FacePalm Friday
Welcome to this week’s edition of FacePalm Friday.
This is where your hosts will list their top picks for this week’s FacePalm moment—something they learned or read about this week that caused the FacePalm to happen (you know, the expression of embarrassment, frustration, disbelief, shock, disgust or mixed humor as depicted in our Rally FacePalm smiley).
We invite you to add your FacePalm of the week to our comments. Go ahead and add a link, tell a personal story, or share something that triggered the FacePalm on the subject of child welfare or adoption.
Your Host’s Selections:
(1) Again, crowdfunding adoption
At least the title of the article tells it like it is instead of glamorizing it. http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2363131/Crowdfunded-babies-The-couples-desperate-kids-asking-public-pay-them.html
More people looking for 
instead of doing this: 
(2) The Rainbow Egg self-published book about adoption
An adoptive parent tells an adoption story *from the perspective of a birthmother* 
(3)Adoptive Parent Proudly Puts Self on Moral Pedestal –hat tip to a reader who forwarded this one on
http://www.theonehandman.co.uk/adoption/adoption-process-moral-pedestal/
“This adoption process has (rightly or wrongly) given considerable boost to the feeling that my contribution to society has allowed me to stand proud at the summit of my moral pedestal.” 
“It [adoption] isn’t a ‘last resort’ either though. As the adoption process fills more of my life, the greater the realisation that this was meant to be.
So my adoption pedestal helps me hold my head high,
and saves me a few quid, but it is not license to bark my pseudo new moral army of beliefs at people.”
WooHoo! Look at me! 
(4) Another collector on parade
They adopted 3 after they had 13 biological children. http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2367036/Kathy-Bessmer-mom-SIXTEEN-children-reveals-takes-raise-large-family.html Let’s all give Praise! 
(5) Reporter duped into covering why Haiti adoptions take so long
http://www.khou.com/news/texas-news?fId=215878961&fPath=/news/local/&fDomain=10232
Next time, try to Google for 2 seconds. 
(4) $20,000 by August 6 
Aging out teen and they are set to travel…http://www.kwch.com/news/kwch-news-jlr-garage-sale-proceeds-will-help-family-hoping-to-adopt-20130718,0,5669937.story
(5) From Colombia Ready to Love 
That is the title of the latest article on Colombia hosting program by KidSave
Boy, KidSave is really marketing their product, aren’t they? “Prescreened to make sure there’s no RAD! Guaranteed to be affectionate and grateful… uh, we mean “appreciative”, of course. Try it before you buy it!”
Though now that I think about it, isn’t being affectionate with strangers one of the symptoms of the disinhibited form of RAD?
Still, you have to give KidSave credit for at least being honest about their goal, unlike the Ukrainian program.
Illegal lottery-style fundraisers:
http://letsfillthevan.blogspot.com/2013/07/ninjago-fundraiser.html
Adoption of a fifth (sixth?) unrelated kid by a family that is relying on a supernatural being to provide the $ (and charity care for a kid they adopted last year who was diagnosed with leukemia):
http://weretakingbabysteps.blogspot.com/2013/07/he-has-graduated.html
Name,
Yeah, Vanfillers are something else. You’ll note that the Ninjago lottery is “covered in love”, which means it’s a direct gift to the PAPs rather than a tax-deductible donation to a registered charity. Which means there’s zero accountability for how the Johnsons use the money received…
They originally just committed to Trinity/Bria, but later committed to Safiya/Felicity as well. I suspect it was because there was already a $2,000+ RR grant available for Safiya, but Bria alone just wasn’t getting donations.
They’ve been fundraising since Christmas 2012 for this adoption, but their private PayPal fund has been static for months, and the RR grant has only grown incrementally. Even with Safiya’s grant they’re nowhere near what they’d need to complete ONE adoption, let alone two.
In short, depending on crowdfunding as a source of income is NOT good financial planning. It’s very unreliable, and if donor fatigue isn’t already setting in, it could begin at any time. The Johnsons are apparently unable to persuade donors to loosen their pursestrings already– maybe they’re the Shape of Things to Come.
Of course, since there are no disclosure requirements on “covered in love” donations, there’s no way to know if the amount reported to be in the PayPal account is accurate or not.
# 2 is in the process of disrupting 1 ki… While simultaneously moving forward with the adoption of another:
http://findingthea.blogspot.com/2013/07/twists-and-turns.html
Name,
According to the blog, the family has disrupted prior adoptions. “… I know all too well of the judgements that will be made of us. We have been there before. Honestly, I just don’t care anymore…”
Given that, perhaps they should question their beliefs that 1) they’re able to infallibly discern God’s Will, and 2) human reason has nothing to offer them when it comes to making wise adoption decisions.
I see that they also buy into the fake RAD definition, which they use as an excuse for their failed adoptions. “It’s not OUR fault for rejecting advice based on real psychological research before deciding to adopt; we got a kid with RAD, therefore the adoption COULDN’T work!” You’d think this would shake their confidence in their ability to read God’s mind, but for some reason they haven’t made that conceptual leap.
11 kids, four of whom they “twinned.” Jumping to the RAD “diagnosis.” With those red flags, I honestly can’t say I’m shocked that they’re disrupting.
The Fitzpatricks are adopting 2 unrelated Haitian kids via Reece’s Rainbow and have recently decided to start the process to adopt a THIRD unrelated child… before the first 2 are even adopted and home in the US:
http://fitzpatrickfamilyadoption.blogspot.com/2013/04/blessed.html
They’re also hoping to use an escort (!!) to bring the kids home, because it’s soooo much easier than, you know, picking up your own newly adopted child from the orphanage.
Their reason for not wanting to travel is “food issues” which means they have everyone on a very restrictive diet which was never approved by a doctor. Mom and Dad decided there were celiac & other food issues, and they had to do a detox and gradually add foods back in over the course of a year and a half.
That is why they are adopting kids with special needs too: they believe they can heal these children with this GAPS diet.
“How does this all fit into a blog about adopting kids with special needs? God chose two children from our family who would benefit from this diet. Wilson is in the autism spectrum and has a seizure disorder both of which can be healed by following GAPS. Sandeline has Down Syndrome and Celiac is common in children with Down’s. It is still amazing to me how God planned this all out. We needed to learn how to heal our family and then we would be able to help the children He had already chosen for us.”
http://fitzpatrickfamilyadoption.blogspot.com/p/gluten-and-gutbrain-connection.html
Because what special needs kids need is to be sent to another country, with a different culture and different language, to be subjected to quack “medical” care.
Terrie,
I’m gluten intolerant myself, but I don’t see how ANYONE can claim to diagnose this condition sight unseen without doing an elimination diet, let alone without having a gastroenterologist assess them.
Not even the most ardent DAN proponent claims the GF/CF diet “cures” autism in all cases. Even kids who respond to the diet STILL require intensive conventional therapy in order to make actual developmental gains.
Given that the blog post claims that autism and seizure disorders “can be healed by following GAPS” do you really think that these kids are going to get legitimate medical care?
Fascinating exposé on the inner workings of RR, courtesy of Shelly Burman:
http://carringtonscourage.blogspot.com/2013/07/timetable-of-events-leading-to-issues.html
http://carringtonscourage.blogspot.com/2013/07/tactics-of-rr.html
http://carringtonscourage.blogspot.com/2013/07/confidentiality-statement.html
http://carringtonscourage.blogspot.com/2013/07/emails-regarding-grant-denial-and.html
“Saturday, July 20, 2013
Timetable of Events Leading to the Issues Surrounding the Adoption of Our Children
This blog was never meant to be one in which we needed to bring to light unethical practices of any person yet it became so when we applied for the grants raised for the three children we are in process of adopting from Ukraine. We simply felt it was God calling us back to Ukraine to bring home three more children He uniquely created. The events which unfolded as a result have been nothing short of disgusting, unethical, and ridiculous.”
[Rally has edited out the actual emails posted as this appears to be contents of a pending lawsuit, but readers are encouraged to click on the links and read all of the filth that has been publicly posted]
I don’t understand your involvement in this fight between the Burmans and RR. You posted several pages against child collectors, adoption of several unrelated kids at once, families unprepared or suspected of abuse, savior mentality, asking money for adoption.. and then you support the adoption process of a family that seems to fill all the negative categories listed in this website.
@I don’t understand: I posted the links because I’m appalled by the Burman’s & RR’s actions. BOTH absolutely espouse pretty much everything that is exceedingly high-risk and in desperate need of reform with respect to international adoption.
(“Fascinating” was meant to be sarcastic).
^ ‘I don’t understand’ I can’t speak for everybody who posts on here, but I wouldn’t assume anybody is really taking any sides in the Burman/RR drama. As you said in your comment, the Burmans do not appear to be suitable/responsible APs for several reasons. It just so happens that they are the ones who are currently trying to expose the questionable inner workings of RR, hence the interest.
I for one am interested to see if a lawsuit actually happens, and what the outcome might be when both sides allegedly have done some questionable things.
I don’t understand,
Re: “… you support the adoption process of a family that seems to fill all the negative categories listed in this website…”
No. We oppose the lack of ethics Reece’s Rainbow is showing in regard to the Burmans. It’s not like they haven’t willingly released grants for child collectors pursuing adoptions just as ill-advised as the Burmans’ before. Their current denial and attempt to get the Burmans in trouble with USCIS seems to be pure spite, based on the PAPs refusal to work with RR’s facilitator Serge, and their previous conflict with another RR family.
As I said in a previous post, RR does have the right to refuse to release grant money to families who don’t meet their criteria. However, having set their criteria, they don’t get to deny PAPs who meet them by inventing additional, arbitrary criteria that they don’t apply to applicants who meekly put up with verbally-abusive facilitators without complaining.
Still less do they have the right as a 501c3 adoption charity that provides grants to adopting families to act like an adoption AGENCY and attempt to intervene behind the scenes with the home study agency and the USCIS to derail the Burmans’ approval by dishing out dirt on them.
What I’d LIKE to see is the USCIS to ban immigration approval for two-or-more-at-once adoptions unless they’re really siblings– not just kids who’ve been in the same orphanage groupa for a awhile.
Reece’s Rainbow is now trying to generate some positive “feels” among their congregation.
http://blog.reecesrainbow.org/2013/07/loveinaction.html
A family adopted a kid… and disrupted TEN DAYS later. 10! Ten. Days. Less than two weeks!
This is the blog of the kid’s second adoptive “forever family”, it’s lovely that the second home seems to have worked out, but my god, someone needs to screen PAPs better. A ten-day adoption is an adoption that should never, EVER have happened!
http://shaungroves.com/2013/07/gotcha-day-a-cautionary-tale
Name:
This is not unusal for a family to disrupt so soon after placement.
IMO the first AFamily did the boy a favor. They seemed to have found a better “fit” for the boy.
Who knows what goes through PAPs minds when they begin an adoption. Maybe pie in the sky expectations. Maybe they were deluded. Maybe they wanted to retire and didn’t want to raise another child to adulthood. Who knows.
Why were they approved to adopt in the first place?! I just don’t get how someone spends a year filling out paperwork, meeting/choosing to proceed with adopting a particular kid and then, oopsie, said kid doesn’t fit into your family and auf weidersten less than 2 weeks later.
Isn’t a homestudy, reference letters and security checks supposed to PREVENT this? Surely the process for vetting PAPs can be revamped to STOP this kind of nonsense from happeneing??
Name,
Re: “…I just don’t get how someone spends a year filling out paperwork, meeting/choosing to proceed with adopting a particular kid…”
Do we know this was a case of pre-selection? The blog entry gave almost no details about the surrendering family.
After reading of the hell Hana Williams endured at the hands of Larry and Carri Williams because she didn’t meet expectations, I wish THEY had surrendered Hana and her brother, rather than keeping them and continually punishing them for existing.
This Reece’s Rainbow PAP/AP adopted 4 unrelated high-needs, special needs kids is going back for more… and has quite the Messiah complex:
http://butbygraceitcouldbeme.blogspot.com/2013/07/savoring-reality.html
She illegally photographed a kid called “Patience”, got her listed on RR to “save” her from as a:
“give her some other option than the obvious- a future as a prostitute or sex-trafficking victim”
Begs for cash on behalf of the Enskat family, who was delayed due to the printing of Ukrainian passports while adopting 3 unrelated high needs SN RR kiddos:
“They don’t need much, just about $1600 from what we can calculate. They ended up having more travel expenses than expected because of the complications thrown in by the boys being at camp the full time. It doesn’t matter how great your savings account looks, nor how big your back-up plan is, sometimes”
On why she is called to adoptive unrelated kids, as opposed to letting the current ones settle in:
“just perfectly into our happy home, who could benefit greatly from our experience and training, our style of parenting, the influences of our four (unrelated SN kids adopted onside a year) beautiful children, and our access to medical and therapy services. To me, when four kids under the age of seven start asking for other siblings, offering to share their toys, teach them things, and help me shop for them a “snuggle bear” (stuffed animal to sleep with), that’s pretty persuasive.”
On why she really, truly believes it is better for kids to be adopted by unprepared folks who are likely to disrupt or already have 17 other adopted kids and will therefore likely get LESS individual attention — say, as one of 21 Unroe kids!! — than in a bad orphanage:
“Much debate goes on about the “best interests” of orphans. At any given point, you can find people who will argue opposing sides to any random number of arguments- of whether orphans are better off remaining in their country of origin even if it means a life of deprivation and no chance at knowing the love of a family versus adoption into a different culture and the loss of their native language and roots but gaining the love and resources of a family. Some debate whether orphans are better off being adopted into large families or if they’ve been traded from one orphanage environment to another. Others wonder if adoption into a small family with no other adoptees is actually worse than being left an institutionalized orphan. There’s the issue of whether or not multiple unrelated orphans should be adopted simultaneously, whether or not to disrupt the birth order, the pros/cons of inter-racial/ethnic adoptive families, changing a child’s name after adoption, and even the ever popular “is adoption ever appropriate” (mostly touted by those apparently oblivious to the fact that many children are true orphans, with deceased parents, and in need of a family).
But as the debates wage on, and sides are drawn, and people get caught up in the arguing and fighting and name-calling and blaming, often masking their venom with feel-good phrases about “adoption ethics” and “calls for reform”, the reality is clear- kids continue to die, orphaned and alone, dying of very preventable causes, like treatable medical conditions.”
Unless you’re one of 21 Unroe kids, it seems:
“But it means something else too. In the orphanages, there are poor child to staff ratios. There aren’t enough caregivers to properly care for the kids, especially the really dependent ones. Kids like Moxie in a roomful of kids with needs just like hers wouldn’t have a caregiver that could sit and patiently feed one kid at a time, giving them time to chew (it takes a while to bite and chew when you have CP) and swallow”.
Name:
You would be surprised the Oscar worthy performance a PAP can put on during the homestudy process. And filling out the paperwork. Everything looks sincere and oh so nice on paper. Who is going to question their sincerity once they pass their homestudy process?
Basically, what I am saying is, some PAPs lie. It’s like a game to them, with the prize being a child at the end.
After they go through the paperwork process and all the other “hoops” and get the child, reality hits them in the face.
Iiiiiiinteresting (if unsubstantiated) rumor that Ukraine might be shutting down to Americans due to bad behavior on the part of hosting programs:
“Ukraine is supposedly about to shut down to American families specifically. Supposedly a very wealthy and well off family in the US hosted orphans from Ukraine. Then they attempted to adopt them and were told by Ukraine that the hosting program lied and that the children had never been available for adoption and that the hosting program knew this. So the family has brought charges against the hosting program and filed a formal complaint in Ukraine. However, the family was so angry they thought the SDA (or the new government office that oversees adoptions in Ukraine) was complicit in lying. They said they didn’t want any other family taken in by these horrible hosting programs. So they have also brought charges against the SDA in Ukraine. So the SDA is now on the war path and investigating the hosting programs. Ukraine supposedly asked the US Embassy to provide information on which coordinators were involved with the hosting programs and with illegally preselected children on Reece’s Rainbow. However, the US Embassy doesn’t know who the coordinators are that work with the hosting programs since the programs are kept separate to protect the coordinators from getting in trouble. If Ukraine can’t put a stop to the hosting programs and arrest the coordinators responsible they are going to shut down all adoptions to American families to deal with the problem. The coordinators have paid off so many people in the process that the SDA is having trouble figuring out who the coordinators are. The orphanage directors are paid off as well as other people. Ukraine would rather just shut down all adoptions to Americans (where the problems come from) that have to spend millions on a complete overhaul.”
http://theadoptionspotlight.wordpress.com/2013/05/15/us-consul-addresses-ukrainian-hosting-and-adoption
It’s circumstantial evidence… but I think Lorraine may have been right! RR AP and PAP Rebecca Jenks took down the photo of the Ukrainian girl her family wants to adopt and replaced it with this message:
“2) Where did her picture go??? If you looked at her profile before, you might have seen her picture. She is a beautiful little 12 year old girl who just happens to be chromosomally enhanced! However, if you look now, you will not see her picture. Due to recent regulations in her country, (we just got word this morning) all of pictures of children from her country have to be removed, including our sweet girl’s.
It only means that for their safety and privacy in their own country, they do not want any pictures posted online until the adoption is complete.
While this DOES make fundraising a LOT harder (often times people will feel moved to donate by a picture rather than just text) we respect the laws set forth by her country and ask for your continued support! Thank you and God Bless!!”
I just took a quick look at the RR website and some (but not all) photos of Ukrainian kids have been removed.
http://becauseyouareloved.blogspot.com/2013/07/missing.html
Perhaps because that child and country you just referenced is NOT Ukraine.