Opening a Closed International Adoption
The following story may be tabloid fodder, but as the story continues to spread, it brings about the important question of what should an international AP do if original family ask to open the relationship when the child is so young? Please add your thoughts to the comment section.
You almost can’t have a week go by without an Angelina Jolie story. There have always been questions about all of her international adoptions, especially with regard to facilitators used, her past drug use, and original family members still alive.
The latest story to sweep the tabloids is about her Vietnamese son Pax who was adopted in 2007. His birthmother is said to be clean from an addiction and wanting a relationship. Supposed close sources to Angelina claim that Angelina is worried that she will lose Pax.
“We’re told Ange is battling a private nightmare over fears she could lose her adopted son Pax, with a source close to the family claiming she’s been “knocked for six” by a request from the eight-year-old’s Vietnamese biological mother, via the orphanage he came from, to meet him.
“Angelina is in a total spin about this,” the insider reveals. “She is torn about what the right thing to do is. She has always felt slightly insecure about Pax and this is just making matters worse. She’s terrified he’ll choose his birth family over her.”
Pham Thu Dung, 32 – who says she’s clean of the heroin addiction that saw Pax placed in an orphanage – has told authorities she wants Brad, 48, and Ange, 36, to bring the boy to Vietnam to spend time with her and his extended family.“Dung says it’s important Pax knows where he comes from and is aware of his heritage,” a Vietnamese source says. “She is desperate to meet her son after only seeing pictures of him in magazines.” “My dream is that one day he’ll visit me and call me mother,” Dung herself says.”
Angelina begs Pax’s birth mum: Please don’t take my boy
[Woman’s Day 3/28/12 by Sophie Neville]
“Pax’s behaviour has deteriorated recently and the 8-year-old has been removed from his private school for assaulting another child. “Brad and Angelina believe that Pax’s disruptive behavior is most likely related to the pain and abandonment of his formative years” according to an insider. Could Angelina’s refusal to allow Pax to see his mother be the source of his increasingly violent tendencies?
According to the National Enquirer Print Edition of April 9th:
“Angelina is going through every adoptive mother’s worst nightmare,” said an insider.
Dung once vowed: “My dream is that one day he will come back and visit me and call me mother.”
Now clean of drugs, 34-year-old Dung has reached out to the adoption agency that placed Pax with the superstar couple and asked that she be reunited with her son.
“Angie nearly keeled over when she found out that Dung wants her to bring Pax to Vietnam meet his biological family,” said the source.
“She wailed to Brad,’ don’t let them take away my boy!”
“Angelina and Brad should not prevent Pax from connecting with his biological mother and family. Taking the family to Vietnam on vacation, as the Jolie-Pitts did last year, is not a close substitute for Pax connecting with his natural family. Angelina is sowing the seeds for big problems in the future by keeping Pax’s mom out of his life now.
In many ways the adoption of children from impoverished foreign countries can be seen as an act of great kindness. But it can also be seen as arrogant imperialism – or even as buying children. ”
Angelina Jolie Prevents Pax’s Natural Mom from Seeing Her Child
[Celebrity Dirty Laundry 4/3/12 by Dr. Jodi Overland]
REFORM Puzzle Piece
This is really a rather melodramatic approach to the topic of opening an adoption.
Why would an adoptive mother of many years wail "don’t let them take away my boy!", if an adoption decree and a valid court order say the child is legally adopted?
How can an (adoptive) mother of many years be "terrified he’ll choose his birth family over her", when the adoptive family is all the child has known as his family?
This all seems to be lightyears away from any real life experience. To me, it sounds more like just another badly researched sensational adoption story …
To be fair, of course it does not make special events like reunion easier (for all parties involved), if the adoptive family are celebrities and the media show interest in whatever step they are taking. This is nothing this little boy chose for himself, though.
In the case of any child, the first, very simple question that should be asked is this: Can anybody find any convincing reason to deny a person the most basic human right to knowledge of his own heritage and family members?
The second: Can anyone build and maintain a trusting and solid relationship to a child if they keep important personal information concerning the child to themselves?
Some may argue that it is in the best interest of the child not to allow first family contact, because it would be too confusing for the child, or (re)traumatize him, or put him into conflicts of loyalty.
Consider, though, that these fears are based on the assumptions of the adult. The reality for the child is, every adopted child has two sets of parents, whether he knows the first set or not. If he gets to know them and other family members, or, if he maintains contact, he has the tremendous chance to develop his own relationship, to form his own views. Adoptive parents, who are take care of their children day after day, will be able to offer a safe environment and a good relationship. If they say it is OK to meet the biological family, why should the child then be confused? And why should a solid parent-child relationship be affected negatively if a child calls two women "mom"?
Of course, these ideas belong to a lifestyle that sells far less than heart wrenching pleas "to birthmom, not to take my child from me … "
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