FacePalm Friday
Welcome to this week’s edition of FacePalm Friday.
This is where your hosts will list their top picks for this week’s FacePalm moment—something they learned or read about this week that caused the FacePalm to happen (you know, the expression of embarrassment, frustration, disbelief, shock, disgust or mixed humor as depicted in our Rally FacePalm smiley).
We invite you to add your FacePalm of the week to our comments. Go ahead and add a link, tell a personal story, or share something that triggered the FacePalm on the subject of child welfare or adoption.
Your Host’s Selections:
(1)Previous FacePalm Comment that linked to a blog leads us to another facepalm
http://www.ilovepurplemorethanyou.com/2012/01/open-letter-for-those-who-hate-adoption.html?m=0 had a comment from Dawn Davenport of Creating a Family. This blog post is pathetic and Dawn sympathesized with the blogger.
Maybe she needs one of these 
since she just sways with whatever keeps the industry going…
(2)For Profit MLJ Adoption is nominated for Angel in Adoption
http://carson.house.gov/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=928&Itemid=92
She cares about older child adoptions. 
So THAT is why she scours 
the planet 
for as young as possible infants 
including spending a whole 3 days in postearthquake Haiti. Uh huh…
(3) China Orphanage Buys Mercedes Benz to shuttle children to hospital AND to shuttle PAPs
Gee I thought PAPs paid for travel fees…oh that’s right, they do…
Benz purchase puts orphanage in hot seat [China People’s Daily 9/6/12 by Ling Yuhuan]
They could have a new marketing slogan:
…what every orphan needs.
Hmmm… that doesn’t flow…
(4)ichoose adoption
As if this NCFA campaign isn’t sick enough, they think we want to see the “making of” it
http://www.adoptioncouncilblog.org/2012/09/behind-scenes-of-ichooseadoption.htm
Well, ibarf when I read this kind of stuff 
(5) Public Forum thread about “Bias Against International Adoption”
This is a 3-page thread and the second page is the worst of them all when the original poster lists why she wants to internationally adopt. She completely personifies the entitled adoptive parent and she doesn’t even know it!
“1. We want a closed adoption. No contact with the birth parents. Or relatives. People in foreign countries want this as well. When they reliquish their child for adoption they want to move on.
2.No conditions attached to the adoption.
3. privacy
4. If you are adopting an American infant, the birth mother gets to choose you. I want to choose the child. I don’t like the idea of having to pass the muster of a pregnant teenager,
5. Ability to adopt younger children. When we are not talking about infant adoption, the US Foster Care System’s first goal is reunification. US foster care children, if they are healthy, are generally over the age of ten by the time social services releases them for adoption. Many are in their teens and have established habits and personalities.
6. American children from foster care are choosy about who adopts them. They want to be the oldest, or youngest, they need this or that. They often have specific demands and you are expected to cater to these.
7. Children age 6 and over from foreign countries know that their options are limited and in[sic] usually know someone who was adopted by Americans. They are motivated and, in general want this for their selves.[sic]”
Reading this gives me a 
APs – like this Falvo lady — who take it upon themselves to post pics and private medical info about Ukrainian kids WHO MAY NOT EVEN BE AVAILABLE FOR ADOPTION and to criticise the birthfamilies that use orphanages as “boarding schools” for their kids. Kids that they visit regularly, take home on the weekends, keep home when they have time off work and over Christmas, are NOT KIDS IN NEEDS OF FAMILIES. They’re kids WITH families who are doing the very best they can under difficult circumstances, in a place where they likely have no other choice.
http://loveyamorethancookies.blogspot.ca/2012/09/getting-to-know-these-little-people.html
“The blessing in this is we got to spend hours with some really amazing kids and get to know and love them. We have even found families for 2 children who no one seemed to know were here ! Children who have parents who leave them at the orphanages during the week, or school terms (this sad thing happens WAY more than you would like to believe) are required to take them home for the summer months.”
It’s awful that a lot of these kids are mistreated at the orphanage camp… but that does NOT excuse what this awful .lady is doing!!
Just when you think Maria Falvo’s post can’t get worse… it does:
http://loveyamorethancookies.blogspot.ca/2012/09/getting-to-know-these-little-people.html?m=0
Falvo writes ” This little cherub is an example of a child from a very poor farm family who brings her to live at the orphanage during the week, and brings her home on the weekends. Can you imagine choosing this environment for YOUR child? You can see by the light in her eyes and her plump little limbs she is cared for “.
Answer: a poor Ukrainian farm family that loves their daughter and is doing the VERY best they can given the circumstances. This is a girl with a family who does not NEED or want an American adoptive family.
Falvo continues, bragging her illegal picture posting has resulted in a family for a different little girl. “second. Wanted to. But unfortunately she belongs to the M orphanage and my guy was only here for camp. It would have meant another complete adoption and my home study was not approved for a child her age. 🙁 I was crushed. The burden of leaving her here..all alone was making me ill. Then an amazing thing happened! By posting her sweet face on Face book, and sharing what a gem she was HER MAMA FOUND HER! A friend of ours from back home, took one look into her sweet eyes and KNEW she was looking at her daughter”
Isn’t it illegal to pre-select a Ukrainian kid to adopt? Is Falvo a social worker???
Falvo bemoans the fact that a boy’s “His grandmother still visits him occasionally”, so he isn’t adoptable. She really truly seems to believe the fact that this kid has a family that cares for him is a BAD THING (!).
Falvo posts more pics of kids, directs folks to contact Reece’s Rainbow about adopting them. Gee, aren’t RR’s photolistings illegal too??
She also brags that she “have several more kiddos to share with you all in my next blog post”.
Is that not a clear statement that she’s planning continue her little likely illegal and definitely dignity- and privacy-of-Ukrainian kids (many of whom HAVE families) violating scheme??
Who can this lady be reported to? Short of say, the Ukrainian Ambassador to the US??
It is appalling and definitely unethical and maybe even illegal what Falvo is doing. This business of criticizing the families that LOVE their kids and use the orphanage as a boarding school is just plain evil. As is the business of finding families for kiddos WITH family (in the name of Jesus, no less) is beyond horrible.
The fact that she’s been approved to adopt yet another kid is doubly so!!
Hey. What have done to actually help a child in need? Anything? Put your misguided energies into helping children and saving lives, instead of typing slander that only you believe.
Carly,
Maybe you should lay off and READ the damn post, instead of merely reading INTO it!!! Maria is NOT trying to find homes for kids who are not available for international adoption. The only thing she IS doing is pointing out to people just how life is in the orphanages in Ukraine. It is NOT illegal to post pictures of orphans IF you will not profit from doing so!!!! Get educated on the facts before slandering innocent people.
This family has saved…yes, SAVED, FIVE children from a life of hell. Don’t believe me? Here is one example… Two years ago, she took a four year old out of an orphanage who was dying, yes DYING, from dehydration, malnutrition and neglect!!! All children raised in orphanages are at risk for abuse and neglect, and every single one of them is delayed…socially AND academically. An orphanage is no place for a child… Maria and many others are merely trying to spread the word, so these kids might have FAMILIES. You know, a home with people who feed you and love you and educate you…like we all DESERVE! I don’t think there is anything at all wrong with that.
BTW, selection of children with disabilities IS allowed in Ukraine!!!! PAP’s send a child specific petition for a chosen child BEFORE a dossier is ever sent!!! Have you adopted out of there? No? Then you should maybe keep your mouth closed and your empty accusations to yourself.
Tami – The Embassy of Ukraine’s website clearly states that photolisting and pre-selecting kids to adopt is illegal. See for yourself:
http://ukraine.usembassy.gov/adoption-procedures.html
There does not appear to be an exemption for those who “do not profit” from posting photos of orphans. Perhaps you could point it out to me?
PAPs and APs say the most awful things when asked “Why did you adopt from abroad?”:
Kimberly: “I was not willing to allow the biological mother to remain a part of my child’s life. It may sound selfish but if I was going to be the mommy, I was going to be the only mommy. Open adoption appears to be the standard in domestic adoption now.”
Francine: “We tried adopting 20 yrs. ago and the mom changed her mind after 3 months and our little boy was taken back (laws were different then). Adopting a child, even older with special needs from the US is so difficult because they are usually so tied up in the foster system”
Michelle: “I was warned by a social worker years ago that my luck adopting domestically would be very difficult because I have a profoundly disabled sister. It isn’t that the system would discriminate against me, instead I would been seen as someone able to take care of severely disable children and only presented disabled children. I am still taking care of my sister even though she lives in a group home, I needed/want a different experience as a parent than I had as a sibling, so I chose international adoption.”
http://fiveofmyown.blogspot.ca/2012/09/why-did-you-adopt-from-abroad.html?m=0
This PAP was originally going to adopt from Congo, then St Vincent, then from both – then she got a referral from both places and let go of the one in St Vincent for the Congolese one. Now, after going through the Congolese courts she has decided she doesn’t want the Congolese child based on a photo and speculation:
http://proverbs2412.blogspot.com/2012/09/letting-go.html?showComment=1347283003238&m=1
While it is never in the best interest of potential adoptees to have their prospective parent simultaneously adopting from 2 different countries (and shame on the homestudy agency that approved this and the placing agency who didn’t care), rejecting a referral after medical check, I strongly feel, IS in the best interest of the child. Many PAPs send their referral information to licensed professionals (I did) to give a scope of the issues. To me, the most important features of a PAP is to be a prepared and safe PAP. If they are not prepared to parent the child for whatever reason, then that child has been spared from a lot of potential problems and potential disruption. This gets back to how agencies do not honestly represent children to PAPs. Agencies don’t really care enough to ever spend their money to get full profiles of children. They really are just brokers.
True but you can’t diagnose from a photograph. And also, at least in my case, I was told by a medical professional who saw my son, when he was still in Congo and very ill, that he had down syndrome – he does not. He is in fact a very healthy boy but he was just very, very sick at the time. That makes me suspicious of these sorts of things. And why not do medical reports before court?
I agree about not being able to diagnose from a photo. Really the check is a way to gauge risk and to help figure out what types of evaulations that the child may need immediately upon arrival.I always recommend that PAPs do get that check. It should definitely be before court. The sequence of events in adoptions these days is completely out of order. It should be homestudy first and then referral. There should be time before acceptance to ask questions and have any check that is necessary. I think the agencies should arrange for competent medical personnel to evaluate the child in person prior to referral acceptance. But that is not their goal. They only care about getting that child to US soil.
This we agree on.
Even though our son was checked by medical missionaries that just happened to be staying at the same place we were – it makes me wonder what level of care they were giving the children left at orphanages.
Paps who post — and, worse, respond to — “fire sales” for kid, like this hideous post that says a 2 yr old (with DS) needs to find an adoptive family by sept 25th or he will allegedly become unadoptable:
http://marianaorphanfund.blogspot.hu/2012/09/urgent-family-needed-by-september-25.html?m=1
So not the right way to find a QUALIFIED home for PARTICULAR kid!!!
Why why why do people do this?? I’ve no doubt they think they’re doing the right thing… Sooo not the case.
This is Lifeline agency.I would expect nothing less. Note the “very, very, very ,very adorable” description.Ugh!