FacePalm Friday
Welcome to this week’s edition of FacePalm Friday.
This is where your hosts will list their top picks for this week’s FacePalm moment—something they learned or read about this week that caused the FacePalm to happen (you know, the expression of embarrassment, frustration, disbelief, shock, disgust or mixed humor as depicted in our Rally FacePalm smiley).
We invite you to add your FacePalm of the week to our comments. Go ahead and add a link, tell a personal story, or share something that triggered the FacePalm on the subject of child welfare or adoption.
Your Host’s Selections:
(1) Together for Adoption co-founder honored this month with Angels in Adoption award.
“The 2014 conference, for example, will focus on issues raised by critics. Speakers include Harvard Law professor Elizabeth Bartholet and authors such as Brandon Hatmaker, John Sowers and Jeff Medefind.” 
“In Haiti, for instance, 10 churches were trained and then asked to each bring 20 children into families already in the church, usually through an informal, long-term fostering situation. A system like this avoids complicated international adoption laws, long waits and high costs.” Just,how are they going to do that? 
(2) Domestic Adopters
http://www.kentucky.com/2014/08/23/3392823_after-struggling-with-infertility.html?rh=1
“They put out feelers to friends and contacts, letting them know that they wanted to adopt, and in July they got a call from an obstetrician and gynecologist’s office that had a prospective birth mother who wanted to meet them.”
“Amanda said they are excited about sharing online, but they want to wait until the mother signs some of the paperwork needed for the adoption to proceed. There is a chance something could prevent the adoption from being completed. Even afterward, the baby’s father could come forward.”
Well, we wouldn’t want the father to come into the picture!!Something seems 
.
http://www.charmingcollectables.net/Custom-Gotcha-Date-Adoption-Necklace-55099.htm
They donate to these causes http://www.charmingcollectibles.net/.Um…I don’t see anything adoption-related?So I guess they just pocket the money? 
(6)Bartholet!
http://www.adn.com/article/20140903/couple-accused-abusing-adopted-children-arrested-oregon
“But in general, “abuse and neglect is far more likely to occur in families where the children are the biological children than it is to occur in adoptive families,” says Elizabeth Bartholet, a Harvard law professor who studies child abuse.” Really “studies child abuse”?Well it really shouldn’t happen AT ALL in an adoptive family! 
Yay, FacePalm Friday is back! 😀
Um… if I’ve read the lead story right, Dan Cruver was talking about having HAITIAN families offer foster homes to “orphans”, which avoids the international adoption delays and traumas. Of course, these are families “already in the church”, not yucky secular families. Still, it’s a start.
He also talked of supporting unwed mothers in parenting their own children, which is major. Now, this may be just spindoctoring, while in practice things continue almost exactly as they were 99% of the time. We’ll have to watch and see if they “walk the walk”.
The “Diabolical Birthfather” and “Snowflake Adoptions” stories are pretty heinous, though. They reveal that it’s about PAP desires and agency profit margins, not families for kids who need parents.
Mine include:
1) PAPs with zero scruples, who ACCEPTED the referral of a gaggle of Congolese kids in January 2014, ie 3 mos after the exit permit suspension went into force:
http://radicalheart.com/2014/07/25/congo-ready-or-not-here-we-come/
Why let massive corruption and baby buying and fraud stop you from signing up to adopt unadoptable, likely trafficked kids!!
2) Last Mom adopted “Princess” as a foster kid, from a TX psychiatric hospital. She didn’t bother to get her daughter a therapist, despite the fact that her kid has numerous mental health diagnoses.
She pulled the girl from real school to homeschool last year and it didn’t go well — P had a breakdown and landed herself involuntarily held in a psychiatric hospital. It was preceded by an unsuccessful attempt at homeschooling.
Last Mom took P on several expensive trips over the summer but didn’t bother to get her a therapist… too expensive, therapists make stuff worse, therapists trigger Princess’ PTSD…
So Princess has been to exactly 3 days of school out of 3 weeks of school… at two different schools. Last Mom won’t get the kid a therapist, wants to keep P home to “build up her self esteem” by NOT homeschooling and basically just sits quietly and let her smart, survivor of a daughter fall to pieces.
Because she can’t be bothered to get mental health help for her mentally ill kid!
http://lastmom.com/self-hate-school-struggles-low-confidence-oh/
(FYI kids tend not to get self-este from their mommy telling them they’re awesome. They get it from accomplishing hard, often scary things).
2) Denise Davis who isn’t letting having no $$ nor the fact that the last kid she adopted died 3 wks later stop her from trying to simultaneously adopt 2 more high needs SN kids:
http://bringinghomealittleangel.blogspot.com/2014/09/almost-there.html
3) Ex-adoptive mommy and lawyer Mariyya Wright getting herself into hot water for allegedly helping a felon escape charges:
http://www.hngn.com/articles/40810/20140829/prosecutor-investigated-sending-bikini-pic-wanted-felon-helped-escape.htm
You may remember her as the amom who adopted and callously discarded the Bulgarian teen she adopted:
“..,Re-home… Yes, we had to let that settle in our stomachs for a bit. Scott was beyond devastated. Here was this girl we had worked so hard for, had sacrificed so much for. She was obviously not able to make any progress in our home (hence part of my huge frustration with her). We were prepared for the attachment issues, but to be told by a professional that things aren’t going to improve in our home and that we could either keep living in complete and total dysfunction or find a home better suited to meet Bozhi’s needs was an emotional blow like none other.
Would we do it all over again? Was it worth it? Honestly, probably not. Scott might disagree – I think he would probably do it all over again. I don’t think I would go through all of that effort, sell all of our belongings, have all those yard sales, not be able to afford to get my hair and nails done, miss out on social opportunities with friends who are dear to me in an effort to save a life who would never appreciate it but only hate us for doing so. Yes it’s true – Bozhi hates us for taking her out of Bulgaria, even though she says she never wants to return there. People ridiculed us for adopting a foreign teen – they called us crazy and many other not so flattering names. Turns out, they were right! We were crazy! But alas, that is all in the past..”
http://wrightadoptionfund.wordpress.com/2014/05/
4) Brooke Lusher begging for donations, once again confirming that it’s okay to fundraise an adoption because you can afford to care for the kid just not the $30k to adopt them is a BIG FAT LIE. She’s begging for donations for her newly adopted kids!
http://lusherfamily.weebly.com/blog/needs-and-sizes
5) Amber Gilchrist’s begging for $ and posting kids she’s got to claim to’s pics
http://whereyouwantmetogo.blogspot.com/2014/09/daily-tally.html
The Lushers are also P.O.’d that their sibling group of five are resisting their new names, which Brooke Lusher views as a sign of rebellion against her– and possibly God as well. It’s hard to be certain because of the way she words things, but she at least compares their wanting to be be called by their old names with “resisting their new I.D. in Christ”.
Why can’t these PAPs just let older adoptees keep their own names, unless THEY want to make use of the opportunity to take on a new name of their own choosing? It’s creepy the way they want to reshape kids into what they think they should be, ignoring their past lives, cultures, and very identities.
The Bad Parent of the Week Award goes to Last Mom.
Last Mom adopted a girl, Princess, from psychiatric hospital, as the kid had blown out multiple foster placements. From age 9-12, the girl was an honor student, member of the band and reasonably stable kid.
Did Last Mom get the kid a therapist? No.
Earlier this year, Princess refused to go to school, ran away, threatened to kill herself, trashed the house multiple times and ended up getting Baker Acted for 10 days.
Last Mom get the girl a therapist? Following the kid’s INVOLUNTARY PSYCHIATRIC hold? No. Therapists apparently exacerbate PTSD, so the girl doesn’t need one. Too expensive, too hard to find a good therapist.
http://lastmom.com/self-hate-school-struggles-low-confidence-oh/
Did Princess go back to school this fall? Nope. She lasted one day at public school, two days at private school and is now being ‘homeschooled’.
http://lastmom.com/school-take-3-home-school/
With ‘homeschooled’ being a euphemism for ‘mommy lets me stay home and watch Netflix all day’.
Does the kid have a therapist? Is Last Mom looking for one? No.
When Princess refused to go to school, destroyed the house and refused to do any of the homeschooling she was supposed to do, what did Last Mom do? Took her for spa days at fancy resorts (they live in Florida) and the aforementioned expensive trips.
Princess’ take home lesson? Refusing to go to school = fun stuff with mommy! No homework!
Last Mom is telling Princess that since she wasn’t nurtured as a little girl, it’s okay that she needs nurturing now and that watching Netflix all day is acceptable cuz it’s too stressful for her to go to school. She can stay home, do not work, watch Neflix all day get mollycoddled and in all likelihood have her BAD behavior reinforced by going on expensive vacations.
Does a kid who is clearly suffering, clearly not functioning need medical intervention? Yup.
Is it Last Mom’s job to get that help for her kid? Yup, but she can’t be bothered. She knows way better than all of those doctors!!
PTSD and panic attacks and suicidal ideation get better with no treatment? Allowing a kid to stay home and watch movies instead of going to school or being homeschooled is good for a kid how, exactly?
(Lying to the kid and telling her tons of kids get homeschooled and that it is okay… well, I guess it’s technically true. Rather a lot of adopted kids get homeschooled, often to keep the kids away from pesky mandated reporters. It’s actually not okay. So not okay. Because her kid did a BAZILLION TIMES better with structure and going to school and is now being ENABLED to do nothing. No medical treatment, nor real school, no half-hearted attempt at homeschool, even).
Um… according to Last Mom, it was the SCHOOL’S decision to put her on Homebound Instruction in the seventh grade. This is different than homeschooling– it’s when the school district sends a certified teacher to the child’s home for X hours a week to instruct them. It’s been around a lot longer than the homeschooling movement.
To be fair to Last Mom, it’s not all that surprising that a girl adopted from a psychiatric hospital after 3 failed placements to exhibit continuing difficulties. Nor is it unknown for kids with complex trauma to backslide dramatically at puberty, especially if they’re a survivor of sexual abuse. Remember the AP who claimed her adopted daughter “developed” RAD at puberty?
Mind you, Last Mom’s flirtation with Nancy Thomas-style Attachment Therapy was a major mistake, and may account for Princess’s current therapist-phobia. I almost wish I believed in Hell, because Nancy Thomas has a lot to answer for.
I just don’t see how NOT providing the following increases the likelihood of the kid to become a functioning grownup:
– therapy
– structure
– school
There’s a legitimate argument to be made that Princess is presently SO sick that she’s completely incapacitated and won’t be in a position to learn til she is better able to manage her PTSD/severe anxiety… but that requires medical care. Not staying home and watching Netflix with amommy.
It would also help if Last Mom at least TRIED to separate out mental/illness/anxiety/PTSD from ‘usual teen growing pains’. ALL teen girls freak out that that they’re not pretty/smart/skinny enough relative to [BFF, classmate, kid they sit next to on the bus] – and realism is the best way to address this.
Literally “There are 7ish billion people on this planet, which statistically guarantees that someone will ALWAYS be prettier/smarter/skinnier than you. While you [Princess] are certainly welcome to let this inevitable fact of life torment you, but accepting it and getting on with your life will make you happier in the long run”.
(My college boyfriend had a literal first nervous breakdown in his first year of grad school… because it dawned on him that he was not, in fact, the smartest person at MIT. Recovered, got tenure at Tulane at 26; had a second nervous breakdown when some girl in another department got tenure at 24, and a third following some other scientist putting the origin of land plants back by several hundred million years. Breakdown #3 resulted in 3 months of in-patient treatment, where he FINALLY, BELATEDLY was taught the coping skills that come more or less naturally to most people. His life would have been SO much better had somebody, anybody taught him those basic , TEACHABLE skills at, like, age 11).
Okay, I have held off on responding to the people bashing me on this site (and think it might just be one person talking to herself), but I need to clear something up. I have NEVER used Nancy Thomas methods. I don’t know where you got that from. In fact, I hated her book (bought it before we were even matching on a recommendation) I RETURNED it. I don’t understand the point of this page. To make people feel like crap? Well, then you are winning.
I don’t understand how some amoms think they can post whatever they want on their public blogs and not have anyone disagree with them or critique them. If you can’t handle the comments here, don’t have a public blog. Or stay off this site. You can control what goes up on your blog, but you can’t control the rest of the web. This isn’t just for Last Mom, BTW.
Last Mom,
Um, maybe I’m getting you confused with someone else, but didn’t you get talked into putting Princess through some “attachment boot camp” because she “was only affectionate on her own terms”?
If not… Great! If so… all “Attachment Therapy” is quackery, even if it’s not by Nancy Thomas. There’s no peer-reviewed research on it showing that it’s effective.
http://childrenintherapy.org/attachmentdisorder.html
Check this list of names to see if you’ve been snookered by someone pushing pseudoscience on you. Nancy Thomas is just the most notorious– and toxic– of them.
http://childrenintherapy.org/proponents/index.html
And, er, actually I was trying to defend you against unwarranted claims. We’re only here to discuss adoption reform, not “make people feel like crap”. That’s why we’re posting HERE rather than on your blog.
Astrin, my comment and frustration wasn’t meant for you (aside from the Nancy Thomas part). I saw you were actually standing up for me. I meant the person posting as Carlee and Name. Pretty sure it’s the same person who bashes me on my blog, Twitter, Get off my Internets, etc. Same rants every time, even though I have explained my reasons, which are backed by professionals. No, I’ve never done any sort of attachment camp, holding exercises, etc. It’s been a crappy couple of days and I need to just not read this site when I see it in my google analytics, but it’s had to stay away. Thank you for your understanding words. I’m a good mom and despite Carlee/Name’s ramblings she’s write hat my daughter is strong, amazing and has some a long way. Set backs don’t take away from that or mean she won’t continue to grow.
(((Last Mom))),
I see. I apologize for increasing your distress due to my misremembering.
May I suggest this site?
http://kidneysandeyes.com/
It’s run by a mom whose had to institutionalize her son for depression, so she’s an advocate for reducing the stigma about mental health issues.
No, it’s not an adoption site, but perhaps it will be helpful for you to get a perspective from another “camp”. A support group composed of APs is likely to see everything through the lens of “attachment” or trauma. But from your description, Princess also has some sensory integration issues (needs a weighted blanket to sleep) so maybe talking to parents with a Special Needs focus might give you some fresh ideas.
I don’t know what the demographics at schools Princess has attended were, but it occurs to me being the only black, chubby girl in a sea of thin white girls during MIDDLE SCHOOL is a kind of hell by itself, even without Princess’s other difficulties. May I suggest reaching out to adult transracial adoptees to see if they have any useful wisdom to share?
As the late Ann Landers used to advise, keep trying until you find appropriate psychological help for Princess. Due to Princess’s unique constellation of difficulties, she’s going to need someone able to think outside the box. Maybe widening your “idea pool” will help you find the right person.
It’s also possible that sharing Name’s wisdom posted on September 9, 2014 at 12:15 pm that IT’S OKAY not to be the smartest/prettiest/coolest person around, and simply focus on setting and achieving your goals, rather than fretting about all the ways you perceive yourself as “falling short”. Unfortunately, Middle School kids are fixated on who’s on top of the social pinnacle– and often view being seen to “pick on” someone more lowly than them as a way to rise in social status. It’s horrible and ugly, but it’s true.
http://www.paulgraham.com/nerds.html
Last Mom is aware that blogs come with a cool feature called PASSWORD PROTECT.
But it’s hard to making living blogging about the intimate details of OLDER CHILD ADOPTION, by posting PHOTOS of your kid’s self-loathing, suicidal idealation, etc of you password protect your posts or decide that maybe, just, maybe it’s gross to earn a living by writing about your child’s problems.
I do find it very, very strange that after Princess was Baker Acted at the beginning of the summer, Last Mom didn’t bother to line up help — actual, appropriate help in the form of a decent trauma-competent therapist and a medication adjustment that actually helped.
Princess is a smart kid who has come SO far, who lacks coping skills and stop-panicking-deal-with-PTSD skills… that require help. Real help. Not stay home and watch Netfix and get babies help. Last Mom did nada for P except take her on expensive trips and worry that she might not be able to manage in school.
It’s worked out, ummm, not so well. Poor P deserves SO much better.
Rally,
This may be something this site won’t support– and I know I’m giving you scant notice– but Net Neutrality IS an Adoption Reform issue, because without it the Big Money Adoption Industry can shout us out. Or at least will even MORE of an advantage.
https://www.battleforthenet.com/sept10th/?t=dXNlcmlkPTU1MTg1MTc4LGVtYWlsaWQ9OTAwNw==
I’ve been reading Last Mom for years, and while I haven’t always agreed with everything she does, one thing that shines through is her genuine love for Princess, and desire to do right by her. Parenting is hard. Parenting a traumatized child is harder. Last Mom isn’t perfect, but I believe she is doing her best.
Honestly, I don’t think school is that important right now. What matters is getting Princess to a place of good mental health and positive self image. I hope people who are commenting are doing it from a place of concern for a hurting child, not from a place of wanting to be hurtful to a parent you disagree with.
The state of Florida is notoriously crappy when it comes to mental health care. I read they’re second worst in the country for access to care. I don’t know what the answer is for Princess. She obviously needs help, but maybe traditional therapy isn’t the best way. Maybe a mentor or “big sister” would be good.
I’m sure if anyone knows of any resources for good trauma therapists, groups, mentoring, or whatever, that Last Mom would love to hear about them. I just think it sucks to kick someone while they’re down.
Last Mom’s best really isn’t something to be proud of. A second Baker Act-ing inside three months.
The no therapy, skip school, baby Princess, don’t make a fuss over her clearly scary behavior (suicidial idealation, running away, trashing the house repeatedly, quitting activities she enjoyed, gaining a ton of weight but not getting taller, school refusal) resulted in Baker Acting #1.
What did LM do?
The exact same thing.
What happened?
Baker Acting # 2. You’d think Last Mom would want to try something else… like, maybe it wouldn’t work and the involuntary psych hold was inevitable, but, ummm, at least she’d have not failed in a way that she pretty much knew wouldn’t work.
I agree that school isn’t really an option for Princess – she’s way too unstable.
But carrying on as before, with the exact same approach… well, it hasn’t worked before and there’s no reason to believe it’ll work now.
Princess needs HELP. And Last Mom saying that there are no good therapists, no day treatment centers, no anything that could possibly be done to help her SICK KID IN CRISIS?!?
That’s good parenting?!?
(Kids get self esteem from accomplishing stuff. If LM telling her girl that she was super-awesome a million times a day actually translated into self-esteem… it would’ve by now).
Colleen Novit will, in fact, be permitted to complete her stupidly, irrationally high-risk Bulgarian adoption:
http://iwillcometoyou-john14-18.blogspot.com/2014/09/the-end-is-nearand-so-is-beginning.html
Colleen is 25 and has 4 biokids, the oldest of whom is 9. She decided to simultaneously adopt 2 unrelated out of birth order SN kids — 10 yo with DS, 4 yo with CP, both institutionalized at the notoriously horrid Pleven orphanage.
It’ll be interesting to see how long she keeps both kids (less than a year is my guess) and how long it’ll be until she demands more money from strangers to pay for the medical care 2 kids who suffered awful neglect invariably need. She’ll claim to be “shocked” by unexpected medical cost, proving that “I can afford to care for the kid, but not the ransom to adopt him” to be a total crock. Just like her bestie Linnea. Why save when you can beg?? Or play dumb that you never ever expected the kid to need dental care.
Even more disturbingly, Colleen thinks little Tommy (Tom-Ton, as he was known) Musser is better off dead. That her friend Susanna did nothing wrong by letting the poor drown in the bathtub!!
Both of the kids are not at Pleven, only one is. You post incorrect information in order to smear families so often that it’s almost funny. Hey, at least you got the country right this time (something you’ve gotten wrong on numerous occasions in the past.
Colleen’s blog? Sure makes it sound like both kids are in Pleven.
It’s disturbing that a woman who truly believes little Tom-Tom is better off dead is adopting 2 SN kids.
Only time will tell. Maybe colleens the best mom on the planet. Totally capable of properly parenting 6 kids,able to afford to care for them. That would be awesome for those kids… unlikely to happen, but awesome.
She will be demanding $$$ withing days of getting the kids home OR while still bulgaria on the pick up trip if there are any delays (that happen all the gosh darn time) … No Novit emergency fund! Some supernatural being will provide… Or the kid will spend weeks/months in agony til Colleen extorts the $$ from others in order to meet the kids basic medical needs.
Have no desire to address most of the garbage you spew, but where do I make it seem like they are both in Pleven? If they were both in Pleven you would see them TOGETHER, or even visiting in the same place….You have absolutely no clue what you are talking about.
And where did I ever say Tommy is better off dead? I’d LOVE to see that, because I am one of the few that did not even blog about his death. I met him in country, I have nothing but heartbreak over his death…I don’t think ANYONE thinks he’s better off dead.
Speaking of Snowflake Adoptions, Adeye Salem is now crowdfunding her implantation of four frozen blastocysts.
http://www.youcaring.com/adoption-fundraiser/because-all-life-is-precious-no-matter-how-small/231280?utm_source=widget
To be fair, she DOES say on her blog that she “hesitated for many reasons” before deciding to set up a fundraising site. (Hopefully, one of those reasons was realizing how crass it was to pull charitable donations from far more urgent needs for the sake of frozen cells.) But in the end she decided to generously allow “…anyone who would love to be a part of these four babies’ journey out of the test tube and into HOPE…” to give them money. She’d like $8,000, please.
http://www.nogreaterjoymom.com/2014/09/pressing-onward.html
If you’ve got money to spend, may I suggest donating to this cause instead? The parents know it’s probably too late to save their own kids– whose suffering is continually increasing– but they think it’ll be a good thing to save other kids (and parents) from what they’re going through.
https://www.crowdrise.com/purplelemonade4bd/fundraiser/shannonmcneil
Just wanted to share:
http://pittsburgh.cbslocal.com/2014/09/15/couple-sentenced-in-abuse-of-adopted-kids-case/
And another article on this couple:
http://www.post-gazette.com/local/north/2014/09/15/Couple-get-probation-for-endangering-adopted-children/stories/201409150154
Now that is a facepalm!
Gasp! We actually agree on this 😉 Seriously, it IS face palm worthy! 🙂
Boy, what a loving Xtian couple the Barbours were! (cough cough). And they are STILL going about their lives somewhat a-okay. Pays to have clout in this culture, no?
As for the children’s new AParents – sounds like they are a good match. The new AParents seem to be taking the right steps in helping the children with their challenges. That was the silver lining in this.
Behold the most selfish adopters EVER!
Who flat-out advocate that family preservation is wrong, that adoption is way better and that UNICEF is evil
Be sure to read the comments!!!
http://blessedbyachild.blogspot.com/2013/08/my-thoughts-on-adoption-vs-family_1661.html?m=1
“I think that Ghana is not whole lot different than the other countries we have adopted from….except the children seem to have less attachment issues than the other children from the EE countries we have adopted from. I love the process, dossier and even our travel in country. I am in a constant state of sadness about Ghana. I pray that it changes and that families will be able to adopt again. I do not think that the culture as a whole will ever take care of the poor children of their country. I am not for family preservation as much as I am for adoption. I am against child trafficking but, I don’t think programs like NGOs are the answer in these countries and especially Ghana. The gov’t really does not care or have the capability economically to make families be able to provide food, medical care and jobs for their people…. So children will suffer. NGOs help a few for a short time but the overall thoughts, emotions and ability for the culture to think differently takes a long time for positive changes. I believe it is better for the children to be adopted into a culture that does provide food, health care and economic possibilities for their children like the US generally does. UNICEF tries to promote and encourage a country to keep children with bio. families. However, for the 28 plus yrs. we have been adopting I have never seen a country change it’s opinion of the orphan or poor child. They are not valued and often thought of as trash. No money is spent on these children or the country like Ghana is so poor there are no resources for orphans. Ghana not so much but all the EE countries for sure feel this way. What is needed in a way is for these countries to provide jobs, and ways to earn income for their people. It is a huge economic issue that causes an unbearable social issue- to care for the orphans, special needs and the children of the poor.
I do not think NGOs are the best way to help orphans. I believe that adoption is the best for these children stuck in families who may even love them dearly but can not give medical care for preventable diseases that will kill or cause harm to their children. Families can not provide enough food to sustain them let alone be healthy. Families who are forced to leave very young child at home ( age 2 yrs) so that the mom can work all day. I have some children from Ghana who were left by themselves all day until dark….with no food and my son still has nightmares about ” some evil men who came while mom was gone and he was only 4). Did his mom love him- yes but because her culture is economically poor and the majority of its people can not sustain their families I believe it was best for him to be adopted by us. Some of my children were even sold to not so healty situations where they were abused. Some of my children have had health issues that could have been prevented if they had received medical care here in the US earlier in their lives that was not available in their own countries. Some of my children’s lives were saved by us adopting them….They would have died if they had stayed with their family or orphanages much longer. God used us to give them life or a chance at life….Now what they do with this opportunity is really up to them. I don’t harbor any ill feeling towards the birth moms. My children all know we are grateful for their birth families….and we are even more grateful that the Lord gave them to us.
Am I certain without a doubt all my children came legally- not really. I do believe they were adopted legally and feel that all the agencies we worked with are legit and legal who really do care about the children and doing the adoption on the up and up. I would be against child trafficking of any sort. However, now that my children are apart of my family I feel and support any contact they wish to have with their birth parents or other significant caregivers before us – this should be up to them as an adult to decide. I have been apart of many support, yahoo groups and it is interesting to see comments from what I call “Newbie adopters” who think they have all the answers about orphans, child trafficking, and family preservation. They don’t and have not earned my respect when they shove their own thoughts or emotions down other adoptive families throats. No one should feel shame or be shamed publicly about their views on adoption. Everyone has their own answers to the problems of orphans but unfortunately my husband and I over the 28 plus years we have been on our adoption journey have not seen their answers to work. They help a few for a short time as I shared but none have been doing it for the long term sponserships or support for orphans. In reality the issue is much bigger… It is a cultural thing that even us in the US suffer from – We do not value the life of a child as God does. We think we have the answers and we don’t. Children suffer from this lack of valuing them and who they are in God’s eyes. All of the countries we have adopted from are struggling economically and until this is improved money will not be given to orphans or their care. Families will continue to struggle to provide. The rich will always get richer and the poor will always struggle until we can change the ability for the families to be able to make money and take care of their children. Providing it thru NGOs helps the few but the overall ability for change will take years – not in my lifetime, only God can move in the hearts of people to change how they value children. So far I have not seen a great movement of this being done even in the hearts of the people in my own country. Until it does there will always be orphans, and children who do not get medical or necessary living care to survive let alone flourish.
Astrin, I have been a reader of Last Mom for years. One thing you know by now, dissent is not tolerated. Her Groupies will swarm, and Last Mom deflects as a “victim of the internet.” It circles and loops, and at the end of the day, there’s a child with probable mental illness, that’s not being addressed in any effectual way.
Last Mom is also delusional to think there’s only one person that dares to disagree.
Anyways, just watch and see the sad cycle repeat itself!
She’s at it agaaaain. Spending the big buck$$ to take her kid on on an expensive trip, because therapy’s “too expensive” (even if it’s free cuz Princess was adopted from Foster Care and gets Medicaid)!!!
http://lastmom.com/staycation-beach/
Number of Times Princess has been on an involuntary psych hold since the summer: 2
Number of therapy sessions Princess has had outside the psych hospital where she was INVOLUNTARILY COMMITTED: 0 . Zip. None.
Number of expensive trips Last Mom’s taken her on in the same period: 3. Caribbean Cruise, Blogger “conference” in Cali & “staycation at beach resort”!
Reece’s Rainbow’s very own Renee Joy Alan has started a one-stop REHOMING SHOP on her Facebook page!
She’s got a spreadsheet for families who want to dump kids, a separate spreadsheet for UNSCREENED folks willing to offer “respite services” and a scary solicitation for families willing to take in rehomed kids who act out sexually:
https://m.facebook.com/story.php?story_fbid=1607233756226482&id=100008196189756
My questions are:
1) who can this be reported to?
2) why the bell isn’t this illegal?
(If you don’t want to barf, avoid reading the comments — lots of RR adopters insist it is no biggie to dump the adopted kid you tired of).
Have you tried contacting Facebook’s admin, offering them links to the Reuters’ series ‘The Child Exchange’ as well as articles about Arkansas Rep. Justin Harris’s rehoming one of his adoptees to a pedophile?
BTW, Justin Harris is now receiving a “Courage Award’ at a Ted Cruz event. Somehow, I think rehoming your domestically adopted child to an unvetted ex-employee rather than admitting to state CPS workers that he was wrong is the OPPOSITE of courage.
http://www.dailykos.com/story/2015/08/12/1411360/-Arkansas-state-senator-who-rehomed-his-daughters-is-getting-a-courage-award-at-a-Ted-Cruz-event