Hypocrisy in the “special” child

We can’t count how many times that we’ve have heard a PAP advocate about how special and unique the child that they are about to adopt is. Really, we understand anticipating your life with a referred child and all that brings. That’s what moves people to adopt, after all.

But we also read a lot of gushing over children who aren’t yet cleared for adoption. Or that might just be a pipe dream because the PAPs have big hopes and no money to pay for them.

Thanks to a reader who emailed us this blog, we have just seen pre-adoption gushing taken to an entirely new level—one that has left our jaws agape. (And trust us, that takes a lot.)

This blogger  made an incredibly awful decision when her first “referral” did not work out. She decided NOT to tell her biological children that the child they adopted from the Ukraine instead is a DIFFERENT child.

Worse, this wasn’t even a real referral. We refer to it as a “faux” referral because you can’t actually legally have a referral for Ukraine before you travel. You must travel blind. You cannot legal have any guaranteed referral for ANY child no matter what any agency or ministry tells you. (Hi there, Reece’s Rainbow! Paying by the rules again, are you, honey?) If you do adopt a pre-identified child, you are in violation of Ukranian adoption law and you ought to be stopped.

To read these comments for yourself, go to
http://www.yourlovewillcarryme.blogspot.com/2012/02/your-love-will-carry-me.html

Excerpt from the post:

“I was worried that Kyle and Brandon would be able to tell that Zoey was not Alaina. God answered a prayer and as soon as they saw the picture of Zoey, they exclaimed “Alaina!” And for the most part they call her Lainey now, and not Alaina. So thankful for that!”

You have to track back a few posts to understand why they did not adopt that faux-referred child. See http://www.yourlovewillcarryme.blogspot.com/2012/02/difficult-post.html

“In order for us to be able to adopt Alaina, we have to have the approval and support of the orphanage social worker; she must testify in court that Alaina would be a good fit for our family We do not have that support. Alaina has aggressive behaviors that go above what would normally be expected of a child with DS. She does not like other children. She prefers individual attention from adults. They will strongly recommend that she is placed in a family that has no other children or significantly older children.

I can’t even begin to put into words how emotionally exhausted and crushed we are. We truly fell in love with that sweet face.

I know many of you are crushed and disappointed as well. So many of you have prayed and cried over Alaina. So many of you have had her picture on your walls or refrigerator for what seem like years. “

Setting aside the illegal picture of the child on the refrigerator part, I have to say, that maybe those prayers ACTUALLY WERE ANSWERED and the child may be placed in home that is MOST SUITABLE for her. Remember, adoption is supposed to be about best placement of the child, not FOR the AP who “fell in love.”

Bizarrely, there is no mention about Reece’s taking in money for this child who couldn’t be placed. Obviously whatever information that they had gotten on this child (and it begs the question on HOW they get ANY information on ANY child since getting it would have been in violation of Ukranian adoption law) was not accurate. Why this concerns no one escapes me. They are on to “advocating” a second time for this child.

If you think something is very wrong in the Ukraine, guess what—you’re right!

REFORM Puzzle Piece