FacePalm Friday
Welcome to this week’s edition of FacePalm Friday.
This is where your hosts will list their top picks for this week’s FacePalm moment—something they learned or read about this week that caused the FacePalm to happen (you know, the expression of embarrassment, frustration, disbelief, shock, disgust or mixed humor as depicted in our Rally FacePalm smiley).
We invite you to add your FacePalm of the week to our comments. Go ahead and add a link, tell a personal story, or share something that triggered the FacePalm on the subject of child welfare or adoption.
Your Host’s Selections:
(1)Ethiopia Going Strong
I know this is such an easy target, but this Adoption.com blog entry is pushing a new level of stupidity. See http://ethiopia.adoptionblogs.com/weblogs/ethiopian-adoption-going-strong
” It has rebounded so nicely from its former struggles and is looking toward growing their program.”
Struggles?
“This is very good news because there are so many kids in this country that need a solid foundation. That foundation must come in the form of a forever family.”
Oh yes, the forever family…except for those that disrupt…
“Ethiopia is a developing adoption program. They had a large growth spurt which put pressure on their infrastructure. That pressure resulted in some reports of paper mishandling and misfiling. This caused Ethiopia to suspend their adoption program until they resolved the issues. They have done that and re-opened. It is almost as if they haven’t missed a beat. They are moving along steadily.”
A developing program? It has been around for many years. “Paper mishandling and misfiling”? Are you 
kidding me?
“There is no way to ensure that every child gets the chance that they deserve but to save one is an amazing feat.”
Oh, yes then there is the “saving”…
“I love that intercountry adoption can take a child from a hard, hopeless situation and place them in the center of a life that is amazingly carved out for them. When adoption occurs, the children not only get the love of a family, they get the foundation of a town and an education.”
Because there are no towns, communities or educational opportunities in Ethiopia…
“If you are interested in adopting from Ethiopia, it is still important to employ the services of a reputable agency. This is vital to ensure your safety and the safety of the child. All paperwork should be done using the services of a lawyer.”
Reputable?
(2)Adopt International Intern Love Letter
http://adoptinter.org/blog/letter-from-an-intern
She just LOVED being the witness to a relinquishment! She helps Special Focus kids, too. And it is so great that adoption agencies ADVOCATE for birthmothers?
(3) CAIRS system
It is great that searching can occur with this software, but this was developed for the MAPS adoption agency and agencies use this for their business. This article has some facepalms about the agency use.
“The websites allow birth mothers to track down and research adoptive parents. ” Why would they need to track them down if the APs were fulfilling their end of the agreement?
The interaction is monitored by the agency as if the adults involved in the adoption need a babysitter”
“The system also makes the process more efficient for adoption agencies like “Gift of Life” in Pinellas Park.
“Instead of printing it out, going to the post office, mailing this giant package, they can just upload everything straight into the website, and then I go in and look at it, I check it off and it gets a green thumbs up and you’re good to go,” said Erin Fawver, who works with the adoption agency.”
“‘Gift of Life’ says now adoptive parents can have a child in four to eight months, certainly faster than natural birth parents.”
They are seriously guaranteeing a domestic adoption in 4 to 8 months?
(4) World’s Fastest nonInvestigation of CPS placement practices
Hey, foster parents sometimes just “snap”! 
See Joshua Martin update here.
My facepalms include:
1) APs who are totally caught off guard when their recently adopted 12 yr old asks what happened to her china mommy and daddy. Because she’s the first adopted kid in the history of the universe to ever ask this question.
http://livingasoneofhislambs.blogspot.ca/2012/10/bloodwork-and-back-up-beepers.html?m=0
2) APs who insist on intentionally disregarding the views of adult transracial adoptees:
AP says: “the debate (with adult adoptees) gets old”
definitely! Especially if you flat-out refuse to listen to what adult adoptees are saying!!
“Don’t get me wrong, we need to hear what adult adoptees have to say, but we have to remember that when they are posting on forums meant for adoptive parents, in a lot of cases they are just out to attack, not to educate and certainly not to help in offering positive ways that we can help our children who are already adopted. Very few are constructive and say “If I were an adoptive parent I would…” instead they post that adoption was horrible for them and no one should promote adoption (a little late”
Ummmmm. Oodles of adult adoptees saying all kinds of constructive things… This AP simply chooses to disregard them.
This is what she has to say to adult adopters who were abused and mistreated by the folks that adopted them. Barf:
” Though they may not be perfectly satisfied with their childhoods…how many of us whether adopted or biological really are?? I’ve personally known many biological children who have endured abuse, trauma in their childhoods, or lived with a drug or alcohol dependent parent. The fact is, though many have issues as adults, alot of adoptees have made it to adulthood and are relatively emotionally healthy and happy.”
The AP also refuses to believe there aren’t 150+ million orphans bc there were 450 in the orphanage she afopted her daughter from. Not sure how the former relatedness to tge latter:
“450 faces. 450 faces in one small children’s home alone. A drop in the bucket. Most were not babies. Most were toddler age and over. I walked out of a children’s home hand in hand with our new youngest son past faces that haunt me to this day. Past a teenage boy who said to me in broken English, “I make good son for you.” Tell those kids that number is exaggerated. I’ve seen with my own eyes that there are many kids waiting for homes”
In response to adult transracial adoptees who talk about the importance of growing up with diversity… this AP says she lives in a non diverse, rural area and that’s that.
“We live in a rural community. My husband’s retirement is here. Our income is here. In this economy, we cannot move. We are doing the best we can to bring as much diversity into our children’s lives as we can. No, we aren’t doing the best possible job … (but hey, the family lives) in a very low crime rate town?”.
Because living in a safe rural neighborhood 100% makes up for the lack of diversity. And worse, this AP not even trying to provide a diverse environment for the many transracial kiddos she’s adopted. Double barf.
http://livingasoneofhislambs.blogspot.ca/2012/09/my-thoughts-on-international-adoption.html?m=0
3) PAPs who are “matched” with a Bulgarian child despite not yet having completed a homestudy:
http://grumpyjax.blogspot.ca/2012/09/great-day.html?m=0
This same PAP is also producing truly offensive fundraising tshirts – a photo of the kid they hope to adopt surrounded by the names of people who donated $100 or more to help rescue (barf) said kid:
http://grumpyjax.blogspot.ca/2012/09/triple-your-money.html?m=0
4) PAP who proudly announces her soon-to-be adopted 8 yr old will be sharing a bedroom with her much younger biokid:
http://oh-three-ohana.blogspot.ca/2012/10/im-excited-that-ive-finished.html?m=0
They also breed dogs to sell. Backyard breeders.
PAPs who fundraise nearly all of their adoption costs, but intentionally schedule a day or two in a posh NYC hotel to see by en route to Russia:
http://love–conquers–all.blogspot.ca/2012/10/six-days.html?m=1
Where does it say in that post that they are spending a day or two in NYC on the way to Russia? It says they won’t have time there on the way but are hoping to take a tour on the way home. I don’t see anything about a posh hotel or spending the night
ReformTalk, I love you. I’ve only known you for two hours, but every single entry has me pumping my fist and shouting “YES! They GET it!” at the computer screen.
Keep on doing what you do. It is so, so needed.
We appreciate that 🙂 Reform is complicated and doesn’t negate the good things that adoption CAN bring, but we will need to continue to beat this drum until the wrongs are widespread public knowledge. It is going to take pressure from the outside in to make the needed changes. There is too much corruption for change to happen from within.
PAPs who refuse to believe there are massive problems with adopting from Ethiopia AND who blame it all on the folks who work at the U.S. Embassy there:
The PAP says she“ DID, however, discover that there was a “finder” listed in our paperwork(who found Naomi abandoned), and usually when there is a finder listed, cases clear without being sent on to USCIS in Nairobi. Especially since the officer SEEMS to be willing to talk with the embassy as well…..but it’s been two weeks since she was initially contacted by the embassy, and apparently they tried 3 times to make contact. Even if they conducted the interview yesterday, they could still wait WEEKS/MONTHS to clear us. RIDICULOUS!”
Gee, no one can trace where the kid this PAP wants to adopt came from. And the mysterious “finder” of said kid refuses to return calls from the US Embassy. Is this kid legally available for adoption?? Is this kid who the paperwork says he is?
And how, exactly, is the “finder”’s apparent refusal to return the consulate officer’s calls the fault of the US Embassy?
(the question that immediately pops into my mind is “does this finder even exist?”).
The PAP continues “I’m beginning to stress more and more… The US Embassy has a TERRIBLE reputation for dragging things out, for no good reason, and generally being a pain to deal with”.
Not seeing how the US Embassy undertaking appropriate due diligence with issuing a visa for a kid in a country KNOWN for having a serious corruption in international adoption program constitutes “being a paid to deal with”. This strikes me as a VERY GOOD REASON to “drag things out” dontcha think?
http://intothefieldsofthefatherless.blogspot.ca/2012/10/adoption-update.html
This lovely PAP feels it is not even worth the bother of investigating where a kid – specifically the Ethiopian kid SHE wants to adopt – came from. Because she really, TRULY believes Ethiopian mommies abandon kids ALL the TIME. Barf. The PAP continues:
“Now we wait for the court decree, birth certificate, and US Embassy dates…we were warned that because she was abandoned, her case will most likely be sent to Nairobi by the USE…..they will try to contact the Sheriff who found her/signed the police report..ask him for info he doesn’t always have, and just basically delay my daughter coming home. I TOTALLY understand investigating suspicious adoptions…but abandonment occurs SO FREQUENTLY, and mothers do NOT come forward later when the police try to search for them, because it’s ILLEGAL to abandon your child and they will be thrown in jail!!!! It’s pointless and it just wastes precious time that a child COULD be with their family… That said, we will wait…and pray she gets through Embassy without being sent to Nairobi!:)”
http://intothefieldsofthefatherless.blogspot.ca/2012/08/whirlwind.html
Folks that advocate for specific Reece’s Rainbow kids to be adopted WITHIN THE NEXT 6 DAYS or the poor little kids will never, ever find a home. This blogger’s post also includes (presumably illegal) photos and private medical information about the 6 Bulgarian kids, she writes that:
“A few days from now, this coming Sunday, the files of six precious children will be sent back to the Ministry of Justice in Bulgaria, branded with the words, REJECTED, HOPELESS, UNADOPTABLE, UNWANTED.
Unless…!
Unless…!
Unless God intervenes, and the parents He has chosen for these little ones refuse to honor the enemy with their fears, say “Yes,” to Him, and start walking.”
http://theblessingofverity.com/2012/10/further-up-and-further-in/