FacePalm Friday

Welcome to this week’s edition of FacePalm Friday.

This is where your hosts will list their top picks for this week’s FacePalm moment—something they learned or read about this week that caused the FacePalm to happen (you know, the expression of embarrassment, frustration, disbelief, shock, disgust or mixed humor as depicted in our Rally FacePalm smiley).

We invite you to add your FacePalm of the week to our comments. Go ahead and add a link, tell a personal story, or share something that triggered the FacePalm on the subject of child welfare or adoption.

Your Host’s Selections:

(1) “Thriving Twins Go Hollywood” in a new J Lo movie 14 months after adoption
Thriving Twins Go Hollywood
[The Atlanta Journal-Constitution 4/24/12 by Gracie Bonds Staples]  is full of facepalms. From
“The Howards knew these were their boys — special needs or not, that if they could just get them back to the States, to good medical care and the love they needed, they’d be OK.” to

““I think we’ve just won the Ethiopian lottery,”   to

“The couple is hoping the twins’ part in the movie, scheduled for release May 18, and their own personal story will help raise awareness about the need for adoption.”     to

“They have created a blog — www.oursammyand
asher.com — to share their twins’ story, one that may have played a role in Asher and Samuel landing at the top among thousands vying for a part in the upcoming film “What to Expect When You’re Expecting,” based on a New York Times best-seller of the same name.”

The ADad at http://dadlosophies.blogspot.com/

You can see that they support Dr. Aronson’s organizations WWO and the Amom s a “lead Coach” for something called “Family  Upward”-which is an unlicensed, biblical-based parent coaching biz. An excerpt from http://www.familyupward.com/parentcoaching.html

“”WHAT IS A PARENT COACH?

A parent coach is a trained and knowledgeable individual who assists and offers guidance to parents striving to improve their approach to parenting. Although there are times when a licensed counselor or therapist may be the best option, many parenting issues can be effectively resolved without spending the hundreds of
dollars per hour such services often require.

WHO CAN BENIFIT FROM PARENT COACHING?

Any parent can benefit from meeting with a parent coach. Typically, our coaches work with parents seeking to correct minor to severe behavior problems, reassess their own approach to parenting, improve communication with their kids, put an end to parent-child shouting matches, stop toddler temper tantrums, transform disrespectful kids into mindful children, and/ or turn rebellious teens into responsible and respectful teenagers.

Parent coaching can also help people who have just become parents, are expecting a baby, or are thinking about starting a family. How? By meeting periodically with a parent coach before problems arise, moms and dads can lay a strong and healthy foundation which will help them avoid many of the pitfalls and heartaches so many parents experience later in their child’s life.

THE NEED FOR PARENT COACHING

In the 1960s, the United States experienced a social revolution that influenced nearly every area of American society. A major theme of this era was to question and, in many cases, tear down traditional institutions of authority. Two of the institutions that came under fire were the authority of parents and Judeo-Christian ethics. The model of parenting that had shaped U.S. families for generations (one based on Judeo-Christian principles and traditional methods) suddenly found itself under attack. The end result was that young parents stopped turning to the Bible and their elders for parenting advice and started relying on “experts” in the mental health profession to define “good parenting.” Today, many American parents have rejected the Bible and earlier generations of parents as the true experts on parenting, choosing instead to surrender that title to members of the psychological profession.

While some might argue this was a positive shift, the data doesn’t seem to support such a conclusion. The ratio of cases involving child depression, teen suicides, violence in schools, substance abuse, and so on, have all increased drastically since the 1960s. Parents and school teachers alike report having to deal with rebelliousness, disrespect, and sometimes even violent assaults from kids that parents and teachers of former generations never could have imagined. Meanwhile, more and more kids are being diagnosed and medicated for disorders like ADHD, which didn’t even exist fifty years ago when teachers and parents reported far fewer behavioral problems than they do today.

In short, it seems that American parents have traded a tested and proven approach to parenting that yielded generally well-behaved, respectful, and self-reliant children for one that is producing undisciplined, disrespectful, and parent-dependent kids. The danger is that we are raising a generation of future adults who will feel a far greater sense of entitlement than they do responsibility.

HOW CAN FAMILY UPWARD COACHES HELP?

Family Upward works to steer parents back to the biblical principles and effective methods employed by earlier generations of parents. While we recognize that the psychological profession has made some positive contributions, we also believe that the available data suggests that many of today’s accepted “truths” regarding parenting have proved more destructive than helpful. At Family Upward, we help parents redirect their parenting by focusing on key areas like:

The Long-term Vision You Have for Your Child
The Biblical Role of a Parent
The True Nature of Children
The Biblical Role of a Child
How Love Encompasses Discipline
The Biblical Definition of Discipline
The Role Your Marriage Plays in Your Parenting
And Other Biblically-based Teachings”

(2)Adoption Course given by Guatemalan AP/in a vacuum

Penn State University April 25, 2012. PSU knows ethics, eh?

“In summer 2009, Crissman Ishler recognized the lack of coverage the topic of adoption received at Penn State as well as at universities across America. Through her research, Crissman Isher has only been able to find one other course from universities across the country that specifically focuses on the topic of adoption — the University of Massachusetts Amherst, which offers a course on the psychology of adoption.

Since adopting her daughter from Guatemala in 2005, she holds the subject of adoption near and dear to her heart, and she believes it is an important topic for students to learn about.

“I had been in HDFS for four years and began looking at courses. There was an involvement gap with adoption. It wasn’t covered much,” Crissman Ishler said. “I approached my boss to ask if I could teach the course for professional development but also because a large number of people either know someone or have been directly impacted by adoption and would be able to relate to a course on adoption.”

Right away, students showed interest. “The first semester it was offered, spring 2010, the class had 45 spots available,” Crissman Ishler said. “Those spots filled up right away. I had to ask if we could increase the class for more students to join. It ended up filling to 90 students before we had to cut it off. It went very well.”

The course is designed to provide students with in-depth information revolving around adoption. Topics covered include open and closed adoptions, domestic and international adoption, domestic partner issues — from myths and stereotypes to states’ legal requirements of those seeking to adopt — and the positives and negatives that can occur throughout the adoption process. However, Crissman Ishler’s main objective focuses on encouraging her students to critically think about the emotional aspects of adoption.

“At the end of the day, I want students to know the five core issues — loss, rejection, guilt, grief, identity — that affect the three triad members — birth parents, adoptive child, adoptive parents,” noted Crissman Ishler. “It’s about learning the psychological and emotional aspects included in adoption and asking, ‘How are families formed?’ ”

“In general, just having an understanding of the different types of adoptions has expanded my thoughts and ideas,” said Kristi Bricker, a senior majoring in human development and family studies who has taken the course. “When you go into a course like this you think you have a good understanding, but I quickly realized my understandings were all the myths of adoption. No matter who you are, you will walk in thinking certain things and you will walk out with a new grasp on the idea of adoption.”

Crissman Ishler believes learning about adoption helps to broaden students’ knowledge base and encourages students to consider critical questions.

“Have they thought about issues of race? Stopped to think about the birth mom and birth dad, what about them? How has adoption affected them?” Crissman Ishler. asked. “This course encourages students to take a deep, thoughtful and critical look at adoption. It ties research into the idea of adoption and realizing it’s not just about pop culture — the Madonnas, the Brad and Angelinas. We’re required to ask the question, ‘How has adoption changed trends in the world?’ ”

“By taking this course I have already felt a calling into the adoption world,” said Bricker. “Whether it’s adopting children later in my life or working for an adoption agency, I feel that this is something that’s going to stick with me. Each class I walk out learning something new and expanding on what I have learned from the previous classes.”

In the future, Crissman Ishler hopes to continue providing this course, currently listed as HDFS 453, to students of all majors, years, races and genders.

“Adoption impacts everyone,” Crissman Ishler stated. “People are always connected to adoption in some way; whether they know someone who has adopted or were personally adopted. It’s a great thing.”

CLEARLY this course is about the AP and nothing else.

Other blurbs about her course and 48-hour swoop into Guatemala to adopt can be seen here and here.

Isn’t this sweet? They send their old clothes to the Guat foster mom. See here

“During the week between Christmas and New Year’s, we clean out our closets and send some clothes to the foster mom in Guatemala who cared for our daughter until we adopted her.”

(3)Hat tip to a reader who sent us these contrasting posts-first a gagtastic AP post followed by a sane biological mother post

http://fiveofmyown.blogspot.de/2012/04/ever-noticed-how-moms-with-new-babies.html

“Someone who could not wait to have “her” child home, “advocating” for “special needs adoptions” and showing a certain degree of bitchyness when members of the triad dare enter an adoption blogger contest, needed a break from her newly adopted child. What a great way to build a healthy relationship.

On the other hand, isn’t getting a manicure a real reason to take a break from your kid?

It makes such a nice contrast to this post (of a bio mother). http://www.shelaughsatthedays.net/2012/04/i-choose-being-here.html ”

(4) Contender for the Facepalm of the Year

NCFA to induct 125-year old Gladney into its “Hall of Fame.” They will join other inductees such as “President Gerald Ford, Hillary Rodham Clinton, Senator Lloyd Bentsen, Senator Mary Landrieu, Ruby Lee Piester and The Gannett Company.” Yes, you read that right….a major conglomerate media company (I assume for the positive adoption coverage).

“The Gladney Center for Adoption stands apart from others in the field for its comprehensive and unique approach: its leading domestic, international, foster care, and special needs adoption programs. In addition, Gladney is known for state-of-the-art maternity services included live at home or live at Gladney’s dorm options, medical care, educational and career development programs for birth mothers, and humanitarian aid offered to orphans around the world. Most importantly, Gladney provides lifelong educational and counseling programs and services for its adoptive children, adoptive parents and birth parents.”

Gladney Center for Adoption Marks 125th Anniversary [Sun Herald 4/24/12]