Trouble In Russia Special Needs Adoption Hearings

We discussed this issue back in March 2011 in our post here. We remarked about how ministries and agencies either don’t prepare the PAP for possible issues when they are the first ones to adopt a severely disabled child in a region or that the PAPs have their heads in the sand.

Fast forward to now when Russian adoptions are already hanging in the balance due to the US not acknowledging what Russia is requesting and not sharing all of the abuse and death cases in a timely manner. We have two cases to highlight. One case was approved just today. The other one has not been approved. The attitudes of the PAPs towards questions are jaw-dropping.

Case One-Approved on February 16

February 14th post excerpts: http://addtothebeauty-evensen.blogspot.com/2012/02/court-bad-news-and-good-news.html

“So today we had court. First the bad news. We did not pass court. We did not really even have court. The judge who was supposed to be there was not. A new judge walked in. He’d never seen our dossier before today. This court has never done an adoption. Not international, not domestic. No adoption at all. This judge had a lot of questions, and shook his head a lot. He asked us to explain ourselves. Why would you want to adopt these children? Will you benefit financially from this adoption? How will you care for their medical needs? You are so young. Why would you want so many children? We answered each question as clearly as we could, and tried to keep our voices from trembling. ”

Translation: The agency promised a certain judge and that judge didn’t appear! He ACTUALLY wanted to know WHY these people want to adopt. That is the MOST BASIC question that anyone adopting gets. This is not some out-of-the-blue, Satan-directed question. Asking how you will take care of severely disabled children is NORMAL and thorough. Couple that with this court never having an adoption and the hysterics of the PAPs become even more disturbing.

“At first the judge indicated that we were not qualified to adopt these children, and was talking as though it was just not going to happen. We prayed. More talking in the courtroom. More questions. Then he said perhaps sometime next month he would see us again. We prayed some more. The judge listed several additional documents that he wants to see before he can proceed. Our awesome facilitator amazingly convinced the judge to see us again tomorrow.”

Translation: He ACTUALLY assessed them and falling in love is not a qualification . I am not amazed that the facilitator convinced the judge to see them the next day. That is called negotiation and has nothing to do with God or ethics.

Feb 16 post excerpts: http://addtothebeauty-evensen.blogspot.com/2012/02/two-less-orphans.html

“The judge was willing to listen to us today, and I know it was the Lord who steadied our voices and our trembling hands as we stood to address the judge. Things still did not go as we expected. We did not get an opportunity to read our prepared speech to the court. We did, however, by answering the judge’s questions, have an opportunity to explain to the court why we want to adopt two children with special needs, and to be completely transparent about our motives, our background, our family, and our lives. The judge asked all kinds of questions about every area of our lives, in fact! Then the
prosecutor also had an opportunity to question us.”

Comment: It is an interesting choice of words-being “completely transparent about our motives, our background, our family and our lives.” Was that not the case the previous day? Somehow it seems something is missing here…

“Then, once everybody in the room knew everything about us, including whether we’ve ever had speeding tickets, whether our parents have criminal records, what our minute-to-minute daily routine is like at home, and so much more that it could have been an Evensen-family-trivia-gameshow, then the social worker, children’s home representative, and prosecutor each stood, in turn, and each one recommended that the adoption be approved. The two jurors remained silent, mostly staring at us with an undecipherable unsmiling countenance. ”

Comment: Again, this is a normal line of questioning. Do you have a clue at how many kids have been killed or abused from Russia lately?

“Then the judge and jurors left the room to deliberate. Our facilitator told us she still had no idea which way this was going to go. Everything had been too unpredictable up to this point for her to even venture a guess. So we waited. And less than ten minutes later, they returned. I held my breath waiting as our facilitator translated every word the judge said. First he read aloud our petition to adopt. Then he said a lot of legal things. Finally he said he was approving the adoption, and that the paperwork would be available for us in ten days.”

Comment: I find it hard to believe that the facilitator had no clue how that was going to go.

Case Two-Still not approved

Blog: http://www.greesonadoption.blogspot.com/2012/02/i-live-in-america.html

Comments: Again, the questions below are typical questions. You had better have a very good answer to why you want to adopt a severely special needs child and HOW you are going to raise the child on your income. Not mentioning that you have livestock is a pretty big omission. What kind of social worker would not mention that?  That they weren’t prepared for this is one reason why we think MUCH more preparation should be required for PAPs in general and extra for those adopting special needs children. See here for the specifics of what Russia wants from US PAPs that includes thorough psychological testing.

“Well, as most of you already know the judge was not very nice to us. We were reamed in court! It was so hard to sit through. She asked my husband about 10 times WHY do you want a child with this disability? She absolutely does NOT understand why we want another child when we have 4 biological especially one that is “disabled!” She asked us over and over if our agency wanted us to adopt this child (special needs) or if we actually wanted this. Why? Why? Why? over and over. I could feel my poor husband getting so flustered. Then she complained about not having specific enough documents on the sizes of the bedrooms and other rooms. Then we hit the income part. We meet and exceed all the guidelines for 7 person family…not good enough. She said 2-3 years ago we had a lesser income . Well…lets see. We were redoing our business that year and also only had 4 people in our family. Doesn’t matter. She somehow wants us to get letters from people we get our business from stating that they need us and will have always have work for us. We told her, our income boils down to how much Gary works. He likes to spend time at home , so he doesnt always work AS much as he can…It is more important to him to be with his family. (She was told all of this because I finally couldn’t sit and take her drilling Gary any longer) and I just stood up and said “can I say something” I just let it all out.     We are fine financially, more than fine. We could have tons of money, but we wouldn’t see each other very much. We just think, family is more important than working all the time. She didn’t care. Gary said we also have cows we can sell if we ever needed (which we did sell some to pay for plane tickets) That opened a whole new page of crap! Now she wants to know why that isnt in our home study. “That is important. It’s money.” Gary says”Its a hobby more than anything”….Not in Russia………and don’t say you and your kids like to work in the garden….” What?! You didn’t mention this garden in your home study?” “Why!!?? ”

Uh, I dunno, because its a GARDEN? WTH??

“In Russia, a garden and livestock means you can feed your family.”

Sooooo NOW we need our home study revised, stating we have livestock, chickens etc and most importantly, dont forget the all important garden!

I swear I’m NOT making this up.

We need letters stating we will always have work, We need to do our 2011 taxes (from Russia) or find a way to prove that we made more this year than last. our FULL 2010 tax return (we were told CPA letter was all that was needed b4) OH YEAH, I forgot a letter from SSI stating these poor, decrepit, disabled children can get money and how much (She asked why Hope didnt get money every month from SSI if it was available and we said, we just haven’t applied. We haven’t needed any money BECAUSE…That’s right.. WE ARE FINANCIALLY STABLE!

She wants a new Tax assessor letter. OH, AND the FULL Texas adoption law, not just the excerpt.

Let’s see…Oh there was more, I just cant think of it all. ALL this notarized AND apostilled AND sent to Russia on her desk. THEN asks “Would you like to stay and continue court when you get these documents, or go back home and get these documents and come back when you get them?”

At this point she was done. She was shutting all her books and would not listen to ANYTHING.

I believe at this point I said something like “I’ll just go home and you can throw her in a mental institution, cause that is SO much better than giving her a loving home” as I cried my eyes out.  Pretty sure Marina stopped translating at that point. 🙂

The Orphanage director and the DOE looked at me so sympathetically. They said they were so sorry and I thanked them sincerely. We all hugged. They are good people. They know how much we love her. and how much she loves us. [Rally says:Now that is a stretch…she barely knows you]

The only other time I have cried this hard was at my mother’s funeral. Marina just held me. I have grown to genuinely love her.

Oh yeah, and remember that ticket I had to change last week and paid almost 2,000.00 to extend 2 days because the court wanted me to stay 2 full days after the judgement instead of 1…..That was fun.

I guess the good news is I see Mila tomorrow, I have the BEST family and the MOST amazing friends I could possibly ask for. I have the most understanding beautiful children that make me cry every time I see their faces on SKYPE asking me “Did you get Mila yet?”

The love and friendship that I have through these RR adoptive parents is absolutely un explainable. They are just ready to fight for us and this little girl. We have had the most caring, unselfish people come out of the woodwork and donate all types of money that have helped us get where we are. [Rally asks: How come you needed other people’s money if you say you greatly exceed the income requirements…did it ever dawn on you that that is the reason for the income questions?]So go ahead Your Honor..BRING IT! I’m like Apollo Creed…There’s a whole lotta Rocky comin your way special delivery from AMERICA!”

Rally says: It is best not to  in front of the judge. 

REFORM Puzzle Piece

Extensive preadoption education needs to occur for these situations and ministries and agencies need to be honest and prepare PAPs for court.