FacePalm Friday
Welcome to this week’s edition of FacePalm Friday.
This is where your hosts will list their top picks for this week’s FacePalm moment—something they learned or read about this week that caused the FacePalm to happen (you know, the expression of embarrassment, frustration, disbelief, shock, disgust or mixed humor as depicted in our Rally FacePalm smiley).
We invite you to add your FacePalm of the week to our comments. Go ahead and add a link, tell a personal story, or share something that triggered the FacePalm on the subject of child welfare or adoption.
Your Host’s Selections:
(1) Compelling adoptee story ends with the adoption vs abortion lie
A tale of two mangers: how I was adopted after being abandoned on the streets of Bethlehem
[LifeSite News 8/23/12 by Susan Michelle Tyrrell]
Sigh. Once again, we must explain that adoption is not the opposite of abortion. Abortion versus giving birth is Decision 1. Who parents the child is a wholly separate second decision. When these concepts are woven together, the coercement begins and the coverups stay.
The author says”My mother was supposed to be killed for being pregnant. I’m sure grateful she didn’t opt for a secret abortion.”
Well, she doesn’t know if she was abandoned or if her papers were forged, so how does she “know” that her mother was supposed to be killed?Why would she think that her mother was contemplating abortion? Is there no other option? Maybe she was trafficked! Sorry , but adoption stories are not like this one 
(2)Automatic group home of foster child in Canada
This gets a facepalm for a program that is not thinking about the child’s individual needs. The foster parents have taken care of this man for 15 years, but he will automatically be sent to a group home because the rule says at 21, he must go.
Foster parents fight to keep caring for son [CBC 8/22/12]
(3) Woman gives birth to grandson
Grandma, baby, doing fine after nine-month ‘rental’ [Portland Press Herald 8/24/12 by Edward D. Murphy]
Reformatina says “At least they are keeping it in the family and not going to India.” Very true!
I love the song posted in the comments( so is his genetic mother then also his sister 
and his genetic dad his brother in law?):
“Now many many years ago when I was twenty-three
I was married to a widow who was pretty as can be
This widow had a grown-up daughter who had hair of red
My father fell in love with her and soon they too were wed
This made my dad my son-in-law and changed my very life
My daughter was my mother ’cause she was my father’s wife
To complicate the matter even though it brought me joy
I soon became the father of a bouncing baby boy
And so became my uncle, though it made me very sad
For if he was my uncle, then that also made him br’ther Of the widow’s grown-up daughter who was also my stepmother
My wife is now my mother’s mother and it makes me blue
Because altho’ she is my wife, she’s my grandmother too
For now I have become the strangest case I ever saw
As husband of my grandmother, I am my own grandpa
I’m my own granpa
It sounds funny I know,
But it really is so
Oh I’m my own grandpa
[Dwight Latham, Moe Jaffe]”
Sorry, adoption is not all 
(5) ‘The Baby Wait’ series on Logo TV premiering October 30
New reality show exposes agonising 30-day wait faced by adoptive parents in which birth mother can ‘claim baby back’ [Daily Mail 8/27/12 by Sadie Locks]
“A new reality show from the creators of Teen Mom, 16 & Pregnant, and Jersey Shore is set to expose the agonising 30-day wait faced by adoptive parents in which the birth mother can legally take their child back.
A summary of the ‘The Baby Wait’ series posted on the Logo TV website reads: ‘What if you knew your newest addition could suddenly be subtracted? Your bundle of joy no longer yours.’
However producers insist that they are not trying to ‘scare’ childless parents and the show is aimed at educating viewers on the ins and outs of the adoption process.” [Oh Please!]
We need that baby, STAT!
(6) NFL wife calls Ugandan Orphanages to Get Children
Rams center Scott Wells adds three Ugandan children to family in offseason
[Yahoo Sports Canada 8/27/12 by Doug Farrar]
“Wells’ wife started the process about a year-and-a-half ago, contacting orphanages in the area and explaining her family’s desires and overall situation. 
One orphanage responded with the thought that they had two children who were perfect for them. The Wells family wanted to adopt two kids, both under age 3. But as it turned out, two-year-old R.J. had a sister named Caroline. After some discussion, the Wells family decided to go all in and adopt three instead of two.
“We decided to keep the brother and sister together,” Wells said. “I said, ‘What’s the difference between five and six kids?’ ”
There were complications when Scott and Julie traveled to Uganda to complete the process. To prevent any possibility of infection, Scott had to wait until the sutures from his recent knwee surgery had closed. Once that was clear, there was the matter of inter-country adoption, which is more complex where they were headed.
“There’s a lot of corruption that you’re fighting,” Wells, who signed a four-year, $24 million contract with the Rams in March, said. “Going into it we were really trying to keep quiet what I did for a living; how much finances we had or whatever. There’s a little bit of that you have to disclose for the courts. They want to make sure you’re financially responsible, that you can handle the children you’re wanting to adopt.
“The key was to go in there as quietly as possible. I had to sign a contract with the orphanage saying I wouldn’t discuss it via Twitter, Facebook, the media. Basically, I had to keep everything hush-hush until it was finalized. That’s why Coach (Fisher) did an outstanding job of helping me keep it quiet. Because I had to tell (the Rams) so I could get permission to go.””
(7) Today’s India Adoption Scheme is…
HC stops Israeli couple from adopting kid of ‘kin’
[DNA India 8/29/12 by Mustafa Plumber]
Besides not being able to prove that this is a kinship adoption, ““Mrs David is a housewife and has no income. It is seen that the biological parents are extremely poor. However, the adoptive parents are not in very good financial circumstances.” Adoption was denied! 
doesn’t qualify you for adoption.
(8) Another Celebrity “I am not adopting” Week
Facepalms to news coverage of stars who declare that they are NOT adopting.
This week there was Holly Madison NOT adopting from the US
(and the service she was using also gets a FacePalm: Hold My Hand )
David Beckham is NOT adopting from Africa.
(9) Priest Accuses abuse victims of seduction and calls Sandusky a “poor guy”
New York priest says child often seducer in sex abuse cases
[Reuters 8/30/12]
While he did apologize, that doesn’t make up for the idiocy of his statements.
(10) Proud of their Indian baby rental womb
Our ‘rent a womb’ child from an Indian baby farm: British couple paying £20,000 for a desperately poor single mother to have their child
[Daily Mail 8/31/12 by Helen Roberts and Frances Hardy]
(11) Adoption.com ads for Photolisting and “helping your agency”
“Photolisting: Now is the perfect time to raise foster and adoption awareness in your community. If you have your own blog or website, perhaps you would like to add our Photo Listing Widget to help raise awareness of foster children nationwide.
Don’t see any children from your state? Please contact your local officials to let them know you would like to see children from your state.”
Ah yes, Be the Industry’s tool 
My Facepalms include:
1) PAPs who are fundraising nearly all their adoption costs and consider a $35/day chauffeured car to the orphanage a **necessity** (vs taking the $0.50/day marshooka (sp?) bus) and $30/day for food so they can eat out every single day (vs cook in their apartment):
http://justonemore4us.blogspot.ca/2012/09/what-is-left.html?m=0
2) PAPs complaining that adoption grants don’t cover the cost of a homestudy… and fundraising 100% of the $1900 to get a homestudy:
http://iwillcometoyou-john14-18.blogspot.ca/2012/08/nook-tablet-giveaway.html?m=1
3) APs that break Ukranian law to plaster photos of kids who may not even be legally available for adoption on their blogs (plus private medical info about said kids) and “advocate” for others to adopt them. Extra bonus points as this blogger is soooo sad that bioparents of several “orphans” visit regularly and are thus unavailable for adoption (selfish much??):
http://loveyamorethancookies.blogspot.ca/2012/08/too-much-reality-for-child-to-handle.html?m=0
4) Paps who adopted 3 unrelated Ukrainian kids in the span of 7 months… heading back to adopt 2 more. Of course, they’re fundraising 100% of all adoption expenses. Why do the responsible thing and pay for it yourself???
http://debraandrayinparadise.blogspot.ca/2012/09/by-miles.html?m=1
Also:
5) a college student volunteering in a SN orphanage in Ukraine for the summer. She posts pictures of kids, her guesses on their medical issues/diagnosis and pleads for folks to adopt them. Even the ones not legally available for adoption:
http://blogging4theleastofthese.tumblr.com/
One of the orphans is SN 8 yr old called Isabella:
http://www.oh-three-ohana.blogspot.ca/2012/09/a-blue-sun.html?m=1
This PAP met the little girl while visiting the orphanage a while back and thinks it’ll be a great idea to adopt her bc Isabella told her she “loved her” on sight and that it’s a good thing. As opposed to a bad, indiscriminate affection thing.
6) APs who tell random strangers (literally) that their kid was a poor lil
neglected Bulgarian orphan. Because this is appropriate information to share with a person on Craigslist from whom the AP is purchasing a used kid’s bed:
http://www.nachalaadopt.blogspot.ca/2012/09/10-months-2-weeks-6-days.html?m=1
7) PAPs that simultaneously claim to be “rescuing” a child AND write updates on where they are on the “wait list” for a healthy, not-yet-born baby girl referral from Ethiopia (!).
The PAP is basically praying for someone to give up their kid. So ick, this business of cuing for a starfish (and being sooo happy that their agency is able to “obtain” lots of healthy Ethiopian baby girls, doubly so):
http://lovinmuch.blogspot.ca/2012/08/new-august-2012-number.html?m=0
Last one, I promise. It’s the VERY worst:
8) PAPs complaining about Rwandans efforts to reunite orphans with their bio relatives. PAPs are sad because it means there are less kids to adopt and they really, truly feel the Rwandan government has a nefarious purpose in reuniting kids with their birth families AND providing resources to said families so that they are able to care for their beloved family members. (the resources are in the form of gift certificates for cows, because folks in the region tend to farm, often have livestock and a cow provides nutritious milk for the children and typically more milk than a family needs, so the excess can be sold to cover costs like school fees).
http://tarajill.blogspot.ca/2011/12/reunification-schmunification.html?m=1
Contrary to what this blogger writes, closing the orphanage resulted in a decrease in parents abandoning their children to orphanages AND encouraged Rwandans to adopt Rwandan orphans. These are GOOD THINGS!! Laudable things!!
http://allafrica.com/stories/201206110094.html
http://www.newtimes.co.rw/news/index.php?i=15010&a=54318
My favorite line from the second article is:
“Mukashema noted that at first people held a negative perception thinking that the program wouldn’t work out since Rwandans wouldn’t be willing to take up the responsibility.
“However, by raising awareness, many Rwandans have taken responsibility and are willing to adopt the children [whise families could not be found, so the kids could not be reunited with them]. This is in line with government’s plan to make sure that all children grow up in proper family structures and not institutions where they may not get proper upbringing.””
The infamous Sue Hedberg of CCI has a new fundraising campaign for orphans in DRC:
http://projectfeet.wordpress.com/
How many major investigations, findings of corruption, trafficking and all-around bad behavior does it take to get folks to stop working with this lady???
I’m starting to see this make the rounds of to Congo adoption blogs. She’ll make a fair bit of money from these bloggers as they’ll believe anything from someone who uses their same rhetoric, and who is also white.
APs who are “disappointed” when their adult children are unable to take two weeks of vacation to accompany their parent on a pick up their new siblings from a Bulgarian orphanage trip… who then co-opt their 16 yr son for the job (ie. who will miss several weeks of school in order to do so):
http://theroaddownhome.blogspot.ca/2012/09/the-face-of-love.html?m=1
When did this become a minor child’s job?!?
OMG! You should have warned me a little better before I clicked on that one. What was a medically fragile minor child supposed to say? Did they really think that he could have said No to their desire? They should have titled the post “The Face of Forced Obedience”
This part is even worse “He is thankful he was adopted. In his quiet ways he lets us know. He stands up in every way for the orphan! Financially, physically” Besides the “thankful” part, why is a minor child FINANCIALLY responsible for any orphan or anyone for that matter?
Has anyone shared the Life With My Special Ks blog yet? They adopted a little girl with Down Syndrome (Reece’s Rainbow was involved) and were totally unprepared. She now lives with the AP’s mother, in another state than the rest of her family.
Believe it or not, the adoptive mother says they had never heard of RAD before bringing her home in 2009.
http://www.myspecialks.com/2012/08/q-249.html
I don’t know if the child has even been diagnosed with RAD by a qualified professional – and this mother was totally not ready to deal with any adoption. The father is deployed & has been for most of the time the little girl has been home, and the mom was thrown even by things like Kellsey being a kid who liked routine and calm when their family is busy and active, and they clearly can’t avoid doing five million activities because the adopted kid can’t tolerate crowds or noise or heat.
It’s sickening and she was avoiding mentioning Kellsey for awhile at all because people tried to call her out on it. Now she screens comments.