Little boy lost: Family struggles to help heal troubled adopted son

As we pointed out in yesterday’s disruption post, the lack of resources for children with disabilities, especially those that have mental issues due to neglect, malnourishment and unknown other issues, continues to plague adoptive families. The adoption industry even admits it in this first article, “There is a growing number of families, because of international adoptions, that are experiencing struggles,” said Chuck Johnson, president and CEO of the National Council for Adoption.” And as you will see in the second article, the industry operates in continual cover-their-butt mode.

The Adoptive Parent Side of the Story

Patrick LoBrutto and Mary Greene tell their story about the difficulties that their adopted Russian son is having and their decision to place him into a residential treatment center (RTC). Mary has a very informative blog that details more of her story: When Rain Hurts.

They had declined a referral of a boy after seeing the child’s medical records. When they accepted the referral of a girl, they also decided to seek out another boy referral while in Russia. Within six months of being home with him, he displayed “erratic, violent behavior grew more troubling with each passing day, and more impossible to control. After extensive testing, the family discovered an alphabet soup of serious disorders plaguing their son: fetal alcohol syndrome, autism, seizure disorder, genetic abnormalities, rickets, intestinal parasites, tuberculosis, ADHD, bipolar mood disorder, post-traumatic stress disorder and a suspected case of mitochondrial disease.”

Like other adoptive parents struggling with their child’s issues , they accuse “adoption officials and orphanages in countries like Russia of concealing deep-seated medical problems.” Adoption agencies love to play the innocent card in these circumstances. They like to talk about how they know nothing about the child…blah, blah, blah…it’s not our fault. The question is why do people pay for your services if you know nothing!

Luckily, this family was able to find a residential treatment center for him. This is not available to every adoptive parent in every state as some residential treatment centers do not take children with any condition or they have long waiting lists or they may only take children who have actually sexually abused children and not just attempted to or they are unaffordable.

“As for those families coping with the fallout of a problematic adoption, Greene says the secret to survival is perseverance, and the help of available resources. For her family, therapists and counselors have proven a godsend, as have the local developmental disability and mental health agencies.

“Peter is a very damaged boy,” his mother says, “but there is a heart in there. There’s a very sweet child trapped in all that chaos.”

It took the family two years and a lot of support to reach the sweetness and the heart. But today, Greene reports, Peter has progressed immeasurably from the little boy who couldn’t stand to hear the sound of her voice, who spread feces on the wall, who vomited on purpose to spoil a family meal, who hurt himself and Sophie, and who seemed wholly unreachable.

Peter will always need 24-hour care, his mother says, but he is a “mostly happy child.” He is polite, enjoys soccer and will soon be entering a residential treatment center that will allow him to spend weekends at home and have one-on-one therapy and educatational [sic]  care.

“Peter knows we’re his parents, he knows we love him, he knows we want to protect him,” his mother said.

The family’s journey may never be over, and its scars will last a lifetime. But for better or worse, they are a family.”

They are suing Adoption Source, inc., their placing agency. Perhaps if adoption agencies are forced to pay for post-adoption care, they won’t continue to operate under the “we know nothing and we’re innocent” mantra. The agency self-policing sure isn’t working for adopted children and adoptive families.

Little boy lost: Family struggles to help heal troubled adopted son
[Sun-Sentinel 5/30/11 by Nicole Brochu]

The Adoption Agency Side of the Story

The defunct Adoption Source, Inc. agency head saw this story yesterday and responded today.

“This is a case of an educated and advised family not heeding the warnings and advice regarding the risks associated with international adoption. This family signed document after document advising of the risk associated with international adoption. The testimony will prove in this case that our agency had nothing to do with the referral of the male child the family adopted.

The family traveled to Russia on a preview trip, meant specifically for the purpose of validating scant information that is received on the referral of a child. They wisely turned down the boy we referred to them, as in fact, the little boy had some issues that were not included in the records provided to us by the orphanage.

The system worked! [Note that they are referring only to the adoptive family being free from burden and not the poor child who likely remains in the orphanage and still suffers. For the agency, this is just a business transaction.] That is the whole purpose of the preview trip, to allow families to travel in person, view the child, collect photos, data and as much information as possible, come home and speak to the doctors, and make an informed decision.

Not always perfect, but informed! The family was advised over and over again to come home with only the little girl, who by all accounts was doing quite well. This family was obsessed to come home with a boy. When they begged the local people for the referral of another boy, the Russian officials referred them five other boys from which to choose.

The family employed two of the top physicians in international adoption (Dr. Jane Aronson and Dr. Dana Johnson) to help them decipher records. They alone made their decision. Once done, they chose to adopt Peter, and advised us which child they cared to adopt. We knew nothing about the child, and the family was well aware of that fact! We simply helped them file court papers at their request. They traveled personally and were there to take as many photos and videos themselves.”

Well at least they admit that they really only are paper-pushers. Obviously, a homestudy agency modified their homestudy to include another child and the placing agency went along with it and made some !

“They came home and discovered the boy had severe problems and filed a lawsuit against our not-for-profit agency, and every employee who ever worked for us, including our bookkeeper! A clear case of making an emotional decision in a process reap with risks, and then blaming everyone but themselves.

Adoption is a wonderful thing, but it has risks. Families read the warnings, but at times make decisions they later regret, then look for someone to blame. Agencies do their best to serve children and families, but nobody can ever guarantee the health of a human being nor see the past pain and suffering borne by an orphan.

Every document that the family signed spoke of the warnings and advisories about the risk. We feel terrible for the family, but to point fingers of blame at this stage of adoption just hurts everyone involved. This family made their own choices, advised by the top physicians in the world, but fate was not in their favor. No one is to blame.”  Yeah, right. The orphanage, facilitator and agency are 100% innocent before, during and after!

“Our children are our children, whether through nature or adoption, and parents must deal with the issues our children present with. How many biological parents deal with severe issues with their children, but who can they blame and sue?” Ah yes, the myth that children adopted from neglect and malnourishment and abuse are the same as birthing a special needs child!

Also, look at the statistics of biological families giving up their children to state care that we cited in yesterday’s disruption post.

Adoption agency: Family ignored warnings, advice in adopting troubled boy
[Sun-Sentinel 5/31/11 by Nicole Brochu]

REFORM Puzzle Piece