FacePalm Friday
Welcome to this week’s edition of FacePalm Friday.
This is where your hosts will list their top picks for this week’s FacePalm moment—something they learned or read about this week that caused the FacePalm to happen (you know, the expression of embarrassment, frustration, disbelief, shock, disgust or mixed humor as depicted in our Rally FacePalm smiley).
We invite you to add your FacePalm of the week to our comments. Go ahead and add a link, tell a personal story, or share something that triggered the FacePalm on the subject of child welfare or adoption.
Your Host’s Selections:
(1) Go Crazy during your adoption wait
“Prospective adoptive mothers have an advantage over pregnant women. We can eat what we want, drink what we want, and tie our own shoes. So go do all the things you won’t be able to do when you have a child watching your every move and looking to you to be an example.
Swear loudly.
Walk around your house naked. 
Ride a shopping cart down a hill in a parking lot.
Go out spontaneously and stay out late.
Get drunk. 
Dress inappropriately. 
Blast loud music in the middle of the night. 
Watch the news.
Eat in front of the TV on a school night.
Play video games for hours.
Go to a fancy restaurant or a bar or an R rated movie.
Run with scissors.” 
(2) Safe Haven California Fail
“Kern County Fire Chief Brian Marshall said officials have tried to get the word out about the law through public service announcements and community outreach, but some troubled mothers apparently either don’t know about it or are afraid to use it.
“We don’t judge the mothers,” he said. “Our only concern is to make sure that baby is healthy and safe and the mother has some time to make some difficult decisions. There should be no fear of any problems.”
UNSTABLE people will not follow these directions or listen to PSAs! 
(3) Adoption paperwork “as simple as college application” 
http://www.poconorecord.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20130624/NEWS/306240324/-1/NEWS
Another Reece’s Rainbow praise article. Adoption menopause ,two unrelated at once from Ukraine and both labeled as Special Needs but one appears to not have any health issues. Hmmmm…
There is also a line about orphans not being able to marry. The Marriage code on Ukraine is at this link and I saw nothing of the sort there. There is a line about legally incapable people not being allowed to marry but that is the same as in the US.
(4) New Claim that Angelina Jolie is adopting a Syrian refugee living in Jordan
“Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt are said to want two more children and are thinking of adopting a Syrian orphan from a refugee camp in Jordan.
Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie want two more kids.
The A-list couple are allegedly hoping to expand their large brood – which includes Maddox, 11, Pax, nine, Zahara, eight, Shiloh, six, and four-year-old twins Knox and Vivienne – by having one more biological child together as well as adopting an orphan from Jordan.
Prolific humanitarian Angelina is said to have made the decision after visiting Syrian refugees at the Zaatari camp in Jordan last week, and hopes the high-profile adoption would help raise awareness of the current civil war crisis.
A source told The Sun newspaper: “Angie and Brad’s attitude towards kids is the more the better – and that once you have several a few more makes no difference.
“She has been particularly touched by the situation in Syria and wants to adopt a child from Jordan to do her bit to help.
“The publicity would help draw the world’s attention to what’s going on there. The twins are now four and Angie and Brad have agreed it’s time for more kids. They’re crossing their fingers that they’ll bring their next child home soon.
“She is friends with Queen Rania of Jordan, so that has got to help with adopting a child. But Angie and Brad also want to have one more biological child so she is eating a diet rich in potassium.””
Yes, this sounds so legal!What 
(5)Planned Baby Snatching
http://www.wthr.com/story/22687294/2013/06/25/muncie-woman-planned-baby-snatching
Scary 
what people will do for a 
(6) No Post-adoption support
http://www.guardian.co.uk/social-care-network/2013/jun/24/post-adoption-support-traumatised-children
“”Social services would say, in shorthand, ‘you’re the mum, lots of mums with disabled children have difficult things to deal with, you have to manage’.”” 
(7) Gross!
Utah woman finds biological father and now they are both accused of incest!
“A phenomenon called genetic sexual attraction can occur when estranged relatives meet for the first time as adults
Feelings of intense intimacy can be confused as the brain struggles to associate each other as family
When families grow up together, a inherent taboo is created which desensitises them to sexual attraction
It is known as the Westermarck effect but is missing from relatives who do not know each other.”
Best smileys EVER.
The only scissors I want to run with are the pair that will cut up all the paperwork submitted by anyone to RR, or to any pathetic agency, or to any corrupt country.
Would need a shredder the size of Mt. Vesuvius to deal with the mess.
1) PAPs like Katrina Morriss who are outraged at the ban yet refuse to see how their actions contributed to it, from the “300 Broken Promises” public Facebook page.
“But if someone from another country or even Russia really wanted a little girl that is 7 with DS they could have their pick in MY daughter’s orphanage.”
The little girl is not her daughter – she’s Katrina’s ex-referral. Katrina would apparently prefer the girl be “earmarked” for her and remain in the orphanage indefinitely.
“Then not only would MY daughter be adopted but other children just like her. Pavel makes it sound wonderful that these children are being adopted that met American families when in fact there are still thousands of children waiting to be adopted from these orphanages.”
MET US PAPs isn’t quite the same thing as been adopted by an American family. Just sayin’
“What makes the ones the Americans wanted so special. Spite, hatred, revenge, politics. Not love for the orphans. If it was a love for the orphans he would agree to let the children who met families go home with them and then shut down American adoptions”.
How awful of Russia to be made about yet another child that died under decidedly suspicious circumstances (Max Shatto)! The cheek of them being upset about a violation of the brand new adoption treaty (Maxim Babayev)!! It’s unforgivable that Russia is mad about the American woman who dumped her newly-adopted 1 yr old twins on the doorstep of a Russian orphanage with a note pinned to their coat saying she didn’t want them anymore in 2012 – because it’s not like the US swore nothing of the sort would ever happen again two years earlier, in the wake of the 2010 Torry Hansen debacle!!
“I did what Russia asked of me.”
That simple fact means Russia OWES you a kid. Really??
“My own country screwed me over by signing the Magnitsky Act. St. Petersburg waited for the bi-lateral treaty to be signed before allowing more families to come and meet children.”
How horrible that Russian authorities wanted to wait until the provisions of the bilateral treaty that was DESIGNED TO STOP HORRIBLE FATES FROM BEFALLING RUSSIAN KIDS ADOPTED BY US FAMILIES IN THE WAKE OF THE TORRY HANSEN DEBACLE kicked in. Just unforgivable!!
“Then they finally allowed us to travel and decided that instead of 10 hours of training we needed 80. We complied and instead of allowing us to come for court we got the ban. I feel so sorry for these children that are being used this way”
Russia is terrible for wanting PAPs to be better-prepared to raise their Russian-born kids, in order to lower the number of them killed/abused/shipped back to Russia on airplanes.
“I am so tired of the trolls saying we are not ENTITLED to these children. Really. Who says I think I am ENTITLED to them? But they are ENTITLED to a family.”
So why on earth are you so upset about these Russian kids GETTING families? Is it really so horrible to be raised by a Russian or Canadian or Spanish or French family??
“And not because someone gives them more money to bribe them to do so.”
You mean like the foster care subsidy you accepted – COLD HARD CASH every single month – to care for Naveah before you adopted her? Like the adoption subsidies that many US families receive, to help offset the cost of caring for a kid with special needs?
“And not so they can be returned to an orphanage a year later (according to one St. Petersburg report 499 children were adopted or put in foster care last year and 110 were returned to the orphanages). Makes the one the Americans sent back look like pretty good odds.”
Yes, this is totally the approach that will convince Russia to lift the ban! It’s the Just One More Dead/Returned Orphan, Not a Big Deal at All Approach. Working great, isn’t it?!?
2) “Jennifer Casterlin This is so sad. All those poor children wondering why mommy and daddy never came back for them like they promised. This is taking family from a baby to spite the parents’ government. Shameful!”
Well, except for the teeny-tiny fact that it was illegal for RR to photolist Russian kids AND illegal of RR to encourage folks to pre-select a Russian kid to adopt.
3) A free newsletter for self-proclaimed “Trauma Mamas”, courtesy of a firm that offers family counselling services:
http://gobbelcounseling.us2.list-manage.com/subscribe?u=962c3c85f229d7749854dcaa0&id=d9b0d71e48
4) RR PAPs who demand their friends/family cater to their every little whim post-adoption, who begged for cash from strangers to cover all costs to adopt an out of birth order institutionalized child.
“Bring us meals. Offer to clean the house. Do the dishes. Fold some laundry. Vacuum. Because I’m obsessed with my floors and that will totally make my day better.”
But don’t look at the adopted kid, touch the adopted kid and if folks talk smack about the family/new kid, defend them:
“parenting, our “disappearance”, our crazy emotions, or anything else, please stand up for us”
Because nothing bad ever happens when godly, religious, homeschooling (cuts down on the pesky mandated reporters) families with idiosyncratic parenting philosophies (corporal punishment, anyone?) hide their newly adopted special needs kid from the world at large!
http://www.definingcrazy.com/2013/06/how-you-can-help-us-post-adoption.html
The last RR family to do this, the Gardiners, who were similarly directed by a supernatural being
disrupted inside six months.
What creeps me out about that last one is that they take a couple rational starting points, and then run them into crazy town. Compare their “Keep her in isolation” stance (which just reads as a way to give the kid Stockholm Syndrome) with a more rational “Our new daughter is still learning the difference between parents and group home workers. To help her learn, if she asks you for something, please redirect her to us. This will help her learn that her relationship with us is different from her relationship with the other adults in her life.”
From Safe Haven article –
“Why couldn’t they have put the baby in a basket and left it on a church doorstep like in the Old Testament days?” she asked. “There are plenty of options. You don’t throw a baby away like it’s a piece of trash.”
There were definitely “churches” in “Old Testament days.”
Not.
One never reads in the Old Testament of a righteous woman refusing to mother her offspring.
I thought in Utah an adopted child was “as if born to,” particularly if the child was “sealed” to Mormon parents in a Mormon temple. I’m interested to know if that’s the case in the case referenced in the Utah article. Of course with the exception of when it suits them (e.g., Larry Jenkins, trampling fit Father’s rights to raise their own children) Utah isn’t under Mormon law.
Why not use the money you are begging from strangers to remodel your house, while in the process of adopting an orphan?
“We took out a $20,000 personal loan to cover the cost of this adoption. We needed the money upfront so we could make sure this ball was rolling. The cost for the actual adoption should be right around there…maybe $25K. However – we dream of more for Sergey…we want to remodel a bathroom, widen doorways, and first off, build a ramp for our home. We dream of being able to pave our driveway (yes, it’s gravel but it’s a short one!) so he can move around outside as well as in. Everything that is fundraised will go directly to the cost of his adoption, needed improvements for our home so our boy can move around well, and if there should be anything leftover (we dream big! Why not!?) it would go to his education or programs that we may find for him. Most of you who read this blog know his situation and know that he is just learning English. As far as I understand, he has had little opportunity for education. That, my friends, is going to change!!”
http://blakebloggers.wordpress.com/2013/06/27/june-26-2013-today-was-a-good-day/
Gotta love politicians writing about the Russian adoption, citing the death of a little girl illegally photolisted on Reece’s Rainbow as Darya/Daria… despite the fact that particular girl was never formally matched with the Burrows family. Said family, according to the Washington Post, hasn’t even received approval to adopt from the US govt, let alone registered their dossier in Russia:
http://www.portman.senate.gov/public/index.cfm/columns?ID=1bfecd5f-9d9a-4775-a85d-7dd8e3cdd580
This article puts a happy spin on a fraudulent adoption — a baby girl was born prematurely in Kaz, the hospital told her mom she died and the baby was trafficked and ultimately adopted by a US family. The baby is now a teen, her APs hired a searcher, found biomom (who thought her kid was dead!) and biomom supposedly realized the girl was better off in the US since her APs could afford to give her more than 1 Xmas present per year and pay for college. Biomom’s desire for her STOLEN kid back was brushed off:
http://m.chronicle.augusta.com/life/2012-02-03/adopted-children-invisible-ties-faraway-lands
APs are perfectly okay with KNOWING they adopted a KIDNAPPED TRAFFICKED kid!! Barf!!
Was the Afamily aware that the baby had been illegally obtained? I am not certain. One wonders how much the doctors made from the baby’s procurement. And the facilitators. I’d also like to know which agency placed the girl. A Frank foundation agency? World Partners?
This is not the first time I have read about poor women in EE countries having their babies stolen from them right out of the hospital. I know of one from Russia and one from Ukraine.
Anything for a soul to sell.
Elizabeth – The article doesn’t specify but the adoptive dad:
-is quoted saying “We’ll (APs) never know if there’s some kind of graft there or there’s a terrible mistake made”
-ignored his akid’s pleas for info about her biofamily for 6 yrs (she requested info at age 4, adad hired a searcher just before she turned 10
-received info stating biomom was told her daughter died and wanted her kid back from the searcher a year later but did nothing (!!!) for 9 more years (!!)
So I’m going to hazard a guess that adad may not have known but definitely did not care that his adopted daughter was trafficked.
I cannot fathom being told that your kid was trafficked, that her biofamily wanted her back and to have done nothing but exchange letters with the biofam and make a vague promise to one day bring the kid to visit.
R:
Good points. I agree – the AParents in this wanted to make sure the girl was closer to adulthood before she met her biological family.
Sadly, the ADad in this story, is not unusual. “Get me a kid at all costs!” seemed to be an underlying message in EE adoption.
Some PAPs have a seriously scary god complex:
“The fact that you are aware of Shawna and Seth (illegally photolisted Ukrainian kids they hope to adopt), but they’re not aware of you (the PAPs), is an excellent analogy of humanity’s experience with God. God knows us – is intimately aware of us – long before our awareness of God catches up. Sadly, many people will go through their entire lives without knowing God. This pre-existent knowledge of us by God is what we Wesleyans understand as “prevenient Grace” – the grace the precedes our knowledge of God or acceptance of Jesus Christ as Savior.
Just has you have chosen Shawna and Seth, God chooses us. And just as you hope to one day have the reciprocal loving relationship with these two children, God desires the same with each of us.
The day will soon come when you’ll be introduced to these children, given an opportunity to explain the life you can offer them, and the love you can give them. And knowing you and Jennifer, I can say with confidence that you offer them something absolutely incredible!”
http://www.fromhouse2home.us/were-adopted-too/
This Guatemala PAP has been waiting for five (!) years to bring the girl whose adoption she started in 2007, yet hasn’t quite managed to save up the $ to so so. Five years!! Couldn’t be bothered to save up!!
http://01fd0b5.netsolhost.com/bringmarielahome.html
PAPs who think it’s just darling when their brand new Ukrainian host child (that may not even be legally free for international adoption) calls them Mama and Papa on Day 1:
http://www.anythingbutthursday.com/2013/07/this-mysterious-ways-thing-is-no-joke.html
Who cares if you break a kid’s heart like this? Or that Ukraine doesn’t allow the pre-selection of a kid to adopt, NOT EVEN a hosted kid:
http://theadoptionspotlight.wordpress.com/2013/05/15/us-consul-addresses-ukrainian-hosting-and-adoption/
Someone ought to shut these programs down!