FacePalm Friday
Welcome to this week’s edition of FacePalm Friday.
This is where your hosts will list their top picks for this week’s FacePalm moment—something they learned or read about this week that caused the FacePalm to happen (you know, the expression of embarrassment, frustration, disbelief, shock, disgust or mixed humor as depicted in our Rally FacePalm smiley).
We invite you to add your FacePalm of the week to our comments. Go ahead and add a link, tell a personal story, or share something that triggered the FacePalm on the subject of child welfare or adoption.
Your Host’s Selections:
(1) Ethiopia Decision
“America World Adoption Associates and International Adoption Net have been selected by the Minister to be approved to take on former IAG clients”
Wow! What agencies to pick!
(2) Tina Traster “memoir”
http://www.thedailybeast.com/articles/2014/05/02/when-an-adopted-child-won-t-attach.html
The torture of reading this!
(3)V Stiviano adopts two African American Children
“On Friday, she became a mother of two.
She also did an interview with Barbara Walters for ABC’s 20/20.
This week, she was back to her old self, celebrating Cinco de Mayo Monday during the day wearing denim overalls, a bandana and a sombrero as she handed out margarita cocktails to photographers outside her home. She later went out to party.”
(4) Adoption Carnival
http://runningforbaby.com/2014/05/07/adoption-carnival/
DRC PAP Rachel Pehl has some over-entitlement issues, seeing as she’s fundraising 100% of both DRC and a domestic adoption simultaneously!
Apparently, a supernatural being couldn’t db bothered to out the kids she was “supposed” to have in her womb:
“Happy Mother’s Day
I personally LOVE Mother’s Day.
God created something very special when He made Eve a mother and I think its something to be celebrated.
I truly believe that God designed me to be a mother.
Nothing in my life ever “fit” quite like being a mama.
I spend my Mother’s Day being loved on by my family and it was perfect.
Something our pastor said in church today really caught my attention.
He said that every child has the perfect mother for him or her.
Its not that the mother is perfect, just perfect for that specific child.
It has made me think about all the waiting we have been doing.
First we wait for Isryelle and Boaz.
Now we are waiting on little baby Penelope.
We are also waiting to have another biological baby.
Waiting, Waiting, Waiting.
I am in awe of the fact that the Lord has called us to wait.
He knows what children are meant to be ours and he has called us to wait for those children.
People ask me all the time why we chose to adopt domestically six months ago and why we did not just have a baby.
I don’t really have a good answer for those people.
The Lord told my heart that there was another little orphan out there who needed a mommy.
He told me I was that mommy.
This Mother’s Day, I had the joy of holding my little Irelyn in my arms and hearing her giggle in my ear.
I had the excitement of knowing that our little Penelope will soon be in our arms.
I had the sorrow of feeling separated from my sweet Isryelle and Boaz and the comfort of knowing they are right where God wants them”
http://pehladoption.blogspot.com/2014/05/happy-mothers-day.html
Oh good god! The over-entitlement of the Pehl’s knows no bounds! Congolese law requires PAPs to:
1) have been married 5 years
2) have 2 or fewer kids
In order to adopt. Laws that have been on the books for years! Years!
The Pehl’s have been married 3 kids did too) and are now mad the law is being enforced!
What makes them SO special to really, truly believe laws don’t apply to them?!?
Naame,
I posted the following comment on the Pehl’s website. We’ll see if they have the intellectual integrity to make it visible.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
You can’t trust what your adoption agency tells you. The state department website tells you what each countries’ requirements for international adoption are– you should check it to make sure you meet the criteria before pursuing an adoption in a particular country.
http://adoption.state.gov/country_information/country_specific_info.php?country-select=democratic_republic_of_congo
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The Pehl’s probably thought they could get an exception to the two child rule because of other families who’ve been doing it for years, like this family – they’ve adopted 5 from Congo!
http://www.amazinggraceandasafehaven.com
There’s others whom I’m thinking of who have adopted 3 from Congo have 4 bio and are in the process to adopt another from Congo currently. Their blog has been removed, otherwise I’d link to it.
It’s been standard practice to get an exception, making the law pointless… (Not saying I agree with it, though)
It was the responsibility of the Pehls to figure out if they were eligible to adopt from DRC, and, well, they’re perfectly entitled to move forward despite not meeting said requirements….
… but not from the consequences of their actions, like possibly never ever getting the kid they’d been referred home.
I have no sympathy for over-entitled idiots who really, truly believe the rules do not apply to them.
If the Pehl’s REAL concern was “providing a home for a child who needs one” they’d surrender their claim on their unborn domestic adoptee. After all, there are about 100 PAPs for every healthy baby surrendered for domestic adoption, so “Penelope” is hardly “in need of” a home. Her birthmother could quickly find another couple to adopt her.
Or they could surrender their claim to “Isryelle” and “Boaz”, since they don’t meet DRC’s criteria for PAPs, so the most ethical thing to do would be to free the kids up so that they CAN be adopted by a qualifying couple. Assuming they’re legitimately available for adoption in the first place, that is.
*shudders* I wonder if it ever occurs to Rachel Pehl that Penelope’s mother and father might long to parent their OWN child, and the money Rachel is fundraising for the adoption might be enough to allow them to do so?
Or that Boaz and Isryelle may be trafficked kids (they’re healthy preschoolers!) who have their own parents crying for their kidnapped babies? And the even if they’re legitimately surrendered, the money she’s fundraising for the DRC adoption is CERTAINLY enough to enable their own parents to take care of them?
True charity is an unconditional gift: There’s no quid pro quo involved. If you really want to help the poor children of the world, you need to support social justice programs to end poverty. Giving money to a corrupt system so that you can acquire the small children YOU long to parent doesn’t do that.
Even if someone pursues adoption on the grounds that they children currently in care are best served by being adopted now rather than waiting for social change in their home country, it’s dismaying that the “rescue adoption” movement is oblivious to the fact that they are doing nothing more than freeing up a bed for another child in need. They are doing nothing to help future special needs children, ensuring that they will have a never ending supply of children to rescue to feed their own egos.
Terrie,
Exactly! They’re so focused on rescuing the “starfish” one at a time (or two at a time… or three… or four) that they don’t give any thought to “Why are so many starfish washing up on the beach?”
No, they’d rather consider it all part of God’s benevolent plan to have poor women serve as unpaid surrogate mothers for infertile yuppies and True Christian™ child collectors.
We’re not all Christian yuppies who are saving children…I realize that my family is in the minority but that sweeping generalization isn’t true. Is there any circumstance where you think it’s okay to adopt internationally? I ask out of genuine curiosity as families like the Pehls completely horrify me and I hate when my family is lumped in with families like theirs just because we have also adopted from Congo (albeit over 5 years ago).
Yes, there are plenty of circumstances in which one can ethical adopt internationally:
1) adopting a young relative who happens to live in a different country, e.g. your sister & her husband, who live in France, are killed in a car accident and you adopt your orphaned French niece and nephew.
2) you live near the Texas border, are fluent in Spanish and fall in love with a Mexican widower who has two kids who lives just across the border; you get married and adopt his kids. He and the kids move to the US, but you regularly travel to Mexico (just a short drive away) to spend time with your husband’s family and the family of your newly-adopted kids. His family frequently visits you in Texas too.
It’s theoretically possible, but likely very difficult-bordering-on-impossible to ethically adopt a kid from a poor developing country as:
1) the reasonable by US standards (median family income $55k) money you spend on the overseas adoption is two orders of magnitude more than a middle class local salary (median middle class family nicome of $1.5k)… thus providing the incentive for unscrupulous folks to traffic kids WITH families into adoption by foreigners
2) a country poor enough to allow foreigner to adopt their kinds en masse tends to have “governance problems”, e.g. the DRC today. A government unable to provide regular electricity and clean water to its citizens is a country with so little in the way of social services as to be non-existent… and those non-existent social services are the ones responsible for determining if a DRC is kid is truly orphaned and in need of a foreign family.
3) cultural misunderstandings — many developing countries don’t do adoptions the way we do (i.e. fail to understand that “adoption” is the permanent legal severing of familial ties, that a kid adopted out will never, ever return) or orphanages the way Americans do (for us, kids with no parents live in orphanages; in poor countries, orphanages function as boarding schools for poor parents).
4) Language/security/cultural barriers that essentially prevent even a well-intentioned US PAP from properly investigating whether the kid from a poor country they’ve been referred is truly orphaned. Going with the DRC example, a PAP who doesn’t speak French, Lingala or the loacl dialect will have a hard time finding out the ‘truth’ of where their referral came from, the security situation is such that that PAP probably cannot travel to a very remote, rural area, etc.
Name,
Yes, if you 1) adopt from a country like Serbia, which has an ethical international adoption program, and 2) recognize that the overwhelming majority of kids legitimately available for international adoption are over five and/or have special needs.
You also need to consider that international adoption does a real number on kids language development. For the most part, adoptees don’t become bilingual– their unused native language begins to be “overwritten” by the new language they’re immersed in. This throws them back years in their language development, and it can take five years until they’re fluent enough to learn academically in their new language.
http://www.bgcenter.com/interview1.htm
Unless there’s a really compelling reason otherwise, it’s usually in a child’s best interest to be adopted by parents who share the same native language.
Also, you need to adopt kids one at a time (unless they’re a sibling group) and wait into the child from the preceding adoption is fully bonded and psychologically stable before you start pursuing another adoption.
And don’t adopt out of birth order! Sexually abused kids can re-enact their abuse on any younger kids in the family. That’s another reason to make sure that your current adoptee is psychologically stable before bringing another child into the family. And remember that due to the language change, it could be years before an internationally-adopted child is able to benefit fully from psychotherapy to treat the aftermath of sexual abuse.
Yet another Reece’s Rainbow babe has died — one of the two little boys Jaclyn Mitchell adopted from Bulgaria in 2013 has died.
RIP little Adam Mitchell
grumpyjax.blogspot.com
Per the blog, Adam is expected to die soon, but isn’t dead yet. Or do the parents have a Facebook page that has already been updated with the news of Adam’s death?
At least she doesn’t trash the birthparents in her little tribute-poem. But has she considered that a charity that pays for the necessary surgeries, aftercare, and other ossociated expenses for newborns with special needs might have not only allowed Adam’s birthparents to keep him, it might have SAVED ADAM’S LIFE? Or if nothing else, saved Adam from a whole lot of suffering?
Get your facts straight!! He is not dead. He is struggling but holding on. It’s horrible to post that someone has died when they are still alive!!!! For what purpose?
Jaclyn’s lil poem certainly implies that he’s dead:
“I’m thankful for the time that we’ve had.
Thankful that we could be your mom and dad.”
Adam Mitchell hasn’t died yet, but that’s besides the point. You coming here to announce his death in a comment titled “Another Reece’s Rainbow Death!”, was clearly intended to heap condemnation on this RR family for their child’s tragic death.
The Mitchells have done everything medically possible to save their son, and there is absolutely no reason for you to come here to lump them in with other RR kids’ tragic deaths due to abuse or neglect. I agree the latter happens too often, but when the child in question is medically unstable / critical to begin with, the adoptive parents cannot be held responsible for his death.
You people aren’t interested in finding the truth, you’re just here to make as many adoptive families look bad as you can, even if the FACTS DON’T FIT YOUR NARRATIVE! BAH!
RR excuses their sloppy operations on the grounds that adoption is the only way to save the lives of these children. It’s worth documenting that it is not the “one size fits all” solution they claim and that adoption does NOT ensure the happy outcomes that RR claims.
Sadly, little Reece’s Rainbow Adam Mitchell has died, less than a year after being “rescued” (barf!!) from Bulgaria.
His adoptive mommy and daddy are begging for cash to be able to afford to bury him — they’ve asked for $6000 and have received $1500 so far.
Rest in peace little Adam.
http://grumpyjax.blogspot.com/2014/06/donations-for-adams-funeral.html
So much for “we can afford to raise the kid, just not the fees to adopt him” as claimed by many an rr PAPs. I believe the Mitchels begged for cash from strangers multiple times AFTER getting 2 Bulgarian boys home (one of whom was Adam), due to “unanticipated medical costs”, ie totally predicable medical costs, that they should have anticipated seeing as they adopted 2 kids in terrible condition from Pleven.
Being a True Christian™ means never having to do any financial planning or make any personal sacrifices when you adopt. God doesn’t want you to go into debt, and He doesn’t mean for devout Christians to be poor! The Prosperity Gospel says so.
Ergo, if you run into economic difficulties, just beg for money. Kind-hearted strangers are sure to respond, and you can then proclaim that “God provided” the money, which proves that you’re doing what He wants. /sarc
It’s a neat little self-perpetuating system. Until and unless people stop funding these kinds of adoptions, nothing is going to change.
Or unless Reese’s Rainbow loses its 501(c)3 status for some reason.
I read through the blog. While the cause of Adam’s death isn’t stated, he’d experienced a couple of brain bleeds, then in April his hydrocephalus suddenly got worse, invading previously unaffected areas of his brain. It doesn’t seem to be anything his APs did or didn’t do.
If he’d received appropriate medical care from birth while living with his own family, he might be alive today in Bulgaria, with only mild to moderate disabilities.
Reece’s Rainbow is unethical enough to allow folks to donate $ to a kid who isn’t even legally available for adoption!
Specifically, a 4 yo girl in Ukraine who isn’t eligible for international adoption until she turns 5!
“http://reecesrainbow.org/76539/kitt
Meet Kitt.
Okay. This girl. She’s not available for adoption until late 2014, but I just know she’ll be on MFFM within hours of becoming ready. She’ll turn 5 this year, and my dream for her is for to spend her sixth birthday at home. Can’t you just imagine her opening her very own presents, blowing out candles on her very own birthday cake, and jumping into her very own Mama’s arms at the end of the day? I can, and I want to help make that happen.
Because I’m going out of town for all of June, part of July, and part of August, I’m not sure if adding another girlie is the right move yet. I’m thinking about it, and praying about it, but the last thing I want to do is fail her.
Regardless of whether or not Kitt is one of my girls, I love her to pieces. And one of the best ways to show love to these little RR babies is to donate to their grants. As a strong advocate for three of these kiddos, I know from experience that it can be a huge source of encouragement when someone donates even just $1 to a grant. I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again, but these kids need us. And they need YOU.
If you’re willing and able to “Zero her Zero” (donate to her grant to fix the $0 balance), you’ll be my hero and her angel.
Darling Kitt’s only health concern is that she’s living with HIV. I know that sounds scary, but I want to ask you to click over to these other blogs that might help you reconsider.
*I ask you to read the comments with caution and a gracious heart. The articles are viable, and potentially offensive comments are not necessarily so.*
Source 1: No Hands But Ours
Source 2: Project Hopeful
Source 3: Children of All Nations
Source 4: There’s No Place Like Home
Source 5: Little Did I Know
Source 6: Positively Adopted
Source 7: 5 Million Minus 1
Source 8: NBC News
Source 9: Precious and Positive
Source 10: Adopted by Design
These are just a few of the blogs I’ve found. I’m also friends with a whole bunch of RR Adoptive Mamas, many of whom have personal experience. Please, PLEASE comment and let me know or ask a question on the sidebar to the right if you have any questions whatsoever. Anything. If I don’t know the answer, I will do absolutely everything I can to find it and help you.
I’m sixteen. I can’t convince you to adopt a little girl living with HIV a world away. But I can tell you about her, and show you her precious little picture. And maybe, just maybe, I can help this little one find her Mama. ♡”
http://egpg3.blogspot.com/2014/05/kitt.html
So it’s a 16 year old who’s trying to get people to adopt a kid who isn’t legally avail to be adopted yet? That’s a great idea, because most 16 year olds are so good a decision making and are very trustworthy. <—sarcasm
Yet another rr family who had been “planning” to adopt a not yet available for international adoption kid who’d been listed on rr for nearly a year!
http://godshandonus.blogspot.com/2014/05/change-in-plans.html
You’d think serge would be inclined to knock it off by now!
Kid sounds like she might know what she’s talking about. Maybe just trying to help with costs early? I agree, she’s young, but clearly she has a heart for these kids. Dunno. We (people in 20s and 30s) always complain about the next generation and tell them to leave their mark, so when they at least try I feel like we should support them.
Lifeline Adoptions AND now-AP larry Taunton admits to paying a $1500 bribe to adopt a Ukrainian girl circa 2010:
“Adoptive Parent, Larry Taunton said, “They say she can’t meet with you, she can meet you in a couple of weeks. I say I can’t afford to be here for a couple more weeks and then they say for $1,500 she can meet with you tomorrow.”
Linda asks, “Did you pay the 1500?” Taunton answers, “We did and I would say to anybody if you’re not willing to pay to get the child than you don’t want the child bad enough.”
Taunton went on to say the $1,500 came out of the fee he paid to Lifeline.
Lifeline’s executive director explained it this way.
Newell said, “It’s more of a service charge for what you get people to do.” Linda question: “So would you say bribes or expedition fees built into the fee that Lifeline charges families?” Newell answer: Umm no. I wouldn’t.””
http://www.alabamas13.com/story/25557954/13-investigates-overseas-adoption-dangers
What’s the difference between a “service charge for what you get people to do” and a bribe?
Someone help me understand.
Anne,
Re: “…What’s the difference between a “service charge for what you get people to do” and a bribe?…”
Service charges are openly disclosed in the sending countries’ government list of required fees for international adoption.
Also, if the “jump” in the level of service as as dramatic as “a couple of weeks” to “tomorrow”, that’s a red flag. So is a fee that’s waaaay too high to represent mere paperwork costs.
A legitimate “service charge” typically isn’t paid in cold, hard cash. Receipts are issued for “service charges”.
The Brockhaus’ of Reece’s Rainbow fundraised 100% of adoption costs to adopt 2 special needs, out of birth order, unrelated Russian kids barely 18 months ago… and are now in the midst of demanding $35k from strangers to adopt a special needs baby from Africa (DRC is implied):
http://www.youcaring.com/adoption-fundraiser/bring-little-c-home-/186162
This idiocy will not stop until people stop forking over cash to irresponsible PAPs!!
The “Hopeful Adoptive Family fundraiser” is apparently for Reece’s Rainbow families who want to adopt within a year, but cannot be bothered to pay for so much as a homestudy (!). Folks are raising money to allow families to get a HOMESTUDY DONE!
Gee, if you can’t afford $1,500-$2,0000 for a homestudy, maybe starting an international adoption taht will cost $30,000 is a bad idea?!?
“This family is what we call a “Hopeful Adoptive Family”. “Hopeful Adoptive Families” are families who plan to begin the adoption process within one year. These families are raising money to pay for the initial fees of beginning their adoption such as home study fees, adoption agency fees, etc. While they haven’t began the process of adopting yet, they have began an extremely important step which is ensuring funds to allow the adoption process to not be held up due to finances once it begins. This is crucial for orphans who are waiting on families and have been waiting a long time. Some children require immediate medical attention thus it is important for families adopting those children to move through the process quickly. These families are preparing ahead of time to make sure that when they began the process of adopting, money will not be a factor that holds them up. ”
http://alittlesomethingextrafoundation.org/the-perkins-family.html
Just to clarify, that organization was started by RR parents, but is not associated with or supported by RR. Does basically the same thing from what it sounds like, but these are not RR families and there is a good reason why RR requires certain things be done before families can access funds through them which isn’t present here, which IMO is concerning.
Reece’s Rainbow’s been known (and DOCUMENTED) to refuse to release funds donated to a specific family’s FSP & funds that were donated to a specific child (if RR decided they didn’t like the family trying to adopt them):
http://www.carringtonscourage.blogspot.com/2013/07/response-to-our-grievance-letter.html
savinglera.blogspot.com/2012/07/the-scoop.html
And, let’s not forget what RR does when funds have been donated to a specific child who turns out to be (1) not available for adoption and/or (2) adopted by a non-RR family — UNILATERALLY reallocates the money to other RR kids.
The best practices for charities are that if funds are donated for a specific cause (say, to help little illegally photolisted Russian kids get adopted) and Russia bans US families from adopting their kids (so the funds CANNOT be used for the specific cause they were donated to) is to RETURN all monies to the DONORS.
The donors can then do what they like with their money — including donating it to a different RR kid, buying themselves an ice cream sundae, making a bonfiire with the bills, etc.
This business of RR doing what THEY want with other people’s money? Is so not on!
This, well, this is a new one — begging for cash to adopt a child from El Salvador so that he doesn’t join a gang and get murdered (?!?).
“my family and I are seeking your help in bringing Victor home here in the US from El Salvador. Victor is a very bright little boy who loves playing with his friends and raising chickens . In the deprived state his country is in everyday life is a constant struggle just to put food on the table and clothes on their backs. If we define “dangerous” based solely on homicide rates, El Salvador is the most dangerous country in the world. The current homicide rate in El Salvador is 71 per 100000 the highest in the world. To put things into perspective, Mexico (currently experiencing a has a murder rate of 15 per 100,000. Victor at just the mere age of 10 is already being pressured into joining the gangs there. My heart is heavy with worry to get him out of there as fast as we can. my husband and I are currently $6500 in with the lawyer and hoping to bring victor home faster then later we seek your help in this urgent process to get Victor home before it’s to late. The adoption process is slow long and drawn out enough we just pray that God protects and guides Victor with his loving hand Until i can go to bring him home! We want to give him the life he deserves with my huband yearning to have his son here with us now. No matter how small or large your gift is we greatly appreciate your help and thank you from the bottom of our hearts if you are interested in reviving monthly updates and news on Victor and the process please email me at: rachelpalfy@hotmail.com and put VICTOR in the subject line and I will gladly keep you updated!! ”
http://www.youcaring.com/adoption-fundraiser/victors-journey-to-america/182829
The appeal to Bad Consequences as if they were certain to occur unless you send money is a very old scamming… excuse me, “fundraising” technique.
Victor raises chickens… that implies that he’s living with family already, and thus isn’t an orphan as we’d consider it in the United States. Why not raise money to start a mission to minister to the gang members, thus keeping them from TRYING to recruit Victor (or any other boys, for that matter)?
I’d also hazard a guess that a child who “raises chickens” is probably not in imminent danger of starvation — it certainly suggests he’s got a family, a place to live and the means to properly house/feed/care for chickens (which presumably can be sold or eaten).
“The appeal to Bad Consequences as if they were certain to occur unless you send money is a very old scamming… excuse me, “fundraising” technique.
Victor raises chickens… that implies that he’s living with family already, and thus isn’t an orphan as we’d consider it in the United States. Why not raise money to start a mission to minister to the gang members, thus keeping them from TRYING to recruit Victor (or any other boys, for that matter)”
I have to admit, I’m a bit confused when reading the details because I get the impression that the child might be the husband’s biological son.
eg “home to his father” and “We want to give him the life he deserves with my husband yearning to have his son here with us now.” The child also has the surname “Torres”.
I am not sure why adoption would be needed in that case – perhaps if the mother wasn’t marred to the father?
Whatever the case, I hope little Victor gets a say in the matter.
Even if the mother wasn’t married to Victor’s father, it doesn’t follow that Victor therefore “needs” to be adopted by an American couple.
Also, the fact that the PAPs say “home to his father” doesn’t necessarily mean that there’s any kinship tie between them. It’s common for Rescue Adopters to call the kids they’re trying to adopt “theirs”. ‘STUCK’ parents use this kind of terminology all the time in their fundraising and publicity stunts.
Perhaps there is some legitimate reason for adopting Victor to a foreign country despite the stated social and financial stability of Victor’s current placement, but the PAPs haven’t disclosed any such circumstances in their crowdfunding appeal.
I doubt that’ll keep kneejerk defenders of Rescue Adoption from giving regardless. It’s an article of faith to them that all the kids in the world without True Christian™ natural parents need to be adopted by True Christians™, so that they can be properly indoctrinated. Therefore they don’t care if the rationalization for any particular adoption stands up to logical analysis or not– it’s just window dressing anyway.
I would normally agree except that she specifically refers to the child as being her husband’s son and not her own, otherwise I think she would have said “our son”, not “his son”. That’s what made me think that perhaps the child is his biological son.
I do agree that they haven’t made it very clear.
If that’s true, then she’s crowdfunding for her husband’s custody fight with his ex.
Since she’s not alleging any abuse, that would make her argument “We’re wealthier– and American citizens– so that means not only should my husband get custody, but his mother’s rights should be severed so that I (his new stepmother) can adopt him!” If that’s so, it’s an even WORSE example of PAP entitlement.
To be fair, his mother could be dead and he’s living with extended family. But again, if this was the case, why not say so? The fact that she cites “gang activity” as the reason to adopt him instead makes me feel that Victor’s own mother is alive.
Of course, we aren’t supposed to think of any of this. We’re just supposed to see the appeal to “save” Victor by adopting him to America and give money, even though we don’t have enough information about the details of the case to determine what’s truly in Victor’s best interests.
If ‘gang activity’ in the neighborhood (i.e. a law-abiding kid is being raised by law-abiding, loving parents with no gang/crime ties whatsoever) and ONLY ‘gang activity’ in the neighborhood is a valid reason for removing a child from his parents…
… then pretty much ALL kids who live on the south side of Chicago will need to be removed from their parents. Mayor Rahm Emmanuel’s “Safe Passage Zone” simply isn’t enough:
http://abc7chicago.com/archive/9247788/
(That would be the neighborhood where Michelle Obama grew up and where she and the now-President and their kids lived before he got into politics. A diverse middle class neighborhood with good public schools yet a lingering gang problem)
And the foolish Katie Jay gets more and more appalling every day:
http://childrendeservefamilies.com/real-reason-charities-oppose-international-adoption/
She’s currently looking for a guest poster, maybe one of us could submit? http://childrendeservefamilies.com/call-guest-posts/
Yet another Reece’s Rainbow kid is comatose — little Hazel Fillmore:
http://savouringlittlethings.blogspot.com/2014/06/saturday-afternoon-two-days-ago-we-went.html
Her aparents think it’s something genetic, the doctors aren’t quite sure but the poor kid nearly drowned over the weekend and has been comatose for 72 hours.
The Fillmores seem to think she’s better off with them in the US (lessons from the Clantons, perhaps? Their Ukrainian girlie Selah has been comatose for nearly 2 yrs following an “accidental” near-fatal drowning) than in Russia…
… But both Hazel and Selah would likely NOT be comatose had they remaining in their grim Russian and Ukrainian orphanages!!!
Per the blog, Hazel has since regained consciousness.
Since she was apparently given a thorough medical workup by the hospital, any signs of child abuse would have been noted by mandated reporters. If there was anything suspicious about her collapse, there should be follow-up.
Per the APs, medical staff believe that Hazel swallowed enough pool water to throw her sodium level dangerously low. The MRI found “legions”(lesions?) in her brain, two of them near areas which control autonomic functions, which may have caused Hazel’s collapse and/or prolonged unconsciousness afterward.
Selah Clanton’s accident wasn’t suspicious, only sad. Her APs were using a jogging stroller as a dual Special Needs stroller, and it started rolling down an incline while Jon Clanton’s back was turned. Witnesses saw him jump into the canal after the stroller, and found him struggling to lift it out of the water. The Clantons’ biological son was also strapped into the stroller at the time.
I’m on the fence on whether the Clanton accident was an Adoption Reform issue or a stroller safety issue. On the one hand, though running enthusiasts’ websites say that jogging strollers should NOT be used as primary strollers due to the rollaway hazard, this isn’t widely known to the general public. They’re marketed alongside regular strollers as baby equipment on mainstream sites without any warnings or cautions. In fact, current models advertise a feature which allows you to put the front wheel into swivel mode for easier use as a primary stroller.
On the other hand… if the Clanton’s had only adopted Sarah (the Feature Presentation of this particular adoption journey), Jon Clanton would have only had Sam with him at the time. Since Jon was strong enough to hold Sam’s side of the stroller out of the water with Selah’s weight in it, even if the accident had still occurred, Sam would still have come out of it without any lasting harm done.
And without an additional severely delayed kid to wrangle, the Clantons might have remembered to pick up a replacement wrist watch for Jon at Wal-Marts, meaning he’d never had turned away from the stroller to shield his cellphone’s time display from the glare for those crucial seconds.
Tosha Tanquay on her divinely-inspired decision to adopt a kids with SN out of birth order.
http://tanquarysarrows.blogspot.com/
http://reecesrainbow.org/48712/sponsortanquary
“I felt horrible guilt for bringing a child into our home that hurt our youngest. She was hurt daily, even though I was constantly in the same room watching every move they all made… I was exhausted and cried every night after putting them all to bed. What had I done to our family?! This was “my” idea… I had spent hours and hours of the last year, taking any extra family time we had making necklaces to raise money to get this child home. The stress we endured during that year changed me and our entire family.
Then, during that time I unexpectedly found out I was expecting.
We thought she would be home far before I was ready to give birth, and that didn’t happen, so I was physically limited by the time she got here… After giving birth I was emotionally spent in addition to my physical exhaustion…. These last few months have been far harder than fundraising, and waiting for news, and really the entire adoption process.
I am one class from getting a psychology degree… I knew, book-wise what to expect… But no book or test on a paper prepares you for this… You can’t tell how you will feel.
And how does one prepare for their youngest child to be bullied, (and by bullied, i mean bloodied lips am new bruises daily) in the place they should feel the most secure?
The children are most important, all the children- previously in the family AND any new children.
If a person is unable to cope, unable to deal with the situation, the child’s needs won’t be met… If the new child is abusive to the previous children, those children’s needs are not being met and something may need to be changed in order for ALL needs to be met.
There was a sense in which I felt we all could face anything… But there have been times when I have second guessed that… Not me so much, but how could I expect our youngest (at the time) to face this? Was it fair?
I used to think birth order meant nothing… And now I understand why that is so stressed and I really wish I had listened.
As a mother, my job is to protect my children… So again… Bringing home another child who was a danger caused severe guilt. I had failed my younger daughter…. Still… This is a hard battle I deal with daily and that is just me being honest, with complete transparency.
I did raise an eyebrow when I heard the word “disruption” before our child came home. But now I understand how it can happen…. How it can be the difference between a happy and functioning family unit, and one completely torn apart.
I can’t even lay my newborn baby down, it is simply not safe to do so, even for a minute.
So while we aren’t planning to disrupt, after days and days of tears to the point of vomiting, I get it.”
The AP’s already taken this post down, leaving the latest post on the blog the “Happy Homecoming” piece. I guess someone informed her that she’d broken the “never say anything negative about adoption” rule. 🙁
Looking at the pictures, it appears as if Katerina has FAS.
Rachel Pehl might just be the most horrible PAP ever… merrily, shamelessly, PUBLICLY bragging about the “awful” birthfather who appears to have an interest in raising his baby.
About “anti-adoption” hospitals.
http://pehladoption.blogspot.com/2014/06/praising-him-in-storm.html
“First of all, I want to thank all of you who I know have been praying since I posted we needed prayer on facebook.
I don’t know what I would do without our prayer warriors and we are truly blessed.
I went back and forth trying to decide if I wanted to share everything that is going on publicly.
Our hearts are hurting right now and part of me just wanted to bottle it all up, sit in my room with a tub of ice cream, and have a pity party.
After spending time in prayer, I realized that sharing our story is an important part of giving God glory.
I am not sure what the ending of this story is going to look like, but I know it will be for our good and God’s glory.
The other night, we got the call from our agency that every adoptive parents dreads.
The birth father, who has been no where to be found for months, has come back and is saying that he wants the baby and will fight the adoption.
As scary as this is, it does not necessarily mean that we will not bring Penelope home.
“K” still does NOT want the baby.
She was very adamant on the phone with the agency that she has no interest in parenting.
Unfortunately, the birth father is a large, abusive man and will no longer let “K” communicate with the agency.
So as of right now, the agency has no contact with her.
As far as they know, she does not want the baby…he does.
An alert has been sent out to the local hospitals to call the agency if “K” showed up at the hospital.
“K” and the birth father will not be allowed to go home with Penelope.
If they decide they want to parents, CPS will step in and take her.
If CPS gets her, we will never see her.
We are hoping that the chances of that happening are slim.
We got to have a long visit with “K” in which she explained her dislike of CPS.
She really believes that they are the worst possible place for a child to go and I really do believe that she will call the agency before letting her child be turned over to the government.
If she decides she wants us to have the baby, hopefully the hospital will work with her and our agency will get a call.
If she decides she wants to give us the baby, we will still have to deal with the birth father.
He will have to take a paternity test to make sure he is the father.
Birth fathers have to pay for their own tests and get their own transportation.
Therefore, many of them never follow through with getting the test.
Now if he got the test, and turned out to be the real father, CPS would take the baby away from us and we would never see her again.
The emotions that I have been dealing with the past couple of days have been unreal but we are doing good.
God is good ALL the time….I truly believe that.
I think about why God calls people to serve him.
He doesn’t call us so we can live easy, happy, lives where we get everything we want.
He calls us so we can further the kingdom of God.
He calls us so we can carry out His will here on earth.
He calls us to mold us into Godly individuals.
When I first heard this news, I immediately thought, “Why wont he just bless us with our children coming home? What did we do wrong?”
I had a few moments of weakness where I was angry and felt like giving up.
I felt like maybe God just forgot about us.
But He didn’t.
I am sitting here with 3/4 of my children stuck in dangerous awful situations that I can do nothing about.
Sure I am sad and there are tears.
But I am joyful.
I am hopeful.
I am praising God for how awesome he has shown himself in my life.
I am praising the God who gives, and the God who takes away.
Ever since becoming a believer, I struggled with the idea of praising God even in a storm.
I wondered how it could even be possible.
I now, I am blessed with the chance and the ability to praise Him through this storm and it feels so powerful.
God has given us a peace that truly does pass all understanding.
In my head I know I should be freaking out.
But my heart is so calm.
My heart knows that He has got this.
PRAYER REQUESTS
First, please continue praying that we feel peace through this process. I know the next couple of weeks of waiting for a call and not knowing if we even will get one are going to be rough.
Second, there are certain hospitals that are pro-adoption and certain ones that are anti-adoption. The anti-adoption hospitals would prefer that the baby go into foster care than be adopted. Please pray that “K” ends up at one of the pro-adoption hospitals and that they call our agency right away.
Third, Please pray for the hearts of the birth family. They were created in the image of God just like you and me and we love them. We are praying for their salvation and praying that they see that CPS is just not a good option for little Penelope.
I will keep you guys updated just as soon as I know anything.”
I tried to post the following on Rachel Pehl’s blog, hoping she’d at least read it before deleting it. However, I got a message that posting access has been restricted to “team members”.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
If the birthfather has committed prior abusive acts against K, have you tried contacting law enforcement and telling them that you fear that K is being held incommunicado by her abusive ex–or may have even been kidnapped– and asking them to check it out and make sure K is okay and under no duress?
Surely they’d do that, especially if you tell them that K is 9 months pregnant. Abusers do bad things when “their” women try to escape their control, so K may be in imminent danger.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I really hope that Rachel Pehl was lying about the birthfather being abusive. Some states have laws allowing privatized CPS departments to harvest babies from arbitrarily-defined “unfit” natural parents for profitable adoption by PAPs on their waiting lists.
Rachel claims to have only met the pregnant lady once, in person and knows very little about her — let alone the supposed birth father. I’d take everything she blogs with a giant boulder of salt.
Rachel Pehl is indeed something unique even within the world of Rescue Adoption. From one of her earliest blog entries, when she was planning to adopt from Ethiopia:
“…Today, Gavin and I got our finger prints taken. This is the first thing the agency asked us to do because finger prints take a long time to process. I was told to get them taken but was not sent a finger print card. When I called the police department to see what time they were doing finger prints, they told me to bring my own card. Well I didn’t have one! So I called Dillon Southwest who told me to get it from the courthouse. The courthouse had no idea what I was talking about. Finally I got some cards from a friend of mine who is a police officer and we got our finger prints taken! We are going to leave in a few for our appointment with the adoption agency. I cant wait to get a better understanding of how this all works! We have a two hour drive to North Scottsdale and the orientation will be over at nine, so it will be a late night. I plan to take pictures of this whole process to put in Malachi’s baby book since he will be missing a few months.(We will not get him until he is about a year old.) We are praying daily for our little boy who right now is growing in his mommies tummy. We pray that she has the means to eat healthy and get plenty of rest. We pray that God gives her peace in this trying time and that she will feel comforted by the fact that her baby is going to a home where he will be loved and cared for…”
http://pehladoption.blogspot.com/2012/01/malachi-is-growing-in-his-mommies-tummy.html
Reece’s Rainbow’s Rebecca Jenks set out to adopt two more unrelated, high needs special needs kids with Down syndrome — 13 year old girls, out of birth order this time! — from Latvia this time.
Upon meeting one of the girls for the very first time, Rebecca noticed that the kid was:
1) clearly way older than 13
“she did not look 13, she looked much older our doctor agrees that it is possible that she is older. She does not appear to be a 13 year old little girl but how old she is, we have no idea”
2) did not have DS
3) didn’t match the description on the Latvian adoption paperwork (different hair/eye color).
A sane person would have had a problem with this — because the paperwork is fraudulent. So who knows if the kid is really an orphan in need of a foreign family?
Rebecca is happily carrying on with her Latvian adoption!
http://becauseyouareloved.blogspot.com/2014/06/gods-great-plan.html
I didn’t post this on any blog…. Do you have a screenshot of the blog entry?
And just a FYI, my daughter doesn’t have FAS.
Tosha Tanquary,
Re: “…And just a FYI, my daughter doesn’t have FAS…”
Do you know that for a fact? There’s a lot of… how shall I put this?… inaccurate medical and family background information given to PAPs during international adoption. The post showing just above yours proves THAT.
Here are some sites giving information about FAS/FASD:
http://www.aafp.org/afp/2005/0715/p279.html
http://www.faslink.org/fasmain.htm
Please note that there’s nothing preventing FAS from occurring in kids with Down syndrome or any other disability. If the birthmother consumes enough alcohol during pregnancy, the child will be affected to some degree. And how much alcohol is “enough” to have an effect depends not only on the mother’s ability to detoxify ethanol, but the fetus’s ability. Fraternal twins have been born with one baby far more affected than the other.
Thank you, I know what FAS is. I am a psyc major as I stated before. 😉
At any rate, my entry was misrepresented.
So, I feel I need to clear up any confusion about that….
There was an adoptive family who was struggling and they felt they could not go to the adoption community with their struggles.. they felt they needed to deal with the issues they were having with an adopted child on their own… they felt their family was hurting… being torn apart and they had nowhere to turn for counsel.
Another adoptive mom made mention of it and the “not named” family was indeed torn part by people who had never walked in those shoes. There was no empathy, but rather a very small minded view on the situation.
Most people who commented felt they “made their bed” so to speak… and the “not named” family felt hopeless. I was just offering a side of the story that most people do not see or hear about and one that most are afraid to speak of. Why? Because children die every day sitting in their own vomit and wastes and although all can clearly not be saved from such a life, some are and some come out with happy stories… so those families that need help feel they might be a stumbling block of sorts and could possibly prevent a child from being saved, so they remain quiet.
Please note, I did not blog about this, and “take it down”… this was a conversation that was copied and pasted out of context between me and some other people who could never imagine they would do such a thing as disrupt… so regardless of where you stand on the subject, at least be honest about where you got my name and comment…
It appears that you tried to make this out that I was trying to sound off a warning to PAPs… which was not the case, although I will be very upfront, frank, and straight forward with anyone who asks about our experience.
Tosha — If everything you wrote was true and NOT intended as a warning to PAPs, well, I don’t have any words for that. I’m assuming you’d prefer not having your littles physically assaulted on a regular basis by their new big sister.
You’re a psych major, knew damn well the implications of out of birth order adoptions and plowed on ahead anyways — THAT is why the “adoption community” doesn’t rally behind idiots who undertake high risk adoptions and then express shock when the risks apply to them!
Tosha Tanquary,
Re: “…children die every day sitting in their own vomit and wastes and although all can clearly not be saved from such a life, some are and some come out with happy stories…”
I say we need to put more resources into changing the conditions that result in children winding up in such circumstances in the first place!
We KNOW that poverty, economic injustice, gender oppression, and lack of access to health care services are major drivers of such outcomes. So is ableism, substance abuse, rape culture, and lack of access to affordable contraception. Working to improve these situations will prevent many, many more starfish from washing up on the beach to begin with than we can possibly “save” one-by-one by international adoption..
The fact that many religious groups are urging their flock to “rescue” children from a claimed “orphan crisis” provides the unscrupulous with the incentive to manufacture “orphans” so that they can get a cut of that crowdfunded “ransom money” PAPs are willing to pay to pay– particularly for the younger, healthier “orphans” most PAPs prefer.
FYI, I’m not the one who posted the link to your site. I simply followed the link, found the quoted post missing– as happens to a lot of “anti-adoption” content on the internet– and commented on the fact. I also noted that Katerina “appeared” to have FAS. I made no diagnoses online, and only mentioned it because adoptees with FASD come in for more than their share of “bad outcomes”.
I provided the URLs I did because not knowing of your background, I thought the information might be helpful to you. If Katerina has already been clinically assessed for FASD and declared unaffected, that’s great.
I agree… I think we SHOULD focus on helping families keep their children and not abandon them… I think there needs to be some sort of outreach to families that can provide education about disabilities and such so parents won’t just walk away… I am absolutely for keeping families together first and foremost and I wish there was some organization set up to do just that… I wish there were a way to reunite families… and help provide resources to them, just not sure how to pull that off…
I will admit that I was naïve that we would have one of the easy peasy happy outcomes BECAUSE of my education… that was pride on my part. I thought I knew all that I needed to make sure that we could face any obstacles we’d face… again… I thought too highly of myself and I have since found that I am in need of assistance… so, I’ve reached out and we are getting help now. Everything is NOT peaches and crème but they ARE getting better…
I also forgot to mention…
When I went to Europe to visit K on trip one I spent the week with the foster family she had been living with.
I asked many times if they would like to adopt her… they said no… I asked, if money was not an issue, would they consider keeping her. They again said no.
I tried all week to understand the reasons they gave… which were many.
My husband and I were willing to walk away from the adoption and even talked about paying the fees needed in order for THEM to keep her. They told us that they WANTED us to take her. That they loved her dearly, but could not provide what she needed. The idea of America being the “golden land” had reached the most inner parts of Europe…
I asked them again every day, if money was not an issue would they? Again, and again I was told flat out, no… that they liked having her there and was happy that she was placed with them but they had missed a lot of opportunities to go to social events due to her being with them”…
I was a bit shocked, but I have no clue about what it is like to live in a country where people look at your child as if they are cursed.
One day while we were eating at a restaurant, K reached behind us and touched the arm of a man. He immediately stood up and yelled at me, YELLED, ” for ruining his day by letting that cursed creature touch” him…. I was so taken back by it that I just sat there…. in disbelief. Everywhere we went people stared at her and steered their children away from her…as if she were a disease they didn’t want them to catch…
I asked how long they thought they would keep her if I did not take her to live with me.
I was told by the FF that she would be with them until she turned 16 and then would be taken to the mental institute and they didn’t want that to happen to her, but they didn’t want a “forever child”.
I was so torn… I felt that I was taking their child, but then I felt like if I didn’t, I knew where she would end up… They kept saying they were thrilled that she would be going with me… and those words cut me to the core…
we were at a crossroads and I didn’t have a map.
I have no idea what the foster families make as compensation for providing care for these children, but it can’t be much as the annual salary in her country is not impressive… so surely that can NOT be the only reason this family had kept her? I truly think they loved her and that they didn’t feel they could keep her… I feel that if society would have been more open to a child with down syndrome then they may have kept her…. and that kills me.
We keep in contact with them and give updates and photos…
I think there are more FF like hers, and I wish there were a foster/adopt program there…
I think they wanted us to take her because they knew that in her country, as it is now, she had no future… here, she will start school in the fall and receive therapy three times a week, she has glasses now and can see, has received medical care that they could not give her there… that is what they were thinking of… that her “golden ticket” to the “golden land” was with me and they told me all these wonderful stories of her, showed me photos of her, I asked them about every question I could… They told us that she had never been aggressive at all… that she was a very tender child, that she was “always happy”, etc… I asked about bad behavior telling them that I only wanted to make sure we would be prepared for her to come home and they told me a few things that she DOES deal with… but looking back, I think they wanted her to be “chosen” so much that they were like used car salesmen and not completely honest. Had they been honest with us and told us that she couldn’t be trusted around small children then I would not have signed those papers…And yeah, I know that sounds harsh, and I know that it would have meant that she could have been sent to a mental institution when she turned 16, but I would have chosen the safety of my littles first… maybe that makes me a horrible person….
Or… maybe a family with no smaller children would have adopted her… or maybe in the next 10 years things will change and people with disabilities will be seen as people in her country and her FF would have found a way to keep her forever.
Being dishonest helps nobody…
(((Tosha)))
I’m glad that you’re finally receiving help with K. May I suggest visiting these two sites? They’re written by compassionate, well-educated mothers who’ve adopted traumatized children.
http://bringingkatyahome11.blogspot.com/
http://parentingthatheals.org/
It’s possible that K’s aggression toward smaller kids is driven by her fear of their taking your love away from her. If there weren’t any smaller kids in the foster family, then the issue might not have come up before.
Yeah, ableism is a real problem in many non-Western countries. Even in America, we’ve not come as far as we should. Have you seen this documentary? Toward the end, they show a woman who’s working for the rights of the disabled
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cs42-5HnQRQ&feature=player_embedded
Honestly, though, I think the belief that older child adoption from another country will be “easy peasy” is fed by the fact that most of the active bloggers are the people who had “happy outcomes” despite the odds. Parents who encounter severe difficulties just stop updating their blogs without explaining. There’s a belief within the pro-adoption community that one should NEVER say anything about these situations, lest it “discourage other parents from adopting.”
http://www.myspecialks.com/2013/02/the-stormy-side-of-rainbow.html
And unfortunately when parents DO have the courage to admit that the emperor has no clothes, then not only are they lambasted by people with financial interests in keeping the adoption industry humming along, but by adoption reform advocates pointing and yelling “See here? Another bad outcome that shows what we’re saying is right!” And while we’re trying to attack the toxic ideology, I can see how it’s perceived as a personal attack by a parent who’s already at the end of their emotional rope.
I’m sorry about that. We often use this site as a way to scream into our pillows in frustration at seeing the same bad scenarios again and again. The other APs on this site know it’s nothing personal. (Well, maybe in the case of Denise Davis it is a little personal, but that’s a unique situation.)
Colleen Novit isn’t letting Tosha’s experience or sane advice from social workers stop her from simultaneously adopting 2 unrelated, out of birth order kids with high needs, special needs simultaneously from Bulgaria. A 10 yo with DS + violent tendencies and a boy with CP.
Wouldn’t want to lower the risk the adoption will fail by adopting one kid at a time?
Doesn’t a 10 yo institutionalized at birth deserve the very, very best chance of a successful adoption?
Doesn’t each kid from the ghastly Pleven orphanage deserve a TON of individual parental attention, to help them make up for what they’ve missed?
Don’t Colleen’s younger, smaller biokids deserve protection?
“The stimming will fade with time,
But some of them may never fully disappear. After 2 days of visits,
Her stimming had already drastically decreased”.
Suuuuure.
“Her eye contact is amazing, At least to someone who prepared for the very worst. It’s not her preference,
But when she does make eye contact, It feels like she is staring deep into my soul”
Suuuure.
This is a kid that Colleen will likely kick to the curb in under a year. This is beneficial to a Bulgarian kid who deserves a million times better.
National homestudy standards are needed.
Idiots like Coleen Novit need to be saved from their own (incredibly, irrationally) BAD JUDGEMENT!!
http://iwillcometoyou-john14-18.blogspot.com/2014/06/the-scary-older-child-adoption.html
Jesus wept! This girl is older than ALL her biological kids, and she’s been through massive trauma and rejection. She may be sweet and gentle while she has her amommy’s complete undivided attention, but how’s she going to react when she learns she’s got to share the first person she’s connected to with FIVE other kids? Attacking her rivals violently is an all-too-possible response.
So is re-enacting any sexual abuse she may have suffered as a nonverbal (and until recently non-ambulatory) child in a poorly run institution. Can you say, “perfect victim profile”? Poor kid!
But because of that danger, the LAST thing she needs is to be placed in a position where she has younger, smaller children whom she might victimize in turn.
Immigration needs to announce that they’ll stop approving visas for adoptions like this. The adoption industry/home study industry has too much of a profit motive at stake for them to do so.
Edit: I posted the following on her blog. Maybe it’ll be enough to prevent the train wreck. All I can do is try.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
If you’re absolutely determined to go through with this out-of-birth-order, two-unrelated-SN-at-once adoption, then I beg you to get services in place before you bring her home so that she is NEVER left unsupervised with your younger kids. EVER.
It’s not unknown for kids adopted from institutions to physically attack other kids in the home as rivals for their new parents’ love and attention. Ask Hope Anne Dueck. Not because she’s a “bad kid”, but because she’s a traumatized kid who’s trying to protect herself from the threat of being rejected again. But even so, your existing kids, plus your other new adoptee, don’t deserve to be physically abused in their own home.
Or sexually abused. It’s also not unknown for kids to be subjected to sexual abuse in poorly-supervised institutions, and to then re-enact the experience on younger, smaller kids when adopted out of birth order. Check the re-homing boards; if a listed kid’s profile includes “needs to be the youngest child in the family”, that’s usually the reason.
Please, take steps to see that this tragedy DOESN’T happen to you or your children.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
She will never, ever publish it. Or halt the spectacularly ill-advised, high-risk adoption of “Millie”.
I’m also curious as to why Coleen returned to the Reece’s Rainbow fold. She published one post saying deets on RR’s evils (not giving her money “earmarked” for the kids she was adopting, allegedly) was coming soon… but took it down. And is now pro-rr with a big FSP grant!
Hmm, and yet it was published because you commented. A for effort! But you are right that I will not halt our adoption 🙂
And where do I say that I am Pro RR or Anti RR? I have very clearly over and over stated that I am neither pro, nor anti and that stance has not changed.
Nor have I ever said anything to the effect of “not giving her money “earmarked” for the kids she was adopting” because that had nothing to do with the post that I wrote.
I took down almost every post on my blog, had nothing to do with taking down any specific post.
And I worked hard to grow my grant so I don’t know what you are implying by referencing my “big FSP”
CHEERS!
She actually did post the comment, along with a very thoughtful response. I will never be supportive of adopting out of birth order and bringing home two or more unrelated children at a time, but give this woman some credit: she seems at least marginally more aware than your average Evangelical adopter.
She not only posted it– she replied! She states that she DOES have plans in place “as required by home study”, and is working with a “very experienced” social worker, who will tweak the plans as needed.
We have to hope that this social worker is indeed preparing them adequately for this adoption. I just wish “Millie” was a one-at-a-time adoption by a similarly-prepared couple whose existing kids were all well older than her.
Yay, Colleen for responding!
Colleen’s got a Reece’s Rainbow FSP page, which suggests she’s pro-RR:
http://reecesrainbow.org/74331/sponsornovit
Despite having out and out accused RR of criminal wrongdoing on her blog earlier this year:
“-Families have been done wrong by the team in country.
-The team in country interfered with families adoptions that were using another team
-Their ethics are questionable at best
-They are functioning as an agency
-They are overstepping boundaries
-They are sabotaging adoptions
-Money is going missing
-Money is being withheld”
Oh my, she even writes that:
“You are taking away from an orphan every time you stir up the drama of Satan.
He wants you to shift focus, he wants them to remain in orphanages.
Every time you start drama, you are making the plight less and less “real”,
Less desirable to want to be a part of,
You are causing families and advocates to think twice before jumping in.
You are not saving anyone.
Leave the saving to Jesus.”
Love love love that she considers corrupt facilitators, bribes, large sums of missing money to be “drama” getting in the way of “rescuing” orphans — as opposed to flat-out criminal behavior that will likely get adoptions from a given country shut down. That it’s okay to ignore CRIMES to “ransom” orphans!”
Originally posted/deleted from here:
http://thestarsaligned.blogspot.com/2014/03/the-ole-grey-mare.html
Preserved for posterity here:
https://reformtalk.net/2014/03/28/facepalm-friday-117/
Forgot to mention that in a comment found on the same page as the stuff above Colleen flat-out accused RR of withholding money from her family:
“Money was witheld from *US* so again, you can make all kinds of claims but as stated, I have been on both sides and I will continue to tell my story.”.
She took down the post almost immediately after she put it on her blog and set up her very own RR FSP. So I’m assuming whatever issue Andrea Roberts had with Colleen has since been resolved!
I’m speechless at adoptive mommy Schecki’s comments on her recently adopted son Kyle:
“Are you offering? You’re certainly welcome to submit a homestudy to our social worker. There’s not exactly a long line of people wanting to take on a profoundly retarded child that will need lifetime total care”.
http://grtlyblesd.blogspot.com/2014/06/one-year-with-luke.html
I thought the whole point of Rescue Adoption was to take in “unwanted” kids so they’d be Orphans No Longer! Regardless of whether they’ll have lifelong disabilities or not.
However, Shecki and her husband seemed to have adopted Luke believing he had a minor surgically correctable condition, though his paperwork also mentioned “delays”. However, they decided that these meant “orphanage delays” even though Luke was in a foster placement. When they met him, they realized that his delays were more than minor, but apparently decided to go ahead with the adoption anyway. Pride? Denial? Too much momentum built up to stop?
This was a two-at-once Special Needs adoption. It’s not stated whether the two were unrelated, but the failure to mention anything (and the fact that the other girl was in an orphanage setting) makes me think they weren’t.
The rationales cited for disrupting Luke mentioned in the comments sound uncannily similar to the rationales stated in the 1950s for “institutionalizing and forgetting about” Special Needs kids in. “We can’t help him, it’s too hard on the other kids, meeting his needs takes so much time and energy, etc, etc.”
How has Tracie Weldie decided to “celebrate” disrupting (and putting on a plane back to Colombia) S*, a teen girl she adopted less than a year ago?
By IMMEDIATELY staring a new adoption. Because she’s got room in her “heart”. Because it’s cool to adopt a replacement kid when you tire of the one you already adopted.
How/why she adopted S:
http://weldieadoptionstory.blogspot.com/2013/12/the-long-awaited-story.html
And here’s her explanation of why she got rid of S. What’s even more horrifying is that Tracie thinks it’s no biggie. That she’ll consider the girl her daughter always and lover her like a daughter ALWAYS… and you just don’t see her sending her biokids off to a far-flung land after relinquishing her parental rights!!!
“S went home to Colombia last week.
She will always be a part of our family. Always our daughter. And she will always be welcome in our home. For now, God has made it clear that His will is for her to be in Colombia. I know God had many reasons for allowing S to be a part of our family for almost one year. I think S learned some lessons. She definitely touched many lives here in South Carolina. And we learned a really big lesson.
We have room. For one more child.”
http://weldieadoptionstory.blogspot.com/2014/06/making-room.html
Naame,
I read the blog– the Weldies didn’t disrupt Salome because they never adopted her. Salome’s own natural mother in Columbia asked them to take legal guardianship of her so that she could attend school in the U.S.
Reece’s Rainbow’s Katherine Killen yet again demonstrates that “I can afford to raise the kid but not the ransom to adopt said kid” is a TOTAL CROCK!
Like Ashlee Beck, Kate Hogeland and Ruth Anne Dudek before her she got home only to BEG FOR MORE CASH from strangers to provide their new child with basic medical care! Vi a youcaring, like Ashlee!! Because she can’t afford dental care!!
http://www.youcaring.com/medical-fundraiser/aidan-needs-dental-surgery-/150632
It is amazing how people can set out to adopted a horrifically neglected kid and then be SHOCKED, totally shocked, that the kid requires a ton of medical care that’s very expensive!!