FacePalm Friday
Welcome to this week’s edition of FacePalm Friday.
This is where your hosts will list their top picks for this week’s FacePalm moment—something they learned or read about this week that caused the FacePalm to happen (you know, the expression of embarrassment, frustration, disbelief, shock, disgust or mixed humor as depicted in our Rally FacePalm smiley).
We invite you to add your FacePalm of the week to our comments. Go ahead and add a link, tell a personal story, or share something that triggered the FacePalm on the subject of child welfare or adoption.
Your Host’s Selections:
(1) The BEB-ster
http://www.digitaljournal.com/pr/2000401
“As reported on the US Department of State’s Intercountry Adoption website, the DRC recently told US authorities that the suspension will only be lifted once new laws are written and enacted, and that such an undertaking will not even begin before this fall. The Department of State is telling the American families that they may have to begin anew 
, as the adoptions they have already completed may no longer qualify”
“The Department of State is telling the American families that they may have to begin anew, as the adoptions they have already completed may no longer qualify. Both Ends Burning is calling on Congress to make this human rights crisis a priority and to engage directly with the Government of Democratic Republic of Congo to end the suspension and to allow the children who have been adopted or are in the process to come home to their families under the current law.”
“”It is not reasonable to simply wait and see what happens next, as the Department of State suggests these families do”, said Kelly Dempsey, Counsel and Director of Outreach and Advocacy at BEB, “We must use every resource available to find a way to end this crisis and bring these children home.””
(2)Aronson
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/dr-jane-aronson/orphans-under-the-radar_b_5461445.html
“If I had more money, I would make the world a better place for children. YES! I just made that claim” 
“Stay tuned for news about an organization called Hopeland that will help us change it all up” 
(3)147 Million minus one
http://www.pinterest.com/pin/545357836099739620/ 
(4) Andrea Poe…now with Nepal
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/andrea-poe/child-welfare-group-issue-nepal_b_5500180.html
“”Nepal is one of the clearest examples of the absurdity of the U.S. Government’s approach to orphans and inter-country adoption,” said Chuck Johnson, President and CEO at National Council For Adoption.”
I wonder if it occurred to Dr. Jane Aronson that if some of that money went to help single mothers provide for their own children, they wouldn’t feel obligated to accept marriage proposals from douchebags who tell them “I’ll only marry you if you give up your daughter, ’cause I ain’t paying for another man’s bastard”?
WWO was founded in 1997. It’s not fixed the problems of graft, corruption, child trafficking, and exploitation of poor mothers in all that time. Why should we give even MORE money to it?
Re: Aaron Skalka and his fellow “Stuckies”– does it occur to him that the Federal Government is NOT responsible for his decision to adopt internationally from a notoriously corrupt country rather than a waiting child in foster care, and thus shouldn’t bear the cost of proving that his desired adoptee wasn’t a kidnapping victim?
If in fact they did actually prove it, and not just bribe the right people to produce a better quality of forged documentation. I find it suspicious that not a single one of the 56 children was found to be trafficked.
Though it could be argued that the investigations would have turned up a different result if someone OTHER than the PAPs involved was footing the bill. Heaven knows having PAPs paying for homestudies isn’t working to screen out unfit parents. Contractors stay in business by pleasing their customers, after all.
So many Facepalms, so little time:
1) Colleen Novit is undertaking the highest-risk adoption imaginable: 2 unrelated high needs SN kids, out of birth order (one of whom is known to be violent) who’ve been institutionalized since birth from Bulgaria, with other people’s money.
http://iwillcometoyou-john14-18.blogspot.com/2014/06/his-will-be-done-journeying-through.html
Colleen knows, but doesn’t actually care enough to alter her behavior, her fellow RR amommy Tosha Tanquay’s adoption of an out of birth order Bulgarian beauty with DS, little Katerina, hasn’t been going so well – Katerina hits/bruises/terrorizes her younger siblings. Because Colleen thinks it won’t happen to her – she’s a better mommy. Barf.
Colleen really does seem to believe than an essentially feral 10 yo with DS, who cannot speak, isn’t potty trained and has pretty much spent her whole life in crib will quickly adapt to regular family life. That the girl’s violence won’t be directred at her littles.
Disaster. In. The. Making.
http://iwillcometoyou-john14-18.blogspot.com/2014/06/the-scary-older-child-adoption.html
2) RR Sylvia Middleton’s brand new A Little Something Extra Foundation, which will provide TAX DEDUCTIONS and grants to irresponsible Christian families who are in the process of acquiring foreign kids with SN they’re ill-equipped to raise… despite the fact that the foundation isn’t registered with the IRS yet, and CANNOT LEGALLY issue tax receipts.
Could it be tax fraud?
http://alittlesomethingextrafoundation.org/organization-status.html
It’s fitting, as Sylvia herself irresponsibly adopted 3 unrelated SN kids from Ukraine in under 2 years. Heck, Sylvia flew to Ukraine without enough $ to complete the adoption or return to the US, so SHAMELESSELY begged for more money from internet strangers:
http://journeytoreunitetwoangels.blogspot.nl/2012/12/quick-update.html
Sylvia writes that “funding often prevents many of these families from being able to proceed with their dreams to adopt and save the lives of the precious waiting and deserving children who so desperately need families! A large misconception among many is that “if a family cannot afford to adopt they can’t afford to care for the children”. This is simply not true. Imagine that as you read this you found out you were going to have a baby. Now imagine that you were then told that in order to be allowed to keep your child you had to pay many fees and costs that could average from $20-$50,000. Would you be able to do this? If not, does that mean that you are unable to care for your child day to day? Absolutely not! It simply means you cant afford a “ransom” so to speak just to be able to get this child home!”.
Which is a total CROCK. These are the supposedly divinely inspired RR adopters who get home only to demand, say, $8-10k for dental surgery (Judah Beck) or $6k for a funeral (Adam Mitchell) from internet strangers… as, oopsie, they cannot actually afford to raise the kid either!
Interestingly, some PAPs, like the Anderson’s appear to be double dipping – SIMULTANOUSLY fundraising via Sylvia’s site AND Reece’s Rainbow.
http://reecesrainbow.org/70645/sponsoranderson-2
http://alittlesomethingextrafoundation.org/the-anderson-family.html
3) Last Mom who couldn’t find the money to get her adopted-from-foster care 13 year old daughter “Princess” therapy, but miraculously managed to afford to take her girl, her girl’s BFF and herself on a fancy Caribbean cruise. Particularly since the girl was covered under Medicaid and thus entitled to “free” therapy, i.e. that her amommy didn’t have to pay for. Despite the fact Princess had a breakdown and got Baker Acted just a month or two ago. LM’s view is that NO therapy for her mentally ill kid is better than Medicaid therapy (!?).
It’s an, um, interesting parenting decision given that Princess has a mental illness, takes meds for it, was in fact in an RTF/psych unit for months prior to being adopted and her therapy is covered by Medicaid (no cost to Last Mom, since the girl was a SN foster-adopt). And that Princess spent the past year threatening to kills herself, refusing to go to school, running away, trashing the house and threatening to harm her parents (“ordinary teen stuff” according to LM) and, well, got Baker Act’ed.
http://lastmom.com/crusing-teens
Last Mom has thoughtfully explained why it isn’t wrong to go on fancy vacations while claiming you cannot afford the therapy that your recently-released-from-being-Baker-Acted-mentally-ill-adopted-girl clearly needs!
Apparently, trips are SELF-CARE. Because she LOVES to travel, because her girl LOVES to travel.
“I love to travel. I love hotels. I love mini getaways. It is a survival tactic – getting away helps Princess and I both reset. It’s self care. Hubster doesn’t enjoy traveling as much. He’s a homebody. And he doesn’t get as much alone time as he craves, especially with Princess out of school since March. Our trips give him some time alone. Self care for him, too.”
http://lastmom.com/cadillac-poor-trouble-judging-parents/
One more:
4) Reece’s Rainbow’s Denise Davis – who is trying to adopt yet more foreign kids with SN.
She isn’t letting the fact that little Gennie died three weeks after she adopted her; that multiple doctors independently called CPS on her last year; that it’s irresponsible to adopt 2 more kids when you rely on FREE heathcare from Shriners and FREE diapers from friends.
http://bringinghomealittleangel.blogspot.com/2014/06/fsp-still-at-7275.html
Denise is DEMANDING $32,000 for this ill-advised adoption – she’s got $72.75 so far!!
Denise is also complaining that “It seems daily more and more is going out funds [sic] wise than coming in and HAVING TO USE MUCH OF OUR SAVINGS UPFRONT TO PAY TO COMPLETE OUR DOSSIER”
Ummm, if your savings total all of $600 (and you’ve spent it on your dossier) CLEARLY moving forward with a $32k adoption is stupid and irresponsible. But it won’t stop Denise!!
“Please I ask for prayers that we can raise this amount.. IT MAY SEEM A LOT BUT FOR THE COST OF TWO CHILDREN’S LIVES IS A SMALL PRICE TO PAY”
Ummm, $32k is a LOT of money. Not a “small” amount.
**************************
“Daily as I check my FSP it is still at $72.75 and we need at least another $32,000 for our adoption TO BE FULLY FUNDED.
**It seems daily more and more is going out funds wise than coming in and having to use much of our savings upfront to pay to complete our Dossier.
Today we shipped our Dossier to the State’s Commision Office.
AS we carefully enclosed 33 documents at $20.00 per document a grand total of $660.00
Shipping both ways +$33.95
$693.95
Some days I spend the day calculating what funds we will need and how to save these funds.
Our Lord has our family hearts leading us to these little girls and we will move mountains with our hearts to bring them BOTH HOME.. Brandi has been committed to prior and her adoption fail through and there is no way we are going let this little girl sit and grow up in an orphanage..
$2500.00 Home Study with updates
$50.00Notary fees.
$400.00 State Side helper
$500.00 Facilitator translation deposit
$1,000.00 Deposit for Reeces Rainbow**Refunded when traveling
135.00 (5) Apostilles & shipping
$17.95 Shipping to another family traveling to courier documents
$87.95 Investing in a new printer because our other broke
$60.00 Updating documents and re-notarizing
$4,750.90 CURRENTLY SPENT UP TO DATE
+ $693.95 SPENT TODAY 06/18/2014
$5,444.85 AMOUNT SPENT TO DATE 06/18/2014
**********************************************************************************
REMAINING AMOUNT NEEDED TO COMPLETE OUR ADOPTION
200.00 Shipping Dossier to Childrens Country
$18,400.00 Facilitator (2 children)
$3,200.00 Lodgings while in country 40 days @$80.00
$1500.00 Travel while in country, taxis, trains, metro (estimate)
480.00 Children’s Visas (2)
$500.00 Children’s Medicals (2)
$720.00 Additional U.S.C.I.S. Fee for Brandi
$12,000.00 Adults 2- @ $2,000.00 Round Trip Three Trips Total **Estimate**
$37,00.00 REMAINING FEES
+$5,444.85 CURRENT FEES PAID
$42, 444.85 TOTAL TO ADOPT 2 CHILDREN 2 DIFFERENT CITIES
-$10,600.00 Brandi’s personal grant
$31,844.85 NEEDED TO BE FULLY FUNDED
****************ROUGHLY $32,000.00 TO BE FULLY FUNDED***************
**This does not include food or gifts**
Praying that our Lord helps in guiding our family to the funds we need to bring our little girls home.
Please I ask for prayers that we can raise this amount.. It may seem a lot but for the cost of two children’s lives is a small price to pay..”
“this adoption we will need to raise as many funds as possible before our first trip.
There will be a total of three trips the first right at 2 to 3 weeks, the second one week and the last 14 days to complete. So about 42 days total of in country stay. This means air travel, in country lodgings, travel withing country and many other fees that may arise.
We will be missing Brandi’s 7th birthday in August so once home we will give her a small party. Sad knowing Brandi has missed having a family for another birthday.
Seven years for a child seems a life time. And without a family to love them it is even harder. I wonder if she is given a cake or if anyone tells her it is her birthday?
Many of my children celebrated birthday and never knew.But these two children will after adopted know just what a birthday means.And just how much we love them both.”
Denise also claimed to “love” a three or four little girls from China who she didn’t manage to adopt either… and somehow fails to recognize that if a supernatural being truly wanted her to adopt, she’d’ve adopted by now already. $32k would magically have appeared in her bank account!
http://bringinghomealittleangel.blogspot.com/2014/06/fsp-still-at-7275.html
http://bringinghomealittleangel.blogspot.com/2014/06/paper-pregnant-and-happy-o.html
http://bringinghomealittleangel.blogspot.com/2014/06/fingerprint-date-set-o.html
If RR is not an adoption agency, how the heck can they be charging $18,000 for a facilitator? When are the PAPs who sign up for this racket going to get it? When God smites them for their stupid decisions? Honestly, I have had enough of these people. They need to pray for guidance and wisdom, not money and another child they can’t possibly raise with the resources that are truly needed.
Yet another reason NOT to donate to Denise Davis’s adoption fund: Despite supposedly having researched cystic fibrosis before adopting Gennie and her brother, she’s now trying to excuse herself by saying “…nothing being said she was dying nor Jake’s illness terminal…” by medical personal in Bulgaria! Oh, and she accepted a verbal assurance that the kids had been examined by a hospital in Razgrad and “cleared”– she never got any paperwork on this.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
http://bringinghomealittleangel.blogspot.com/2014/06/snaggle-tooth-boy.html
“…Our youngest Gennie died within three weeks of arriving home. I held our baby girl as she took her last breath of live. In my arms we lost our daughter and nothing either Gary or I could have done to save her…”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Nothing? Maybe if you’d contacted a hospital experienced in caring for kids with CF and arranged for them to take on Gennie and Jake WHEN YOU WERE GRANTED THE ADOPTION IN DECEMBER 2012, then called them on the first business day after they arrived in the U.S. on March 30, 2012 for a full medical assessment, Gennie might have lived!
But in the World According to Denise Davis, the people who are REALLY responsible for Gennie’s death are people who didn’t donate to the Davises FSP. If we’d given her the money, she’d brought Gennie home in time to save her life!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“…If only years earlier we could have added more years in her precious little body but it was to late. Our Lord had decided it was time she was to come home. Through both Jake and Gennie’s adoption I fought hard raising funds. I cried, I begged and I pleaded…”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Though once she had Gennie home, she provided no medical care to these seriously-underweight children with a life-shortening genetic disease until Gennie collapsed at 5:15 am on April 26, 2012. This despite the fact that she’d fundraised by beating the drum that these kids would DIE without treatment. Given this, why was she so casual about procuring this treatment for them?
Gennie and Jake should have received a thorough medical workup before the end of their first week in-country. Maybe her life would have still been tragically short compared to an American-born child with CF who’d received good medical care from infancy, but she’d probably gotten to enjoy a few more Easter Egg hunts.
Denise ends in flagrant emotional blackmail:
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“…So we need close to $20,000 left to adopt our daughter and we estimate another $5,000 to adopt another child. How are we going do it? Are we going do it? The answers are with our Lord’s guidance, many prayers, support from everyone. And are we going do it? YES :O))))
Please I ask that you share our adoption blog with others so we can bring our baby girl home. Let this adoption not last for months in to years. Our family will be traveling in Fall and we will bring our daughter or children home.. I beg you from my heart to please support an adopting family of not our family another family…. God Bless…”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Jesus wept. She’s using her utter incompetence to care for medically fragile children as a fundraising technique.
You might be interested to know that Denise Davis was fully funded in January, but CHOSE not to travel until March.
The only reason she traveled that soon was because the Bulgarian courts threatened to dissolve the adoptions if she didn’t come and get her children!
They had been legally hers since December.
Yup! Because Denise didn’t have the funds in December of 2012 — she was something like $20k short and had to beg for it!!
DRC families are currently crowd funding to pay for a trip to DC to meet with senators to pressure them to force DRC officials to “unstuck” their kids. Ugh
http://www.gofundme.com/a6cl5k
If they cannot afford the $3k to travel to DC without begging others for it, perhaps they’re not in a position to adopt!!
You missed the Baby Draft Fundraiser…
http://www.youcaring.com/adoption-fundraiser/nfl-baby-draft/183898?fb_action_ids=925945506050&fb_action_types=og.comments
And the post about all those angry adoptees reacting to the fundraiser…
http://lightlybuzzed.com/2014/06/06/baby-draft-update-anti-adoption-folks-crazy/
And the handy dandy graphic showing how folks in the US don’t want to adopt all the newborn babies available for adoption, not enough homes.
http://47061f83cd2be40762c7-d85fc334cd71b98aea20c97f4103acec.r64.cf1.rackcdn.com/d251cbf7-9246-48fc-8b10-e460d33f9028.jpg
All the links are broken !
TAO,
None of the URLs you provided lead to the content you described. The “Baby Draft” fundraiser has a message saying that the fundraiser is “not active”, and all the info has been deleted. The total raised ($717) and the $5,000 goal is still there, however.
LightlyBuzzed seems to be an image-dense entertainment news site with continually-updating content, and I couldn’t find the screed about “anti-adoption adoptees”. I tried Googling the terms “baby draft update anti adoption folks crazy” and got the LightlyBuzzed hit, but when I opened the link, I got a “Content Not Found” screen. I tried searching for a cached version, but even that has been wiped!
The “Not enough PAPs” jpg yields a “This resource cannot be found” screen.
Apparently, wiser heads realized such pages were bad PR, and “burned the evidence”. ;-D
Too awful to not comment on is Denise Davis’ most recent post, in which she writes:
“Oh how I hate when you need money and do not have it.
Amazing how we can go to a bank for a home loan or a car loan and approved easily”
Somehow failing to realise that banks give LOANS when there’s collateral (house/car).
Kids aren’t (and should be) considered collateral. Loans must be repaid, which she can’t actually afford to do. So she’s begging. Again. For other people’s money.
http://bringinghomealittleangel.blogspot.com/2014/06/enough-with-funds-time-for-heart.html
Keep in mind that she funded her last 2 adoptions with 100% donations. That she got those kids home (one of whom DIED a mere 3 wks later because she couldn’t be bothered to take a clearly malnourished 16 lb 3 yo with CF to a US doctor!!) by begging like this:
“Adding another day means a day closer to seeing or babies and also a day less in raising the funds we need to continue. Over and over in my mind I see dollar signs of worry bt one day these signs will be replaced with two smiling little faces. So much to look forward to and the time is just now weeks away. Praying to get the funds we need so we can book our airline tickets early and save as much as we can for or trip. I am not going go into detail of what we need because it has not changed and we are still in need of $13,000 for agency. Our main be worry is paying off or agency and once this is done we can breath.”
http://nachalaadopt2.blogspot.com/2013/01/adding-another-day.html
Gee, if you can’t afford to adopt, don’t adopt! Her family has nothing left to sell, is unable/willing to earn the $32k they need to adopt and no way to repay an adoption loan (not that a bank would lend them money!!).
Why does Denise keep getting homestudies approved?
Who the heck gives idiots like her money?
You might be interested to know that Denise was actually fully funded in January and CHOSE not to leave until March and only then because the Bulgaria government threatened to dissolve the adoptions if she didn’t come and get her children!
The Road Down Home has a post to show how large families handle mealtime. It consists of four of the children being “helpers” and assisting the six young kids with disabilities at a 3PM dinner. The helpers go on to make their own meals (not all the time, just a lot of it) and eat later in the day.
Having siblings help out sometimes is not super evil, but this is also the family where some of the kids don’t have a bed to themselves because they’re tight on space, Mom is homeschooling everyone and they’re simultaneously running a group home in the house as their income.
http://theroaddownhome.blogspot.com/2014/06/dinner.html#comment-form
Their “helpers” include Samson, who is 18, developmentally disabled and whom they CHARGE — yes! CHARGE!! — $500 per month for the “privilege” of living in their overcrowded group home and caring for their gaggle of little kids!
They are CHARGING $500!! They don’t even cook for Samson!!!!!
“Samson pays $500.00 room and board. Our group home gals support us. None of our children get any aid. Only 2 out of 21 children ever did, and they are long grown. That’s another reason no one “wanted” Mercy, who would do this and support her. We rely on God!”
http://theroaddownhome.blogspot.com/2014/04/life-is-what-happens-when-you-make.html
The mealtime “helpers” are her four children who don’t have developmental disabilities.
There are issues with how they treat & talk about Samson, but I think he just sits down and eats at the 3PM dinnertime, it’s the four kids with no special needs/learning disability only who get assigned as helpers and get their own meals later.
http://godsgiftsinmylife.blogspot.com/2014/04/where-does-time-go.html
They’re all home schooled, because of course there is enough time and attention to go around when you have this many kids with this level of need.
Apparently you don’t know that SSI allows you to keep an allotted amount of money determined by the government to cover room and board for an adult child with a disability.
Also, my precious Samson can NOT cook. And he “thinks” he can help, but he just watches and smiles. He is severely developmentally delayed. IF he could cook we would let him. He is certainly old enough. Do you cook for your 18 years olds?
My 18+ non-special needs kids paid room and board if they had a job as well. It taught them responsibility.
Yes no one wanted Mercy because she did not have an adoption subsidy. After everything you write here about money grubbing people, you turn around and find fault in a family relying on God rather than begging? Interesting.
Our group home has only 2 people- not over-crowded. We are licensed for 4.
Our children are not the group home. They are our children. And we are not over crowded, we have empty bed rooms.
How old are you? Did your mother teach you respect?
Get your facts straight.
Ask people before you gossip and lie.
Excuse me? All of my kids have beds. They sleep in separate beds. And my husband and I do the meals WITH help from the children. We all help each other. The 4 who prepare their meals later do so because they like to cook. They are learning how to cook. Is that a crime as well? Mom AND dad both homeschool.
Must be fun to sit back and criticize people you have never met. Twisting things around. I’m so happy to know that you are perfect. How do you earn a living? Mom and Dad care for 2 precious ladies in their Group Home. One lady has lived with us 27 years, the other 25 yrs. We must have done something right- considering how stupid we are.
Nobody asked your opinion. If your so smart, don’t read my dumb blog, find something intelligent.
You have a total of 10 kids (six of whom have high-level special needs) and three high needs dependent adults in your care, with only two adults (who have to sleep sometime) to take care of them, and you can’t see how this concerns anyone? Not to mention that it’s not clear from the entries I’ve read whether your husband has a day job or not.
And on top of everything else, you’re homeschooling in your copious spare time. Homeschooling can be a great way to educate kids, but how can you give these kids the education they need in the 21st century with so many other demands on your time and attention?
http://homeschoolersanonymous.wordpress.com/
http://politicsofchildhood.org/2013/11/19/homeschoolers-and-academics-the-alaska-data/#more-982
http://www.washingtonpost.com/blogs/answer-sheet/wp/2013/11/05/are-private-schools-better-than-public-schools-new-book-says-no/
Dearest Astrin,
I have 4 children who do not have special needs. And 6 who do. The 6 with special needs are not medically fragile, or high needs to care for.
My husband works with me at home. (how bout you what does your husband do?) We also have a 24 yr old daughter and her husband our son in law help us, as well as our hired help for the ladies in our home. OT/Speech/PT people come almost every week day. The group home ladies have Social Workers and family that stops by. They have the Senior Center and work to attend each day. The help, SW’s and family prefer not to be in my blog.
Of course we sleep, that’s ridiculous! I even take naps- or is that too much sleep?
Ever hear of Homeschool Groups and Home school co-ops? Yup we use them. As well as teach the kids ourselves.
But you seem to be so heck bent on criticizing what little I say about my life on my blog. If I wrote everything we did it would be a book. Should I list each child’s education plan and IEP just to make my critics happy?
Well ’nuff said. Search for JOY and you will find it!
If my blog upsets you- run!
Eliz – You have FOURTEEN (14!!!) people living in a 1300 sq foot house! FOURTEEN PEOPLE!!!
You have SIX boys in a single bedroom that looks like a hallway. oh wait, it might actually BE a hallway, in that you blog that you access your bedroom THROUGH the SIX boys room!
“This is the hallway. The closet to the right- sheets and blankets. The closet to the left- towels and bedding. The steps lead down stairs. This is the view coming out of the 6 boy’s bedroom. If you turn right here, is Samson’s room, if you turn left here, it is the bathroom and the girls room…
… Here are where 6 precious boys sleep! Left top bunk is Isaiah. Bottom left bunk is Noah & Jakie. Right top bed is empty. Bottom right bunk is Pauly and Julius. The green book shelf in the bottom right corner has a window alcove area where Mosie’s play pen is. The door way straight ahead out of the bedroom, is Tom’s and my bedroom. The door way into this room is where Tom was standing to take the hallway picture.”
You also say you COOK and HOMESCHOOL in your bedroom:
“We eat, cook and homeschool in our room. We need the added space to cook since our old kitchen has few outlets. We use the bread machine and crockpots up here. ”
theroaddownhome.blogspot.com/2013/02/how-we-make-room-our-house.html
(Me, my husband, my daschund and 2 kids currently live in a tiny 1200 sq ft, 2-bedroom house and are in the process of moving. Because it’s too crowded. I literally cannot imagine what FOURTEEN people in this space would look like!).
Eliz,
I’m glad that you have additional staff and therapy services.
Yes, these factors are worth mentioning, lest your readers get a misleading impression that it’s possible for two adults to care for as many dependents as you do on their own. You don’t have to post their pictures or give out their real names if they don’t wish it, but you can refer to them by a “blog name” of their choosing, or simply refer to them by occupation.
Of course you need to sleep! That was my point: If you don’t have someone to take the night shift, then you’re accruing a lot of sleep debt over time, which harms your health and makes it harder to remain calm and patient when your charges are difficult. All parents know that they’re on call 24 hours a day, because when kids need care in the middle of the night, they can’t wait till morning. And with as many “kids” as you have, the chances of having your sleep interrupted are multiplied by thirteen, even without the confounding effects of special needs.
I wasn’t cracking on your husband by wondering if he had a job outside the home– I was stating that it wasn’t clear whether he was part of the staff ratio during the day. There was the dreadful possibility that you were on your own 40 hours a week with only the four older kids to help.
If the beds situation has changed, that’s awesome. It was my impression from past posts on how you all fit into a tiny house, listing things like 2 kids sharing the lower bunk of a bunk bed.
The point is NOT that running a group home is bad. It’s that it is not possible to provide the level of care and education all of the adults and children in the home need. The adult:child+adult with disabilities ratios do not work out to allow for good quality family care; it’s far more like group home style living at that point. The dinnertime post gave the impression (as others have in the past) that you’re using the four other kids to pick up the slack, and end up with the kids with special needs not getting the ADULT help they need with things like feeding skills and the typically developing kids having too much responsibility for their ages because they’re not as needy as the others. The numbers just don’t work in the context of high quality family care: 2 carers:13 dependents, at least 6 of whom need almost total care (+4 other children) is not a healthy situation.and wouldn’t be even if the kids were going to school during the day.
She’s now made a post complaining that people are reading her publicly-available blog and expressing opinions on it.
http://theroaddownhome.blogspot.com/2014/06/and-now-reform-dot-net-wants-piece-of.html
I posted the following in reply:
____________________________________
Gee, how horrible, mean, and hateful we are to be concerned about kids and disabled adults receiving inadequate care.
____________________________________
We’ll see if it shows up. Oh, and she’s not clarified that this is a business with paid staff, not an adoptive megafamily. I was checking to see whether she’d done that when I saw her latest blog entry.
Well, she put my reply up! And it garnered some response. So I addressed the responses with this post:
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
eliz,
All we have to go by is what you post on your blog. If you fail to mention of two thirds of your staff and the additional services your clients receive, that’s on you.
Anonymous,
Re: “…There is also a lot of incredibly offensive slang terms thrown around for people with disabilities and people from other countries…”
Please give specific examples. I’ve never seen anything like that.
The agenda is to discuss reforms needed in adoption and child welfare. That includes discussing examples of specific situations which exemplify the need for reform.
Katie,
How could anything said on a pseudonymous Discussion site “threaten people’s lives”?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Update: Eliz did NOT post my 6/29/14 reply.
So I guess we’re left to wonder how we’re “threatening people’s real lives” and “using incredibly offensive slang terms” for the disabled and people from other countries.
I think it’s both a business with paid staff and adoptive megafamily. The adults are there through the group home business. One of the kids is a foster child, but there is no adoption subsidy likely for her in the future. The kids are there as part of the family, but the additional therapists and daily care staff are paid to come in and help.
This is all my impression, it’s not very clear at all.
You may be right. I just assumed that in order for a daughter and her hubby to be full-time helpers in this venture, they HAVE to be getting some kind of salary in exchange. Otherwise, they’d only be available as “helpers” until they found a paying job.
I’m still not sure that she’s not getting some kind of public aid for the six younger kids in addition to the free therapists making home visits, because there’s got to be some way that four adults are being supported out of this operation. I wouldn’t have thought just the two “ladies” generated enough profit for that, but maybe I’m wrong.
Yeah, there has to be some money coming from somewhere, I would think. Samson’s check + the 2 ladies can’t cover it all.
They may or may not get foster care stipend for Mercy. The five boys with DS were adopted internationally (one pair came hoe, then a couple years later the other 3 were adopted at once) so unless they get SSI, there is no stipend there.
p.s. am I the only one who has balls enough to post my name?
Cowards hide.
One World has suspended their Congo adoption program. Families on the Facebook adoption groups are completely freaking out.
Rumor has it they’ve gone bust!!
That’s what the Congo PAPs are saying as well. I guess, according to them, One World is shutting down due to 3 Hague complaints against them. I don’t know how true that is.
One world is bust. Their programs in other countries are shot as well. WTG One World. You should read the sanctimonious crap they are peddling as a “letter” to their clients.
Would love to see it! Any chance you can provide a link??
The lovely Julie Martindale on why she feels her adopted son Jordon feels super-duper loved after she kicked him out of the house!
“Jordan, who is almost 18, is not across the country. We see him nearly every week. He is in a treatment facility as he works through his past trauma that did not occur in our home. While I totally agree with you that trauma therapy would be best practiced within the home, there are times when it simply isn’t safe for ANYONE to have that happen”
Because seeing a kid MOST WEEKS – as opposed to daily! – is the very definition of LOVE! Interestingly, Julie hasn’t suggest her hubby demonstrate his love by moving out to!
“You ask us to consider what this feels like for our son. Trust me, that is something I consider every day. My heart breaks for him. I wish with all of my being that he could be home…I wish that he could be safe and be home. He shouldn’t have to be away from the family that has promised him to stand by his side forever. But, each day when I speak to him, I remind him that even though he is away from us in location, that he is fully our son, fully a part of our family, fully loved no matter what. If our son was diabetic and we didn’t give him insulin, we would be charged with medical neglect. Our son is equally as sick, and the trauma he has been through must be addressed so that he has a chance of survival in this world. Would you accuse a parent of abuse because they willingly give their diabetic child a shot?”
Moving, yes, but Julie failed to mention how she handled it when another one of her kids was sick, little Elijah – she moved into the hospital with him! For months as he was treated for some sort of cancer/blood disorder!! She saw him EVERY SINGLE DAY because he was her son and he was VERY VERY SICK.
Jordan? One visit, most weeks. THAT’s how much she loves Jordan.
“ We are trying to give our child a chance at life…and this is the last chance we have..we tried everything else at home before we got to this point. Amazingly, ours son does not hold resentment or anger towards us, which I understand would be justifiable…because he knows the details…ones that you do not”
While it’s within the realm of possibility Jordan doesn’t resent Julie for kicking him out… well, what if he’s just afraid she’ll 100% abandon him if he complains? Instead of the 99% abandoned that she’s doing right now?
The near-abandonment of Jordan is presumably also a helpful tool for keeping the rest of her adopted kids in line. If they don’t do whatever it is that amommy and adaddy want, they too will be banished from the family home!! Amommy will demonstrate her love by visiting ONCE a week, MOST weeks!
“Where or who our kids came from has never changed the degree of love we have for them. Our kids are our kids…all of them. Believe it our not, it is absolutely the truth. Do we think Jordan feels loved in the treatment facility he is in right now? NO…it isn’t a replacement for the family who loves him and is actively involved in his life!”.
Again, to compare how Julie plays favorites with her kid:
Elijah, very sick, receiving bonemarrow transplant: Julie moves into hospital to stay with Elijah. So he isn’t scared!!
Jordan, very sick, banished from the family home, amommy calls daily and visits MOST weeks.
http://blessedby10.blogspot.co.uk/2014/06/response-to-non-adoption-hater.html
No longer limited to bemoaning the US baby she didn’t get to adopt (for fear the pregnant lady gave birth in a “non-adoption friendly hospital”), Rachel Pehl is now back to begging folks to help expedite her adoption of a very likely trafficked DRC kid:
http://pehladoption.blogspot.com/2014/06/help-call-your-congressman.html
Rach’s explanation on why she is bitter she didn’t get to adiopt “penelope’ thru a shady agency!!!
http://pehladoption.blogspot.com/2014/06/god-is-god.html
Rachel Pehl seems convinced that the United States can– and should!– force the DRC to let her have “her” kids (whom she didn’t meet the criteria to legally adopt by DRC law in the first place).
http://pehladoption.blogspot.com/2014/06/help-call-your-congressman.html
“… This last week, tons of DRC adoptive parents went to Washington D.C. to try to get our stuck children home.
We could not make it because we were still waiting for Penelope but we were so blessed to see all of the families over there fighting for our children’s rights! They got a lot of media attention and met with a lot of politicians who seem to want to help get something moving for our children!
Here is what you can all do to help pass a House Resolution that will get our babies home! Now, get everyone you know to call their Congressman and say this: I am calling to let you know that House Resolution 588 regarding the international adoption crisis in DRC just cleared the House Foreign Affairs Committee without opposition, and to ask that you vote in favor of HR588 when it reaches the House Floor.
And then ask them to call Speaker Boehner’s office and say this: Please ask Speaker Boehner to move House Resolution 588 forward to a vote immediately. This resolution is needed to resolve the international adoption crisis in DRC and there is no time for delay…”
Oh and she’s lost Penelope– something that seems to bother her far more than K possibly having been kidnapped by an abusive ex. So much for all that “birthmother love” PAPs
spout.
http://pehladoption.blogspot.com/2014/06/god-is-god.html
“…With heavy hearts, we have had to say goodbye to little Penelope.”K” disappeared about two weeks ago from her apartment and has not been heard from since. There was a very dramatic phone call in which the birth father said he wanted the baby, while “K” screamed in the back ground that she didn’t want her. The next day, they were gone. The agency, knowing “K” better than we do, feels like she was likely made to leave against her will. The father has a history of abusive controlling behavior.
So here we are, seven months after being matched with our sweet Penelope, being told that it is time to move on.
We are heart broken and grieving over the loss of our sweet baby girl. We are sad for “K” who was doing so so well before the birth father came back into her life. We do not understand the reasoning behind any of this. But we know that God is always good. God gives and he takes away.
We will be praying for little Penelope’s salvation for the rest of our lives. That right there makes this whole journey worth it…”
Gotta love PAPs Jillian Burden + her hubby. They are spending BIG BUCKS on a month-long road trip while begging for cash from strangers to pay for their Serbian adoption!
They also recently went on a super-expensive Disney vacation while also FUNDRAISING!!
http://www.addingaburden.com/2014/07/burdens-go-east.html?m=0
See, if you’re a True Christian™, “begging strangers for money” is an allowable financial management strategy. Somehow, it’s ideologically compatible with voting for politicians who gut social spending programs.
Also, if you’re a True Christian™, then your adoption is an act of charity, and it’s perfectly cool to solicit funds for a charitable cause– even if the “cause” is to enable an infertile couple to adopt an (apparently) healthy neurotypical two-year-old.
At least they seem to be caring for him well.
The Menges family has some interseting views on RR:
http://www.roadtokally.com/2014/07/why-were-not-using-reeces-rainbow.html
DISCLAIMER: If you read nothing else of this blog entry – not a single other part – read this: Nothing said here is meant to imply that most of the individuals who support, advocate, or even use Reece’s Rainbow for fundraising are bad people. Nor are we claiming that the individuals who run Reece’s Rainbow necessarily have sinister or evil intentions.
“Now I plead with you, brethren, by the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, that you all speak the same thing, and that there be no divisions among you, but that you be perfectly joined together in the same mind and in the same judgment. For it has been declared to me concerning you, my brethren, by those of Chloe’s household, that there are contentions among you. Now I say this, that each of you says, “I am of Paul,” or “I am of Apollos,” or “I am of Cephas,” or “I am of Christ.” Is Christ divided? Was Paul crucified for you? Or were you baptized in the name of Paul?” (1 Corinthians 1:10-13)
Five days before we leave for Kally’s country and with a shortfall in funds is probably NOT the time to even hint at ruffling feathers.
But perhaps it’s time to address a question that we have been asked, directly and indirectly.
“Since you used Reece’s Rainbow to help fundraise for the adoption of your son two years ago, why not now?”
Our son, Joshua, was not a “Reece’s Rainbow” child. What we mean is, we did not find him on Reece’s Rainbow – he was not listed there. The reason Joshua ultimately became part of “Reece’s Rainbow” is because we asked (and were permitted) to list him there for fundraising purposes.
Our affiliation with Reece’s Rainbow helped us enormously. Without question, it was the single biggest reason why we were able to bring Joshua home. A core group of dedicated advocates, passionate bloggers who featured our family, and a gigantic support base is what ultimately assisted us to raise the funds we needed to bring home our son from Pleven.
“So if it worked so well two years ago – why not now?”
“Do not show partiality in judging; hear both small and great alike. Do not be afraid of anyone, for judgment belongs to God. Bring me any case too hard for you, and I will hear it.” (Deuteronomy 1:17)
Reece’s Rainbow changed many of their grant forms, FSP documents, and other information in 2013. We know this because A) we were paying attention and B) we have old “old” documents from 2012. We know what we signed, and what we didn’t. And what a family is being asked to do now is vastly different than it was in 2012.
For example, if you use Reece’s Rainbow…
-You will consent to have “Reece’s Rainbow” (collectively speaking) contact your homestudy agency, your child placing agency, and yes, even USCIS “for grant related purposes”. I cannot fathom a scenario why anyone from any grant-making organization would need to contact USCIS, but Reece’s Rainbow now asks you to agree with this statement.
-You must now confirm that you have never had a homestudy rejected/rescinded or a USCIS denial.
-You will have your family application notarized, and there is specific language now included about falsifying or “failing to disclose” any information and how it is a felony offense.
-You agree that you will complete your homestudy in 12 weeks, and if you fail to do so, you give Reece’s Rainbow the right to release your hold on a child (and, obviously, any grant funds you may have accumulated – since grants remain with the children and not with families) after that time.
-You agree to let Reece’s Rainbow have contact with your social worker, something almost no other grant making organization requires. Requiring a completed home study (which is prepared by a licensed, professional social worker) is perfectly acceptable and required by many other grant-making organizations. Direct contact is not.
-Ukrainian adoptions require the same $1000 promise grant fund (unless you are using an agency) and it is not refundable if you are unable to complete the adoption.
-You will sign a Social Worker contact form. In that form, it will say, “Because we are not an agency, we rely entirely on your professional opinion and approval prior to accepting a commitment”. But this is what a completed homestudy is; a professional opinion on a family’s suitability to adopt. Only a competent home study agency and professional social worker is capable of making the decision on whether a family is appropriate to adopt or not. Some adoption agencies may even delve into this realm when they make (usually committee-based) decisions on matching children. But grant making organizations never do. Except Reece’s Rainbow.
It isn’t really a secret as to why these changes occurred in 2013 and 2014. But those reasons aren’t actually important, in the sense that they do not impact us personally. We didn’t make waves in that community; we gratefully adopted our son with their help. We were not the rabble-rousers, honestly. Few of the “big names” in that cliquish world knew our comparatively insignificant family.
But why would a grant-making organization want to talk directly to our social worker, or heaven forbid USCIS? Why would a family adopting from Ukraine be unable to recoup their $1,000 promise fund if their adoption was not successful? Why would a grant organization be concerned about the speed of the homestudy, and threaten to release the hold on a child (ostensibly from Ukraine, as countries like Bulgaria and China have far different rules regarding holds)? What about references to Reece’s Rainbow’s “family coordinators” (who often discuss adoption specifics, including country requirements or other details), or their “in-country facilitation team” (again in Ukraine)? Why would any grant-making organization have these types of positions and services? What about IRS guidelines, the blurred line between “agency” and “grant making organization”? Or the odd name change? There was more to consider.
Our decision not to partner with Reece’s Rainbow for this adoption had nothing whatsoever to do with our disagreement in Reece’s Rainbow mission. Advocating for special needs children, helping families with adoption costs…these were all things our family actively embraced and supported. It had nothing whatsoever to do with our disapproval of Reece’s Rainbow families – in fact, we supported them quite often, and continue to.
It had everything to do with what we believed was a corruption of a good and faithful cause to serve the most disenfranchised orphans. It had everything to do with our concerns – even if we had never had a USCIS approval rescinded or even if we didn’t have to concern ourselves with arbitrary “Reece’s Rainbow-imposed” timelines.
We weren’t really active in the Reece’s Rainbow Facebook group, except to occasionally post pictures of our growing son – always with a remark of how grateful we were to everyone who helped us rescue him from Pleven.
But it wasn’t long after we announced our intentions to bring home a sister for Joshua – and posted our link to Grace Haven Ministries in that blog post – that we were inexplicably removed from the supportive advocates and community that was Reece’s Rainbow.
“Well,” we told ourselves, “that group changed their ‘rules’ a while ago and said that only Reece’s Rainbow families and supporters could post in that forum. Even though we never advertised our family’s information there, maybe it’s because it’s only for families using Reece’s Rainbow now. Maybe it doesn’t mean anything.”
Until the messages and emails began to pour in. And the warnings were clear.
“You will never get funded if you don’t open an FSP with Reece’s Rainbow.”
“You won’t have any support for your adoption – you have to use them. Everyone does.”
“You don’t want to make enemies there. If you make enemies with Reece’s Rainbow, it will hurt you. Don’t you want to get your daughter home?”
“It shouldn’t matter what your concerns are. They don’t impact you. The ends justify the means.”
Still others were sympathetic.
“I don’t like Reece’s Rainbow either,” someone admitted to me. “But I have to use them….I have no support otherwise, and I won’t get my children home!”
“I wish I didn’t have to partner with an organization that has me so concerned,” someone else wrote. “But there are funds there and I need them. I won’t use them again after this, but I have to use them now.”
But God’s word doesn’t call us to act in this way. God’s word doesn’t support the “ends justify the means”. We cast no personal judgment on anyone who spoke to us (and we have even donated to their FSPs!) but for our family…we knew this was not the right way to go.
And did it matter? Did it really matter? Would anyone really care if we were with Reece’s Rainbow, or Grace Haven, or some other organization? Surely not. Surely these naysayers were wrong. We would not actively harm any Reece’s Rainbow family, nor would we speak ill of Reece’s Rainbow or perpetrate assertions based on conjecture. We were just a small, no-name family. Who would care? We believed that nearly everyone who cared about us when we were adopting Joshua would care again. They would donate and share our fundraisers, whether we were with Reece’s Rainbow or any other organization. It was, after all, all about the children. Wasn’t it?
It wasn’t.
Most (thankfully not ALL) of the people who supported us in 2012 for our Joshua turned away. Some separated from us. Some just said no and gave vague answers that didn’t resonate with truth to us. We watched with shock and surprise as so many of our efforts were unsuccessful. We were working to raise funds for our adoption – we did not expect money to fall into our laps. Yard sales, making over a hundred jars of strawberry jam, selling items, offering giveaways with our own purchased items, seeking matching grants, selling t-shirts and coffee and just about everything else. We watched as people who would have normally enthusiastically shared and helped if able were silent. But why? This could not be so.
“Now I say this, that each of you says, “I am of Paul,” or “I am of Apollos,” or “I am of Cephas,” or “I am of Christ.” Is Christ divided? Was Paul crucified for you? Or were you baptized in the name of Paul?”
As the weeks clicked down to mere days…as we began to seriously contemplate changing our travel dates for fear that we would simply not have the funds available to afford our airfare and in-country expenses…we began to understand the warnings we were given. It was clear now that the division was real.
We would never be funded if we didn’t use Reece’s Rainbow.
Kally was not worthy if she was not listed there.
Wasn’t it more important to get Kally home? Even if we used means that we had concerns over, did God actually want Kally to remain an orphan?
“When I am afraid, I put my trust in you. In God, whose word I praise, in God I trust; I shall not be afraid. What can flesh do to me?” Psalm 56:3-4
“Finally, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, dwell on these things.” Philippians 4:8.
No. We will not play into the divisions. We will not partner with an organization whose mission is honorable but whose execution of that mission is anything but. This is about Kally, and we are doing all we can to bring her home in a way that we believe is congruent with our ethics and values. It should not be about whether or not we have an FSP. It should be about Kally, an 11 ½ year old girl who has waited her whole life to be part of a family.
Do you believe that too? Do you believe that an older child is valuable and deserving? Do you care if a child is listed with Reece’s Rainbow, or Grace Haven, or Project Hopeful, or some other organization? Does it matter?
If it doesn’t matter, please help our account reach $14.945. Please know that every dollar is accounted for; that Grace Haven has carefully explained what we are permitted to fundraise for and what we are not; that we are submitting receipts for all of our expenses and in most cases, Grace Haven is paying them directly on our behalf. There are no large sums being deposited into a Paypal account. We are using some of our own funds too, to pay for things we are not entitled to fundraise for, and for fees we’ve already paid through carefully saved funds of our own.
Please care about Kally – not what organization her future parents are using to raise the funds to bring her home. All are welcome on the Road to Kally. Thank you for praying for her, for caring, for sharing, and for helping us bring this most valuable child home.
http://gracehavenhome.com/families/the-menges-family/
I don’t know about the rest of it, but I think that RR refusing to give grants to families who’ve failed a home study and had to “shop” to get an approval is a positive step. So is warning parents that lying on the application might result in grant denial. (Though telling PAPs it’s a “felony” is wrong if that’s not the case. Does anyone know?)
I also don’t think parents should be allowed to put a “hold” on a child until they’ve fundraised enough to fulfill all adoption requirements. The first fully approved and paid-up PAPs who want the child should be the ones who go to court with her. Isn’t the whole idea to get the child “in a family” ASAP? So why make her wait until the PAPs who’ve called “dibs” on her are ready to step up to the plate?
If the kid is in Ukraine, it is ILLEGAL to put a hold on a kid — Ukraine does blind referrals ONLY.
Bulgaria’s a Hague country — it’s illegal to put a hold on a kid until the homestudy is complete and the family’s been formally ‘matched’ by the BULGARIAN government.
I’m all for stopping ‘homestudy shopping’ but failing to pass a homestudy, in and of itself, shouldn’t disqualify a family from adopting — I can see scenarios like the family was approved to adopt but found themselves unexpectedly pregnant, and the social worker decided (sanely, I might add) that it’d be better for the PAPs to wait until the baby is 1 year old before adopting…. so they technically ‘failed’ a homestudy, but if they wait 2 years and re-apply (the biobaby is now at least 12 mos old), why SHOULDN’T they be approved???
I don’t know the lingo of home study denials, so I don’t know the exact distinction of meaning between “rejected” and “rescinded”, or how “the social worker decided it would be better to wait” would be coded.
I tried to Google, but I couldn’t find this info. Usually home studies are just approved or denied, not “rescinded” after being granted.
Quoting Name: “Bulgaria’s a Hague country — it’s illegal to put a hold on a kid until the homestudy is complete and the family’s been formally ‘matched’ by the BULGARIAN government.”
You are absolutely, 100% wrong, because it is NOT illegal to place a Bulgarian child on hold. We completed our Bulgarian adoption in June ’13, so I have first-hand experience with the process of adopting from Bulgaria. Let me explain the process. Families can adopt from Bulgaria in two different ways:
1) Register their completed dossier and be issued a “traditional” blind referral by the International Adoption Council. These referrals are typically for “healthy” children or children with mild, correctable conditions, and can take as long as 3-4 yrs for young children.
Or 2) Identify a waiting child on the special needs waiting list, and then submit commitment paperwork to the government of Bulgaria to place that child “on hold” for a period of time no longer than 6 months. During the 6 months of hold time the family will complete their homestudy, apply to US immigration for approval, and then submit their completed dossier to the Bulgarian authorities, who will then issue a referral for the child who was previously placed “on hold”. Placing a child on hold is a perfectly legal part of the Bulgarian adoption process. Once issued a referral through the traditional or waiting child lists, the family will travel to Bulgaria to meet the child, accept (or decline) the referral, and then wait another 4-6 months while the rest of the process takes place….US immigration approval for child to come to the US, signature of Bulgarian Minister of Justice, court. Once the adoption has been finalized in the Bulgarian courts, the family is then issued travel dates to go back to Bulgaria to pick up their child.
The State Department’s website on adopting from Bulgaria says otherwise — if you think your information is correct, maybe you should email them to update the website!!
http://adoption.state.gov/country_information/country_specific_info.php?country-select=bulgaria
“1. Choose an Accredited ASP
2. Apply to be Found Eligible to Adopt
3. Be Matched with a Child
4. Apply for the Child to be Found Eligible for Immigration to the United States
5. Adopt the Child in Bulgaria
6. Bring your Child Home…
Be Matched with a Child
If both the United States and Bulgaria determine that you are eligible to adopt, and a child is available for intercountry adoption, Bulgaria’s Ministry of Justice may provide you with a referral for a child in accordance with the criteria you have specified in your home study. Each family must decide for itself whether or not it will be able to meet the needs and provide a permanent home for a particular child.
Due to the priority given to children with special needs, the Bulgarian Ministry of Justice processes referrals of prospective adoptive parents willing to adopt a child with special needs before other referrals. A child with special needs is defined as a child with significant health issues or a child over seven years of age.
The Adoption Council within the Ministry of Justice reviews the registries of prospective parents and available children, including all relevant documentation, and proposes a match. The MOJ provides the adoptive parents through their Bulgarian accredited agency photographs of the child and information about the child, including his/her medical condition. If the family declines to adopt the child, the agency must inform the Council within two months of the referral, and the Council will suggest a match with a different child. There is no limitation as to the number of times prospective adoptive parents may decline a proposed match.”
But do you really think this “hold” process meets the best interests of the child? If PAPs who’ve already completed their dossier express interest in the child, why NOT allow them to proceed over a family who may– or may not– be able to fundraise the cash to travel, or get a homestudy approval?
It gets the child out of the orphanage months faster–4-6 months instead of 10-12 months. Or longer, if the parents who placed the “hold” are unable to come up to scratch.
Holds are for library books, not kids.
I think Adopted in Bulgarua is making it up — and State Dept is right.
Naame,
Or maybe AdoptedfromBulgaria’s adoption agency lied to THEM, to give the agency an excuse for charging the PAPs a fee to place the alleged “hold”.
PAPs adopting internationally tend to trust that their adoption agency is telling them the truth about other countries laws, especially if the agency claims to be “faith-based”.
They ought to re-read Matthew 7:15-19.
No, I am not “making it up”. My husband and I completed an adoption from Bulgaria just one year ago.
What you are failing to consider is that there are TWO different adoption programs in Bulgaria. The traditional adoption program is the one described in the US Dept of State’s information that was quoted above. In this case you are correct… a child is not placed on hold, the family is “matched” with a child AFTER the family submits their homestudy and USCIS approval.
BUT…in the second process, the child IS placed on hold for a period of no more than 6 months, to give the adoptive family time to complete their homestudy, gather their other dossier documents, and be approved to adopt through USCIS. During this time of being “on hold”, the child cannot be adopted by any other family, even though the first family has not received an official referral for that child. The referral or “match” is issued by the Bulgarian government after the family submits their dossier.
This is the process we used, and I guarantee you, our daughter WAS “on hold” for our family, and I have the official Bulgarian documentation to prove it.
The problem is that you are confusing the terms “on hold” with “being matched”. Placing a waiting child “on hold” is NOT THE SAME THING as being “matched” with a child. There is NO CONFLICT here. Apples and oranges folks, apples and oranges. “On hold” and “matched” are TWO COMPLETELY DIFFERENT PARTS OF THE PROCESS!!!!! Ask ANYONE who has adopted from Bulgaria and they will tell you the EXACT same thing. I DARE YOU! But you won’t, because you can’t handle the truth. You’d much rather keep publishing lie after lie after lie because it fits your agenda of shutting down international adoptions, even those that follow international adoption law TO THE LETTER! How the hell do you think hundreds of Bulgarian children came home last year if the adoptive families were doing something against the law?!?! You are delusional if you think hundreds of adoptive families just happened to sneak their illegal activities under the noses of US & Bulgarian authorities.
Get Your Facts straight:
You really, truly believe there is a secret, parallel Waiting Child process to adopt from Bulgaria that is not featured on the State Dept’s “adopt from Bulgaria” website?
That it’s cool for the Waiting Child Process to NOT follow the Hague Laws??
Really???
Bulgaria is a Hague country. The Hague Convention requires that the PAPs 1-800A form be approved by USCIS before they can be matched with a child.
Since y’all are so dense you can’t understand simple English unless it’s Kindergarten level…
“ON HOLD”
1. Family A decides they want to adopt child B.
2. Family A contacts US agency who has child B’s file and completes US agency application.
3. Family A sends notarized/apostilled “letter of intent” to adopt child B to Bulgarian International Adoption Committee (IAC).
2. IAC approves (or not) Family A’s commitment paperwork, and Child B’s file is set aside (put on hold, not matched) for 6 months.
3. Family A gets their paperwork in order (including but not limited to homestudy & USCIS I800a approval) and sends full dossier to Bulgaria.
4. Family A has not yet received an official “match”, but the child’s file is still “on hold”. Hague process is still being followed.
See how easy that was? Now let’s look at “MATCHED”.
1. Family A’s dossier reaches the IAC, they issue an official referral (MATCH) for Family A to come visit child B to determine if they want to adopt him/her.
GOT IT? Or do I need to dumb it down even further and use preschool language?
Tell ya what…I’ll even provide the US Dept of State’s and the USCIS’s phone #s so you can call them and see for yourselves if I’m telling the truth or not. Who’s up for some honest to goodness, valid research for once? Or are you so stubbornly attached to your narrative you WILL NOT acknowledge that I’M RIGHT?
Office of Children’s Issues
U.S. Department of State
CA/OCS/CI
SA-17, 9th Floor
Washington, DC 20522-1709
Tel: 1-888-407-4747
Email: AskCI@state.gov
Internet: adoption.state.gov
U.S. Citizenship and Immigration Services (USCIS)
For questions about immigration procedures:
National Customer Service Center (NCSC)
Tel: 1-800-375-5283 (TTY 1-800-767-1833)
Internet: uscis.gov
Go ahead. I double dog dare ya.
To Nutjobs,
So in other words, Bulgaria IS allowing pre-identified adoptions in defiance of Hague requirements with U.S. adoption industry contrivance.
It doesn’t matter whether you call it being “on hold” instead of “matched”; PAPs who haven’t been approved to adopt yet are earmarking a specific child to be “theirs”.
Pretending otherwise is disingenuous.
Get Your Facts Straight —
So Bulgaria has a secret, parallel “waiting child” adoption program that does NOT follow the Hague process and is NOT detailed on the State Department’s Bulgarian Adoption page?
Really!??!
I. Don’t. Think. So.
Show me where I said the Hague process isn’t followed? Of COURSE it was, or we wouldn’t have been able to bring our daughter home. The Hague process was followed to the letter of the law. There was NO CONFLICT with the Dept. of State’s guidelines.
DO. YOUR. RESEARCH! At least then if you disagree with Bulgaria’s waiting child program and want to debate its merits you might sound informed and intelligent. As it is you just sound biased and ignorant.
Because I am sick of this back and forth BS, I am copying and pasting information from one agency licensed to place Bulgarian children for adoption. Please read and educate yourselves, and stop posting misinformation. It really isn’t difficult to find this information, I literally googled “Bulgarian waiting child adoption process” and found this information on the very first link.
http://lifelinechild.org/adoption/international/bulgaria/
“There are two process in Bulgaria to adopt internationally. One being a program in which you pre-identify a child off of our waiting list. Our waiting child list typically consists of children with moderate-severe special needs, or older children with no special needs. There are varying degrees of special needs children on the waiting child list. The MOJ gives each of our foundations new children every two months. Children who are not matched or adopted are returned to the MOJ after that time frame. There is always a potential to ask about a child that has previously been on our list to see if they are available. This list is accessible by clicking the “Waiting Child” link above. You are able to be matched with a child at any point of your process. The estimated time frame to adopt a pre-identified special needs child from the waiting child list is 12-24 months.
The other option for being matched in Bulgaria is to wait for a referral to be issued by the MOJ after your dossier is submitted. A very extensive special needs list is submitted with your dossier. On this list, you will specify the special needs you would accept or consider in a referral, along with an age and gender preference. Your referral will match the needs and age range you specify on this list. The wait time for a referral is dependent on the age of the child you are desiring and also the needs you feel open to accept. For example, the wait time for a young, minor special needs child is going to be much longer (2-5 years) than if you are willing to accept more significant needs.”
So….if this fails to convince you, it is painfully evident you are simply refusing be convinced because the truth doesn’t fit your narrative.
[shaking my head at the blatant ignorance and bias being thrown about in this thread]
Dear Oh Pete,
You really, truly believe that an ADOPTION AGENCY’s website is more reliable than the State Dept’s?
That because the ADOPTION AGENCY’s website says something that does NOT appear to be in line with the Hague process that makes it CORRECT?
Keep drinking that Kool Aid hon!
The scales have fallen from my eyes! A an ADOPTION AGENCY’s website is more reliable than the State Dept’s offiical Bulgaria adoption page!
I’ve seen the light!
Like I said…some people don’t want to be educated because they’d be forced to abandon their narrative and admit they were wrong. There is no conflict between the adoption agency’s website and the Dept. of State’s guidelines. Just because you think you’re right doesn’t mean you *are* right. My Bulgarian, Hague-complaint, legal adoption trumps your ignorance. So put that in your pipe and smoke it.
“A man with an experience is never at the mercy of a man with an argument.”
The lovely Reece’s Rainbow-ite Carolyn Cutler has some choice words for folks who stopped drinking the RR kool-aid — and about why she feels The Ends Justifies the Means when it comes to paying bribes… ethics are “different” in, say, Ukraine:
“I am with Luke N Melissa Tannehill on this one. I think what we fail to recognize is that some of the countries we are adopting our children from are not very ethical and do not run things like the US does. The end result is that you are getting a child out of a country that may not take care of this child and this child might even die as a result if that care. To be honest I was not concerned about the wording on a document if I knew that it was to help me get a child out of harms way and into my family. I lived oversea’s most if my life and know that it is a whole different world so we are not dealing with our laws or ethic’s anymore. Some of these countries have different ethic’s and standards so we have to bend a different way to get to where we are going. I also know it is a different experience for everyone and some people will look not at things the same way. I use to sell real estate and ran into this talk of “ethic’s” a lot. I had to take classes on “ethic’s” which is fine because we are talking about real estate. I just never thought I would hear that word used time and time again concerning children and getting these children into forever homes before some end up in institutions. And as far as “bribes” go; did you know in some countries it is considered a “gift” what we would call a bribe? I learned that living oversea’s as well. Also, I choose not to have a blog during our adoption. I was told that it would be a good idea to have a blog so people could follow along on our journey but I am on Facebook so I felt that was enough. Nothing more was said about it. I am sorry if others had bad experiences with RR and got shut out of groups for whatever reason. I am sorry if some people don’t agree with me and think I must be horrible because I will do whatever I have to do to get a child out of harms way even if it is unethical. I just feel that bad mouthing RR is the wrong way to go. Just move on and pray that these orphans get into their forever homes whether it is through RR or whatever organization gets them home. The end result is what we are all suppose to be aiming for.”
Hope Anne Dudek and Leah Spring (of gardenofeagan.blogspot.com & myianna.blogspot.com — one of the few truly good eggs in international SN adoption) chimed in with deets!
“Unfortunately, some people are so unaware about important and key aspects of the law that they really do not see any issues. When those of us who DO know and have done research see these things. For instance, we were told to sign PRE-NOTARIZED forms in Ukraine to submit to the USA Embassy. That is a CRIME and could have landed us IN JAIL with fines and the adoption completely and irrevocably halted. We were aware enough of the law to make some phone calls and do some digging and got it confirmed and stood our ground and did NOT commit a crime against USA law. But many people have told me that they would have had no clue it was illegal. And yes, this was part of the RR highly recommended “crack shot team who is the best” who asked us to do this, assuring us that “their friend” In the USA Embassy would understand. Had we listened to this request by the RR facilitator, we could have had our lives take a very different and very ugly turn. Those of us who speak up have very valid and legitimate concerns for doing so. I rarely speak up any more, and what I have shared here is ONLY THE TIP of the ice berg. Only the tip of what we went through. There was nothing ethical about our child’s adoption using the RR recommended team.”
I have lived overseas for much of my adult life too and yes gift giving is the norm in many countries, but that is VERY different from bribes and everyone involved whether you are in Eastern Europe or Asia knows the difference. Give me a break.
Rachel Pehl continues to display a truly mind-boggling level of ignorance about the realities of adoption. She actually thinks that a healthy newborn might not find an adoptive home is SHE doesn’t accept the referral!
http://pehladoption.blogspot.com/2014/07/our-decision.html
“… After really focusing on Christ, and seeking Him this week, we have come to a decision as a couple to pursue another child here in the U.S.
We are not sure what this will look like or when it will happen. We do feel like the Lord has a baby out there for us and wants us to continue pursuing that child. We couldn’t help Penelope. We could not get her out of the awful situation she was born into.
Maybe if we keep fighting, we will be able to make a difference in another little ones life. \After all, if we don’t fight for these orphans… If we don’t fight for these mothers who need someone to love their babies…. If we don’t fight for the unwanted children…. Who will?…”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
How does anyone manage to NOT know that there’s a long waiting list in America for healthy newborns of any race? It’s hardly a secret or new intel– this has been the case from at least the 1990s, if not far earlier.
http://www.reuters.com/article/2013/01/15/us-adoption-domestic-waits-idUSBRE90E15Y20130115
I just hope the Pehls’ new domestic adoption referral ‘S’ reads Rachel’s blog, and sees that she’s trying to complete an out-of-birth-order adoption from the DRC. Knowing that her helpless baby might be in a home where traumatized and potentially aggressive preschoolers might be arriving at any time may give her pause, and lead her to chose PAPs with more realistic thinking.
Gillian And Goose Fitzpatrick (who preen themselves on living debt-free while crowdfunding their adoptions) have now decided that God wants them to pursue embryo adoption.
http://fitzpatrickfamilyadoption.blogspot.com/2014/07/embryo-adoption.html
“… We trust only in the Lords leading and His timing in all we do, that includes adding to our family. We felt He closed the door to us adopting again from Haiti but we know He is still calling us to adopt. One option we are prayerfully considering and stepping out in faith in is embryo adoption…
… There are 600,000 frozen embryos in our country left over from IVF procedures or made by Drs for clinic use. There are clinics that will do a transfer of an existing embryo to an adoptive mother without a homestudy for around $3,500. There are also placement agencies that handle the adoption like that of any other child with a cost of around $15,000…”
Jesus wept! There are clinics willing to let couples WITHOUT A HOMESTUDY “adopt” frozen embryos for a bargain price. Somehow, I doubt the biological parents were told this when they were asked to give permission to allow their frozen zygotes to be used to “help other infertile couples”.
If they were even asked for their consent at all, that is.
http://embryo.asu.edu/pages/center-reproductive-health
“…The Center for Reproductive Health was a fertility clinic run by a partnership of world-renowned fertility specialists from 1986 to 1995. The Center operated at three clinic locations under affiliation with the University of California Irvine’s Medical Center (UCIMC). The Center’s renowned specialists and medical success stories attracted clients worldwide until evidence of highly unethical practices conducted by doctors there resulted in over one hundred lawsuits against the University. At issue was the doctors’ misappropriation and unauthorized use of eggs and embryos. The three partners of the Center were indicted for mail fraud, for billing insurance companies for work not performed, and for violating California State legislation requiring consent to use eggs and embryos and outlawing egg and embryo theft…”
Sometimes you just have to let adopters speak for themselves!
Jen Ruble, of Adopting Nations (public Facebook group) has this to say:
“WARNING. THIS IS A RANT and probably controversial for some of you, but after seeing constant negative remarks on the Congo Adoption Ethics FB group, I feel I need a rant. One person’s stance: “African nations are basically against adoption as a solution for the problems of vulnerable kids in Africa……and Too often, when people hear “orphan,” they think “needs to be adopted,” which may not be what the child needs” Their point is that adoption is the evil and causing more problems.
So here you go. My response:
“Diplomacy” between the DRC and United States in the DRC adoption crisis AND in the humanitarian crisis of the war near the Rwandan border and the starvation of MILLIONS in the Congo has not worked. Over 3.4 million have now died in the Congo of starvation and preventable disease under the rule of the Kabila family. The 300 million dollars that the United States has given to the DRC in aid money has not helped feed the hungry or clothe their orphans, although it has helped pad the wallets of the president and other leaders in DRC (facts from our Congress). When are going to learn that talking and money are not solutions to the bigger problem of the orphan crisis in Africa (and the hunger and disease and war crisis).
I’m tired of so many people and blogs like the one I read this morning, having their opinions about “adoption” and what “needs to be done” for “fairness” and “equality” and “tolerance” and “cultural preservation” but not actually willing to get their hands dirty and ACTUALLY touch one. Instead, adoption, and the people willing to give the rest of their lives to love, care, and support an orphan, are being attacked as not actually helping the crisis. I don’t understand this view point.
This is going to sound racially insensitive, so if you have a problem with this, then stop reading now. But to me, these people THINK that they are fighting for “tolerance” and to “preserve culture”, but to me in reality, it smells like segregation. It feels more like fighting “to keep the blacks in africa and the whites in America.” We are championing the preservation of cultural segregation over the very need to FEED, CLOTHE, and EDUCATE orphans.
I am a WHITE American. Because of that, according to them, I am qualified to give my money financially but NOT raise a black child, for fear that my “whiteness” might strip them of their culture? I’m tired of the color, culture, and borders being boundaries to LOVE. I’m sorry, but what an orphan needs, what we ALL need, is FAMILY. Family lines that are drawn exclusively by color, race, and culture is segregation and outdated thinking.
This adoptive WHITE mama is adopting TWO little BLACK boys. When asked the question, are you going to raise them to know their own “culture?”…..YES, theirs, and ours, and all the nations that God sets our feet upon. My sons will not be bound by “borders”! Adoption IS an answer. It is not the only answer, but it makes a difference for ONE”
Since “diplomacy has not worked to solve the DRC adoption crisis” is Jen Ruble seriously suggesting that the U.S. ought to declare war on the DRC for not giving Stuckies “their” children? Or is she just devoutly chugging the “global orphan crisis” Kool-Aid?
I wonder if she’s truly blind to the racism in her charge that all Congolese officials are corrupt, therefore economic development and/or family preservation programs are useless? Or the entitlement attitude shown by her refusal to give money unless she gets adoptees in exchange. A quid pro quo transaction is NOT charity!
Oh, and all the issues involved in an international, transracial adoption can be dismissed with a handwave, because Ruble intends to raise them as True Christians™– that’s all the cultural identity they need! Or so Jen Ruble hath proclaimed on their behalf.
You should post your reply on Jen Ruble’s Facebook page:
https://www.facebook.com/AdoptingNations
Her responses to any number of sensible, sane, thoughtful responses is worth checking out! It’s especially awful how dismissive she is to adult international adoptees… and folks who suggest that she might want to run her ‘intersting’ ideas by, say, a transracial, international adult adoptee … whose LIFE and VIEWS differ from hers!
Thanks, but I hate Facebook. I can’t navigate it because it keeps loading new content AS I’m scrolling down, resulting in my losing my place. 😛
Besides, if transracial adult adoptees can’t shake her faith in Bible-is-all-you-need, I’m sure she won’t listen to me! ;-D
Denise Davis has finally disclosed a specific cause of death for Gennie Davis– MRSA infection of the heart.
__________________________________
http://bringinghomealittleangel.blogspot.com/2014/07/still-waiting-chrissie-is-ill.html
“…This pass week our littlest girl Chrissie is ill. Chrissie has Spina Bifida and her right club foot has a bad MRSA infection. Chrissie had a bad MRSA infection when she arrived from Bulgaria as well as her younger brother Jake and sister Gennie. As many of you know Gennie MRSA had entered into her small heart and she died of complications of MRSA from her Cystic Fibrosis…”
___________________________________
According to the Cystic Fibrosis Foundation website, “…having MRSA in your lungs for longer than 2 years might affect survival. However, there is much more to learned about MRSA, how it affects people with CF and the best treatment for a MRSA lung infection…”. And it can be detected in the sputum cultures CF Care centers ROUTINELY do. If you bother to take your adopted child with cystic fibrosis to a clinic which treats CF that is.
http://www.cff.org/livingwithcf/stayinghealthy/germs/mrsa/#Do_people_with_CF_get_MRSA?
Denise Davis wants to have it both ways. She’s trying to claim that Gennie was so sick that she was doomed to die when she did anyway, so their not taking her to a doctor before she collapsed didn’t matter: Earlier medical care wouldn’t have affected the outcome. At the same time, she’s claiming that Gennie seemed healthy and happy, to explain why she didn’t feel the need to get her to a CF Care Center immediately after getting her in-country. “… Gennie was fast at running and would run and jump with the neighbors little girls…”
http://bringinghomealittleangel.blogspot.com/2014/07/happy-birthday-our-little-angel-in.html
If Gennie had that much vitality, a timely clinic visit, diagnosis, and proper treatment might have SAVED HER LIFE.
A 3 yo who has untreated CF and weighs a skeletal 17 lbs is NOT a healthy kid — it’s an emaciated, clearly sickly kid desperately in need of medical attention.
Denise is no newbie adopter — Gennie and Zach were her 4+5th international SN adoptions! The first thing anybody does with a newly adopted kid is get them a checkup. Even seemingly healthy kids!!
Carlee,
While I was on the Cystic Fibrosis Foundation website I decided to do some checking on the availability of CF medical care in Denise’s neck of the woods… and discovered there’s a CFF-approved clinic right in Shreveport, LA! Per Wikipedia, Shreveport, is a “sister city” of Bossier City, LA– and thus within a reasonable drive of the Davis family home.
I have no idea why Denise failed to get Gennie and Jake in for treatment there on the first business day after arriving in the U.S. If I had to guess, though, it’d be that Denise was waiting to get the money needed for her insurance co-pay before taking the kids in. It’d be consistent with her usual style of financial non-planning.
I wouldn’t be surprised at this point that she was applying for Medicaid cards for them– and used the fact that the “government” hadn’t approved them fast enough to get out of criminal charges for child neglect. That, or Mary Landrieu interceded for her.
http://pehladoption.blogspot.com/2014/07/friday-induction.html
“… We had a crazy last couple of days. First, We drove down to where “S” is going to deliver baby Tah-nee because we thought she was going to be induced. We then learned that the doctor did not want to induce that night but if we stayed one more night in town, they will try to talk to him the next day. We ended up being very blessed by getting to be at “S” doctors appointment. It was a wonderful opportunity to get to know her better and hopefully help her feel more peaceful about what she has decided to do. At the end of her doctors appointment, the doctor told her that he will induce her on Friday! We are so excited!
There are so many things running through my mind as we get closer to Friday. The first thing I am is just plain excited. We have prayed for this child for a VERY long time and the fact that it is only two short days away makes me incredibly joyful. I am feeling the need to prepare (yet again) but also not wanted to prepare for fear of something bad happening. I am also feeling a bit nervous about how we are going to pay for this. So, there are plenty of things you guys can be praying about!
The one thing I am completely sure about is that we are VERY ready to have this sweet baby in our arms and in our family. Your prayers over the next couple of days would be very appreciated!
Also, if you are not on our “secret” facebook page yet, I will be giving more detailed updates on there…so just let me know and I will add you!…”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The Pehls are a young, presumably fertile couple (they have one biokid) who have been trying to “rescue” an “orphan” by adoption for two-and-a-half years now, citing the supposed Global Orphan Crisis and proclaiming that it’s a Christian duty to adopt. Well, as long as said “orphan” is a healthy newborn or small child, that is.
But after three previous adoption attempts fell through, (Ethiopian newborn, two DRC preschoolers, and domestic newborn) they’ve lined up a second domestic newborn adoption. Given that there is a waiting list of qualified couples for every healthy newborn surrendered for adoption, it’s a mystery to me how she thinks they’re helping the better the lot of the world’s needy children by adopting an American infant who has PAPs vying for her.
Intentionally withholding medical / personal histories of foster kids is a recipe for DISASTER:
http://www.news-press.com/story/news/local/2014/07/28/given-adoption/13252695/
Disaster. Waiting. To. Happen.
1) Colleen Novit seems likely to be the next Susanna Musser-esque disaster-in-the-making. Because it’s a terrific idea to adopt out of birth order high needs SN kids simultaneously when your 4 biokids are little? A super-violent 10 yo with DS is a good idea why, exactly?
http://iwillcometoyou-john14-18.blogspot.com/2014/08/time-is-moving-waytooslow.html
2) Disaster. Waiting. To. Happen. Too.
Dalas Mueller recently adopted 2 high needs SN Ukrainian kids – both older than her biokids – and is pregnant to boot. Dollars to donuts, either Jacob or Hope (the newbies) will be forced to find a new forever family when the Muellers get tired of ’em.
She’s also sufficiently nutty as to heap praise onto Adeye Salem’s “embryo adoption” plan:
“Embryo Adoption. One of my favorite blogger mamas is adopting again… this time they are adopting four little ones… very, very little ones. She and her husband are taking a leap of faith into the world of embryo adoption. I encourage you to check out her fantastic blog. This issue is something we really need to be discussing as Christians. What is embryo adoption, what isn’t it, and as people who value life in every stage – how do we approach embryo adoption Biblically and ethically? Or can we at all? There is a lot of confusion and controversy over whether or not it is moral for Christians to be involved with such things. I am hoping to put my thoughts together in a blog sometime soon.”
You cannot make this stuff up!
http://crunchylutheranmommy.com/2014/08/24/16-notes-for-16-weeks/
3) To the person who wanted to know why Natalie Coyler’s orphan-snuggling efforts are harmful, here’s why:
http://goseasia.about.com/od/cambodia/a/Orphanages-In-Cambodia-Voluntourism.htm
http://www.livesayhaiti.com/2011/03/thinking-through-stm.html
http://www.theveryworstmissionary.com/2012/04/healthy-short-term-missions-do-it-like.html
Natalie’s latest effort? Giving $200 to an orphanage director to build a play yard that will enable an additional class of kids with SN to attend school.
Noble. Great idea, actually.
http://blogging4theleastofthese.tumblr.com/post/95474051117/current-need-at-special-needs-school
One in which her physical presence
played a key role? Not so much.
4) And then there’s Serge Zevlever, Reece’s Rainbow’s (in)famous Ukrainian facilitator. He’s set up a blog, in order to more effectively violate Ukrainian law by illegally photolisting and illegally encouraging Americanfolks to pre-select a Ukrainian kid to adopt!
http://blog.handofhelpinadoption.org/2014/08/child-update.html
5) Let’s not forget Reece’s Rainbow’s Renee Alan, who brags about having adopted + homeschooling NINE high needs SN kids from Ukraine inside two years. And who encourages others to do the same, stupid irresponsible thing!
http://blog.handofhelpinadoption.org/2014/08/i-cant-do-this.html
6) Folks who get home with a newly adopted kid not unreasonably expect some support from their family, friends and spiritual community — expecting the sort of short-term help folks get when they bring home a newborn biokid is reasonable. A few weeks of casseroles, taking the big siblings out for an ice cream or a movie so mom and baby can nap, etc.
What IS crazy is Susanna Musser- or Amanda Unroe-esque expectations of ONGOING help — setting up “care funds” for the ongoing medical needs of adopted kids, expecting others to do your laundry / iron clothes / essentially be an unpaid “Amish Girl” helper indefinitely.
Or even someone like the lovely Dorothy, mommy to 11 kids (8 of whom are adopted and have special needs) — who homeschools and depends on an endless stream of paid “paras” or “helpers”. Who signs off on a homestudy for a family like Dorothy’s? One that literally cannot manage without PAID PROFESSIONAL staff, because there are so very many kids with so very many needs.
Urbanservant.blogspot.com
Carlee,
Thanks for all the links! Excellent info.
I got the impression that the “Crunchy Lutheran Mama” wasn’t so much praising Adeye Salem’s “Embryo Adoption” plans as saying “I’ve admired her a lot in the past, but I don’t know about this new crusade of hers. I wonder if this is something Christians ethically SHOULD be involved in at all.”
Dalas Mueller also seems to be awakening to the reality that Adoption Hype is just that, and that falling in love with a photograph is NOT a sane or responsible way to build a family. Given time, she may reason herself out of the Rescue Adoption camp.
http://crunchylutheranmommy.com/2014/08/16/adoption-is-not-love/