FacePalm Friday
Welcome to this week’s edition of FacePalm Friday.
This is where your hosts will list their top picks for this week’s FacePalm moment—something they learned or read about this week that caused the FacePalm to happen (you know, the expression of embarrassment, frustration, disbelief, shock, disgust or mixed humor as depicted in our Rally FacePalm smiley).
We invite you to add your FacePalm of the week to our comments. Go ahead and add a link, tell a personal story, or share something that triggered the FacePalm on the subject of child welfare or adoption.
Your Host’s Selections:
(1) Sean Penn and Charlize Theron Haiti Adoption
http://www.thespec.com/whatson-story/4438391-charlize-theron-and-sean-penn-planning-adoption/
(2) All God’s Children Fundraiser
““Golf the Day Away, Dance the Night Away””
(3) Land of Gazillion Adoptees
“LGA Nation! We’re pleased to announce that Kevin Haebeom Vollmers is working with Holt International Children’s Services for a Fall 2014 training geared toward Holt social workers and adoptive parents. Yes, you read that correctly; this is not another April Fools. The training will focus on what social workers and adoptive parents can do to actively and productively engage the growing body of work by adult adoptees. Many thanks to Steve Kalb for helping to set up what will be an unprecedented event. Additional details forthcoming. (P.S. You didn’t see that one coming, did you?) ”
(4)Adoption Highway System
http://internationaladoptionguides.com/adoption-resources/adoption-ebook
“Fact: There are almost 100 million orphaned children waiting for families. ” Fact? 
“Fact: Over 75% of all American families admit at one time or another that they wish they could help an orphaned child but were afraid of the adoption process or didn’t think they could afford it.”
“Regular price $67.95. Web special $47.95 ” $47.95???? 
How about this story out of McCandless Township, PA? The crux is that the mother had been showing signs of metal issues and the children were never removed (biological-none adopted). Dig a little deeper and you will also see that she left a child in a car during the summer as well as backed over 2 of the children.
http://www.post-gazette.com/local/crime/2014/04/03/911-call-paints-picture-of-mother-of-dead-boy/stories/201404030203
Bragging about “sneaking” the last orphan out of Crimea:
http://abcnews.go.com/News/how-americans-adopted-crimeas-last-orphan/blogEntry?id=23206209
Re. (3). I’m sorry you take this attitude. I believe trying to communicate in a tactful and skillful way, especially with a traditional “enemy”, is the essence of diplomacy.
In my opinion Kevin deserves a bouquet, not a face slap, for this venture.
I am posting this for Crabbina.
This is Crabbina.
Sorry, but I don’t agree. Read this http://www.koreaherald.com/view.php?ud=20140406000215 and you’ll see why. After 3-year-old Hyunsu O’Callaghan was (allegedly) recently murdered by his adoptive father after only being in this country for a few months, Holt had the unmitigated audacity to publicly suggest that doctors who examined the bruises on this dead child’s battered body were mistaken – that they were just “Mongolian spots.” Oh, please.
For that alone, they aren’t just the “enemy,” they are beneath contempt for the sanctity of life and the memory of an innocent toddler who had no choice in his adoption. But on a larger level, Holt Korea has consistently and for decades lied to and stonewalled adoptees who HAVE THE RIGHT TO KNOW WHO THEY ARE. That Holt thwarts these searches to cover up their own pencil pushing (if not deliberate trafficking) is disgusting and wrong on every possible level.
So until Holt finds basic human decency in its dealings with all the adoptees whose APs paid them handsomely for these adoptions, any Korean adoptee who chooses to help them in any way is indeed sleeping with the enemy. This is zilch to do with “diplomacy.” In my opinion, Korean adoptees should ALL be demanding a full accountability and transparency from these money-grubbing Bible-thumpers who have been plucking these non-orphans out of Korea for profit, for decades.
And by the way, be sure to have Kevin ask Holt why they paid over a million bucks to a Christian music publisher, https://reformtalk.net/2012/04/19/adoption-agency-executive-salaries-then-and-now/
as was posted about here I’d sure hate to be a PAP and find out my adoption fees went to some bogus hymns and proselytizing instead of to orphan care and feeding. Thanks!
Crabbina,
I agree that it was disingenuous– and slimy– to suggest that doctors from a cosmopolitan area like Germantown, MD didn’t know about Mongolian Spots, or how to tell them from bruises. But a desperate attempt at denial isn’t in the same category as Brian O’Callaghan’s beating the boy to death in the first place.
You’re never going to win hearts and minds if you only talk to people who believe the same as you do. Hopefully, Kevin knows that Holt’s CEO is doing this for PR purposes, and doesn’t really intend to make meaningful changes in the way they operate. Phillip Littleton just wants to be able to say that they DO listen to adult adoptees, so there!
Still, it gives Kevin a chance to get the message out to the “people on the ground” who actually interact with children and birthparents– social workers and APs/PAPs. Some of them may actually be willing to think about what he’s saying– and even change their behavior.
Crabbina, I disagree with what you say about Kevin “sleeping with the enemy”, and I will tell you why.
It is not “sleeping with the enemy” to stress the crucial importance of of adult Korean adoptees’ personal experiences of growing up adopted in America, and to put pressure on Holt to heed them.
In fact, now, while Holt is under so much public scrutiny for its egregious ethical failings, may even be a propitious time to do it. Holt’s “savior” image is where they are most vulnerable.
As Devil’s Advocate said on a different thread on this forum, “I’m seeing Kevin’s involvement this way. Holt wised up and decided that adult adoptees are valuable trainers for agencies. It’s past due to have adult adoptees involved in adoptive trainings since they live the consequences of adoption. The smiling face kissing ass may be Holt kissing LGA’s behind and a happy plot twist. Other agencies would be smart to follow suit.”
“And by the way, be sure to have Kevin ask Holt why they paid over a million bucks to a Christian music publisher, ”
Why? It’s because they can, of course. While adoptees may not have the bucks to promote their cause, they do have right on their side.
A few bon mots from the PAPs desperate to bring their (very likely trafficked) Congolese kids home:
Shellie Costain yet again begs for cash to live it up in Kinshasa while hanging with her son-on-paper Jecoah until the suspension on exit permits is lifted:
“Yes, as much as we wish things were different, we are still in need of financial support while J and I are living in Kinshasa. By rooming with other adoptive moms and their kids and also by fostering a baby I’ve been able to cut my expenses by nearly two-thirds. We are so thankful and have loved seeing how God is providing in unexpected ways! Still, it is incredibly expensive to live here and my portion of our rental fees is more than our monthly mortgage payment in the States. If you would like to offer financial support with a one time or ongoing donation, please click the DONATE button at the top of this page.”
Keep in mind, DRC is among the poorest countries on the planet, with a per capita income of if just US$368 per person per year (according to the IMF) — so it’s hard to believe it is so very expensive to live there. Unless, of course, you choose to stay at a swanky hotel or villa (rather than subletting a room in a safe gated complex from, say, a junior foreign service officer or locally engaged staffer) and eat out all the time.
(An earlier post mentioned that she was spending in the vicinity of $200/day on hotels alone; I spent significantly less than that to stay in a 5* beach resort in southern Spain last fall. Just sayin’).
http://costainpartyofsix.wordpress.com/2014/04/05/jecoah/
This one really, truly believes that Sue Hedberg/CCI is NOT corrupt!!! Seriously drink the kool-aid much?
She feels most CCI referrals are legit! You can’t save this lady from herself!
“First, I do know my daughter is an orphan. I too am very concerned about the ethics of MY adoption and adoption in general. Please do not assume that because I haven’t disclosed the private details of her case on the world-wide web that I have been callous or complacent. It would be a mistake for you to assume anything about any adoption, there are plenty of people in process, living this everyday, that are just as concerned, if not more concerned about ethics than you.
I did see the 48 Hours special about the one corrupt adoption agency and lawyer. It was devastating to watch because so many children being placed by that agency are in fact legitimate orphans and in need of a forever home. Now they are having to wait much longer to make it into those waiting families.”
http://thecalltocongo2012.com
Katie blogs that:
“Chad and I, and every adoptive parent I know, are firmly committed to ethical adoptions and we want the DGM, and every party involved in adoption, to do all that they possibly can to ensure that each child placed in a home truly needs a home and will be treated well. We are in this for the children.
This shut-down is complicated and I am giving you all these details so that you know I am not trying to oversimplify the issue or turn a blind eye to the issues in adoption. We want the DGM to dig deep into whatever suspicions they have. ”
The shut down isn’t complicated — there’s been a ton of fraud and DRC is a desperately poor country with practically no capacity to provide social services… and the practically non-existent social services are the ones responsible for verifying that each kid is truly orphaned and in need of a new, foreign family!
http://rillalev.blogspot.com/2014/04/answering.html
This amommy doesn’t get that DRC is a sovereign nation, “her” kids are Congolese citizens only and that our government cannot compel SOVEREIGN STATE to issue exit visas to its own damn citizens!!
“Explanation: In the DR Congo, even when you have your children and their visas in hand, the last step to leaving the country is obtaining an exit letter from the entity of their government that handles immigration – this entity is called the DGM. Last September, the DGM stopped issuing these exit letters to adopted children. They made this decision amid rumors of adoption fraud and rehoming. Their stated plan was to shut down for up to a year to restructure and investigate. We are 6 months into this year and what has been found is there is not much of a plan going on and many of these children are suffering greatly! There is quite literally no end in site with the lack of transparency in the US government showing any concern for the lives of these children that have been Legally adopted by US citizens. ”
http://preciousgoons.blogspot.com/2014/04/stuck-rambling.html
There aren’t actually 600 kids ” stuck” — it’s way less than half that in officially-passed-court-cases, plus a TON of wishful thinking:
“There are over 600 children that are somewhere in the process.”
http://boyafterourheart.blogspot.com/2014/04/could-we-ask-your-help.html
Re: “…it is incredibly expensive to live here and my portion of our rental fees is more than our monthly mortgage payment in the States. If you would like to offer financial support with a one time or ongoing donation…”
Scammers seem to depend on their targets being either unwilling and/or unable to check out their math. I suspect that most of their donors are lower-income Fundgelicals who’ve no post-secondary education (or at best, have been to some “Bible College”) and have never traveled anywhere except as part of a church group. Thus, they have no background to gauge fact claims about how expensive living abroad or international travel actually IS.
That is, assuming they were inclined to doubt the word of a fellow “Believing Christian” who knows the right patter to use and the right psychological buttons to push in the first place. Analyzing any semi-religious content looking for internal inconsistencies is NOT encouraged among biblical literalists.
Kinshasa is actually very, very expensive despite being one of the poorest countries in the world. I don’t doubt her hotel room is $200 a night. When I went 4 years ago, I paid much less but my standards were pretty low – but I did notice that everything was super expensive, and the cost went up for whites. That said, yes, there are most likely cheaper places she could stay and she could probably cook her own meals once in a while as I’ve heard there’s a communal hot plate at one of the hotels.
On the fb PAP/AP Congo family group, there’s a bunch of moms saying that they’re planning on moving to Kinshasa until they can get their kids unstuck. I think unless they speak fluent Lingala then they will be paying way too much for everything.
I’ve never been to Kinshasa but have been to a number of similarly (shall we say) “security-challenged” places while working for a medical NGO* — yes, hotels within the “somewhat safe for foreigners” zone are crazy-expensive, but you can almost always find far-cheaper-but-still-somewhat-safe place to live by subletting from a youngish UN/WB/other multilateral staffer. They get housing in gated communities and travel a lot, plus tend to hang out with locally engaged staffers who speak French (Western Africa) or English (Afghanistan).
PAPs who’ve decided to move themselves to Kinshasa for months and months to wait out the exit permit suspension, after a few weeks in-country and without much effort, should be able to find themselves a cheaper place to live. Otherwise, they’re idiots.
Shellie may well be an idiot — her earlier “fundraising to move to DRC” efforts required something like US$1500/week (!) to live “frugally” there.
* Somalia, Cote D’Ivoire, CAR and Afghanistan.
I’m not saying I agree with her, seriously, she’s way over estimating how much money she needs. You’re totally right, she and the other foolish moms should be able to band together and find housing – but I think when you’re reliant on a translator and also quite reliant on playing the martyr, then you’re not going to look for less expensive housing.
I checked back on the Costains, to see if they’d come to their senses and found cheaper housing in Kinshasa, and found this blog entry:
http://costainpartyofsix.wordpress.com/2014/02/17/unexpected-gifts/
“…My flight to D.C. was….loud. The poor girl who sat next to me must have the worst cold ever; she sniffled and snorted and snotted no less than four THOUSAND times in the course of our two and a half hour flight. I thought about offering her a tissue but I worried that she’d be offended. Instead, I inwardly fantasized about punching her. But, like I said, I didn’t want to offend her.
So, I shoved my earbuds in my ears and cranked up some of my favorite praise music, all the while repenting for my violent thoughts toward the poor girl with the cold. Sadly, I couldn’t hear the music over the sound of the jet engine roaring loudly behind me. RIGHT. BEHIND. ME. Yep – last row.
Still, I see the grace gifted to me, even on that loud stinking flight: the plane landed safely, Jesus forgave me for my ugly thoughts and no one got punched…”
Is it just me, or is there something troubling about the thought of woman who fantasizes about punching a woman for making distasteful noises because she has a cold adopting a small boy from a poor country? Jecoah is sure to catch colds, highly probable to have diarrhea a lot, and certain to exhibit a lot of “bad behavior” from the trauma of losing everything familiar to him. And Shellie Costain is inevitably going to be stuck with dealing with these distasteful things for a lot longer than a two-and-a-half hour airplane flight.
Yes, I get that she was trying to be “funny”. But why anyone would think wanting to punch someone for having a cold is humorous is a mystery to me as well. So is thinking that someone with a cold would take offense from being offered a tissue, for that matter.
If you read some of her blog entries, Shellie seems preoccupied with wanting people around her to think positive, approving thoughts about her, and anxious at the thought that they won’t. How she’s going to deal with the reality that this small boy is likely to do a LOT of things which may cause people to look at her disapprovingly (or make her imaginary audience do so) is worrisome.
This Reece’s Rainbow family is building themselves a fancy new custom house AND begging for $30k to adopt more Haitian kids.
(They plan to “cure” them with a gluten free diet. Because adoption, trauma, inadequate food and medical care can 100% be cured by removing gluten, according to them):
http://fitzpatrickfamilyadoption.blogspot.com/2014/04/adoption-expense-schedule.html
What gets me is that they have the chutzpah to have a blog called ‘Our Debt Free Path’ when one of their financial strategies is “begging strangers for donations”.
It appears China had the sense not to let Reece’s Rainbow’s Gary and Denise Davis adopt a SN girl. I’m guessing they didn’t meet the age requirements (both are in their mid-50s), BMI requirement and/or they had too any CPS investigations opened on them last year (little Bulgarian Gennie with CP died 3 wks after arriving in the US, her simultaneously adopted biobrother Jake was in such pitiful physical shape that Shriners independently reported them to CPS for medical neglect a few times last year too:
“With many tears we are sad to say we will not be adopting little Xiao at the moment.
Our Lord has decided to guide our family away from China and at this moment we are unable
to disclose which country we will be adopting from. Our family has in mind another little girl we will be adopting but we are unable to share any information about her. As we had prayed for little Xiao and each day thought of her we will continue to advocate for her to be adopted.”
http://anadoptionmadefromheaven.blogspot.com/2014/04/our-hearts-are-broken-as-we-say-goodbye.html
I’d wondered where Denise Davis’s newest fundraising blogspot was! She keeps creating sites and then abandoning them. I’m not sure if she’s continually hoping to find donors who don’t know her history or trying to avoid negative comment from adoption reform advocates.
Now, what nation has even lower standards for PAPs than China and Bulgaria…?
Aaaannd she’s taken down most of her latest blog again!
Denise has ditched to Eastern Europe again:
http://anadoptionmadeinheaven.blogspot.com/2014/04/we-are-happy-to-announce-that-we-are.html
Reece’s Rainbow doesn’t have a FSP Grant page up for her yet– perhaps even THEY don’t want to assist Denise Davis in completing another adoption?
Another day, another new adoption blog by Denise Davis:
http://bringinghomealittleangel.blogspot.com
Denise also wrote a monstrously self-serving post about little Gennie’s death, failing to mention that had she herself bothered to take the 14 lb 3 yo with CF & MRSA the doctor during the THREE WEEK period after she landed in the US might not have died!
“This is precious little daughter Gennie-bean. She was born on July 19th, 2009 in Razgard Bulgaria and adopted on December 11th, 2012.. She joined our family on March 31st, 2013 and earn her Angel wings on April 26th, 2013…
Gennie was born with Cystic Fibrosis (CF) and her older brother James Kenneth (Jake) also has CF. Little Gennie weighted 14 pounds and her small heart could not keep up and fail while eating her breakfast and watching TV…But behind her smile she was in pain for her organs had been failing. She had MRSA, pancreatitis and heart issues. Now Gennie is now free to breath and is no longer in pain.”
http://bringinghomealittleangel.blogspot.com/2014/04/our-little-girl-in-heaven.html
That woman needs help. Her nearly incoherent ramblings do not point to a parent who is mentally stable enough to be approved to adopt again. She is clearly still grieving the death of her daughter and is desperate to find another female child to fill the hole Gennie’s death left in her heart. I feel SOO sorry for her children!
And what is up with the cutsey pink font? It makes my eyes bug out! Ugh!
Denise Davis is at it again — no more Bulgarian girl with spina bifida, no more Chinese girls with CP, she’s now moved on to a Ukrainian girl with FAS:
http://bringinghomealittleangel.blogspot.com/2014/05/brandis-guardian-angel.html
No, Denise Davis is still trying to adopt little “Carrie Ann” in addition to the new prospect, “Brandi”. There was another twelve-year-old girl that she briefly wanted to add to the cart, but another family wanted her, so she decided that God REALLY wanted her to adopt “Brandi” as the second child in her two-unrelated-at-once adoption.
http://reecesrainbow.org/76036/sponsordavis-7
Well, assuming she can persuade someone else to pay for it, of course. That’s a given.
Denise Davis just isn’t getting the message — yet another kid she;d HOPED to adopt has fallen through. It must be the 3rd or 4th this year ALONE.
Clearly, the message that she’s not supposed to be adopting yet another kid with $32k of other people’s money just isn’t sinking in!!
http://bringinghomealittleangel.blogspot.com/2014/06/what-difference-few-days-make.html
“With sad a heart today once again in the last year I have to say good bye to another child. We had to turn down a referral from China due to waivers and the little girl’s health issues and now we yet lose another little girl. Why? Because of a government being over powered by another country. Our little Brandi we can no longer adopt till things smooth out in her country.. And as sad I hate to say I see that this one Man I can not mentions name, a president has seize her city. Making it impossible for her and many other children to be adopted. It does not matter how much money anyone has we are not able to adopt her..
Carrie Ann we can still move forward and adopt her and also another little one.
But we have to move quickly once our documents are delivered in country. Because in fear the rest of the country all adoptions will stop.. Children will suffer and they will die. Knowing that Brandi will be mixed in now a part of a country where she will no longer have a family to love her.. DAMN the way things sometimes turn out. I have cried and cried over all of this and nothing I can do or anyone can do.. I wish I could disclose her country and all of this mess. But at the moment for Carrie Ann’s protection we can not share her country till we have court and she is officially our little girl.
Please I ask for prayers for Brandi that a family in her country adopts her and also Carrie Ann’s city remain safe till we arrive… God bless and please pray..
Denise Davis can’t seem to accept that in order to fundraise, you have to have a site that would-be donors can find– which means that critics can find it, also.
I wish that she’d give up the entire idea and focus on nurturing the children that she already HAS.
I also wish the state department would announce that they’re going to automatically deny immigration approval to all PAPs who’ve had a child die under dubious circumstances in their care. Yep, I’m a dreamer. ;-D
Denise Davis is at it again — little Brandi didn’t work out, so she’s moved on to Reece’s Rainbow’s Kit. And little Carrie Ann.
Why adopt ONE out if birth order SN kid when you can adopt TWO simultaneously?
Denise needs $20k!
http://bringinghomealittleangel.blogspot.com/2014/08/adoption-fundraiser-for-kitt-and-carrie.html
Sadly, some people have given her some money– she now has $935.27 in her Reece’s Rainbow FSP. And her web page is now stating that she needs $26,080. In other words, she has less than 4% of what she needs to travel this autumn… and it’s already mid-August.
Oh, and per Reece’s Rainbow, her USCIS approval is still pending. Dare I hope that someone in the State Dept has enough sense to deny approval for this adoption?
Denise Davis received USCIS approval for her adoptions today.
USCIS approved Fenise Davis to adopt 2 kids she can’t afford:
http://bringinghomealittleangel.blogspot.com/2014/08/the-golden-ticket.html
So wrong! USCIS needs to come up with the equivalent of the michigan bad parent list that Annie Kitching’s landed herself on. — apparently of you get hotlined tooany times, by independent mandated reporters you end up on it,
Inside 1-2 yrs, Annie was made the list as:
– adopted from Russia Ilya committed suicide
– CPS removed foster kid Maxim for cause
– Annie let Maxim move in the day he turned 18
– Russian adopted nastia accused her adad, maxim, a brother and brother of sexually abusibg her
– Nastia ran away multiple times
– nastia got pregnant at 13/14 and had a baby at 14/15
– a nurse and social worker independently hotlined Annie for telling them NOT to tell Nastia that she could raise her own baby girl
HUH?!? I thought the USCIS was phasing out the non-Hague process, and only handling “grandfathered” I-600-A cases. All new adoptions were to be by Hague process, even if from a non-Hague country.
http://adoption.state.gov/adoption_process/faqs/uaa_2012.php
Denise Davis, idiot & irresponsible adopter, is headed to ukraine without the $$ she needs to complete her adoption.
I sincerely hope she doesn’t get the funds needed to adopt either kid — little Gennie died cuz Denize didn’t bother to take her to a hospital last year!
http://bringinghomealittleangel.blogspot.com/2014/11/two-weeks-and-2-days.html
Denise Davis has some kind of mental illness, worse than the usual child collector/kid hoarder does. She doesn’t have the financial resources or good judgement to care for medically fragile kids– and she doesn’t have the insight to realize this.
The fact that she was approved for another adoption after Gennie’s death is proof of the need for home study reform and USCIS policy reform.
And now she’s traveling unfunded in the hope of emotionally blackmailing donors into giving her money. And heaven help those poor kids, there may be enough idiots out there to give it to her without checking out her history.
Ugh x 100000!
The Make a Wish Foundation decided to grant FOUR wishes for Denise Davis’ family. Because you totally want to reinforce the bad and spectacularly irresponsible behavior of a family that adopts kids they can’t afford, medically neglects them, gets investigated multiple times by CPS:
http://bringinghomealittleangel.blogspot.com/2014/04/make-wish_28.html
Denise Davis will apparently be adopting TWO high needs, special needs kids simultaneously and out of birth order using 100% other people’s money:
http://bringinghomealittleangel.blogspot.com/2014/05/god-plans.html
You’d think one dead newly adopted kid (Gennie from Bulgaria in April 2013) and three separate CPS investigations in 2013 (3 doctors/social workers at 3 hospitals independently hotlined the family, as mandated reporters are required to do) would result in a NOT approved study… No such luck!!
The home study process is a joke. Woody Allen got approved to adopt two girls with his 35-years-younger former quasi-stepdaughter DESPITE having once been investigated for child molestation AND making multiple movies which normalize pedophiliac and/or ephebophiliac relationships.
All you have to do to pass a home study is not act obviously psychotic in front of the social worker interviewing you. That and have your check clear, of course.
Woody Allen was never even charged with child molestation — let alone convicted. While several of his movies featured an older guy (him) falling for a much-younger woman, those are works of fiction and the actresses he hired were legally adults at the time.
It’s certainly creepy to hook up with the adult adopted daughter of your long-term girlfriend but it isn’t actually illegal. Keep in mind that:
1) Woody Allen & Mia Farrow never married
2) Woody Allen & Mia Farrow never lived together
3) According to all sorts of court records posted online in the wake of Dylan Farrow’s NYT OpEd, Allen had strangely little to do with Farrow’s kids.
4) It’s within the realm of possibility that Soon-Yi viewed Allen as her mom’s boyfriend, rather than as her stepdad
5) Allen sexual involvement with Soon-Yi did not begin until she was over 18.
Allen’s behavior was gross but not illegal – there’s nothing in his background that would suggest he should NOT be allowed to adopt again.
(Dylan Farrow accused Allen of molesting her in the early 90s, Allen has never — before or since — been accused, let alone indicted or convicted of molesting anyone in the nearly 25 yrs since the allegations first surfaced. Allen & Soon Yi didn’t adopt their kids until the ’00s… which was 10+ yrs with no furteher allegations surfacing).
No matter how long ago it was, the fact that Allen had been accused of sexually abusing ANY child should have given any ethical home study team pause before approving him for adoption. Especially since there was plenty of evidence that he WAS guilty.
http://www.vanityfair.com/online/daily/2014/02/woody-allen-sex-abuse-10-facts
http://www.vanityfair.com/dam/2014/02/woody-allen-1992-custody-suit.pdf
There is no constitutional right to adopt unless it’s been “proven beyond a reasonable doubt” that the PAP is a child abuser. If there’s reason to believe that a child might be at risk of being abused in a family, the PAPs should NEVER be approved to adopt.
No matter how old the actresses Allen worked with were, his movies are a depiction of how Allen views the world. He writes dialogue that has characters assuring HIS character that a forty-year-old man having a sexual relationship with a 17-year-old is okay. He also has his character dismiss another character’s account of being sexually molested as a child with the words “…At least you were molested. I didn’t have sex till I was twenty-five…”
http://www.esquire.com/blogs/culture/dylan-farrow-woody-allen-movies
Speaking of DRC PAPS/APS, there’s a delegation of Congolese ministers who have something to do with adoptions coming to meet with families – the fb groups are blowing up with PAPs begging the families with kids home to go and help get their kids get unstuck.
http://adoption.state.gov/country_information/country_specific_alerts_notices.php?alert_notice_type=notices&alert_notice_file=democratic_republic_of_congo_10
Rescue adopters don’t seem to get that sending countries want federal government oversight to make sure adoptees are well-treated. IOW, eebul gubbamint tellin’ us how to raise our kids!
If they really want the U.S. government to get their kids “unstuck”, they’d have to expect to give up some of their precious “right to raise our kids as we see fit, without any second guessing by the nanny state”.
Over-entitled DRC PAPs Michael and Erin Peat sure take a of words to basically say ‘we feel totally entitled to buy oopsie adopt two Congolese kids who may well be trafficked… despite the fact that we can’t even afford to pay the US$1000 monthly foster care fees for them’
and
‘We don’t care if they’re trafficked, we are entitled to adopt them with other people’s money because we truly believe a supernatural being told us to!’
Barf.
“My family is sharing our story with a wide audience as of late. We have two children stuck on the other side of the world. We are legally their parents. They have clearance to enter the United States and yet they aren’t being allowed to leave their country. Those are the facts.
It’s also a fact that I love those two kids very, very, very much. I love them enough to make the hard decisions if it would come to that.
It’s also a fact that besides their dad and me (and a very small handful of people involved in investigating their cases) NO ONE knows their story or the details surrounding the circumstances that led to us becoming their parents.
It’s also a fact that we will continue to advocate on their behalf and fight for them to be united with their forever family. Every child, regardless of their place of birth, deserves to grow up in a loving family. Every child. For some kids that means adoption is their best option.
It’s also a fact that there will always be people who don’t ‘get it’. Who try to drag people down, rain on their parade, piss in their cheerios, or whatever other little saying you want to throw in here. They may throw sweeping accusations at you. And, if you’re secure in the knowledge of your case and your conscience is clear you will find those accusations laughable. It’s also quite possible that will drive the people who don’t ‘get it’ CRAZY. I’m ok with that.
In short – as my family gets ready to share our story on a wider scale and as it reaches people who don’t agree with us or what we are doing I want them to understand THIS: They can throw accusations at us, they can say we have done awful things or participated in corrupt things, they can say we are awful people, they cn say we should not adopt outside our borders, they can say we don’t have the money to do it, they can say we shouldn’t ask for help, they can say whatever they want really.
But, in reality these people don’t know the facts. They can quote generalized facts. They do not know the facts surrounding my family, my finances, my kids or any of our stories. Haters will always hate. We will not engage in a campaign to change their minds as that will be draining our resources from fighting for our kids and doing what we wholeheartedly believe to be the right thing for them.”
http://wewereorphans.blogspot.com/2014/04/a-few-facts.html
Totally off topic of what you all are discussing (as DISGUSTING as the Denise Davis situation is – UGH) but I noticed the link to the “international adoption guide” is a website which seems to be affiliated with IFS.
IFS was and always has been a horrid, terrible agency. It turns my stomach to read ANYTHING that crew writes. I wonder if Bob “King” and Carol Murdock are still in charge. It would be a blessing if they were not.
Ever-irresponsible Reece’s Rainbow-ites are yet again in Ukraine without the funds they need to complete their adoption. You’d think if a supernatural being TRULY wanted them to adopt, said being would simply deposit the, say, US$3500 that Martin and Jennifer Quinn need to complete their adoption of two unrelated high-needs, special needs baby boys in their bank account… but, nope, no dice.
So RR AP Jamie Vanchura is thoughtfully demanding cash from strangers on their behalf. The ever-popular probably illegal lottery-style giveaway:
http://www.biglittledays.com/72-hour-giveaway-final-push/
http://reecesrainbow.org/68932/sponsorquinn-2
Goose & Gillian have an interesting definition of not demanding other people’s money while claiming to be “adopting w/o debt”. And demanding cash from others to adopt while spending their own $ on a custom built house!
http://fitzpatrickfamilyadoption.blogspot.com/2014/04/our-200-envelope-fundraiser.html
“Our 200 Envelope Fundraiser
We have decided to keep things simple with fundraising this time. Fundraising is one of the hardest parts of international adoption but its the reality for most families.. Most families who choose to adopt special needs children are middle class middle income families. We see the high adoption costs as the ransom needed to bring our children home. Although the love and support shown to us through those who donate is amazingly beautiful we truly don’t want to keep asking our friends and family to give to each fundraiser we do so this time we will do one big fundraiser for our adoptions..
Our 200 Envelope Fundraiser
If you aren’t familiar with how they work we will mark 200 envelopes with all numbers 1-200. We ask that people prayerfully consider sponsoring an envelope. If someone chooses envelope #2 they are agreeing to donated $2 to our adoptions, envelope #36 = $36, envelope #125 = $125 and so on.. If all the envelopes are funded we will have around $20,000 towards our adoptions!! As a family we will be sponsoring envelopes too as we save to help us reach our goal.
Once you choose a number you have two choices on sending in the funds.. We would gladly mail you the self addressed stamped envelope for the number you chose or you can go online to The Fitzpatrick Family Adoptions GoFundMe page and make your donation in your envelope amount online. If you choose to donate online please be sure to send us your address so we can send you a special “Thank You” from our family.
We will keep track of what envelopes have been chosen and which ones are available on our blog and face book page.
Bless you all for prayerfully considering coming along side us as we step out in faith.”
Keep in mind G&G have repeatedly been accused of joining churches to beg for adoption$, taking the $ then finding a new church 2 demand $$ from:
“With building a house that will better accommodate 2 more little ones and their wheel chairs on top of our just day to day activities we are going to need to keep any fundraising we do really simple. Although we have shared our story at a few churches, tried to set up adoption grants at one church for people who adopt after us and have shared our fundraising events we have never asked church leadership to donate to our adoptions and for us we still feel that is something we will not do.
We have heard that people wonder when we check out a new church if we are looking for one that will donate to our adoptions. So sad.. but we want to make sure that our actions are above reproach so we will refrain from asking any church we attend or visit for donations. Many members of local churches and Christians from all over have kindly donated to our adoptions and we have been Blessed by each one.”
Does anyone understand how a couple can preen themselves on being “debt free” when they use crowdfunding to make up the difference between their income and their spending?
Yet another Reece’s Rainbow disruption — Kate Hogeland is kicking little Darcy to the curb, nevertheless insisting she saved the little Ukrainian girl’s life. Darcy’s been in crisis respite for months!!
“Darcy would have likely died in December of 2012. We were told the infection in her mouth would have killed her due to swelling in her airway, and then, if she survived that, sepsis would have killed her. In light of everything that has happened since, that is what I cling to. She is here. She is alive. So there is still hope for her.
I have tried to look through glasses tinted by hope, love, faith. I kept holding out and holding on. Reading, researching, counseling, throwing everything we had into this fight, but inside I knew. I didn’t know for sure from the beginning, but from about the year mark last October, it was becoming clear. And looking all the way back to our first meeting when she grabbed my hand and called me “mom” the signs are flashing neon.
There is so much I could tell you. Our marriage on the brink of divorce from the strain. Other kids being really negatively affected. I could go into great detail. Use much more descriptive adjectives and anecdotes. I want to tell the stories so you will understand. But it is no longer our story to tell in such detail.
Most of you know our heart. We fought with all we had to go get both our girls. We went through utter hell. I am not a quitter. My kids are my world. Most of you will understand, some of you won’t even try, and some of you will hate us. I can’t let any of that matter. We have to do what is right by our children. All of them.
Our family was sinking. Our family was being ripped into tiny pieces. And she wasn’t being saved. Nothing was helping. We were pouring all we had into her and it just leaked out the other side. RAD, DSED, FASD, Institutional Transference, Post Institutionalization, being an orphanage favorite, Trauma, and so much more, were just too much. Our family dynamic can’t help her.
Darcy needs to be in a small family.
She can’t be with children younger than her. She can’t. She can’t homeschool.
She needs to be the youngest.
I wanted to be her mom. We wanted to be her family. We wanted to give her the world.
But, we can’t destroy our family when she is not even being helped. That doesn’t even make sense.
I have the greatest empathy for birth moms now. The realization that the best place for your child is not with you is EXCRUCIATING.
It is not about me, but it is painful. There have been several incidents in the last month when I ached to have her here, have her be a part of us. She got a purple dress for her dance recital that would have been coming up. She would have loved it. Touring a cookie factory the other day, I could just see the grin on her face and hear the joy in her voice. I want so much to be what she needs. But we aren’t.
She has been in respite and hasn’t even asked for us. She doesn’t even miss us. It is as if we never existed.
And my job has always been to give her the best chance in life, to do what is best for her, and to love her. Int this case, loving her and giving her the best meant finding her another home.
I could go on and on. The reality is that it is nobody’s business. I just hope that those that know us know that this is our worst nightmare. We are losing a child that we desperately wanted. Again, I wish I could explain further, but it is just not our place. We know we did what was best for everyone involved, especially Darcy.
I don’t regret going to get her. I am thankful that she is not in an orphanage. I am so grateful she is with a family that is more capable to help her to heal. I am incredibly sad that we are not that family. There just really aren’t words for this.
I will leave you with a comment that I left on someone’s facebook page about a family that disrupted an adoption. Please REALLY ponder each point. Please remember our family’s heart and trust that we are doing the best for everyone. And please keep Darcy in your thoughts and prayers as she settles in with her forever family. The family she was meant to be with all along.
We are once again a family of 6 little hogelands.
1. i think agencies are doing a piss poor job of preparing parents. i also don’t think there is any way to really be prepared for the reality of some of this. but we can certainly do better.
2. sometimes children you birth have to be removed from the home for various reasons. if a child is destroying a family or home, or a family is incapable of caring for the child or helping the child, no matter how they came into the family, something drastic might need to happen for the benefit of everyone.
3. at what point is a family supposed to stop letting one child in the home harm others in the home? Or rip a family to pieces? What should the family do if they realize they are not healing the child? That their home environment for whatever reason is not what the child needs. Sometimes, instead of healing, the child’s trauma, like cancer, simply spreads to everyone else? How does it help anyone if the whole family is sinking and the child in question isn’t even being healed?
4.Why do we applaud birth mothers for realizing that they are not the best situation for their child, but when an adoptive mom does it we attack? These moms have fought and gone through hell to get these kids into their home. To realize that they are not the best placement for their child has to be excruciating. I don’t understand why it is OK for a birth mother to come to that gut wrenching place, but not an adoptive mom.
5. very often kids with RAD do better in a second placement because they view the first family as taking them from what was familiar, even if it was a bad situation. they, then, see the 2nd family as the ones who saved them from the first family.
i never thought i would know so much about parenting a child like this. i have learned far more about RAD and DSED and so many other letter combos than i ever hoped to. but i now know a lot, and i am, honestly, coming to the awful realization that we are not healing one of our children. in fact,she is getting worse. a child i fought ridiculously hard for. that i have poured my heart and soul into. how this will end, i don’t know.
but i do know that i am not in the family in this article. i have not parented that child. i can not make a judgement on her circumstances because i haven’t lived them. i once would have, but i have been greatly humbled in the past 2 years.
disruption should be a last resort, no doubt about it. our job is to give our kids the best chance at life that we can. and sometimes that means realizing they should not remain with us.
just my very humble two cents”
http://6littlehogelands.blogspot.com/2014/04/6-little-hogelands-and-some-hard-truths.html
More junk science– RAD is not “cured” by transferred to a new family. If a kid can attach to another family, then by definition she never had RAD in the first place.
No, Darcy was just another casualty of the Rescue Adoption mindset. There are reason why experts recommend against adopting out of birth order– and also against adopting as an act of charity.
http://rachelsblatherings.blogspot.com/2011/06/so-you-want-to-adopt-please-dont.html
The only good reason to adopt is because you really, really want a child. If you want to save the poor, sick, unwanted kids of the world, you need to work to end poverty, the spread of HIV, and addiction.
Our friend Katie Jay is at it again, as if suing the Department of State wasn’t enough, she’s now freaking out because she was denied a visa to visit the Congo – http://childrendeservefamilies.com/ok/
Looking at the post titles on Katie Jay’s archives, she seems to think that “international adoption facilitation” is one of the State Department’s job responsibilities.
She also denies the reality that healthy babies aren’t usually surrendered for adoption without some kind of coercion, even if the coercion is poverty.
Yes, there are a few cases when neither biological parent has any interest in parenting their own child even if assured of adequate financial support, and there are no extended family members willing or suited to step up offered the same support. But it’s rare.
When a woman gives birth, all her hormones are prepping her to bond with this baby, no matter how she might have felt when she was talking to an adoption agency representative when she was 8 weeks along. That’s why only 1% of women who go through adoption agency-funded CPCs actually go through with surrendering their newborns for adoption, despite the massive psychological pressure to do so. And quite a few of those mothers regret it afterward.
This biological bonding can fail is if the baby is born with such significant special needs that the parents don’t recognize it as theirs, because it doesn’t match the baby of their fantasies. Or if addiction/alcoholism have so rewired their brains’ reward system so that this evolutionary imperative doesn’t kick in, but drug or alcohol exposed newborns are special needs kids by definition. Mental illness might also derail this process.
There are a few cases when a mother doesn’t want to parent her healthy newborn, and of course she should be allowed to place it for adoption (assuming the baby’s father isn’t interested in parenting it himself). Casey Anthony reportedly wanted to place Caylee for adoption at birth, but Casey’s mother successfully browbeat Casey out of that notion because she wanted to teach Casey to be “accountable for her actions”– and we all know how THAT turned out. :,(
There’s also the little matter that in countries where there is a LOT of social support for new moms (even young, poor, un or underemployed ones) the number of newborns surrendered for adoption is pretty much zero.
In Norway, an average of maybe TWO (2) newborns are surrendered for adoption each yaer.
In my cynical moments, I wonder if a hidden agenda behind the Ryan budget is to coerce poor women into placing their healthy newborns for adoption.
Gotta love adopters who disrupt barely a year later… and don’t even bother to tell their soon to be ex adopted from Russia son that they’re gonna leave him in Cali with his new “forever family”:
“As you can imagine, the flight to CA was very stressful. Doug and I chose not to tell Daniel anything until we went to the restaurant where we were meeting his new parents. Daniel became very upset and went in to one of his raging fits. Doug and I were very clear with him… we love him and we want what is best for him. We are not able to keep him safe and we have searched and found a wonderful family for him. That is about all he heard… just as we expected and we just continued this dialogue with him for about 10 minutes… until his new mom and and dad showed up. This is the reaction Doug and I fully expected… and yes, it was as emotionally difficult as we were anticipating.
They entered the scene right in the middle of seeing Daniel at his worst. It was at this moment I realized his new mom was such an angel and they were both a true gift from God. Daniel’s new mom and dad did not hesitate, but instead sat on the floor with Daniel and told him how much they loved him. His new mom stroked his head and told him she had waited her entire life for him to be her son. I cannot express the tenderness. This was her very first experience at motherhood and she handled things beautifully. Instead of being shell-shocked, they were gentle and loving . We have been very clear with them ahead of time about Daniel’s behavior because we wanted to avoid any surprises. Clearly they have been preparing themselves as well. At that moment, Doug and I realized this was the plan for Daniel.
It took four of us to get him in the car… he was frightened and angry. His new dad called us within an hour letting us know they made it home safely and he had settled down and was talking to them. Doug and I really needed that assurance and we are very grateful that they took the time to let us know he was ok. We realized that it was probably a good thing that their first meeting with him had been seeing him at his most vulnerable. Doug and I stepped back and let them take over their role as mom and dad.
Clearly they were well prepared to begin the attachment process from the very beginning. As I stepped back to observe I was struck by the realization that we never had this opportunity with Daniel. The first six months he was with us was a time that we had to address his physical malnutrition and other medical issues… not to mention communicating without speaking the same language. Once we realized the extent of his issues, it was too late because our family dynamics were already set in place. I did feel some regret that we were not able to meet Daniel’s vulnerabilities from the very beginning… we were not aware of their extent. I cannot help but think how different things would have been in our family if we had been able to begin our lives together with him in a rage. However, my personal feelings of failure and regret do not take place of the strides he has made and the optimism we now have for him. ”
http://inandoutofweeks-kim.blogspot.com/2008/10/angels-among-us.html
OMFG, Adeye Salem’s decided to ‘adopt’ four embryos, to be simultaneously implanted in her womb!
Adeye’s ALREADY got NINE kids – 6 of whom are adopted, 5 of which have SEVERE special needs unlikely to ever live independently, including:
Hasya (age 16) –Who is blind with CP, adopted from Pleven weighing 20 lbs
Kael (age 10) – In equally terrible shape, also adopted from Pleven last year
Hailee / Harper (age 8 or 9) – both with DS from Ukraine
Haven (age 11) – mute, adopted from China. Had they bothered to sign her up for therapy, send her to school, allow early intervention to provide therapy, it’s VERY likely this girl (with NO diagnosable disabilities, who is theoretically perfectly healthy) might’ve learned to communicate in some fashion, heck, ANY FASHION (sign, AAC, anything). Zero communication skills of ANY sort.
Because who cares if quandruplets would make for a REALLY HIGH RISK PREGNANCY? And that she picked the 4 embryos specifically because they’re likely to have PROFOUND SPECIAL NEEDS?
Who cares if it raises the odds of COMPLICATIONS that result in DEATH or DISABILITY? Odds that could be reduced by implanting ONE at a time?
Why is this not ILLEGAL?? This is STUPID! This is IMMORAL! This is a spectacularly BAD IDEA!
Adeye homeschools. Home all day, every day with her brood.
Assuming all 4 embryos implant AND that Adeye carries them to term, she’ll have 13 kids (!!!), 9 of whom with SEVERE SN (!!!).
(I know nobody with quadruplets, but my preemie – a singleton! Weighing 3 lbs! – spent a month in the NICU and had spent more quality time in intensive care than pretty much everybody else in my family COMBINED by the time she turned 1. She stayed in the NICU for a month, every single friggin’ cold resulted in a several week-long hospitalization AND a great big canister of oxygen to take home. After my year of mat leave, my husband had to quit his job to care for her… because getting her to/from all the doctors appointments was a full-time job for nearly THREE YEARS).
http://www.nogreaterjoymom.com/2014/08/here-we-are-lord-send-us.html
“Through a series of miracles and the clear hand of the Lord who leads us onward, we are in the process of adopting four very loved, mixed race embryos. These are our babies and already we adore them as our own flesh and blood.
They’re four embryos who have been frozen for a very long time. Waiting. Their precious Christian mother has searched for many years for a family for her remaining babies (sadly, due to severe health issues, she is unable to carry them herself). I cannot imagine being a parent and having to make such an agonizing decision about my babies! I have such a love and respect for her.
Twin boys born from the same batch of embryos both have profound special needs. Both boys will more than likely be dependent on their mother for life. Could these remaining four also have special needs? Very possibly. Only God knows. We’re not going to do genetic testing because, quite honestly, it simply just does not matter to us. We believe that they’re fearfully and wonderfully made just the way they are.
Unfortunately, for ten years no one has been willing give them a chance–too much uncertainty regarding potential special needs or genetic issues in all four embryos”.
Wow! That is unbelievable!I wonder which “agency” she is using?
Rally,
You don’t necessarily need an agency– or a home study– for embryo adoption. According to this site, Colorado has no laws about it.
http://www.embryolaw.org/statelaws.asp
We speak of frozen embryos, but it would be more accurate to call them frozen blastocysts– embryogenesis doesn’t begin until AFTER implantation, so what have is mostly support cells and a few undifferentiated stem cells which will– if all goes well– become a baby. No brain, no consciousness, no suffering– and no desires whatsover. No one can speak for them, because no one can can say what they WOULD want if they developed to be mentally aware enough to understand the question. Claiming to know what they “want” in the absence of evidence is the ideology of the rapist.
The money Adeye and her husband plan to spend on this lunacy could undoubtedly do a lot to relieve the suffering of BORN people. You know, beings actually capable of feeling pain? Instead, Adeye is trying to achieve ultimate True Christian™ adoptive megamommy glory by giving birth to special needs quadruplets through embryo adption.
Prior to this idiocy, I had respect for the sincerity of Adeye’s compassion and empathy. The one consolation is that the chances of ANY living offspring resulting from this self-indulgent madness are very low, much less all four. Therefore, the existing kids won’t suffer from neglect while Adeye juggles caring for four high needs preemies with taking care of all the other kids.
Didn’t ANYONE learn anything from poor Tommy Musser’s death?