’s no such thing as CPS workers who are honestly checking things out to see if there are problems in this mindset: They’re ALL evil!
I found the perfect solution for child collectors! Note the comment at 1:53.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bnCiufnWICI