FacePalm Friday

Welcome to this week’s edition of FacePalm Friday.

This is where your hosts will list their top picks for this week’s FacePalm moment—something they learned or read about this week that caused the FacePalm to happen (you know, the expression of embarrassment, frustration, disbelief, shock, disgust or mixed humor as depicted in our Rally FacePalm smiley).

We invite you to add your FacePalm of the week to our comments. Go ahead and add a link, tell a personal story, or share something that triggered the FacePalm on the subject of child welfare or adoption.

Your Host’s Selections:

(1) Daughter Missing? [Dalton Daily Citizen 1/8/12 by Mark Millican], the story of how an illegal immigrant was able to domestically adopt and was deported, newly adopted daughter in tow. Birthfather is still searching…example of Total court

“He can’t believe he doesn’t know where his daughter is.

He can’t believe he hasn’t seen her in almost three months.

He can’t believe a court would allow a man who was eventually released into the custody of Immigration and Customs Enforcement (ICE) to adopt her.

And he can’t believe local law enforcement didn’t seem to care about any of this, at least as far as he is concerned.

Hicks, who says he is the biological father of Anjalayiah Kalyssa Hicks, 5, said she was adopted by Rigoberto Reyes-Rios in Whitfield County Superior Court on June 7 of last year. He said he presented evidence that had the adoption vacated, but now fears his daughter is in Mexico.

Hicks said he broke up with the girl’s mother, at that time known as Brandy Michelle Moreland — the couple were not married — and now she is married to Rigoberto Reyes-Rios, who was detained by ICE last year and may have been deported to Mexico.

Hicks fears Brandy Reyes-Rios, as she is now identified in court documents, has gone to Mexico to be with Rigoberto Reyes-Rios. The adoption was “stayed” by the court on July 7.

“I honestly believe in my heart she has taken my child far away to meet her husband, who was deported or who has gone to Mexico,” Hicks said. “The last I heard from my daughter was on Oct. 15. I’d seen her three times since August, but didn’t have the money or resources to fight Brandy in court to go through the (parental) legitimization process.”

Hicks filed missing person reports with the Dalton Police Department on Oct. 16, and with the Whitfield County Sheriff’s Office on Nov. 21, according to incident reports.

In Georgia, being the biological parent and legitimate parent is not the same thing, said Hicks’ attorney, Nancy Burnett.

“The mother lied to the court, and the judge (Robert Adams) found that she committed fraud upon the court and referred it to the district attorney,” said Burnett. “She lied, saying she didn’t know where Shundy was. So the judge gave her permission to serve the notice of the adoption by publication. She never served the notice by publication (in newspaper legal advertising) … she also lied and said he paid no child support for the child … (and) lied about paternity. There was a court order finding him to be the father and to pay child support.”

District Attorney Kermit McManus said his office has yet to talk to Adams about the alleged fraudulent statements, since a decision granting Hicks custody did not occur until the end of the year.

Hicks believes Rigoberto Reyes-Rios should not have been able to adopt his daughter, especially since Hicks has been paying child support for years.

“No way that adoption should have happened — I’ve been paying child support, and they gave her away to a guy who was deported,” said Hicks. “Are you serious?”

The Whitfield County jail reported Rigoberto Reyes-Rios was released into ICE custody on July 20 of last year. Temple Black, spokesman for the regional ICE office in New Orleans, said on Friday the agency is not allowed to say whether an individual has been deported.

“A lot of this stuff is covered by privacy acts and we don’t have any option,” he explained.

Burnett said after Hicks hired her she immediately made a motion in court to vacate the adoption.

“At first there was an emergency vacating so she could tell her side of the story, then in August she and her attorney came in and signed a document vacating the order, and she agreed to dismiss the adoption process,” Burnett said. “We then went forward with a legitimization case. A lot of states treat paternity — is somebody the father of a child? — as one issue. When you are the biological father you are the legal father. Georgia is a little bit different. It says the biological father is paternity, and that can be established by agreement of the parents on the birth certificate or in court … but even if you’re the biological father, you’re not necessarily the legal father until you legitimate the child.”

“Hicks said after Anjalayiah was born he signed the birth certificate, but he and Brandy Reyes-Rios “split up” when the child was 12 to 18 months old.

“I got the order and started paying child support,” Hicks said. “But (Brandy) would not allow me to see my daughter, she would move away — even threaten me she would report me for something — but there was no restraining order saying I could not see my daughter.”

Hicks said on Nov. 22 he talked with a sheriff’s office investigator after his daughter had been missing one month. He said he was told the sheriff’s office would not look for his daughter since she was not missing but was with her mother.

“I feel like it’s been taken as a joke by law enforcement,” he said.

Burnett said Brandy Reyes-Rios tipped her hand to her whereabouts when she filed for her new husband, Rigoberto Reyes-Rios, to adopt Anjalayiah.

“We filed a petition to legitimate the child to seek visitation rights,” she said. “(Hicks) wanted to just see his kid. (Brandy Reyes-Rios) opposed legitimization, we had a hearing and the judge said, no, it’s in the best interest of this child to legitimize her. So he granted a temporary order of visitation, and (Brandy Reyes-Rios) followed that for a handful of visits in August and September and first part of October, then we heard rumors she was leaving to take the child to Mexico. So we filed an emergency petition asking the court to give him temporary custody rather than letting her flee with the child.”

Adams denied that request, Burnett said, but gave Hicks custody of the child on Dec. 28.”

“Brandy Reyes-Rios’ aunt testified on Dec. 9 in court that her niece had called and informed her that her car would be at a rest stop on I-75 with the key in it and the aunt could pick it up. The car was found at the rest stop, and Brandy Reyes-Rios and Anjalayiah have not been seen since, Hicks said.

“There was an order of removal in late September, according to the federal court in Lumpkin, which basically means he’s been deported,” she said. “So (Reyes-Rios) has gone to Mexico, or he’s snuck back in (to the U.S.) and they’re hiding under the radar.”

Adams ordered that Brandy Reyes-Rios be placed on the Federal Parent Locator Service on Dec. 7, but Burnett believes she may simply change her name. She added the situation places Hicks at a “disadvantage.”

The locator service is a section of the Federal Office of Child Support Enforcement that “supports various programs and initiatives that support the location of participants in child support cases, collection of child support payments, enforcement of child support orders, communication between states, and online profile information regarding how counties, states, regions, tribes and international offices operate,” according to its website.

“It’s not a top priority for law enforcement,” Burnett said. “The judge had to make it clear what they had to do … (we) had to get a corrected order for them to start trying to find her. It’s what lawyers in this field run into all the time. I think it’s time as a community to decide how are we going to respond to parental kidnappings. When I talked to the sheriff’s (office), they said, ‘We’ve never had a case like this’ … I’m not trying to speak for them, I’m just saying there seemed to be a real lack of understanding or plan about ‘what are we going to do when something like this happens.’ No one wants to get involved in what they feel is a dispute between a couple, but this is a very serious case. I take it very seriously.”

Capt. Rick Swiney with the sheriff’s office said officials there are “all familiar with Shundy Hicks and his case.”

“The child is with her biological mother who had custody of the child,” he said. “The child is 5 years old, and only this year did Mr. Hicks file a petition for legitimization and an order restraining the use of a passport against Ms. Reyes in reference to the daughter after he received information that Ms. Reyes might be moving to Mexico.”

Swiney said Hicks was “advised this was a civil matter since the biological mother had full custody and had the right to take her child anywhere she wanted to.”

“Mr. Hicks obtained an attorney and the attorney filed a petition with the court,” he noted. “Judge Adams signed an order for the child to be entered into NCIC (the National Crime Information Center) as a missing person. We have complied with the judge’s order.”

Adams said on Wednesday he “cannot discuss any case that involves adoption.”

“I generally do not discuss any case, but particularly those involving custody, and most certainly those involving adoption,” he stated.

McManus said Hicks came by his office to request action against Brandy Reyes-Rios for interfering with his newly-granted custody.

“The efforts he had made to, first, legitimate the child — because she was born out of wedlock, as I understand it — and subsequently, for him to be granted custody of the child, was done without Brandy being in court,” McManus said. “There’s no way to show she’d ever been ‘noticed’ officially about the change in custody. So if that’s the case, there’s no interference with custody because (she) would have to do that with criminal intent.”

Hicks still cannot believe the court initially gave custody of his daughter to a man who was eventually placed on ICE detainer.

“I have to show more ID to take something back to Walmart than this guy did to adopt my daughter,” he said.”
(2) Still clueless in Adoption.com (the website run by the adoption industry) land  http://ethiopia.adoptionblogs.com/weblogs/defining-an-orphan

“In the last year, both the Ethiopian and US governments have implemented several new oversight measures to make the adoption process slower and more ethical.”

Slower, yes. Ethical? Where would the proof of that be? Apparently you haven’t heard about all of the requests for evidence!

Why she can’t imagine “advocating a shutdown of the program, particularly in a country where so many children are homeless, parentless, or abandoned…where orphanages are at or above capacity…where children sleep three to a bed or on the floors…as orphans”!

(3) Chinese Adoptees are “mini-ambassadors”

From Adopted kids mini-ambassadors come Lunar New Year [Statesman 1/9/12 by Leanne Italie/Associated Press]

“For kids adopted from China, it holds special meaning. Lunar New Year makes them mini-ambassadors of a culture they know little about firsthand.

There’s no official handbook on how far parents of internationally adopted children should go to celebrate their kids’ birth cultures, but marking Lunar New Year — Year of the Dragon begins Jan. 23 — is usually one of those times for Asian children.

Their parents decorate front doors, throw dumpling-making parties and stuff red envelopes with money. They clean their homes at the start of the 15-day celebration and hang red lanterns at the finish. Others keep it simple, sharing dim sum with friends at a restaurant or watching dragons dancing at parades in Chinese enclaves in their cities and towns.

The approach shifts and changes as their children grow. Some question whether they’ve done enough. Some do nothing at all.

“In south Louisiana, we’re definitely ambassadors to the Chinese culture,” said Jan Risher in Lafayette. She and her husband have a 10-year-old from China.”

Why wouldn’t Chinese-Americans be the ambassadors to Chinese culture instead of white adoptive parents?

The article goes onto say “”I’ve certainly failed to promote an authentic experience,” Burgers said, “but the children get the gist, enjoy the festivity and learn a little about the culture.”

Failed to make it an authentic experience while the journalist is at the same time calling APs ambassadors? Does that make them the ambassadors of nonauthentic Chinese culture?

A Canadian AP says “”This year, as a first, we fused Christmas decorations with Chinese New Year decorations at our daughter’s request,” he said” The daughter is four and a half years old and you just now are doing something because your FOUR-year old is REQUESTING it?

“It’s a learning process and we follow Cali’s lead,” Eastman said. “It’s complex, for sure, and what makes it even more complex is how your child wants to observe each year and how much she wants to think of herself as Chinese or not. That’s always evolving and changing.”
Think of herself as Chinese? Are you trying to get her to think that she is not?

(4) On-line Child Matching Event. Hey, they do it for dating, why not for adoption?

In addition to sending emails with “On-Line Child Matching Event” in the header, the information is available at their website:http://www.afamilyforeverychild.org/  “A Family For Every Child has partnered with the State of Washington to provide the opportunity for home-studied families to preview photos, information, and videos and ask questions of the children’s case workers for a select group of adoptable children. ”

(5) AWAA has an “urgent” need for Haiti adoption

I’ll bet they do. See today’s post here about how Hague reform is already starting and international adoption is the “last option” and another post from this week here about the chaos in Haiti orphanages and the silence from the US side.

http://adoptedbydesign.typepad.com/blog/2012/01/america-worlds-haiti-program-urgent-need.html

(6) SOOOO excited!
http://meimeimakesfour.blogspot.com/2011/11/more-than-i-ever-could-have-imagined.html

“Oh Friends, I am soooo excited about this new shirt. I love, love, love it. On the front it reads, “147 Millions Orphans.” On the back it reads “Minus #”. You get to choose the number!!!! You can choose any number 1-6.”

“Through the MIGHTY hand of God, we have been blessed with enough money to go to China. Our fundraising efforts now are simply to be sure we have enough money to take Josie-Tatum and Ellie with us. We think it is so important for them to be a part of “Gotcha Day,” to be reminded of what a special moment that is.

We desperately want to take Ellie back to her foster home. That is where Drew is currently living, and the nannies at Amazing Hands loved her dearly. The government of China is also forcing AH to give up their home…and since it is CHina…they can do that. They are currently looking for a new location. This will likely be Ellie’s only opportunity to visit the place where she was cared for until her Forever Family came.

Take a look at the PDF. If you’d like a shirt, you can purchase the red baseball shirt for $35 and the tee-shirt for $20. The red shirt is a women’s fitted shirt, so I recommend ordering at least one size larger. The t-shirt fits like  most commonly worn t-shirts. If you need it shipped, I will take care of the shipping costs.

You may click the paypal link included in this email. When ordering, please include in the message to seller box at Pay Pal and/or send me an email stating the size and type of shirt, as well as the number you want placed on the back.

If you are ordering in honor of our family, you can put Minus 5 on your shirt.

Many of you, though, have beautiful families completed through adoption, so you’ll have your own number.

Thank you for your unending support and prayers throughout this past year as we followed God’s guiding hand. The enemy fought every step of the way, but our God who loves the orphan more than we do, who loves Drew and Zeke more than I can imagine, has sustained us. He is Jehovah-Jireh.”
Reformatina says :She pretty much covered our Tuesday Terms in one post!

Crabbina:

(7) Adoption inspires action [The Herald News 1/12/12 by Denise Baran-Unland]

“The rising voices of the villagers as they gathered around the tree grew more animated. Perplexed and a little uneasy, Robert Livingston of Plainfield turned to his translator and asked, “What’s going on? What are they saying?”

“Further explanations eased the villagers’ minds.

Livingston and his wife, Monica, who are in the process of adopting three children from Ghana, children whose parents had died from drinking contaminated water, wanted to do more than give these orphans a new life. They wanted to stop the cause of tragedy at its source by raising money to provide clean well water.

“We didn’t want to just adopt children and then leave,” Livingston said. “We wanted to be a blessing to the village.”

“We’ve done garage sales, our kids have sold cookies and pies in the neighborhood, we have hosted walk-a-thons and have pretty much emptied out our savings,” Livingston said. “We’ve basically looked under every seat cushion to bring our children home.”

“Livingston’s bent toward adoption, which has inspired two more families at his church to adopt, began many years ago when he 23 and volunteering in a Russian orphanage as part of a mission trip. He had met a 4-year-old girl whose mother had just deposited her at the orphanage because she could no longer afford to care for her.”

“I kept thinking how, when we become Christians, God adopts us,” Livingston said. “That’s where the idea of adoption started for me.”

If we want to get theological about it, the Bible says, For God so loved the world. Key word: world. Not Christians, not the people who build wells, not the people who adopt children. The World.

For them it is all about getting those kids, not all kids, not any child in need, those kids they want to adopt. If the kids have no other good alternative and they are prepared and able to raise them, more power to them all, but please save the God adopts us therefore we must adopt children speech.

Additionally, this kind of talk is highly offensive to people of other faiths!!!

“Livingston knew he had to adopt Elizabeth, too, and he even gave her a special name, Tor-Nye, which means “my own,” in Elizabeth’s native language.”

“The Vegas, who were married in October, have just completed the initial step, a home study. Both families, like Livingston, felt called to adopt after reflecting on how Christians are the adopted sons and daughters of God.”

“Michael Collins had worried about the financial requirements associated with international adoption — he and Rachael already have two children, ages 3 and 1 — but once he saw Clara’s picture, he was convinced God was calling him to adopt her.”

“There are many children out there without families,” Sarah said. “We want them.”