FacePalm Friday
Welcome to this week’s edition of FacePalm Friday.
This is where your hosts will list their top picks for this week’s FacePalm moment—something they learned or read about this week that caused the FacePalm to happen (you know, the expression of embarrassment, frustration, disbelief, shock, disgust or mixed humor as depicted in our Rally FacePalm smiley).
We invite you to add your FacePalm of the week to our comments. Go ahead and add a link, tell a personal story, or share something that triggered the FacePalm on the subject of child welfare or adoption.
Your Host’s Selections:
(1)Embryos For Sale
http://www.thedailybeast.com/newsweek/2013/06/05/is-it-ethical-to-sell-a-human-embryo.html
“In 2006 the Abraham Center of Life opened in Texas and introduced a second option for obtaining embryos: the commercial embryo business, called an embryo bank—a for-profit enterprise. The center closed within a year, but another for-profit group called California Conceptions currently provides full-service infertility treatments—including embryos created from sperm and eggs provided by paid donors who probably have never met. 
Using the techniques developed by infertility experts over the last 40 years, the component parts are mixed together, and an embryo is created. In other words, these embryos are not the happy leftovers from another couple’s quest to get pregnant, but are created for the purpose of providing them to patients, who pay for the entire procedure. ”
“The debate has only begun and may draw in those passionately for or against the right to abortion, but in the meantime, the practice gives new meaning to the idea of a company’s “deliverables.” ” 
(2) Adoption Menopause Child Collector of the Week -Congo
Over 50 and single with two adopted children age 6 and younger and the social worker has approved her to adopt 2 girls from Congo. Another rubberstamped homestudy! 
(3) 300 Broken Promises
The new name for the Russia pipeline cases. How about those broken promises to the Russian government that caused the shutdown to begin with-access to adoptees like Maxim Babyev, Ranch for Kids wards and real investigations into child deaths? Naah! I didn’t think anyone cared about that. 
(4)Adoption Takes Gold Medal in the race for Parenthood 
http://www.catholic.org/hf/family/story.php?id=51326&page=2
Fabulous quotes :
Speaking for the birthmother in a closed adoption: “And how could we not have admiration and gratitude for our son’s birth mother, who sacrificed her body and surely pieces of her heart to allow him to grow within her. A woman, not much older than his is now, she heroically challenged the culture and carried her unexpected gift for eight months. I can only imagine her internal conflict, when after the pain of childbirth, she relinquished her firstborn with the hope of providing him the best in life. Wherever she is today, may she have peace and confidence that our son is loved and we have tried our hardest to instill in him a sincere respect for her.”
All about the PAP and description of her child:”Eleven looong, nail-biting months later (of course, in retrospect, eleven months was less time than it took to conceive some of our children), we received the photo of a seemingly chubby, cherub-faced boy dressed in red plaid. With scant bits of black hair and Asian, brown eyes, he was a dream captured on film. Our caseworker knew this would be our son, but because there were loose ends to be tied she was only able to say this baby was a possible match for us.”
Never met the birthmother and no questions on this process and facepalmtastic descriptions :” Then THE call came. The call to trump all calls. On the other end of the cord sat our social worker, her voice pulsing through the phone lines. The equivalent I suppose to seeing that plus sign appear on the pregnancy stick, I heard the words that decreed we were about to become a family.
In a whirlwind of enthusiasm and impatience, we made the necessary arrangements and sped down the highway toward Greensboro. Like our mad dash to the maternity ward a year and a half earlier but a whole lot less painful (for me), we couldn’t wait to greet our newest blessing. Clueless to the agency’s mode of operations we were told to sit in an empty office, our stomachs churning with that kind of nervous joy/anxiety we’d felt on our wedding day. Unbeknownst to us, our little boy was being laid in a cradle just steps beyond our reach.”
“Finally, crossing the threshold of a small room down the agency hallway we beheld our first vision of him. Resting peacefully in a gorgeous cradle, draped in white with blue trim, was our son, our second son. My heart ached from the swell of love that welled up within my chest. Early on in our parenting, an occasional ignorant bystander bludgeoned me with the proposition that biologically-connected love could somehow trump adoptive-love. In that moment, meeting my son for the very first time, such absurdity would be forever discredited.”
Adopting is not like winning a prize and it shouldn’t be a race either. Preparation is quite important. It is not about the AP’s feelings either. The adoptive family IS the second family 
It’s ok, really! God didn’t put the baby in the wrong womb.
(5)2 +2 +4 Ukraine
They recently added two Ukranian children to their two biological children and now are racing back for 4 more. You guessed it. They can’t afford it. So they have taken to fundraising and it sounds like some of the money will go for everyday postadoption items “How does one shuttle a family of 10 around? How do you even store the quantities of food needed to supply proper meals for everyone?” Maybe before leaping into adopting 6 children quickly, the PAPs should think and prepare for how they will shuttle this large family around and store and supply meals. 
(6)I’m Having Their Baby show
http://goshennews.com/local/x1999356873/TV-series-looks-at-local-womans-adoption-journey
Just reading the title of the show makes me want to 
(7)Bethany’s I’m Pregnant.org tv ad
Speaking of , here is a new promotional video from Bethany http://www.ispot.tv/ad/7n_g/bethany-christian-services They are all about family preservation, ya know? So if you can’t afford the child, they will help you..oh wait, this is about adoption...oh and it goes together with their I’m pregnant website http://www.impregnant.org/ where you can read tripe like “Today, adoption is not about severing relationships, it’s about changing them. While it’s true that with adoption, your parental rights and responsibilities are given to another set of parents, that doesn’t end your ability to have a relationship with your child. Open adoption involves an ongoing, dynamic relationship between you, the adoptive parents, and your child” 
Because open adoptions never close, huh? 
(8) Getting Children to Fundraise for Reece’s Rainbow
(9)Dear Abby gets letter from friend of PAP getting bombarded with fundraising for adoption requests
http://www.kansascity.com/2013/06/12/4286770/dear-abby-weary-of-relentless.html
Bravo on response! 
(10)Hat tip to a reader: Both Ends Burning Music Video Wrongfully Detained
https://bothendsburning.org/#video I would like to put this song in the slammer 
That is four and a half minutes of my life that I am not getting back! 
(11)Federal Grant of 150K to 300K to embryo adoption agencies
http://www.grants.gov/search/search.do?mode=VIEW&oppId=236275
Oh yes I feel so sorry for those poor, poor agencies…
(12)Canadian government will not give citizenship to Haitian adoptee because of military service and being born outside of Canada
This is some 
, mixed-up citizenship policy!
I’m sure the woman in Tennessee got approved to adopt more children because the home study agency there, well the big home study agency in that area, just allows everyone to adopt and they don’t know *anything* about Congolese adoption. (We lived by there and adopted a child from Congo in 2010, the home study agency made many mistakes and typos in our home study).
Sending out adoption announcements for festooned with photos of a specific CHILD who has 1) not yet been formally referred to you, 2) in a country where it is illegal to pre-select a non-relative kid to adopt and 3) that you are using to beg for $$ from the world at large because you do not want to save up the necessary funds to complete your adoption:
“Because of the delay, most people we know have already been told about our adoption, so it’s not really an “announcement” in the true, newsworthy sense of the word. However, we included a detailed FAQ document in the packet that will hopefully help those we know and love to find comfort about our adoption and our reasons for adopting.”
fromhouse2home.us/adoption-announcements-are-ready/
Guess who has announced they’re adopting again? Denise and Gary Davis – the Reece’s Rainbow family that recently adopted 2 Bulgarian kids with CF, one of whom (little Gennie) died a few weeks after getting home:
http://nachalaadopt3.blogspot.com/2013/06/somewhere-out-there.html
Recall that in recent years, the Davis family has begged for cash from strangers for basic necessities (stroller, diapers) and pretty much 100% of adoption fees and has cheerfully bragged about their kids getting free care from Shriners and St Judes — and used to backyard breed their weimareiner dogs (who have been removed from the family at least once, after the dog bit a kid who was visiting their home).
Unbelievable!
Rally,
Re: Embryo Farming
I can’t think why this would be considered a threat to the right to choose. The donors are supposedly acting under informed consent, as are the PAPs.
The ethical issues I see involve 1) the child being denied knowledge of their genetic family as an adult, and 2) giving an embryo to any couple who’s willing to pay.
Both of these concerns could– theoretically– be resolved by federal regulation. To start with, any couple wanting this should have to pass a home study before being accepted into this program. There should also be a provision requiring that the agency turn over the adoptee’s full medical records to them at age eighteen– including both donors’ full names and medical histories. The donors would have to sign their agreement to this clause BEFORE donating.
Yes, as we well know home studies can be meaningless rubber stamps. However, it’s at least SOMETHING. And if we get meaningful reform of the home study process for ALL adoptions, they should be required to pertain to these “embryo adoption” placements, as well.
Quite frankly, I find this proposal far more ethical than the current system of birthparent exploitation and child trafficking which we have NOW. Yes, it’d be better to invest in medical research to allow infertile parents to have their own genetic children rather than having adoptees grapple with this disconnection from their natural kinship ties– and the knowledge that their birthparents were paid gamete donors. But it’s STILL better than PAPs taking advantage of economic injustice and family tragedies to get the babies they crave. Just sayin’.
“I can’t think why this would be considered a threat to the right to choose.” That is a strawman that has nothing to do with my facepalm. Yes I agree with the 2 ethical issues that you lay out and there are more than that from medical and spiritual perspectives too
Rally,
Re: “…there are more than that from medical and spiritual perspectives too…”
But you can’t ban businesses from operating because of “spiritual” objections. You have to come up with tangible and verifiable harm which would be done by embryo farming in order to create a case that there’s a compelling state reason for banning it.
I’d like to hear what adult adoptees have to say about this. Is “Your parents were paid donors” that much more traumatic than “Your parents got pregnant out of wedlock, then didn’t want the burden and stigma of raising you”?
What kind of medical ethics problems do you see?
I didn’t say that a process should be banned for spiritual issues. Selling human parts..lots of medical ethical issues on that alone and then the procedure itself -the number of embryos that die in the process, the rating of the embryos and the deaths of embryos. It is a pathetically low probability of success for an operation and only in assisted reproduction where people make tons of money that such a low probability of success is even legally allowed.The entire ART system is loaded with lies and there is corruption in how these procedures are even advertised. But it is not politically correct to ever challenge these things.
Why not publically admit you’d happily pay a bribe to complete your Guatemalan adoption???
“The magazine article claims that the [adoptive family] family spent $80K to bring their [Guatemalan] son home. Sheesh, we [ diffirent PAP ] have spent way more than that [ to bring their Guat referral, a baby girl home]. If I thought money could buy her [referral] freedom I would be forking it out. Ethical? Nope. But if it could bring these precious kids home, then many of us would be willing to push our ethics aside for the greater good. Maybe that family found out who to pay to get their son? If so, they need to share that information with the rest of us and our government’s Guat 900 task force. ”
http://adoptingahren.blogspot.com/2013/05/weighing-on-my-mind.html
Name,
Yet another case of a PAP wailing because they weren’t permitted to internationally adopt a healthy newborn WHO COULD HAVE BEEN ADOPTED DOMESTICALLY IMMEDIATELY IF THE AMERICAN PAP HADN’T “LAID CLAIM” TO HER!
Instead, at six years old the girl is living in an orphanage, and the PAP takes no responsibility for this outcome. Did you see how she snarled like a rabid pit bull at the commenter who tried to explain reality to her?
Shock of shocks… the “300 Broken Promises” campaign didn’t quite manage to get adoption on the G8 agenda (which was quite sensibly devoted to significant global economic and security issues).
I find it *very* ironic that “300 Promises” insists on 1) failing to mention any US Govt actions that led to this man that are not the Magnitsky Act and 2) continuing to push their “19-20 dead kids isn’t a big deal, US PAPs are so well-screened that no improvements could possibly be made, so just let these kids get adopted” approach, despite the fact that it has clearly failed. Really and truly failed.
Maybe if the US govt oh, I don’t know, held up its end of the adoption treaty with Russia AND came up with a better way to screen PAPs (hint: pretty much anything would be an improvement to the current system), Russia might possibly be willing to consider lifting the ban. Swearing up and down about “due care” to Russian adoptees? Not so much.
“When Congress acted in December to grant Russia full status as a trading partner, an effort that was decades in the making, the announcement was overshadowed by another component of the legislation seeking to punish human rights abuses in Russia, and by the Russian retaliation, which included a ban on adoptions of Russian orphans by Americans.
Despite heavy pressure from members of Congress and prospective parents who had been in the middle of the adoption process when the ban took hold on Jan. 1, Mr. Obama made no mention of the adoption issue, stressing only the push for closer economic ties.”
http://www.nytimes.com/2013/06/19/world/europe/obama-and-putin-signal-a-more-businesslike-path.html?_r=1&&pagewanted=all
This Reece’s Rainbow family is $15k short and expecting to travel in the next week or two:
http://ourfamilysescapades.blogspot.com/2013/06/our-puzzle-fundraiser_19.html?m=1
It’s so so so irresponsible to expect a supernatural being to provide all the $$.
I wonder why God never “provides” for adoptions by telling PAPs winning lottery numbers?
Reeeally interesting article on the Russian adoption ban in the Washington Post, that touches on Reece’s Rainbow and PAPs who feel “matched” with a kid yet who are not ACTUALLY matched with said child as they haven’t even completed a homestudy:
“ictoria Ivleva-Yorke, a Moscow journalist and activist who is helping U.S. families challenge the law in Russia and in the European Court of Human Rights, thought of a 4-year-old Moscow orphan, also with Down syndrome and a heart problem, who had been sought by Americans. They could offer better treatment than available here, she said.
“We told the Russian court that he could die at any moment,” she said. “There was no sympathy.”
In Nizhny Novgorod, Tatyana Bezdenezhnykh, head of child protection for the region, dismissed reports in the Russian media that Daria would be alive if the ban had not been imposed. Yes, she said, children with Down syndrome had died recently, but no one had wanted to adopt them. The Burrows family — still undergoing the approval process for adoption in the United States — did not exist for Russian officialdom despite the Reece’s Rainbow informal Web site match-up.”
http://www.washingtonpost.com/world/orphan-sought-by-us-parents-dies-in-russia/2013/06/19/75b21dea-d5b1-11e2-a73e-826d299ff459_story.html