FacePalm Friday
This is where your hosts will list their top picks for this week’s FacePalm moment—something they learned or read about this week that caused the FacePalm to happen (you know, the expression of embarrassment, frustration, disbelief, shock, disgust or mixed humor as depicted in our Rally FacePalm smiley).
We invite you to add your FacePalm of the week to our comments. Go ahead and add a link, tell a personal story, or share something that triggered the FacePalm on the subject of child welfare or adoption.
Your Host’s Selections:
(1)More FacePalm Merchandise
http://www.ethiopiadad.com/ From Ethiopia has my heart to “Waiting (im)patently”, 
!
(2)”Egg Agents”
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2512938/New-York-actresses-auditioned-sell-eggs.html
“Robyn has signed an agreement which prohibits her from ever knowing if her eggs are ever used.”
“The better you did at school, the more money you can command for each donation session.” Isn’t that special? 
http://www.wbir.com/story/life/people/2013/12/30/children-adopted-by-east-tenn-family-cant-leave-africa/4258165/ and http://minusoneadoption.blogspot.com/?m=1
Yikes! They were pregnant as they were “adopting.” 
This explains it better http://adoption.state.gov/country_information/country_specific_alerts_notices.php?alert_notice_type=alerts&alert_notice_file=democratic_republic_of_congo_6
(4)Family that gave away money for Russian adoption has a new Gofundme
http://www.gofundme.com/60dqjw “In addition to having their home severely damaged and unlivable from the recent tornado,” 
“Amy is adopted and adoption has always been important to her so about two years ago they decided to adopt from Russia. After lots of money spent, almost a year of paperwork and waiting, they were next on the list to get names of children when Putin banned Russian adoptions to the US and they lost their children. They felt led to give the funds they had raised at the time to help orphans in Poland and donated the rest of their adoption money.”
Re: http://www.gofundme.com/60dqjw#
So… a “friend” knows a birthmother who’s 6 mos along who was planning to get an abortion UNLESS her “friend” could find a couple willing to adopt it(!)
Oh, and this birthmother refuses to work with an agency, so the PAPs have to cough up $12,000-$15,000 for an attorney to complete an out-of-state private adoption. Money they don’t have, because they donated their previous funds to help orphans in Poland(!)
This whole story just doesn’t add up. Women don’t carry a baby for six months and THEN decide to have an abortion on a whim– that’s a Religious Right fantasy. And FIND adoptive parents!?! There’s a years-long waiting list of PAPs for healthy newborns– and if this WASN’T a healthy fetus, wouldn’t that tear-jerking fact be included in the begging?
Is it just me, or does this thing positively scream that someone’s running a scam– the only question is who: PAPs? Birthmother? “Friend”? Page creator Jennifer Coursey?
After having looked up Poland’s GDP rank, I’m inclined to suspect either PAPs Ross and Amy Mulder or their shill Jennifer Coursey. That is, assuming tornado victims Ross and Amy Mulder have any idea Jennifer Coursey is using their names to fundraise under– their Facebook page says nothing about their pursuing an adoption.
My Facepalms include:
1) Summer Spitz who adopted 3 Reece’s Rainbow kids + 2 from foster care that she cannot afford to care for. She’s so very proud of herself for begging for (and receiving!) cash so that she can stay with little Lyla while she has heart surgery:
” I was ashamed and embarrassed. The truth is we are in a financial mess right now. It’s a tough time for everyone, I know 🙁 Dave has carried our financial burden for some time now it seems. He let me in on it a couple weeks ago. I really had no idea. A little idea maybe, but I guess I was in denial…
… don’t want anyone to ever believe we think we are entitled to anything. I promise, we know we are not!!! We Love our Children and we would do anything for them, sadly that includes putting ourselves in very uncomfortable situations”.
If Summer truly loved her kids, she would not have so many kids she clearly can’t care for. And, well, she feels perfectly entitled to their money!!
“We have decided to keep the page up even though we made our goal and we are so out of our minds grateful. In case we run in to a situation in Boston that is out of our control we thought it be best to just keep it open. I don’t know. Maybe that is a red flag of GREED but we just think it’s a good idea”
Summer raised the $3k she wanted inside an hour — but left the begging site up just in case others wanted to fork over MORE cash!
Barf!
http://luckytolovelyla.blogspot.com/2014/01/a-m-z-i-n-g.html
Aren’t PAPs required to demonstrate that they can afford to care for another kid before they’re approved to adopt one from overseas? What kind of APs is PROUD of herself for needing charity to care for her child?!?
2) Reece’s Rainbow’s Renee Allen is at again — begging for cash to simultaneously adopt 4 more high needs, special needs kids from Ukraine. To go with the 4 unrelated high needs, an Ukrainian kids she bought w/i a six-month span.
She’s horrid enough to have posted a charmingly little video of prompting her adopted daughter Emma/Moxie to beg for cash on her behalf. Because its not totally inappropriate or anything to make your kid beg:
http://www.youcaring.com/adoption-fundraiser/love-wins/122424
http://butbygraceitcouldbeme.blogspot.com/2014/01/aagghhhh.html
Renee’s even got friends begging for the $17k she needs on her behalf:
http://doloski.blogspot.com/2014/01/urgent-need.html
3) PAPs who are offended when they’re required to provide detailed medical information on *her* health (she has epilepsy). She’s indignant that Bulgaria wants a detailed letter on her health!
http://ourboyfrombulgaria.blogspot.com/2014/01/you-need-more-information.html
4) PAPs who insist *everybody* fundraises their adoption fees:
““If you are new to the adoption world the first thing you should know is most adoptions are funded through fundraisers…some are financially able to adopted without raising funds but we are not one of those lucky few…our reality is we do not have 20 or so thousand dollars sitting in our back pocket just waiting to be used…we need help to bring our sweet Baby C home and this is why we have to fundraise. This past week, two of my dearest friends have begun to start and plan some seriously awesome fundraisers for us. And these ladies are so amazing for taking the time out of their busy lives to help us get our girl home!!“
http://chellsonfamilyadventures.blogspot.com/
No, just no. Responsible PAPs earn/save the $$.
5) PAPs like Nicole Trimble Dewberry (her Facebook profile is public) who keeps trying to adopt Ukrainian adults (16 yo)) and isn’t taking the fact that FIVE different boys in the past 3-4 months said NO to her for an answer. (Like, from a kid called Denis who preferred to remain in Ukraine with his extended biofamily — Nicole truly believed Denis’ bioaunt who wanted to care for him was sent by the devil:
Denis said
“Hi Nicole. I want to apologize to you … I decided to stay in Ukraine, because I have my family here that I did not know. I did not know what
they are and, therefore, promised you that I will live with you. I have a dad, aunt, grandmother, great-grandfather, a younger brother. So I
decided to stay in the family. I’m sorry that it happened … Excuse me, I hope that we will remain friends. I wish you all the best. Denis”
http://andthisonematters.blogspot.com/2013/12/love-alone-is-worth-fight.html
“When I was losing Denis in Ukraine this young man pictured let’s name him “Brodie” was losing his adoptive family. They never returned for him after court. Joe and I after I returned home was asked to look into adopting several different boys but my brain would not go there nor could process it. Then I receive an email from my friend about this young man and him losing his family and she told me his story. She asked if I would basically hunt him down and reach out to him to advocate for him. I later found out my crazy friend had a hidden agenda that we would be that family. With my rejection from Denis and his rejection from his family we had a common bond. This young man was so ready to go home to his new found family that he gave everything away that he owned because he THOUGHT his family would meet his needs once home in America. He was so excited he changed his last name on his internet account to reflect that acceptance he was home free. Then the bomb hit him as the bomb hit me like with Denis. He was left rejected and totally broken and so confused how the darn did all this happen.
God has connected us with him and we already have a journey as we are learning to trust each other lay all fears aside and learn about each other. God is present and it is clear. I have had no fears since the moment I met this young man which I have not had in a LONG time. The beautiful things is Brodie is the one young man we are pursuing now to adopt yes we are pursuing to ADOPT that is not a Christian. This is an incredible opportunity for him to see God rise to the occasion and be floored. “
Carlee,
I’m not sure which one of these is most facepalmtastic, but I think I’m going to go for “Adopting teenagers as a thinly-veiled recruitment drive for your denomination”. Lovebombing adolescents with known abandonment issues while waving a U. S. visa in front of them as inducement to join your cult is just a whole other world of tackiness.
Besides that, doubling the number of special needs kids in your family by adopting FOUR disabled toddlers at once is just “well-intentioned though recklessly ill-advised”.
On top of the fact that the Reeds (Smiles and Trials blog) are adopting AGAIN and fundraising for it AGAIN, it turns out they can’t be bothered to meet the medical needs of the kids they already have.
Nolan was adopted about a year and a half ago, and needs hearing aids, but since he kept pulling them off they decided that was that – they’ll wait to see about a surgery to anchor them, but not work on, oh, teaching him to keep them on for gradually increasing periods? It’s not like this is a problem lots of parents of hearing impaired kids face and may have pointers on, better to just give up and wait for surgery. They knew before adoption that he would likely have hearing loss, and may need hearing aids but didn’t bother to learn about common issues like how to help a kid keep hearing aids on? Insurance covers his aids 100%, so it’s not like this is a huge expense for them.
(Some of why I am so upset by this is that the longer a child goes without good hearing, the worse the prognosis for eventual language and listening skills, and the less the aid they do get will help them in the end. Waiting for sometime down the line is the opposite of what should be done – being able to even understand what the environmental sounds are that come in through a hearing aid becomes more and more difficult the older the child is when they start getting consistent input.)
http://smilesandtrials.blogspot.ca/2013/12/pictures-galore.html
“His Assistive Communication Device has been ordered and he should begin his trial run with it sometime in January. I am so excited for him! We did a trial period with a bone conduction headband to help with his hearing and it was a flop. Nolan did not like wearing it longer than a half hour at a time and he would pull it off and leave it somewhere. Since it was a loner I could not take the chance of losing it, so after three weeks, we returned it. Down the road we are looking at surgery to have a bone conduction implant anchored, but it is not urgent. For now, he is on ear drops to help dry the left one out. “
So happy to see new entries!
You do have to love a PAP who insists a supernatural being told her to adopt… but refuses to take the fact that multiple attempts at adopting fall through — bmom picks a different family or she rejects the baby because it isn’t the 100% healthy white newborn of her dreams:
http://babyfranz.blogspot.com/2014/01/to-commenter-macey.html
Maybe a deity doesn’t want her to adopt? And she’s willfully, wantonly ignoring His Will.
“God did not want me to be a mother, he would have never put the love for a child in my heart. He speaks to us through our hearts and it was him who put that love in mine. Growing up I never had the intentions to adopt. I give him all the glory in leading me to this path. Remember Jeremiah 29:11?
I’m also sure that verse says ‘For I know the plans I have for you.’ Because under your standards I assume he meant for the woman in my town that just killed her 7 year old son by beating him to death to be a parent. What about all the parents that rape, beat, and torture their children? He truly meant for them to be parents? What about the women who have had abortions? You mean to tell me he rather them be a parent and kill their unborn child then the couple that knows and loves him and would provide unconditional love to a child?
No, those aren’t his plans. Those are things that happen because of sin in this world.”
Love that the PAP feels entitled to somebody else’s baby because she wouldn’t beat a 7 yo to death.
http://www.kfvs12.com/story/24440244/child-listed-on-yard-sale-site
People are going crazy over this story that the reporter did no research on at all. The “at least she didn’t abort” and “at least the child will find a good home” through a yard sale ad commentary is facepalm worthy.
About the Congo face palm, I can’t provide a link because it’s in the private facebook group for adoptive parents, but there has been a lot of talk the last few days of Julia Holtgrewe helping them to lift the Congolese DGM suspensions – she met with some senators and is trying to get them to pressure the Congolese government into letting the ‘stuck’ children come home. If you remember, Julia Holtgrewe is the shady sounding woman from the Keith Harmon Snow article that was written over the summer (http://www.consciousbeingalliance.com/2013/06/christian-saviors-the-adoptions-industry-in-congo/). The APs of the ‘stuck’ kids are basically thinking that Holtgrewe can pressure senators into strong arming the Congolese government into letting the kids out.
They’re also freaking out about this upcoming Saturdays (1/18) episode of 48 Hours, apparently it’s about international adoption and a family that adopted from Congo is featured along with the CCI agency.
Yet another Reece’s Rainbow horror story — Alan and Carrie Fitch have adopted a gazillion high needs, special needs orphans in the past few years. It appears that 2 teens, L and A, may have sexually abused their siblings (as as a result of Alan and Carrie’s negligence — failing to adequately supervise these teens around their extremely vulnerable, non-verbal SN kids) and elected to disrupt both kids. Tragic but hardly earth-shattering news. An all too common RR “re-homing”.
However, the Ukrainian government heard about it and is TRYING TO TAKE THE KIDS BACK!
“So it continues. With the Ukrainian Consulate threatening to remove the children and return them to Ukraine. Can you imagine what that would do to them? Not only Laina and Asher, but all 5 children in our home. What of Emsley and Dmitry? Mere casualities? A flipping death sentence, is what it is”
Not just the 2 disrupted ones – ALL the Fitch Ukrainian adoptees!!!
http://findingthea.blogspot.com/2014/01/when-it-rains.html
I’m guessing that Ukrainian officials won’t be able to reclaim the Fitch kids — and also that this kind of thing (reckless irresponsible, allegedly divinely inspired PAPs who adopt zillions of vulnerable kids that they cannot properly care for) is what gets adoptions shut down.
Ukraine’s legitimacy pissed about this — and the fact that barely 40% of US APs bother to submit their *mandatory* post-placement reports.
Last but not least, what’s TOTALLY TERRIFYING is that the Fitches are in the process of adopting again — some social worker approved their homestudy!!!!!!!! On what planet is it a good idea to allow these folks to bring a vulnerable, SN kid into a clearly unsafe home?!???
You cannot make this stuff up!!! Their intended kid is pictured here:
http://reecesrainbow.org/58947/rebecca
Naame,
Um, I can’t see that the Fitches are adopting again. “Rebecca” isn’t coded as ‘My Family Found Me’ on RR, and the Fitches blog entry indicates that they’re soliciting for donations to Rebecca’s grant fund on behalf of “Jaime”. Perhaps they changed their mind in light of the deportation situation, and have since edited and re-loaded their 12/9/13 post since you last viewed it?
http://findingthea.blogspot.com/2013/12/who-is-rebecca-and-why-should-you-care.html
As for the rest– Jesus wept! I wish both the sending and receiving country would take a more pro-active step about refusing to grant visas for out-of-birth-order adoptions BEFORE the parents travel. Also more-than-one unrelated at once adoptions, multiple adoptions in a short time period, and other placements that aren’t in kids’ best interests.
Hey, I can dream, can’t I? ;-D
According to Alan Fitch, the Ukrainian kids he adopted are NOT US citizens and ukraine CAN take them back!!!!!
Wow, you really can’t read. I believe the blog says Laina, Asher, and Dmitry are not yet US citizens. And to address the issues mentioned above, the Fitch family has never had any intention of adopting Rebecca. Also, they have two children with Down syndrome, 4 typical children by birth and three typical children by adoption rather than the gazillion high needs, special needs children you speak of.
Because it was a totally 100% RESPONSIBLE thing to do to FAIL TO PROPERLY SUPERVISE two newly adopted teens and ALLOW THEM TO ABUSE YOUNGER, VULNERABLE KIDS IN THEIR HOME!
Name – Thanks for posting. Re Julia Holtgrewe – I just checked on Facebook and her page says she is the DRC coordinator for Wasatch. So she’s a lobbying toadie for the adoption business. No surprises there.
Wasatch! I couldn’t remember the name of her agency. Personally, if I was still in process I wouldn’t trust her. If there was a way to post screen shots, I would be happy to share with you the foolishness that’s going on.