Two Disgusting Behind-the-Scenes Adoption Offerings UPDATED
(1) There is a new program by a Hague-accredited agency (that we cannot name) who is actively trolling on adoptive parent groups offering Japanese “tsunami orphans” to families. This program is not advertised on their website.
Besides the underhanded, unethical way of going about this “pilot” program, possibly violating regulations or laws (not like any regulator would care 
), we have the following concerns:
• Child abuse/neglect is far less prevalent in Japan than in the US.
• Child care facilities are generally known to be better staffed and more caring than those in the US.
• With the incredibly lax standards for who can adopt, children will be more at risk being adopted abroad than if they stay in their home country.
• Moving children from their culture, language and racial communities is never a good idea unless absolutely necessary. Inflicting unnecessary trauma is cruel and should be avoided unless there are no other alternatives.
To the agency: If your program is so helpful and great, why is it so “secret”? We really are asking for you to respond.
(2) A 13-year-old Chinese adoptee is charging money to write letters to other potential adoptees to encourage being adopted. This boy was adopted at an age when he was very close to “aging-out” of the possibility of being adopted internationally. His adoptive mother claimed he didn’t want to be adopted. This service started being offered only on private Yahoo groups. Now he has taken his business to a website at http://adoptionletterstranslate.angelfire.com/
The adoptive parent blogs at http://petersadoption.blogspot.com/ with explanations of why her family is homeschooled: http://petersadoption.blogspot.com/2011/12/schooling-adopted-children.html
“I have never seen my husband go absolutely bonkers (he is an attorney), but I thought his head was going to explode when the vice-principle bluntly announced that John would never graduate high school. He’d be 21( and age out) first because John was going to miss 3 core subject classes a day, in order to attend his federally mandated ESL classes. John would not get enough credits to graduate, according to the administer, in four years of schooling because of the ESL classes. I had to almost physically restrain my husband when the principle said that, by the way, HE was going to make the educational decisions for John, since John was at school 6 hours a day and ultimately the principle is responsible for the child’s education and the principle knows what is best….I am certified in NY to teach Reading K-12 and English 5-12, so I could at least speak the school’s lingo, but the administration was practically trying to bully us!”
We will withhold our comments on the grammar and spelling in the above excerpt as the point is to connect one of the red flags of child collectors to one possible outcome (business run by adoptee in which the adoptive parents will make money). We have seen this “model”/way of life/outcome in other cases, and it is rarely, if ever, positive for the best needs of the adoptees.
The other blog this family has can be found at http://petersadoption2.blogspot.com/ . I can only hope that John, the adoptee in question, never reads an entry like this one from January 7, 2012 http://petersadoption2.blogspot.com/2012/01/bragging-rights-or-not.html “John, adopted at age almost 14, has more spit and vinegar than them all. He spent 18 months fighting me, since he spent a life-time fighting for survival, and then he decided to use me to make money. It’s all good. He’s recently launched his letter writing and translation business, and I swear I spend 2 hours to his 1 coordinating his contacts. He is also writing a book about living in China and being an orphan. He’s going to make us rich. Really; the kid is amazing, and now he has me backing him and doing 1/2 the work.”
Not only is this a gross invasion of John’s privacy, but it does not exactly portray his “business” in the light he might want it portrayed.
section that we missed? Also, which section do we find the regulation that it is ok to coerce reluctant children into being internationally adopted? Does that count towards the agency getting the 1 healthy, young child referral for 5 older, special needs child referrals deal?
Secrets and coercion do not make ethical programs. Making money off of your adopted child…
How do these activities fit in with the best interest of the adopted or potentially adopted child?
John keeps 100% of the money that he makes on his letter writing business. He was not coerced into the adoption; he signed all adoption papers willingly, without the tiniest bit of coercion and completely without hesitation. Later he told us that he was very scared, and so now he writes these letters to other children to reassure them that they will have a happy life here in the U.S. If you'd like, you can call and talk to him directly, in Chinese or English. We also do not home-school. Our children attend expensive private schools so that they can get the education they deserve.
And, by the way, John has read the blog entry about his business venture, and he made the suggestions on the specific wording. I've since changed it on the blog, since you obviously do not "get" John's sense of humor. He's wickedly funny, but sarcastic too, and you didn't seem to pick up on that. He is the one who says he's going to make us rich, and wanted me to say that, although we've never kept a single cent from his business. My husband is an attorney; we don't need our son to earn money for us. You also conveniently pick out lines to make your "case" that we are child collectors, while eliminating the rest of the quote.
Adoption journey, thank you for your comments. We always try to be as accurate as possible, basing what we post on direct comments made in blogs by the authors themselves. Therefore, we wrote about the homeschooling because of what YOU wrote in your blogs. For example, we concluded that you DID partake in homeschooling because the link above said : "Our oldest son (now age 16) has been attending an all-boys college prep school, McQuaid Jesuit, since 7th grade, and at that point I was homeschooling our son who was 10"
and
"Our son Connor, who was home-schooled, would be in 7th grade in public school because of his age. "
We of course don't know the entire history of your homeschooling and that is not a stand alone feature of our definition of child collector, it is one of the extra features we list at the end, hence why we link our readers to the definition (and the blog entry) to decide for themselves.
We would also appreciate you sharing whether or not you think a young teen is capable of the emotional maturity to make such a monumental decision about his future, leaving everything he knows, without some form of persuasion or coercion from personnel in his orphanage.
Adoption journey, one more line of questioning: WHO is authorizing the communication between John and the potential adoptee in this business? It is our understanding, and please correct us if we are wrong, that PAPs are to contact him to request a letter being sent and possible other communication? If the PAP is not the legal parent, then is the orphanage authorizing this? Does the orphanage KNOW about this? What is your explanation for how this fits with Hague regulations Chapter 2, Article 4 (c )(2) and (3) (about giving consent FREELY and not induced by payment or compensation of ANY kind found at this link and pasted below)?
http://www.hcch.net/upload/conventions/txt33en.pdf
“the State of origin –
a) have established that the child is adoptable;
b) have determined, after possibilities for placement of the child within the State of origin have been given due consideration, that an intercountry adoption is in the child's best interests;
c) have ensured that
(1) the persons, institutions and authorities whose consent is necessary for adoption, have been counselled as may be necessary and duly informed of the effects of their consent, in particular whether or not an adoption will result in the termination of the legal relationship between the child and his or her family of origin,
(2) such persons, institutions and authorities have given their consent freely, in the required legal form, and expressed or evidenced in writing,
(3) the consents have not been induced by payment or compensation of any kind and have not been withdrawn, and
(4) the consent of the mother, where required, has been given only after the birth of the child
1. If you even read one complete entry of my blog, you would know that I only home-schooled Connor until I found an appropriate school for him. He scored a 1500 on the SAT at age 10, and the public school wasn't challenging him. I was clear in every blog entry that, in spite of my Masters degree in reading, I didn't feel that homeschooling our adopted children would meet their educational needs. Maybe it's great for others, but our children needed to attend school. I am quite clear on that if you read the blog in its entirety.
2. John writes the letters to waiting children for their new parents to bring with them to China. He is not violating any laws. He is in the process of creating a video too, because many adoptive children can't even read at age 12 or 13. John feels this is important. John is also a member of a family of highly driven entrepreneurs now, and he has found his niche market; therefore, he's decided to make this a business too. John would never say he's "grateful to us for rescuing him," only because we don't use that kind of dialogue in our house; we absolutely discourage that sentiment, and do not ever expect our children to act grateful or to "help others because you were given…blah blah blah." We are Catholic. Always religious, but not overly demonstrative. John is, however, keenly aware that he was only 69 pounds at age 14 and lived in a type of slave-labor work-camp, called a foster home. But he was still afraid to be adopted. Again, if you want to set up a face-to face interview with our son, to see why he writes letters to reassure children that their lives will be better by being adopted, contact me directly. Obviously, I cannot put our phone number or address on a public site; you'll need to send me a personal email. We'd welcome the opportunity to hear about your particular agenda. Our son has gained a life he would never have had. Our greatest hope is that he gets healthy (3-4 operations necessary), and gets a college education (he has $42,000 in his 529 account) and then return to China as an adult. He might be the person who makes the changes necessary. He has what it takes. And China is his country, and his home. We only pray that Chinese people would begin to adopt their children and that our government would eliminate barriers to adopt children in foster care. Again, if you read our blog in entirety, you'd know that we are foster parents and wanted to adopt our 4 US foster children.
Wow – can't believe how mis-informed this blog is. You are hurting people whose only goal is to help children find loving homes. Sorry, but this is just so sad.
Adoption journey re: 3rd comment:thanks for explaining the homeschooling.I think our readers will be able to fully understand that. Again that was the side comment to the main issues:the business, coercion, and descriptions of your son on the blog. Those are the issues that you are choosing not to address to us.
How does this business fit with Hague? Does it concern you that there may be a conflict? We are here to fight to fix 9 main things. See http://reformtalk.blogspot.com/2012/01/puzzle-of-reform.html Hague is one of them. Coercion falls under corruption heading in our puzzle.
Now you have muddied the waters further by stating that some of the 12 to 13 year old can't read? So, is that known before PAPs give money for the letter? Also, for videos, WHO would be monitoring that exchange?
Anonymous,please tell us where we are misinformed. How many of our almost 1000 posts have you read? Do YOU understand how coercion has shut down several countries? Do you care?
Rally…what don't you understand about the part that these parents are taking these letters with them to China to use AFTER!!!! the adoption is final and these are their children to show any video/letter they want??? It could be Sponge Bob for God's sake and Hague can't say a darn thing about it!!!! The adoption is final…NO! Hague violation! They aren't sending these to China in a care package so back off!!! KNOW YOUR FACTS!!
Anonymous (post above),Thank you for clarifying the timing of the letters. The AP did not clarify that in the first 3 responses. You have clarified Hague regulations Chapter 2, Article 4 (c )(2) for us as the consent has taken place PRIOR to the letter.
(c)(2) was ONE aspect of coercion. But there is another and that is (c) (3)the consents have not been induced by payment or compensation of any kind and have not been withdrawn,"
It is our understanding that there have been MANY children that have withdrawn consent (disrupted) while in China in addition to those that have disrupted AFTER they have immigrated to the US. So how does this business fit in with Chap 2 Art 4 (c) (3)?
If the orphanage and agency prepared the child for what they are about to embark on, why would they need any persuading?
The initial question we asked has yet to be answered, so I will paste it here again: We would also appreciate you sharing whether or not you think a young teen is capable of the emotional maturity to make such a monumental decision about his future, leaving everything he knows, without some form of persuasion or coercion from personnel in his orphanage?
This is directed to all commenters:
How would you feel if a complete stranger wrote a letter to YOUR waiting child who may be nervous/anxious/terrified. What if YOUR waiting child inadvertently read it in a way in which it was not intended – in other words, would feel even MORE coerced because a child in the US is telling them how to feel?
In this case, we believe that what started out as good intentions have since been coopted by PAPs, APs and the adoptee's own mother—with the result being inadvertent exploitation.
No person wholly unconnected to someone else's adoption has any right to intrude on an adoption-in-progress.
Adopted children from China should not be used or use their own stories to entice others to agree to adoptions. This boy may feel safe and happy in his new home however how will he feel when a reluctant child in China takes the leap and agrees to an adoption they otherwise would not have went through with only to later end up in a terrible situation, adopted by horrible people and facing abuse or exploitation??
Is John mature enough to deal with the burden of a horror story that he may have somehow contributed to in it's early stage?
Under Chinese adoption rules, it was my understanding that any contact before adoptions with the orphanage, foster family, or child is against policy. If these letters are really being given at the time of adoption (which I highly doubt!) why wouldn't the families use the guide they already are paying to translate their own words to the adopted child??? Why (other than reasons of coercion) is John's services needed at all?
The parents are choosing to purchase and take the letters with them…in doing so, it removes alot of the 'complete stranger' aspect of the person writing them. As any good parent would do, you are going to do your best to contact the writer of the letters and his families with your questions and concerns..If you don't feel comfortable with their character then you wouldn't buy their product!!! You are beating a dead horse!!
In response to "anonymous" above…I think you are really twisting providing comfort in a frightful/overwhelming situation into coercion. The majority of older children WANT to be adopted, and have MUCH better lives as a result, it's just a huge adjustment and as humans they feel alot of conflicting emotions with change as we all do. AND they are CHILDREN without any support system or past to fall back on…Ever moved to a new city or changed jobs? It's not COERSION to seek support of someone who has BTDT! It's human nature!
As far as an older child choosing not to complete the adoption this DOES happen, it can't be predicted. As a parent, you go prepared with everything you can to make your child's transition easy, and that is always age appropriate for the child. IF the child chooses not to be adopted it makes the entire Hague agreement null and void…what would China do..stop and adoption the child doesn't want because you showed them a video? You should really think out your responses more.
Anonymous above,where do you get the idea that the majority of Chinese children WANT to be adopted to another country? Who told you that? Your agency?Do you have any idea how arrogant you sound-that the child MUST want to be with you since YOU can provide so much?
I have been reminded that the letters were advertised as being given to the PAP "prior to travel" or at the time of travel. That WAS what the behind the scene offering made. PRIOR to travel throws Hague Chapter 2 Article 4 c 2 back into question.
What makes you so sure that the orphanages don't coerce the children into agreeing and signing papers?
And your line "It's not coersion(sic) to seek support of someone who has BTDT"– the potential adoptee is NOT the one seeking support in this letter business, it is the PAP seeking an adoptee to tell the potential adoptee about how HE felt. Couple this business with an orphanage potentially forcing a child to sign a paper and this IS a disaster waiting to happen.
Hey Anonymous 5:40, I think YOU need to "really think about your responses more"!!
I have read the *advertisements* for John's "business" by his mother on various forums. It is against the adoption regulations to make this kind of contact and work to entice a child to be adopted.
John is being used to entice and coerce children. On so many levels this is wrong. How John will feel when these kids are not as happy as he suggests they will be? What happens when they are abused or neglected and disrupted or worse? And certainly we all know John did not come up with this business idea. I am sure his "agent/mother" was behind it all along!
In an ad his mother says-
"he emails the parents the letter for the parents to mail
prior to travel, or to take with them. You can send John an email
(sandyanddavid@…) with the gist of what you want to say, for example,
don't be scared, you will have a loving family, you can go to school, English
isn't difficult, we love you, ….or maybe you want a letter written directly
from John to your child. Dear friend, I was also adopted, almost 2 years ago,
and here how I felt and here is what happened to me."