FacePalm Friday
Welcome to this week’s edition of FacePalm Friday.
This is where your hosts will list their top picks for this week’s FacePalm moment—something they learned or read about this week that caused the FacePalm to happen (you know, the expression of embarrassment, frustration, disbelief, shock, disgust or mixed humor as depicted in our Rally FacePalm smiley).
We invite you to add your FacePalm of the week to our comments. Go ahead and add a link, tell a personal story, or share something that triggered the FacePalm on the subject of child welfare or adoption.
Your Host’s Selections:
(1)Unlicensed People Running “RAD” service
See announcement at http://www.digitaljournal.com/pr/1145298 ; website at http://aheartsmission.com/ and old website at http://radicalmoms.wordpress.com/respite-2/
More wannabe therapists. I think they are another bad egg 
(2) New Rhythm adoption consultants
See http://www.newrhythm.org/investors/ 99% of their “consults” resulted in adoptions. They “facilitated” 12
adoptions.
This rhythm 
doesn’t sound so new. It sounds like the same old clueless facilitator setup with a lot of this
being exchanged.
(3)The Duggars are open to adopting
See http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/03/26/the-duggars-adopting-jim-bob-michelle_n_2956858.html
Yea, they don’t have enough kids. 
What’s one more?
(4)Chelsea Clinton joins the “adoptionistas” by considering adopting an orphan from Africa
Fabulous new accessory! 
The Jim Bob and Michelle say their kids are “pressuring” them to bring another kid into their home? Why do I doubt that any of that “pressure” is coming from the older girls, whose unpaid labor is necessary to make the system work? How can any of these girls leave the nest to start their own lives if the addition of new kids is no longer limited by Michelle’s eventual menopause?
I hope the Duggars won’t have the unmitigated gall to “fundraise” their adoption, claiming that God doesn’t want them to go into debt for this adoption, but instead wants people with a far lower standard of living than the Duggars to donate the money.
Also, they’re the adults. It’s there job to tell the kids “No” when the kids make unreasonable demands,
1) Self-proclaimed trauma mamas of kids they think have RAD who blog collectively at:
http://www.momsfindhealing.com/index.php/blog/
This is the “sequel” to the Early Trauma and Attachment Annual Meeting that adoptive trauma mama Corey Waters organized for the past 4 years.
It’s been taken over by child collecting trauma mama of nine Lindsay, who simultaneously adopted FIVE unrelated Haitian kids a few years back, and is a huge advocate of unproven, potentially harmful attachment therapy techniques – and allegedly pulled her kids out of public school when teachers (aka mandatory reporters) started asking too many questions about her parenting techniques:
Homeasasoftplacetofall.blogspot.com
2) Trauma mama Eleanor who adopted 2 older boys from Ethiopia a year ago – she’s convinced her life is a billion times harder than anyone else’s, is disappointed that the people she thought were her friends aren’t “there” for her despite spending a year turning down invitations, not reciprocating invitations and berating everybody she encounters because they will not now to her “theraputic parenting” whims, eg heaven help a grandparent that feeds their new grandson a cookie. Be sure to read the comments, where her trauma mama friends sympathize with her “plight” and insist that true friends would lovingly support her crackpot, hyperparanoid parenting approach as opposed to telling her she’s behaving like a lunatic and her well-intentioned efforts are likely harming her children:
http://agoodkindofmessy.blogspot.com/2013/03/on-loneliness.html?m=1
3) This amommy insisted on taking her a/son off all his medications (for a serious mood disorder, ADHD, RAD, etc) against all medical advice — and now has a dysregulated probably manic, self-harming and totally unsafe child as a result. J (her a/son) was stable, non-self-harming and able to function at school on meds… and is no longer any of those things:
http://nomoremoves.blogspot.com/2013/03/longest-post-i-have-ever-written.html?m=0
Oh and #3 gets better – this child she is oh so worried about and says has RAD & may need to be hospitalized after the effects of her pulling him off all his meds? He gets no therapy and never has because as a family they “don’t do therapy.”
How is this not straight up medical neglect? If amommy’s son had a physical illness (let’s say diabetes) and decided to take him off insulin against medical advice, she’d be in big trouble. Amommy took stable J* (a boy with at least one serious mental illness — ADD and mood disorder-NOS or bipolar) off his meds against medical advice, her son is no longer stable and appears to be at serious risk of hurting himself or others (eg running away from school, bolting into traffic, running onto a highway) and is NOT in big trouble.
Why is neglecting a kid’s mental health NOT taken as seriously as neglecting his physical health??
(I don’t know what the protocol is for getting a baseline on a kid with a mental illness, but I do know that my BIL – who has bipolar and depression – was advised to do a med wash – stopping all meds to see what he was like off of them – as an INPATIENT and to remain inpatient until they re-balanced his meds. My sister/his wife said it was bc he *might* be a danger to himself or others unmedicated and/or until the new meds reached a therapeutic level — and that this was standard practice. Why wouldn’t similar “standards” apply to mentally ill kids??).
This is an adoption double standard in action. See what happens if you are a bio parent that fights with putting a child on medication at this post https://reformtalk.net/2011/05/18/a-snapshot-of-michigans-broken-cps-system-updated-maryanne-godboldo-case/
A group-RR fundraiser for the Unroe family – they have 18 kids (most whom are adopted and have SN; 5 of whom were adopted simultaneously from bulgaria last summer) and are adopting 3 more high needs SN kiddos simultaneously:
http://treasuresinhiddenplaces.blogspot.com
All those kids deserve so much better — who approved the Homestudy?? What was the social worker thinking?? It is entirely possible these kids receive more individual attention in a poorly staffed Eastern European orphanage (1:12 or 1:16 per groupa) than they will with the Unroes (1:21, since Mr. Unroe reportedly travels a lot for work).
I live in New York State and 1:21 is nowhere near the minimum # caregivers required for licensed day care — it’s something like 1:3 for infants and 1:6 for 5 yr old . Many of the Unroe kids are little and there’s nowhere near enough time/attention for each kid!!
For Facepalm Friday
A while back, APs/PAPs Huitt family announced they wanted to adopt A*, the half-brother of two little Ukrainian girls they’d recently adopted, despite the fact that he was not legally available for adoption (bc his dad hasn’t and didn’t want to relinquish his parental rights). Why let a little thing like a child’s FAMILY THAT LOVES THEM stand in the way of your godly Christian mission to save orphans?!??
http://huittshub.tumblr.com/post/35903975369/chapter-3
Mr. Huitt traveled to Ukraine to speak to local officials (and perhaps grease a palm or two — he blogged about needing $30-$50k) and to tell A* to say no to anybody who tries to adopt him since the Huitts wanna adopt him instead.
His lil plan worked, as A* recently declined to be adopted by a local family:
“I (A*) don’t want to live with him. And I don’t want to live with you either. I have a new Papa and a new Mama now and they’re coming to get me. And they are going to take me to live with my sisters.”
http://huittshub.tumblr.com/post/46682562148/threads
It is awful, terrible and morally reprehensible to do this bc you have your heart set on a particular kid — in the name of Jesus, no less!! Curiously, my bible is missing the page where Jesus tells folks it is okay to pay bribes and/coerce an “orphan”* away somebody richer can adopt him!!
* orphan is traditionally a parentless child (parents are dead or have been formally deemed unfit to care for him/her).
Well this look ominous: http://www.nogreaterjoymom.com/2013/04/we-would-love-to-meet-you-there.html
Yet another under-prepared RR PAP who is in the final stages of adopting a child from Latvia (who she’s had in her custody in the US for the past 4+ months) who does not have the $2900 required to complete the final stage of her adoption (court).
It’s utterly irresponsible for ANY PAP to get 3/4 of the way through an adoption that they do not have the $$ to complete. Begging for $$ from strangers and/or depending on a supernatural being to pony up the big $$ is just plain WRONG.
http://ourdailysmiles.blogspot.com/2013/04/urgent-home-sweet-home-giveaway.html#links
Folks selling an ORPHAN ADDICT bracelet to fundraise for their adoptions. ORPHAN ADDICT.
Literally. ORPHAN ADDICT.
http://freedomhollowfarmkiddos.blogspot.com/2012/12/orphan-addicit.html
Name,
From her website:
“… You can purchase one of these sweet bracelets on my donate page for $7.00 {includes shipping} Not only will you receive a super cool bracelet, but you will also help send me to Uganda and an added bonus – when you look at your wrist, it will serve to remind you to pray for me! It’s a win/win for both of us!…”
So praying for her is such a great privilege that anyone lucky enough to be reminded to do so should feel highly gratified, even if they paid money to receive this “blessing”? Wow, now THAT’S pretty egotistical.
Yet another Reece’s Rainbow family merrily blogging about adopting a child who is not yet legally available for adoption. It sure sounds like they have an inside source providing them with updates on the status of a not-yet-legally-adoptable baby boy:
http://lightingoursteps.blogspot.com/2013/04/one-foot-in-front-of-other.html
Thinking of a suggestion for this week’s FPF: Family who is actively fundraising for their adoption, but claims they are going to Disney World in January because they “deserve to have some fun”???
Wow.
http://catholic-kara.blogspot.com/2013/03/coltons-happiest-place-giveaway.html?m=0
Clearly they’re following in the footsteps of godly Christian RR AP/PAP Mandy Rhodes — her family took an expensive Disney vacation because it is her family’s “thing”, yet is fundraising like crazy in order to be able to afford to adopt a THIRD unrelated Bulgarian child in under 12 months:
http://www.findingourlittleone.com/?m=0
My bible is missing the page where Jesus neglects the poor/sick/hungry in order to indulge in fripperies like 5* holidays.
hum… It said they were “thinking” of taking a vacation, yet the prizes are all Disney… it appears to me, that they chose to hold an auction using the tickets and money (for other ‘Disney’ items) to help raise funds for their adoption… I don’t see a problem with that.
They didn’t take a vacation, like they wanted… They have their vacation items up for auction… where is that wrong. We all deserve to have a little fun, yet they chose not to…
I’m lost in the irony of your post.
@Ella – Kara blogged that “We plan on taking a family vacation to Disney in January, since every kiddo (especially one who has spent his whole life in an orphanage!) needs to experience it, and after the year we’ve had, we need some fun!”
That sure sounds like Kara’s family has funds set aside for an expensive, upcoming family trip to Disney WHILE begging for cash from strangers to be able to complete her adoption.
Why isn’t she spending HER hard earned money to adopt the precious little boy with ds in Ukraine she claims to love??
PAPs/APs who claim that 50% (!!) of orphans in Eastern Europe won’t live to see their 20th birthdays:
http://askingwithfaith.blogspot.com/2013/04/50-of-orphan-population.html
“50% of the orphan population in Eastern Europe won’t live to see their 20th birthdays”, according to New Horizons for Children. This statistic blows my mind. Just think about it for a minute.”
Hmmmm. New Horizons makes money through “hosting” programs where kids (many not even legally available for adoption) spend a summer or Christmas break with US families. The blogger also illegally posts photos of a charming 11 yr old boy who is likely in Ukraine (illegally photolisted on Reece’s Rainbow) in her post.
I vaguely recall that New Horizons got into trouble with the Russian government over their hosting program last year and is no longer permitted to operate in that country. I guess they moved on to Ukraine.
(It’s also worth noting that hosted kids often HAVE families — but that didn’t stop these then PAPs, now APs from trying to adopt Ukrainian kids, over the objections of their biofamilies:
martitimes.blogspot.com (Granny and auntie worked at the orphanage the the two sisters lived in; they spent weekends with biogranny but the PAPs succeeded in convincing both girls it was “better” to be adopted and move to the USA).
http://www.allarepreciousinhissight.com/2011/12/prayer-for-mountains-to-be-moved.html (The Pattersons tried to adopt 2 boys they’d hosted, despite the fact that their bioaunt in Ukraine wanted to adopt and WAS IN THE PROCESS OF adopting them… fortunately, they did not succeed in adopting those boys. They adopted 2 other unrelated Ukrainian boys last year… only a year or so after a little Ukrainian girl called Chrissie Patterson the family adopted had died in surgery, all of five or six months after they adopted her).
I saw that a few readers from here had traveled to see our site and left a comment on one of our guest blog posts. I wanted to be sure that the commenter came back to read the response. I also wanted to correct a little misunderstanding in one of the above comments. Lindsay did not take over ETAAM from Corey, I did. I explain my views and goals on the response I already mentioned. After looking a bit around this site, I think we have quite a lot in common. I invite you to speak up on our site when you agree or disagree. I think we can all benefit from each other. I typically surround myself with all parts of the adoption triad and am always open to hearing a different perspective. I look forward to hearing from some of you either publicly or privately there.