Book: Mary Full of Grace

“AFTER suffering an abusive childhood, Mary Johnstone has exorcised her demons by writing her memoirs.

On the inside of Mary Johnstone’s wrist there’s a scar. It’s from the day when her foster mother held a red-hot poker to her skin to see how much pain she could endure.

It was to be the first of a series of agonising experiences that the tiny child suffered until she found the strength and courage to run away from the house of horrors where she’d been placed as a baby.

Last year, the 79 year old decided to write a book about her experiences, enlisting the help of Story Terrace, a publishing service that transforms ideas into precious keepsakes – anything from a coffee table book full of treasured photographs to a full-length autobiography.

In Mary’s case, it’s a collection of her memoirs that she hopes will go to explain “why I was such a lame mother”.

When I meet Mary near her home in Northamptonshire, the “lame mother” label that she has given herself is instantly rebutted by her youngest daughter Fiona, who clearly adores her bright-eyed mum.

Fiona shakes her head as Mary claims she wasn’t a good mum to her six children, because of her own upbringing.

The love and safety that we often take for granted as children was instead a litany of physical, mental and sexual abuse for poor Mary, who was left on the steps of a priest’s house as a baby, with a £1 note pinned to her blanket. This was County Laois in 1930s Ireland and her mother was thought to have come in from out of town to leave the baby, which was then delivered to the nearest orphanage.

“In this godforsaken place I remained for 15 months until something about me must’ve caught the attention of a couple from Clonin who invited me into their little homestead, a sad and lugubrious dwelling that would make any bog on Earth seem like paradise.”

What follows in the book is a heartbreaking account of abuse, as Mary tried to make the most of her impossible situation with her beloved foster sisters Kathleen and Rose, the couple’s natural child Liam, and a fifth child who died as a baby.

“I vividly remember seeing my foster mother leaning over the cot motionless and wondering, ‘What is going on?’ Something wasn’t right. Maybe they realised they couldn’t cope with another small child, but a few days later we were lowering the poor thing into the ground for she’d died that night. The sight of the baby’s little white coffin still breaks my heart to this day.”

In this godforsaken place I remained for 15 months until something about me must’ve caught the attention of a couple from Clonin who invited me into their little homestead, a sad and lugubrious dwelling that would make any bog on Earth seem like paradise.”

What follows in the book is a heartbreaking account of abuse, as Mary tried to make the most of her impossible situation with her beloved foster sisters Kathleen and Rose, the couple’s natural child Liam, and a fifth child who died as a baby.

“I vividly remember seeing my foster mother leaning over the cot motionless and wondering, ‘What is going on?’ Something wasn’t right. Maybe they realised they couldn’t cope with another small child, but a few days later we were lowering the poor thing into the ground for she’d died that night. The sight of the baby’s little white coffin still breaks my heart to this day.”

Mary’s very successful nursing career began in Sussex, where she met her husband Arthur. But life hasn’t always been easy as she has struggled to come to terms with the way she was mistreated. For many years she had nightmares where she would relive the daily thrashings.

It was only after the Freedom of Information Act in 2000, when Mary went to Dublin and shared her experiences with others who had been abused that she was able to move forwards.

“I discovered there were others who had gone through similar experiences in care and we started to meet up regularly in Birmingham. A kind of support group. I also got back in touch with my foster sister Kathleen and younger brother Liam, who had always been horrid to me as a child, but as the years have gone by, I have been able to forgive him. But I’ll never forget what happened.”

For many years, family and friends have said that Mary should write a book about her experiences, but she was anxious about committing the past to paper, plus she doubted her own ability as a writer. It was then that her daughter Fiona did a bit of searching on the internet and found Story Terrace, who linked her with a ghostwriter.

“Once I started talking I couldn’t stop!” Mary laughs. “We decided that we should focus on the early part of my life, even though leaving Ireland behind didn’t mean leaving all my problems behind.”

Maybe there will be a part two, I suggest. “Well, it’s been quite a journey.””

‘We were treated like slaves’ Memoirs of a childhood abuse victims [Express 3/6/16 by Nicole Carmichael]

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